Scotch with Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like scotch. [in Oscar's ear] Clinky, clinky-clink. Come-on... come on, come on.
Spoken by Michael
Two Weeks · S5E19Every Line from The Office
Vol. 9 · Issue ∞September 18, 2026
Every line from every episode. Click an episode to browse quotes, or use search to find that one line you can't quite remember.
Part 1
Season 1
6 episodesPart 2
Season 2
22 episodesThe Dundies
S2·E1Sexual Harassment
S2·E2Office Olympics
S2·E3The Fire
S2·E4Halloween
S2·E5The Fight
S2·E6The Client
S2·E7Performance Review
S2·E8E-mail Surveillance
S2·E9Christmas Party
S2·E10Booze Cruise
S2·E11The Injury
S2·E12The Secret
S2·E13The Carpet
S2·E14Boys and Girls
S2·E15Valentine's Day
S2·E16Dwight's Speech
S2·E17Take Your Daughter to Work Day
S2·E18Michael's Birthday
S2·E19Drug Testing
S2·E20Conflict Resolution
S2·E21Casino Night
S2·E22Part 3
Season 3
23 episodesGay Witch Hunt
S3·E1The Convention
S3·E2The Coup
S3·E3Grief Counseling
S3·E4Initiation
S3·E5Diwali
S3·E6Branch Closing
S3·E7The Merger
S3·E8The Convict
S3·E9A Benihana Christmas
S3·E10Back From Vacation
S3·E11Traveling Salesmen
S3·E12The Return
S3·E13Ben Franklin
S3·E14Phyllis' Wedding
S3·E15Business School
S3·E16Cocktails
S3·E17The Negotiation
S3·E18Safety Training
S3·E19Product Recall
S3·E20Women's Appreciation
S3·E21Beach Games
S3·E22The Job
S3·E23Part 4
Season 4
14 episodesPart 5
Season 5
26 episodesWeight Loss
S5·E1Business Ethics
S5·E2Baby Shower
S5·E3Crime Aid
S5·E4Employee Transfer
S5·E5Customer Survey
S5·E6Business Trip
S5·E7Frame Toby
S5·E8The Surplus
S5·E9Moroccan Christmas
S5·E10The Duel
S5·E11Prince Family Paper
S5·E12Stress Relief
S5·E13Lecture Circuit 1
S5·E14Lecture Circuit 2
S5·E15Blood Drive
S5·E16Golden Ticket
S5·E17New Boss
S5·E18Two Weeks
S5·E19Dream Team
S5·E20Michael Scott Paper Company
S5·E21Heavy Competition
S5·E22Broke
S5·E23Casual Friday
S5·E24Cafe Disco
S5·E25Company Picnic
S5·E26Part 6
Season 6
24 episodesGossip
S6·E1The Meeting
S6·E2The Promotion
S6·E3Niagara
S6·E4Mafia
S6·E5The Lover
S6·E6Koi Pond
S6·E7Double Date
S6·E8Murder
S6·E9Shareholder Meeting
S6·E10Scott's Tots
S6·E11Secret Santa
S6·E12The Banker
S6·E13Sabre
S6·E14Manager and Salesman
S6·E15The Delivery
S6·E16St. Patrick's Day
S6·E17New Leads
S6·E18Happy Hour
S6·E19Secretary's Day
S6·E20Body Language
S6·E21The Cover-Up
S6·E22The Chump
S6·E23Whistleblower
S6·E24Part 7
Season 7
24 episodesNepotism
S7·E1Counseling
S7·E2Andy's Play
S7·E3Sex Ed
S7·E4The Sting
S7·E5Costume Contest
S7·E6Christening
S7·E7Viewing Party
S7·E8WUPHF.com
S7·E9China
S7·E10Classy Christmas
S7·E11Ultimatum
S7·E12The Seminar
S7·E13The Search
S7·E14PDA
S7·E15Threat Level Midnight
S7·E16Todd Packer
S7·E17Garage Sale
S7·E18Training Day
S7·E19Michael's Last Dundies
S7·E20Goodbye Michael
S7·E21The Inner Circle
S7·E22Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager
S7·E23Search Committee
S7·E24Part 8
Season 8
24 episodesThe List
S8·E1The Incentive
S8·E2Lotto
S8·E3Garden Party
S8·E4Spooked
S8·E5Doomsday
S8·E6Pam's Replacement
S8·E7Gettysburg
S8·E8Mrs. California
S8·E9Christmas Wishes
S8·E10Trivia
S8·E11Pool Party
S8·E12Jury Duty
S8·E13Special Project
S8·E14Tallahassee
S8·E15After Hours
S8·E16Test the Store
S8·E17Last Day In Florida
S8·E18Get the Girl
S8·E19Welcome Party
S8·E20Angry Andy
S8·E21Fundraiser
S8·E22Turf War
S8·E23Free Family Portrait Studio
S8·E24Part 9
Season 9
23 episodesNew Guys
S9·E1Roy's Wedding
S9·E2Andy’s Ancestry
S9·E3Work Bus
S9·E4Here Comes Treble
S9·E5The Boat
S9·E6The Whale
S9·E7The Target
S9·E8Dwight Christmas
S9·E9Lice
S9·E10Suit Warehouse
S9·E11Customer Loyalty
S9·E12Junior Salesman
S9·E13Vandalism
S9·E14Couples Discount
S9·E15Moving On
S9·E16The Farm
S9·E17Promos
S9·E18Stairmageddon
S9·E19Paper Airplane
S9·E20Livin' The Dream
S9·E21A.A.R.M.
S9·E22Finale
S9·E23From the Editors
About Best Office Lines
Best Office Lines has every line from every episode of The Office. Search for quotes, browse by episode, or share your favorites as images.
From Michael Scott's cringeworthy wisdom to Dwight's bizarre statements, Jim's witty remarks to Pam's heartwarming lines — it's all here. Settle a debate about who said what, or just share a laugh with fellow fans.