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Season 7 Episode 19
Training Day

Every line from The Office episode "Training Day", season 7 episode 19.

Michael Scott: Kahlua Sombrero, please.
Waiter: All right, so just you tonight?
Michael Scott: Actually, I am meeting somebody, but I'm a little bit early. Leaving my company. After 19 years.
Deangelo Vickers: I'll drink to that. I'm starting at a company this week.
Michael Scott: Oh, really?
Deangelo Vickers: To begginings and endings.
Michael Scott: And to middles, the unsung heroes. And to moms.
Deangelo Vickers: The moms and the troops.
Michael Scott: Do not tell my fiance I'm drinking on a Wednesday.
Deangelo Vickers: (laughs) I won't... I don't know her.
Michael Scott: I'm moving out to the burbs... actually, I'm moving further than the burbs, I'm moving to Colorado.
Deangelo Vickers: Colorado! The sunshine state.
Michael Scott: Yep. Don't mess with Colorado.
Deangelo Vickers: Doing some skiing?
Michael Scott: No, no. I don't want to end up like Sunny Bobo.
Deangelo Vickers: Well that's just good sense right there. Everyone I know who skis is dead.
Michael Scott: You know, I would like to try the luge, through.
Deangelo Vickers: Try it once, you're hooked. That's my guess.
Michael Scott: That's what I've heard.
Deangelo Vickers: I'm an olympics nut.
Michael Scott: Oh yeah? Me too. Summer or winter?
Deangelo & Michael: (in unison) Summer!
Deangelo Vickers: (holds out fist) Knuckles! Actually, I gotta come around and give you...
Deangelo Vickers: You know, it's funny, I tried to get an animal olympics going.
Michael Scott: Really? What happened?
Deangelo Vickers: You know, life happened. What are you gonna miss most about Scranton?
Michael Scott: Oh... wow. The mountains. Where things are.
Deangelo Vickers: That's the way it goes.
Michael Scott: Man, he is late. I'm gonna call him. Do you mind? I'm sorry. (calls Deangelo, Deangelo's phone vibrates)
Deangelo Vickers: Excuse me. Hello? You running late?
Michael Scott: No, I'm here. I'm right... I'm at the bar.
Deangelo Vickers: I'm at the bar too.
Michael Scott: You are? What bar?
Deangelo Vickers: I'm at the bar. The bar that's located in the lobby of the hotel.
Michael Scott: I... do not see you.
Deangelo Vickers: How long have you...
Michael Scott: I'm been here about... gosh, over half an hour.
Deangelo Vickers: Ok, me too.
Deangelo & Michael: (looking up from phones in unison) Sorry...
Michael Scott: What're you wearing?
Deangelo Vickers: I am wearing a grey suit, red tie.
Michael Scott: Are we both at the right place?
Deangelo Vickers: Which place?
Michael Scott: I hear your voice.
Deangelo Vickers: I hear your voice, I see your lips moving.
Michael Scott: I see your voice in the phone. Oh, man! (holds out hand) Michael Scott.
Deangelo Vickers: Deangelo Vickers.
Michael Scott: Wow... that is insane! (laughter)
Deangelo Vickers: That is insane, that is the right term. Let's get some Vodka up in this cranberry, and one for my friend.
Michael Scott: (entering Dunder Mifflin offices) Here we go! Are you ready?
Deangelo Vickers: I am ready.
Michael Scott: Alright! Here we go!
Michael Scott: This is it. What do you think?
Deangelo Vickers: Oh, she'll do. She'll do just fine.
Deangelo Vickers: I am very much looking forward to tommorow. It feels like the culmanation of a lot of hard work, a lot of good fortune...
Michael Scott: (pops up from below camera, and runs out of room)
Deangelo Vickers: Did that? Did that just happen?! (runs after Michael) We should.. we should write a movie or something! I'm serious!
Oscar Martinez: Michael is leaving. And apparently they've already hired a new manager. And we're meeting him today. It's a lot to process. Paperwork wise.
