Scene 0123 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Kahlua Sombrero, please.WaiterOpen quote: All right, so just you tonight?Michael ScottOpen quote: Actually, I am meeting somebody, but I'm a little bit early. Leaving my company. After 19 years.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I'll drink to that. I'm starting at a company this week.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, really?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: To begginings and endings.Michael ScottOpen quote: And to middles, the unsung heroes. And to moms.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: The moms and the troops.Michael ScottOpen quote: Do not tell my fiance I'm drinking on a Wednesday.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (laughs) I won't... I don't know her.Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm moving out to the burbs... actually, I'm moving further than the burbs, I'm moving to Colorado.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Colorado! The sunshine state.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yep. Don't mess with Colorado.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Doing some skiing?Michael ScottOpen quote: No, no. I don't want to end up like Sunny Bobo.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Well that's just good sense right there. Everyone I know who skis is dead.Michael ScottOpen quote: You know, I would like to try the luge, through.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Try it once, you're hooked. That's my guess.Michael ScottOpen quote: That's what I've heard.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I'm an olympics nut.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh yeah? Me too. Summer or winter?Deangelo & MichaelOpen quote: (in unison) Summer!Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (holds out fist) Knuckles! Actually, I gotta come around and give you...
Scene 0226 linesDeangelo VickersOpen quote: You know, it's funny, I tried to get an animal olympics going.Michael ScottOpen quote: Really? What happened?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: You know, life happened. What are you gonna miss most about Scranton?Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh... wow. The mountains. Where things are.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: That's the way it goes.Michael ScottOpen quote: Man, he is late. I'm gonna call him. Do you mind? I'm sorry. (calls Deangelo, Deangelo's phone vibrates)Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Excuse me. Hello? You running late?Michael ScottOpen quote: No, I'm here. I'm right... I'm at the bar.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I'm at the bar too.Michael ScottOpen quote: You are? What bar?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I'm at the bar. The bar that's located in the lobby of the hotel.Michael ScottOpen quote: I... do not see you.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: How long have you...Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm been here about... gosh, over half an hour.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Ok, me too.Deangelo & MichaelOpen quote: (looking up from phones in unison) Sorry...Michael ScottOpen quote: What're you wearing?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I am wearing a grey suit, red tie.Michael ScottOpen quote: Are we both at the right place?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Which place?Michael ScottOpen quote: I hear your voice.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I hear your voice, I see your lips moving.Michael ScottOpen quote: I see your voice in the phone. Oh, man! (holds out hand) Michael Scott.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Deangelo Vickers.Michael ScottOpen quote: Wow... that is insane! (laughter)Deangelo VickersOpen quote: That is insane, that is the right term. Let's get some Vodka up in this cranberry, and one for my friend.
Scene 033 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (entering Dunder Mifflin offices) Here we go! Are you ready?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I am ready.Michael ScottOpen quote: Alright! Here we go!
Scene 042 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: This is it. What do you think?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Oh, she'll do. She'll do just fine.
Scene 053 linesDeangelo VickersOpen quote: I am very much looking forward to tommorow. It feels like the culmanation of a lot of hard work, a lot of good fortune...Michael ScottOpen quote: (pops up from below camera, and runs out of room)Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Did that? Did that just happen?! (runs after Michael) We should.. we should write a movie or something! I'm serious!
Scene 061 lineOscar MartinezOpen quote: Michael is leaving. And apparently they've already hired a new manager. And we're meeting him today. It's a lot to process. Paperwork wise.
Scene 071 lineKevin MaloneOpen quote: (wearing wig) Nope! It's not Ashton Kutcher. It's Kevin Malone! Equally handsome, equally smart! (winks)
Scene 086 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Ok, everyone, as you know, one of my favorite things is fanfare for it's own sake. So, without further ado, let's start clapping! Presenting Deangelo Vickers!Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (blinds roll down, Deangelo waving)Michael ScottOpen quote: Come on out!Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Hello! (opens door) How are you sir?Michael ScottOpen quote: I am well, sir, how are you?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Can I just say, I am so excited to be working here. Little bit about myself, I love the American Southwest, for starters. You may call them Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, I call them heaven. I have a peanut allergy, something I live with, it's a part of me. I've learned to cope with it. What else, I'm just as comfortable at the ball game as I am at the opera. I was a-
Scene 091 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: Did I want to be made manager? Sure. A great opportunity squandered? Absolutely. A crushing blow? Yes. Will I get over it? No. But life goes on. Not for me.
