Every line from The Office episode "Hot Girl", season 1 episode 6.
Jan Levinson: Are you listening to me Michael?
Michael Scott: Affirmative.
Jan Levinson: What did I just say?
Michael Scott: You just said, let me uh... check my notes. You just said...
Jan Levinson: Alan and I have created an incentive program to increase sales.
Michael Scott: Hey, hey how is Alan? Tell Alan that the Mets suck! Okay? From me, big time. Go Pirates!
Jan Levinson: I'm not going to do that Michael.
Jan Levinson: We've created an incentive program to increase sales.
Jan Levinson: At the end of the month you can reward your top seller with a prize worth up to a thousand dollars.
Michael Scott: Whoa. Howdy-ho. Wow, a thousand big ones. That's cool. Do I uh, do I get to pick the prize?
Jan Levinson: Uh, yes. Yes you can.
Michael Scott: Um, question: Does top salesman include uh, people who were at one time such outstanding salesman that've been promoted to...
Jan Levinson: No, Michael. No. You can't win this prize.
Michael Scott: I didn't mean me!
Michael Scott: Well, first what we have to do is find out what motivates people more than anything else.
Michael Scott: It's illegal. Can't do that. Next best thing.
Michael Scott: Tah, come on Dwight. Just help me out here. That's just stupid.
Pam Beesly: Hey, there's a...
Michael Scott: Burger with cheese!
Pam Beesly: There's a person here...
Michael Scott: And fries!
Michael Scott: And shake! What? Go ahead.
Pam Beesly: There's a person here who wants to sell handbags.
Michael Scott: No, no, no. No vendors in the office. That is a distraction.
Pam Beesly: Okay, I told her you'd talk to her.
Michael Scott: Pam. Pam. Come on, I'm busy. So just tell her to go away.
Michael Scott: (exhales loudly, looks out window and sees Katy) Oooh, alright I'll talk to her.
Katy: This one is hand embroidered.
Michael Scott: All right girls break it up, you're being infiltrated. Cock in the henhouse.
Dwight Schrute: Cocks in the henhouse.
Michael Scott: Don't say cocks. Oh, what is your name, my fair lass?
Michael Scott: Ah, Katy. Wow. Look at you. You are, uh you're like the new and improved Pam. Pam 6.0.
Michael Scott: Oh, look. Oh hey, no catfights you two. I'm against violence in the workplace.
Michael Scott: Nobody cares what you think.
Dwight Schrute: Doesn't matter.
Michael Scott: So uh, you know what? I usually don't allow solicitors in the office but today I am going to break some rules, and you can have the conference room. It's yours. All day.
Pam Beesly: There's an HR meeting in there at 11:30.
Michael Scott: Well, lets put 'em in the hallway. Give 'em some chairs. Right? Decisiveness. One of the keys to success according to Small Businessman.
Michael Scott: This is my conference room. So please, uh, make yourself at home. Whatever you need, I'm right on the other side of this wall. (knocks on wall) used to be a window here. There's not anymore. So, that's where I will be.
Michael Scott: So if you need anything else, something to make you more confortable just don't hesitate to ask. I'm right here.
Katy: I guess a cup of coffee would be great.
Michael Scott: Wait a second. I should have spotted another addict. Uh, gotta love the 'bucks.
Michael Scott: It's like a slang for Starbucks. They're all over the place. Oh, man, that place is like the promised land to me. What a business model too. Ah, too bad we don't have the good stuff here.
Katy: Regular coffee is fine.
Michael Scott: Nah, it's not. it's spppplllibbb
Michael Scott: No, here's the thing. Y'know I do my best to be my own man and go by the beat of a different drummer and nobody gets me, and they're always putting up walls and I'm always tearing 'em down, just breakin' down barriers, that's what I do all day. So a coffee, regular coffee for you. High test, or unleaded?
Michael Scott: Oh. Woo, I will. I will bring it on. Ah, all right.
Michael Scott: (handing Katy a mug of coffee) There ya go. Nice steaming cup o'joe.
Michael Scott: I have an idea. Why don't I introduce you around, you know you can kind of get your foot in the door, meet potential clientele, right?
Katy: Gosh, I would love to but, my purses, I should, um...
Michael Scott: Oh, um, well, we could have Ryan take a look. Ryan, would you look after the purses, please?
Ryan Howard: I'm installing File Share on all the computers.
Michael Scott: Yeah, well, bladdy-bluda-blah-blah. Techno-babble. Just do it, okay. We have company. Right?
Michael Scott: You should sell a lot here because this branch made over a million dollars last year. Not that we're all millionaires. I'm probably closest. So here's Oscar. Oscar, this is Katy.
Oscar Martinez: I'm on the phone.