Kevin Malone: (wearing wig) Nope! It's not Ashton Kutcher. It's Kevin Malone! Equally handsome, equally smart! (winks)
Michael Scott: Ok, everyone, as you know, one of my favorite things is fanfare for it's own sake. So, without further ado, let's start clapping! Presenting Deangelo Vickers!
Deangelo Vickers: (blinds roll down, Deangelo waving)
Michael Scott: Come on out!
Deangelo Vickers: Hello! (opens door) How are you sir?
Michael Scott: I am well, sir, how are you?
Deangelo Vickers: Can I just say, I am so excited to be working here. Little bit about myself, I love the American Southwest, for starters. You may call them Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, I call them heaven. I have a peanut allergy, something I live with, it's a part of me. I've learned to cope with it. What else, I'm just as comfortable at the ball game as I am at the opera. I was a-
Dwight Schrute: Did I want to be made manager? Sure. A great opportunity squandered? Absolutely. A crushing blow? Yes. Will I get over it? No. But life goes on. Not for me.
Kelly Kapoor: (drops papers as Deangelo walks by) I'll get that you guys. Don't... it's just... you know...
Deangelo Vickers: (picks up paper) I'll help you.
Kelly Kapoor: Oh, hi! (obviously flirting body language)
Deangelo Vickers: Hello!
Kelly Kapoor: Have we met before?
Deangelo Vickers: No, not officially, actually, I saw you walking out of the bathroom before.
Kelly Kapoor: Well, I guess I'll go back to my cave. It was really great meeting you.
Deangelo Vickers: (offers Kelly the papers as she walks away)
Kelly Kapoor: And that is what you call a meet cute.
Michael Scott: And we talk for like 20 minutes, no clue it's Deangelo the whole time!
Darryl Philbin: Kind of embarassing.
Angela Martin: Yeah, that story makes you sound stupid.
Michael Scott: I happen to like the hilarious hijinx I get myself into. There he is! Deangelo, I was just telling them about last night, when we met. Remember that? That was crazy!
Deangelo Vickers: Oh. (chuckles) That was... let's see, where's my replacement? Where's the guy I'm replacing? Why don't I look to the left? He's sitting right there! (office laughs)
Michael Scott: Oh yeah... I know... that's what I was just saying... that's what...
Deangelo Vickers: (silences Michael)
Andy Bernard: That exact situation is why I always carry around some of these. (holds up 'Hello, my name is..,') nametags. Just in case. Because sometimes you just need to I.D. yourself.
Deangelo Vickers: (laughs) Office funny guy! Always glad to have an office funny guy around!
Andy Bernard: I wasn't even trying to make a joke. But I guess I've always been sorta quirky, offbeat, a little twisted.
Michael Scott: This is Jim and Pam, aka Jap. What started as an affair has blossomed into a family before our eyes.
Pam Beesly: Well, it wasn't an affair.
Michael Scott: Yes it was.
Pam Beesly: But, no, but we are a family.
Jim Halpert: (points to picture of Cecelia) We made that.
Pam Beesly: Cecelia.
Deangelo Vickers: Well, congratulations. I have four kids of my own.
Pam Beesly: Really? Oh, my gosh! We just have the one, but she poops for four. (laughs)
Pam Beesly: Uh oh. Someone started off on the right foot with the new boss!
Jim Halpert: Yeah, they don't ever talk about careers that were made because of unplanned pregnancies.
Dwight Schrute: Thanks for meeting me.
Michael Scott: Are you kidding? I'd come anywhere to see a turtle? Where'd you find him.
Dwight Schrute: There's no turtle, Michael. I just wanted to get you here.
Michael Scott: You know me very well, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: That's because I'm your right-hand man, Michael, but I can't do it again. I can't do it again for a whole new guy.
Michael Scott: Now I'm gonna have to go online and look at turtles or I'll be off all day.
Dwight Schrute: I want to be manager. I just don't understand why I wasn't even interviewed for the job. What's wrong? I was totally qualified, you were pushing for me.
Meredith Palmer: That apple looks delic!