Scene 108 linesKelly KapoorOpen quote: (drops papers as Deangelo walks by) I'll get that you guys. Don't... it's just... you know...Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (picks up paper) I'll help you.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Oh, hi! (obviously flirting body language)Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Hello!Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Have we met before?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: No, not officially, actually, I saw you walking out of the bathroom before.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Well, I guess I'll go back to my cave. It was really great meeting you.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (offers Kelly the papers as she walks away)
Scene 129 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: And we talk for like 20 minutes, no clue it's Deangelo the whole time!Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Kind of embarassing.Angela MartinOpen quote: Yeah, that story makes you sound stupid.Michael ScottOpen quote: I happen to like the hilarious hijinx I get myself into. There he is! Deangelo, I was just telling them about last night, when we met. Remember that? That was crazy!Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Oh. (chuckles) That was... let's see, where's my replacement? Where's the guy I'm replacing? Why don't I look to the left? He's sitting right there! (office laughs)Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh yeah... I know... that's what I was just saying... that's what...Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (silences Michael)Andy BernardOpen quote: That exact situation is why I always carry around some of these. (holds up 'Hello, my name is..,') nametags. Just in case. Because sometimes you just need to I.D. yourself.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (laughs) Office funny guy! Always glad to have an office funny guy around!
Scene 131 lineAndy BernardOpen quote: I wasn't even trying to make a joke. But I guess I've always been sorta quirky, offbeat, a little twisted.
Scene 148 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: This is Jim and Pam, aka Jap. What started as an affair has blossomed into a family before our eyes.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Well, it wasn't an affair.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes it was.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: But, no, but we are a family.Jim HalpertOpen quote: (points to picture of Cecelia) We made that.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Cecelia.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Well, congratulations. I have four kids of my own.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Really? Oh, my gosh! We just have the one, but she poops for four. (laughs)
Scene 152 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: Uh oh. Someone started off on the right foot with the new boss!Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah, they don't ever talk about careers that were made because of unplanned pregnancies.
Scene 167 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Thanks for meeting me.Michael ScottOpen quote: Are you kidding? I'd come anywhere to see a turtle? Where'd you find him.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: There's no turtle, Michael. I just wanted to get you here.Michael ScottOpen quote: You know me very well, Dwight.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: That's because I'm your right-hand man, Michael, but I can't do it again. I can't do it again for a whole new guy.Michael ScottOpen quote: Now I'm gonna have to go online and look at turtles or I'll be off all day.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I want to be manager. I just don't understand why I wasn't even interviewed for the job. What's wrong? I was totally qualified, you were pushing for me.
Scene 175 linesMeredith PalmerOpen quote: That apple looks delic!Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I do a lot of portion control. I try to keep my daily calor intake under 1200. (laughter)Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Deangelo, you're going to starve to death. (laughter)Michael ScottOpen quote: So you decided to have an orgy and not invite me? I call the middle!Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: It's cool that you like the southwest. It's one of my favorite regions.
Scene 181 lineDarryl PhilbinOpen quote: It's one of my favorite regions? Did I just sound totally lame? No, I sounded good.
Scene 197 linesDarryl PhilbinOpen quote: I love the desert. It's one of my favorite ecosystems.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Here's the great thing about the southwest; there's so much more than desert. Along the north rim of the Grand Canyon is a forest as lush as you've ever seen.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Burnt! It's lush, dummie. Hey, Deangelo, what do you think of bald people? I hate them.Angela MartinOpen quote: Deangelo, I forget, did you mention you like politics?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I did not.Angela MartinOpen quote: Cause I was thinking that you should meet my boyfriend, he's a state senator. I really think the two of you would hit it off. He's a great person to know.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Sounds very interesting, thank you.
Scene 2020 linesErin HannonOpen quote: Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin. Ok, let me transfer you.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Why do you use your name when you use the phone?Erin HannonOpen quote: Oh, that's how Pam does it. I just copy her. She's sort of a living legend.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Try it without using your name.Erin HannonOpen quote: Dunder Mifflin, this is... oh, I like it!Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Dunder Mifflin, how may I assist you?Erin HannonOpen quote: Oh, assist.Michael ScottOpen quote: I sorta like the old way.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I just prefer it without the name and I thought- I've got to start doing some managing at some point.Michael ScottOpen quote: I know, I know, I'm sorry, but if it's not a big deal we should just-Deangelo VickersOpen quote: And it really isn't.Michael ScottOpen quote: Is that good?Erin HannonOpen quote: Yeah, ok, good.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Well, I'd like to change it, actually.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, whatever. Whatever you think will work.Erin HannonOpen quote: What do you think?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I think a change would be nice.Michael ScottOpen quote: You can do the old way or whatever you think would work. (phone rings)Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (whispering) Change it.Erin HannonOpen quote: (picks up phone) ...I'm so sorry. Sorry. (hangs up)
Scene 216 linesDeangelo VickersOpen quote: Hey, funny guy. Wanna have a little mid-day lawl here. Make me laugh, huh? What you got? I can't even look at you.Andy BernardOpen quote: Here we go... ok... what do African Americans call... (laughter)Erin HannonOpen quote: Deangelo, did you order a barber?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Oh, yeah. Put a pin on that, kid. Can't wait to hear the punchline.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Finish the joke, Andy. What do African Americans call?Andy BernardOpen quote: I... don't know. Help me.