Michael Scott: Oooh-ooh. Oscar the grouch. Right? I thought of that.
Katy: That was on Sesame Street.
Michael Scott: I know. I know. I made the connection. Can you believe he'd never heard that before he worked here?
Katy: No, I don't believe that.
Michael Scott: I know, it's unbelievable.
Michael Scott: Here is Toby from Human Resources. Katy, Toby.
Toby Flenderson: Hi, nice to meet you.
Michael Scott: Toby, Katy.
Toby Flenderson: Hey, um did you go to uh, Bishop O'Hara?
Toby Flenderson: Yeah, me too.
Katy: Cool. What year were you there?
Toby Flenderson: Eighty-nine.
Michael Scott: Toby's divorced. He uh, guh recently, right?
Michael Scott: You and your wife, and you have kids.
Michael Scott: Oh that so - that was really messy. He slept one night in your car too?
Toby Flenderson: (looks resigned)
Katy: I should probably get back to my table.
Michael Scott: Okay. Alright. Cool. See ya in a bit. (looks at picture on Toby's desk) Oh, she's cute. Cutie-pie. Back to work.
Roy Anderson: Hey, Jimmy what do you think of that little purse girl, huh?
Jim Halpert: Cute, sure, yeah.
Roy Anderson: Why don't you get on that?
Jim Halpert: She's not really my type.
Roy Anderson: What are you gay?
Jim Halpert: Hmmm, I don't think so. Nope.
Kevin Malone: What is your type?
Jim Halpert: (glances at Pam) Moms, primarily. Yep. Soccer moms. Single moms. NASCAR moms. Any type of moms, really.
Roy Anderson: That's disgusting.
Kevin Malone: Stay away from my mom.
Jim Halpert: Too late, Kev.
Roy Anderson: (Katy walks through breakroom) Man, I would be all over that if I wasn't dating Pam.
Pam Beesly: We're not dating, we're engaged.
Roy Anderson: Engaged, yeah.
Jim Halpert: She'd be perfect for you.
Dwight Schrute: Hmmm... she's been talking to Michael a lot.
Jim Halpert: So, what? You're Assistant Regional Manager.
Dwight Schrute: Assistant to the Regional Manager.
Jim Halpert: Well, you know what Dwight? He's your work boss, okay? He is not your relationship boss.
Dwight Schrute: That's true.
Jim Halpert: Plus you have so much more to talk to this girl about, You're both um, salesmen. I mean that's something right there.
Dwight Schrute: True. Plus I can talk to her about the origins of my last name.
Jim Halpert: It's all gold.
Jim Halpert: Alright. Here's the thing okay, you just keep talking to her. If you hit a stall you have a perfect fall back.
Dwight Schrute: What's that?
Jim Halpert: You buy a purse.
Dwight Schrute: I don't want a purse. Purses are for girls.
Jim Halpert: Dwight, that's not necessarily true. Do you read GQ?
Jim Halpert: Okay, I do. There like mini briefcases, alright? Lots of guys have them.
Dwight Schrute: Like those?
Jim Halpert: Yes. Listen, you are spending way too much time talking to me, when you could be talking to her.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, I'm just going to use the bathroom, and then I'm going...
Jim Halpert: No. You don't need the bathroom. You've got it. Go.
Jim Halpert: Okay, shhhh stop... stop whatever you're doing because this is going to be good.
Jim Halpert: (mimicing Dwight in high-falsetto voice) Hi my name's Dwight Schrute and I would like to buy a purse from you. Good lord, look at these purses! This is something special. Oh my God is this Salvatore Di-chini-asta?
Pam Beesly: (mimicing Katy) Oh definitely, definitely step in and out of it like that.
Jim Halpert: Yes, well I want to stress test it. You know, in case anything happens.
Jim Halpert: Oh! That was really. (Dwight hits purse against table) This is necessary to do to really give it a good workout. This is the ooooh... This is the prettiest one of all.
Jim Halpert: I'm going to be the prettiest girl in the ball. Oh, how much?
Pam Beesly: Oh, God. It's sad. It's so sad.
Jim Halpert: (whispering) Here he comes, shhh...
Jim Halpert: (gives Dwight a thumbs-up - mouths the word) Good.
Pam Beesly: (smiles in agreement)
Jim Halpert: He did pick a good one.
Pam Beesly: You're horrible.
Katy: This one's really good for a hot date.
Pam Beesly: Yeah, what's that?
Pam Beesly: I'm engaged. So...
Katy: Congratulations. You need a hot date more than anyone.
Pam Beesly: I wished, right?
Michael Scott: Giggle-giggle, juji-juji, I get it, I get it. Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood over here right? (to Katy) So how's that uh, coffee from earlier?