Deangelo Vickers: I do a lot of portion control. I try to keep my daily calor intake under 1200. (laughter)
Stanley Hudson: Deangelo, you're going to starve to death. (laughter)
Michael Scott: So you decided to have an orgy and not invite me? I call the middle!
Darryl Philbin: It's cool that you like the southwest. It's one of my favorite regions.
Darryl Philbin: It's one of my favorite regions? Did I just sound totally lame? No, I sounded good.
Darryl Philbin: I love the desert. It's one of my favorite ecosystems.
Deangelo Vickers: Here's the great thing about the southwest; there's so much more than desert. Along the north rim of the Grand Canyon is a forest as lush as you've ever seen.
Kevin Malone: Burnt! It's lush, dummie. Hey, Deangelo, what do you think of bald people? I hate them.
Angela Martin: Deangelo, I forget, did you mention you like politics?
Deangelo Vickers: I did not.
Angela Martin: Cause I was thinking that you should meet my boyfriend, he's a state senator. I really think the two of you would hit it off. He's a great person to know.
Deangelo Vickers: Sounds very interesting, thank you.
Erin Hannon: Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin. Ok, let me transfer you.
Deangelo Vickers: Why do you use your name when you use the phone?
Erin Hannon: Oh, that's how Pam does it. I just copy her. She's sort of a living legend.
Deangelo Vickers: Try it without using your name.
Erin Hannon: Dunder Mifflin, this is... oh, I like it!
Deangelo Vickers: Dunder Mifflin, how may I assist you?
Erin Hannon: Oh, assist.
Michael Scott: I sorta like the old way.
Deangelo Vickers: I just prefer it without the name and I thought- I've got to start doing some managing at some point.
Michael Scott: I know, I know, I'm sorry, but if it's not a big deal we should just-
Deangelo Vickers: And it really isn't.
Michael Scott: Is that good?
Erin Hannon: Yeah, ok, good.
Deangelo Vickers: Well, I'd like to change it, actually.
Michael Scott: Well, whatever. Whatever you think will work.
Erin Hannon: What do you think?
Deangelo Vickers: I think a change would be nice.
Michael Scott: You can do the old way or whatever you think would work. (phone rings)
Deangelo Vickers: (whispering) Change it.
Erin Hannon: (picks up phone) ...I'm so sorry. Sorry. (hangs up)
Deangelo Vickers: Hey, funny guy. Wanna have a little mid-day lawl here. Make me laugh, huh? What you got? I can't even look at you.
Andy Bernard: Here we go... ok... what do African Americans call... (laughter)
Erin Hannon: Deangelo, did you order a barber?
Deangelo Vickers: Oh, yeah. Put a pin on that, kid. Can't wait to hear the punchline.
Darryl Philbin: Finish the joke, Andy. What do African Americans call?
Andy Bernard: I... don't know. Help me.
Ryan Howard: (a barber enters the office for Deangelo) That is so badass. So hardcore.
Phyllis Vance: Yeah, real cool. Real power move.
Deangelo Vickers: I saw a hawk today. Just sitting right there on the overpass. Looking at me.
Michael Scott: (to Erin) Shave me. (walks into office with Deangelo) This is going to be funny! Looks like we are going to be shaving buddies!
Deangelo Vickers: Ok, alright! I love it! I love it! Michael, this is Reggie. He is the #1 yelp reviewed shaver in Scranton. It's not even close.
Michael Scott: And this is Erin and she is going to shave my face. Here we go. (Erin puts too much shaving cream on Michael's face, none on the neck)
Deangelo Vickers: Alright. This is how we do it. Feels nice, doesn't it?
Michael Scott: It really does. This is luxery. Here we go. Ah, that is nice.
Oscar Martinez: You wanted to talk to us Deangelo?
Deangelo Vickers: Ah, yes, please! Just cozy up there. Just thought we could have some rap sessions with smaller groups.
Michael Scott: Well, we don't really do rap sessions. We kinda do... (Erin shaves Michael) god... we sorta do more of like powwows or-
Deangelo Vickers: Ok, then, powwows then, fine.
Michael Scott: That's-
Pam Beesly: Hey, Deangelo, my mom just sent me this picture of Cece, it is so adorable.