Scene 2225 linesRyan HowardOpen quote: (a barber enters the office for Deangelo) That is so badass. So hardcore.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Yeah, real cool. Real power move.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I saw a hawk today. Just sitting right there on the overpass. Looking at me.Michael ScottOpen quote: (to Erin) Shave me. (walks into office with Deangelo) This is going to be funny! Looks like we are going to be shaving buddies!Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Ok, alright! I love it! I love it! Michael, this is Reggie. He is the #1 yelp reviewed shaver in Scranton. It's not even close.Michael ScottOpen quote: And this is Erin and she is going to shave my face. Here we go. (Erin puts too much shaving cream on Michael's face, none on the neck)Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Alright. This is how we do it. Feels nice, doesn't it?Michael ScottOpen quote: It really does. This is luxery. Here we go. Ah, that is nice.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: You wanted to talk to us Deangelo?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Ah, yes, please! Just cozy up there. Just thought we could have some rap sessions with smaller groups.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, we don't really do rap sessions. We kinda do... (Erin shaves Michael) god... we sorta do more of like powwows or-Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Ok, then, powwows then, fine.Michael ScottOpen quote: That's-Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hey, Deangelo, my mom just sent me this picture of Cece, it is so adorable.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Alright, wait, little bit of backstory, she loves dogs. She calls them 'da-das'.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Da-das.Jim HalpertOpen quote: And what happens here is-Deangelo VickersOpen quote: You know what, enough about your baby, ok? I'm sorry.Jim HalpertOpen quote: We were... I think she was just trying to-Deangelo VickersOpen quote: No, no, no, I know what you're doing. Just quit it. I want to hear from the rank and file. How can I be the best manager for you all? What can I do better?Michael ScottOpen quote: You know what, everybody? You have to be honest, here. You can't say that everything is perfect. So, you know, come up with something.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Well, Deangelo, I'd say communication could be improved. People stopped reading memos, so everyone marks them urgent.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ok, you know what, I mark it urgent A, urgent B, urgent C, urgent D. Urgent A is the most important, urgent D you don't even really have to worry about.Erin HannonOpen quote: Michael, can you stop talking now? I need to shave your lips.Michael ScottOpen quote: Don't shave my lips.
Scene 232 linesDeangelo VickersOpen quote: (Andy walks into room) What's up?Andy BernardOpen quote: I don't mean to go into a rant here, but...
Scene 255 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: ...I saw this thing on the news. Democrats want electric cars. Republicans don't. I'm thinking, 'how crazy is it that we have a car debate going on in a city known for gridlock.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Let's not talk politics in the office, ok? I like you better as a funny guy.Andy BernardOpen quote: (leans on table) I wasn't taking a position. It's just one of those things where- (table collapses under Andy)Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (laughter) Now that's funny! That's funny! You walk much?Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah, right, I mean- (walks into door, jokingly)
Scene 2611 linesDeangelo VickersOpen quote: Little click...Erin HannonOpen quote: (pushing box into office) Deangelo, this box came for you.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Thank you. That's my stuff. Yeah. Michael, take a look at this.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Need a hand?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Oh, that'd be great, thank you Stanley!Michael ScottOpen quote: You know, this office sort of has a perfect Feng Shui to it, so... you know, let's not go overboard with the re-decorating, and I'm still here-Ryan HowardOpen quote: (holds up painting of desert to office, who are impressed)Michael ScottOpen quote: I still have to look at this stuff, guys.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: So this is a ten-gallon hat, huh?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Yep, ten-gallon hat. Technically, it only holds about three quartz. Little factoid.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Interesting.
Scene 271 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Deangelo's great. I love the guy. But I'm not sure he's a great fit for the office. And also, I'm not sure if I love the guy.
Scene 284 linesDarryl's sisterOpen quote: (holds out cowboy boots for Darryl)Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Cool, cool. Alright, see you later.Darryl's sisterOpen quote: Hey, hey, hey! (holds up set of pistols in holsters)Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: No, I'm good. Keep them.