Michael Scott: Ah, I knew it. Guzzled it down. You greedy little thing. So, uh, Pam is this your lunch break, or was that earlier when you were eating in the kitchen with those guys?
Katy: (to Pam) Come back...
Michael Scott: Oh hey, I want to show you something. Come here I want to show you something. I know you are going to like this. Picked it up today. A thousand big ones.
Katy: Is that from Starbucks?
Michael Scott: Yes. This is a Starbucks digital barista. This is the mack daddy of espresso makers.
Katy: Wow. Is that for the office?
Michael Scott: Oh, I know what you're thinking. You're not prying this out of my hands, but don't tempt me because I'll give it to you!
Katy: I wouldn't think of it.
Michael Scott: (Katy reading text message on her phone) Oh the rotating um, steam wand. (Katy looks annoyed) What? What's the matter?
Katy: Oh, nothing. My ride just bailed on me.
Michael Scott: Oh, oh! God. I'm sorry. Is there...?
Michael Scott: Where you going? Nearby? Because I can give you a ride.
Michael Scott: Seriously. No, really.
Katy: No. I really don't want to inconvenience you.
Michael Scott: God! No, no, no, no. No inconvenience. I mean I'm out of here at five sharp.
Michael Scott: I can go earlier. 'Cause I'm the boss. You know, whatever. I'm out of here slaves.
Katy: Okay, I guess that would be, I guess that would be okay.
Michael Scott: Okay. Sounds good. Sounds good. Five o'clock sharp. I will give you and your purses a ride home.
Michael Scott: Excellent.
Michael Scott: Great. Cool. Cool. (takes deep breath - looks at camera) Yeah, okay.
Michael Scott: I should have never let the Temp touch this thing. I had all these great icons and now I have four folders. So..
Dwight Schrute: It's actually better this way.
Michael Scott: No it's not. Because I could just click on the icon and then I'm onto---
Dwight Schrute: Michael could I ask you something? I wanted to ask your permission to ask out Katy. I know it's against the rules and everything. Because...
Michael Scott: No, no, no it's not against the rules. She's not a permanent employee so it's not.
Dwight Schrute: Thank you, Michael. I appreciate this so much.
Michael Scott: But I think you should just know that I am going to be giving her a ride home later.
Michael Scott: She asked me for a ride and so I am going to give her a ride home.
Dwight Schrute: Is that all it is? Just a ride home? Like a taxicab?
Michael Scott: Well, might be a ride home. Might be a ride home and we stop for coffee and dot-dot-dot...
Dwight Schrute: Please. Please, I am your inferior and I'm asking you this favor. Can you promise me that it will just be a ride home?
Michael Scott: No. I cannot promise you that.
Dwight Schrute: You cannot promise me, or you won't promise me?
Michael Scott: Listen, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Do you love her?
Michael Scott: (laughs) Dwight, no. I don't know. It's too early to tell. I don't know how I feel. (Dwight sadly looks away)
Katy: I think you've made a really good choice, she's really going to like that.
Michael Scott: You're welcome. Thank you. Hmmm-hmm-hmm.
Stanley Hudson: Is that from the machine that was in your office?
Michael Scott: Ummm-hmmm...
Stanley Hudson: I thought that was the incentive prize for the top salesperson.
Michael Scott: Very easy to clean.
Michael Scott: Okay. Like he's going to win anyway, right? (laughs)
Michael Scott: Did we get any mail?
Pam Beesly: Yeah, I gave it to you.
Michael Scott: Yes you did. Yes, you did. Just checkin'. Just checkin', double checkin', checkin' on the check. Thoroughness is very important in an office and...
Pam Beesly: So, can I..? (points to the door)
Michael Scott: Yeah, yeah, of course. Uh, Pam, one more thing. Um, how do girls your age feel about futons?
Jim Halpert: He's a grown man
Pam Beesly: That's what he said.
Jim Halpert: That's sad. Or it's innovative. Well, you know the futon is a bed and couch all rolled into one. (Jim sees Roy and trails off)
Pam Beesly: (not looking at Roy) Hi.
Roy Anderson: Are you still mad at me?
Roy Anderson: Come on (begins to tickle Pam)
Roy Anderson: Come on, you mad at me?
Pam Beesly: Stop it. (laughing)
Roy Anderson: Are you still mad at me now?
Pam Beesly: (giggling) Cut it out.
Roy Anderson: Are you mad at me now?
Pam Beesly: Stop. (giggling)
Roy Anderson: Huh? huh? Come on... Come on, Pammy I was just kidding.
Pam Beesly: (breathless) Stop, I can't breathe.
Roy Anderson: I was just kidding. You know I didn't mean it. I can't...