Jim Halpert: Alright, wait, little bit of backstory, she loves dogs. She calls them 'da-das'.
Pam Beesly: Da-das.
Jim Halpert: And what happens here is-
Deangelo Vickers: You know what, enough about your baby, ok? I'm sorry.
Jim Halpert: We were... I think she was just trying to-
Deangelo Vickers: No, no, no, I know what you're doing. Just quit it. I want to hear from the rank and file. How can I be the best manager for you all? What can I do better?
Michael Scott: You know what, everybody? You have to be honest, here. You can't say that everything is perfect. So, you know, come up with something.
Oscar Martinez: Well, Deangelo, I'd say communication could be improved. People stopped reading memos, so everyone marks them urgent.
Michael Scott: Ok, you know what, I mark it urgent A, urgent B, urgent C, urgent D. Urgent A is the most important, urgent D you don't even really have to worry about.
Erin Hannon: Michael, can you stop talking now? I need to shave your lips.
Michael Scott: Don't shave my lips.
Deangelo Vickers: (Andy walks into room) What's up?
Andy Bernard: I don't mean to go into a rant here, but...
Andy Bernard: I wrote the perfect joke. Topical, edgy, funny.
Andy Bernard: ...I saw this thing on the news. Democrats want electric cars. Republicans don't. I'm thinking, 'how crazy is it that we have a car debate going on in a city known for gridlock.
Deangelo Vickers: Let's not talk politics in the office, ok? I like you better as a funny guy.
Andy Bernard: (leans on table) I wasn't taking a position. It's just one of those things where- (table collapses under Andy)
Deangelo Vickers: (laughter) Now that's funny! That's funny! You walk much?
Andy Bernard: Yeah, right, I mean- (walks into door, jokingly)
Deangelo Vickers: Little click...
Erin Hannon: (pushing box into office) Deangelo, this box came for you.
Deangelo Vickers: Thank you. That's my stuff. Yeah. Michael, take a look at this.
Stanley Hudson: Need a hand?
Deangelo Vickers: Oh, that'd be great, thank you Stanley!
Michael Scott: You know, this office sort of has a perfect Feng Shui to it, so... you know, let's not go overboard with the re-decorating, and I'm still here-
Ryan Howard: (holds up painting of desert to office, who are impressed)
Michael Scott: I still have to look at this stuff, guys.
Darryl Philbin: So this is a ten-gallon hat, huh?
Deangelo Vickers: Yep, ten-gallon hat. Technically, it only holds about three quartz. Little factoid.
Kevin Malone: Interesting.
Michael Scott: Deangelo's great. I love the guy. But I'm not sure he's a great fit for the office. And also, I'm not sure if I love the guy.
Darryl's sister: (holds out cowboy boots for Darryl)
Darryl Philbin: Cool, cool. Alright, see you later.
Darryl's sister: Hey, hey, hey! (holds up set of pistols in holsters)
Darryl Philbin: No, I'm good. Keep them.
Deangelo Vickers: Hey, funny man! Whatcha got for me? Make me laugh?
Andy Bernard: (mimes using a rope to pull himself forward to microwave) Let's see if they have my favorite teas in here... (throws tea packets into air, puts hand in unplugged toaster, pretends to be shocked, takes container of cheese-puffs and throws them into air, pours hot coffee on his pants)
Deangelo Vickers: (laughs) Drink some soap!
Andy Bernard: (drinks hand soap)
Deangelo Vickers: (laughter and applause)
Andy Bernard: I guess this is my life now.
Dwight Schrute: How do I become a manger at Sabre?
Gabe Lewis: First thing's first, thank you for coming here directly. I know you could have called Tallahassee but they would've just looped back to me, so, it's cool you recognized my role here.
Dwight Schrute: I left a message at corporate.
Gabe Lewis: Ahh. There you go. Get a recommendation from Michael. That'll put you right on the shortlist for next time there's an opening.
Dwight Schrute: Can't you just use the recommendation you already have on file?
Gabe Lewis: What recommendation?