Scene 295 linesDeangelo VickersOpen quote: Hey, funny man! Whatcha got for me? Make me laugh?Andy BernardOpen quote: (mimes using a rope to pull himself forward to microwave) Let's see if they have my favorite teas in here... (throws tea packets into air, puts hand in unplugged toaster, pretends to be shocked, takes container of cheese-puffs and throws them into air, pours hot coffee on his pants)Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (laughs) Drink some soap!Andy BernardOpen quote: (drinks hand soap)Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (laughter and applause)
Scene 318 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: How do I become a manger at Sabre?Gabe LewisOpen quote: First thing's first, thank you for coming here directly. I know you could have called Tallahassee but they would've just looped back to me, so, it's cool you recognized my role here.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I left a message at corporate.Gabe LewisOpen quote: Ahh. There you go. Get a recommendation from Michael. That'll put you right on the shortlist for next time there's an opening.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Can't you just use the recommendation you already have on file?Gabe LewisOpen quote: What recommendation?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: From when he recommended me to replace him.Gabe LewisOpen quote: ...I'm sorry, I never know how to act in these awkward-type situations.
Scene 3234 linesDeangelo VickersOpen quote: Best whale watching: easily the west coast. If you're going whale watching on the East Coast, you might wanna bring a magazine called "West Coast Whales'. (laughter) Because you're not gonna see them-Michael ScottOpen quote: (interrupting Deangelo) Snack time! It's the witching hour! It's the sandwitching hour!Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Awesome!Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Mmm, whatcha got?Michael ScottOpen quote: PB and J, my mom's recipe! (throws sandwitch at Phyllis)Angela MartinOpen quote: Michael! Deangelo has a peanut allergy.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I need a wide berth. I need a wide berth from those nuts.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?Michael ScottOpen quote: I think Kevin wants one. Kevin, here you go! (throws sandwitch into Kevin's open mouth)Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Michael, this is serious! Do you know what happens if Deangelo touches a peanut?Michael ScottOpen quote: What?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Michael, the last time I was exposed to a peanut, I was itchy for three days, ok? I had to take baths constantly. I missed the O.J. verdict. I had to read about it in the paper like an idiot.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Wait, so, you don't go into shock or die or anything?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: No, Jim, not everything is life or death. I want to feel comfortable.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oscar, here you go. (throws sandwitch)Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (uses book to stop the sandwitch's flight) You're getting nut particles all in the air!Michael ScottOpen quote: No one had a problem with the air here until you came around.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (steps into conference room) Everyone, mandatory meeting. Multi-purpose room, now.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, that's good. You just stay in there, stay in there by yourself, loser. No body go in. (disgusted comments by co-workers) No body go in there. Stay where you are.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Michael, This is insane.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, it's not insane, Oscar. I'm been here for 19 years, and just because someone else is called the boss, you're gonna throw it all away? No.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Listen, you're the one who decided to leave. Come on, he's the new boss, you know we have to do this.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, who needs him. Guess it's just you and me, Dwight.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Correction. Just you. Alright, meeting. Multi-function room.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (walks out) Hold on, Hey Michael, Michael, wait up, hold on. Um, so for these meetings do you just jump into business or do you start with some chit-chat or...?Michael ScottOpen quote: I start with some chit-chat and a maybe a couple of jokes. And you might want to develop a couple of characters. You know what, you'll be fine.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Maybe. Maybe not. 50/50. You know what, it is too bad for this place that you're leaving. (extents hands for hug) Bring it in, come on. (Michael doesn't accept hug) Ok. (walks back)Michael ScottOpen quote: Ok. (hugs Deangelo from behind) Why did you have to be so damn good?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I... I'm adequete. I'm half as good as you.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, no, no. Come on. You are good, they know it.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Will you do me a favour and enjoy this time, ok? You've worked so hard, get your senioritis on. It's Lake Havasu time!Michael ScottOpen quote: Guess I've been working so hard I forgot what it's like to be hardly working.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Ok. What is the Native American girl's name?Michael ScottOpen quote: You'll figure it out.
Scene 333 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Hey, Deangelo! Wanna meet Cece?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: That's a cute baby. Very cute baby. Adorable. Very cute.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Thank you very much.
Scene 342 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: See, we knew it! If he just met her, he'd understand.Jim HalpertOpen quote: We're back in! Right?
Scene 351 lineDeangelo VickersOpen quote: I swear, that baby could be the star of a show entitled 'Babys I Don't Care About.'