Katy: You seem to like to touch things. Did you try the velvet?
Angela Martin: I don't like to necessarily touch things. I'm just... I'm shopping.
Katy: Oh no, it's fine that you, um. Here, what about the raspberry one? It's really uh, kind of festive. It's got a lot of personality.
Angela Martin: Yeah, uh no.
Dwight Schrute: Hey, how's it going? Good. Can I talk to you for a second? In private?
Katy: I don't think so I'm really busy.
Dwight Schrute: It will just take a second.
Dwight Schrute: Just for a minute.
Dwight Schrute: Please? I wanted to talk to you in private because I wanted to ask you out on a date.
Dwight Schrute: Ok was that no to talking to me in private, or was that no to the date?
Katy: What colors do you like?
Angela Martin: Gray. Dark Gray. Charcoal.
Michael Scott: (in Michael's car) Okay, just throw out all the empties.
Ryan Howard: You don't want to recycle them?
Michael Scott: Um, yes. Throw them away in the recycling bin.
Ryan Howard: Do you want this? (holding a full bottle of water)
Ryan Howard: What about this bottle of power drink?
Michael Scott: Uh, what flavor?
Michael Scott: Blue's not a flavor.
Ryan Howard: It says flavor: Blue Blast.
Michael Scott: Oh, Blue Blast. Yes, put that in the trunk, and there should be an unopened Arctic Chill back there. I want that in the passengers cupholder. Thank you.
Jim Halpert: I'm Jim, by the way.
Jim Halpert: Hi Katy, nice to meet you.
Katy: You sit out there, don't you?
Jim Halpert: I do. That's what I'm best known for. Sitting out there. Alright, let's talk about purses.
Jim Halpert: Katy but you know what, don't try to sell me one. Okay, seriously 'cause I'm just here to learn.
Jim Halpert: Okay, so I know about most of these, but you know you can...
Michael Scott: What, stop! Whoa! That's my Drakkar Noir.
Ryan Howard: No, this is Rite Aid Night Swept.
Michael Scott: No, it is a perfect smell-alike. I'm not paying for the label. Right here. Give it.
Ryan Howard: Well, it's empty.
Michael Scott: Not it's not, there's some in the straw. (Michael opens bottle and wipes straw along his neck) There, now you may throw it out.
Ryan Howard: Wow. How many filet-o-fishes did you eat?
Michael Scott: That's over several months, Ryan.
Ryan Howard: (Under his breath) Still.
Jim Halpert: Thank you for choosing me.
Pam Beesly: No, I'm kidding. Um, so you got big plans this weekend?
Jim Halpert: Ah, well I think I'm gonna see Katy.
Pam Beesly: What are you guys going to do?
Jim Halpert: Oh, man I don't know. Uh, dinner, drinks, movie, matching tattoos.
Pam Beesly: That's great.
Jim Halpert: And stuff... yeah.
Jim Halpert: What are you doing?
Pam Beesly: I, I was gonna say, I think that um, we're gonna help Roy's cousin move.
Pam Beesly: 'Cause Roy's got a truck.
Jim Halpert: That's cool.
Pam Beesly: Uh, huh. Yes.
Jim Halpert: That is cool. Well, I'll see you Monday though, right?
Pam Beesly: Okay, I'm gonna head back.
Michael Scott: Sure you don't want me to help you with that? Cause I can grab that no problem.
Katy: Goodnight, it was nice nice to meet some of you.
Michael Scott: See you later. Goodnight. Goodnight, Jim.
Jim Halpert: Goodnight, Michael.
Michael Scott: Where you going?
Jim Halpert: I don't know. Grab a drink, I think?
Katy: I uh, I probably should have told you, I don't need a ride now 'cause Jim can take me home after so you're off the hook.
Michael Scott: Okay. Great. Off the hook. Excellent. Okay, cool.
Jim Halpert: I got this. (taking Katy's bag from Michael)
Michael Scott: Alright, have fun.
Michael Scott: Don't drink and drive.
Michael Scott: Take it easy.
Jim Halpert: Have a good night.
Michael Scott: You too, have a good night.
Jim Halpert: Oh, yeah. You sold a lot, so it's lighter.
Katy: Good. Here. Squeeze it inside.
Jim Halpert: Alright now, I'm gonna warn you. Don't freak out, okay?
Jim Halpert: This is a really nice car. In case you haven't noticed, this is a Corolla. Okay.
Katy: It's a... it's a very nice car.
Jim Halpert: You're not going to freak out?
I hope you enjoyed these classic quotes from The Office episode 6 season 1. Hot Girl is such a great episode (like every episode of The Office), remember you can click the camera button next to any quote to generate an image of the quote. Go back to all episodes to see more scripts from The Office.