Dwight Schrute: From when he recommended me to replace him.
Gabe Lewis: ...I'm sorry, I never know how to act in these awkward-type situations.
Deangelo Vickers: Best whale watching: easily the west coast. If you're going whale watching on the East Coast, you might wanna bring a magazine called "West Coast Whales'. (laughter) Because you're not gonna see them-
Michael Scott: (interrupting Deangelo) Snack time! It's the witching hour! It's the sandwitching hour!
Kevin Malone: Awesome!
Phyllis Vance: Mmm, whatcha got?
Michael Scott: PB and J, my mom's recipe! (throws sandwitch at Phyllis)
Angela Martin: Michael! Deangelo has a peanut allergy.
Deangelo Vickers: I need a wide berth. I need a wide berth from those nuts.
Stanley Hudson: What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?
Michael Scott: I think Kevin wants one. Kevin, here you go! (throws sandwitch into Kevin's open mouth)
Oscar Martinez: Michael, this is serious! Do you know what happens if Deangelo touches a peanut?
Michael Scott: What?
Deangelo Vickers: Michael, the last time I was exposed to a peanut, I was itchy for three days, ok? I had to take baths constantly. I missed the O.J. verdict. I had to read about it in the paper like an idiot.
Jim Halpert: Wait, so, you don't go into shock or die or anything?
Deangelo Vickers: No, Jim, not everything is life or death. I want to feel comfortable.
Michael Scott: Oscar, here you go. (throws sandwitch)
Deangelo Vickers: (uses book to stop the sandwitch's flight) You're getting nut particles all in the air!
Michael Scott: No one had a problem with the air here until you came around.
Deangelo Vickers: (steps into conference room) Everyone, mandatory meeting. Multi-purpose room, now.
Michael Scott: No, that's good. You just stay in there, stay in there by yourself, loser. No body go in. (disgusted comments by co-workers) No body go in there. Stay where you are.
Oscar Martinez: Michael, This is insane.
Michael Scott: No, it's not insane, Oscar. I'm been here for 19 years, and just because someone else is called the boss, you're gonna throw it all away? No.
Jim Halpert: Listen, you're the one who decided to leave. Come on, he's the new boss, you know we have to do this.
Michael Scott: Well, who needs him. Guess it's just you and me, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Correction. Just you. Alright, meeting. Multi-function room.
Deangelo Vickers: (walks out) Hold on, Hey Michael, Michael, wait up, hold on. Um, so for these meetings do you just jump into business or do you start with some chit-chat or...?
Michael Scott: I start with some chit-chat and a maybe a couple of jokes. And you might want to develop a couple of characters. You know what, you'll be fine.
Deangelo Vickers: Maybe. Maybe not. 50/50. You know what, it is too bad for this place that you're leaving. (extents hands for hug) Bring it in, come on. (Michael doesn't accept hug) Ok. (walks back)
Michael Scott: Ok. (hugs Deangelo from behind) Why did you have to be so damn good?
Deangelo Vickers: I... I'm adequete. I'm half as good as you.
Michael Scott: No, no, no. Come on. You are good, they know it.
Deangelo Vickers: Will you do me a favour and enjoy this time, ok? You've worked so hard, get your senioritis on. It's Lake Havasu time!
Michael Scott: Guess I've been working so hard I forgot what it's like to be hardly working.
Deangelo Vickers: Ok. What is the Native American girl's name?
Michael Scott: You'll figure it out.
Jim Halpert: Hey, Deangelo! Wanna meet Cece?
Deangelo Vickers: That's a cute baby. Very cute baby. Adorable. Very cute.
Jim Halpert: Thank you very much.
Pam Beesly: See, we knew it! If he just met her, he'd understand.
Jim Halpert: We're back in! Right?
Deangelo Vickers: I swear, that baby could be the star of a show entitled 'Babys I Don't Care About.'

I hope you enjoyed these classic quotes from The Office episode 19 season 7. Training Day is such a great episode (like every episode of The Office), remember you can click the camera button next to any quote to generate an image of the quote. Go back to all episodes to see more scripts from The Office.

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