Scene 0111 linesStanley HudsonOpen quote: This is ridiculous.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Do you have any idea what time we'll get out of here?Michael ScottOpen quote: Nobody likes to work late, least of all me. (to Jim) Do you have plans tonight?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Nope I don't, remember when you told us not to make plans 'cause we're working.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes I remember. Mmm, this is B.S. This is B.S. Why are we here? I am going to call corporate. Enough is enough, I'm - God, I'm so mad! (on phone) This is Michael Scott, Scranton, well we don't want to work. No we don't! It's not fair to these people. These people are my friends and I care about them! We're not going to do it! (hangs up) Everybody I just got off the horn with corporate and basically I told them where they could stick their little overtime assignment. Go enjoy your Friday.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Thank you Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: All right, happy Friday. (to Jim) Well I think we dodged a bullet there.Jim HalpertOpen quote: I think you did.Michael ScottOpen quote: I think we should celebrate. How about you, Pam, mi casa, a little dinner, dancing, drinks?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, I-Michael ScottOpen quote: You said you didn't have plans. That's what you said.
Scene 021 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: Michael has asked Pam and me to dinner at least 9 times. And every time we've been able to get out of it. But I've got to give him credit, he got me. Because I'm starting to suspect that there was no assignment from corporate.
Scene 033 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Michael, what time should I be arriving?Michael ScottOpen quote: Dwight, it's couples only. And besides, I only have six wine glasses, so it will be me and Jan, and Pam and Jim, and Angela and Andy.Andy BernardOpen quote: Hey-o!
Scene 041 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: Does it bother me that I wasn't invited to Michael's dinner party? (breaks down crying)
Scene 0527 linesJan LevinsonOpen quote: Hi.Michael ScottOpen quote: Hello.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Hi.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: How are you?Michael ScottOpen quote: Come on in. Good to see you.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Chilly huh? So glad we finally got to do this with you guys. You wanna take their coats babe?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes I would. So, what have you been doing?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Let's see, since I saw you an hour ago?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah.Jim HalpertOpen quote: I have been getting ready and then driving over here.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well we have been doing pretty much the same thing.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Really?Michael ScottOpen quote: Except driving.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: We got you this. (gives a bottle of wine)Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Oh well Pam, thank you, this will be great to cook with.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well have a seat, or come on in, or, I don't know, make yourself to home. This is our casa.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: It's really nice.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: So what do you guys think, should we do the tour first or the appetizers first?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Tour, let's do the tour first.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Do you have a preference babe? Upstairs first?Michael ScottOpen quote: Totally your call babe.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Alright, well, let's go then, I say upstairs.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, you guys doing a little construction?Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, just redoing the sliding glass door.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Yeah, so sorry about this God-awful carpet, we're still a work in progress here.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, thats...
Scene 0628 linesJan LevinsonOpen quote: This is my office.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yep, never been used.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Not super exciting.Michael ScottOpen quote: No.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: And this is my workspace.Michael ScottOpen quote: This is it, check that out, can you smell that? (the room is filled with candles that say "Serenity by Jan")Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Uh-huh.Michael ScottOpen quote: As you can smell there's a lot of different odors going on in here.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: So you have an office and a workspace?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: I do, I cannot create in the same space I conduct business, I'm sure that you're the same with your doodles. (puts a candle to Jim's nose) Smell.Jim HalpertOpen quote: It's fire.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Uh-huh, Bonfire.Michael ScottOpen quote: Bond.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Men love this one.Michael ScottOpen quote: James Bond Fire. I am Bond fire, James Bond Fire. Michael Scarn. (clicks tongue)Jan LevinsonOpen quote: When I get frustrated, or irritated or... angry, I come up here and I just smell all my candles and it just -poof- goes away.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Just like that.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Just like that.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: So this is the master bedroom, and these walls used to like white, like an asylum. So I wanted it to be softer, So I had it painted in eggshell white.Michael ScottOpen quote: Guess what, white and eggshell white are exactly the same color.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: (puts away video camera facing the bed) Babe I thought you said you were going to tidy things up.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, I-Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Shame on you.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: What a cute bench.Michael ScottOpen quote: Thanks, that's my bed. Jan has some space issues, so I curl up on that puppy.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Really? 'cause... seems pretty narrow... and short.Michael ScottOpen quote: It's actually a lot bigger than it seems. Look at this. (Lies down)Jan LevinsonOpen quote: See, he fits perfectly.
Scene 0735 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV. Check it out. (reveals a tiny TV) I actually hung this on the wall myself. I want to show you something . A lot of people in the room, need more space? (moves TV back a couple inches) Voila, right in the wall.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Wow.Michael ScottOpen quote: Sometimes I will just stand here and watch television for hours. I love it, I love this TV. Oh and I also built this table.Jim HalpertOpen quote: What is that chestnut?Michael ScottOpen quote: No, I think that is either pine, or nordic cherry.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: It's pine.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Michael, I'm just terrible at all this stuff, so that's really cool.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Really?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah, he tried to set up my TIVO for me but then I didn't have audio for a week.Michael ScottOpen quote: If you ever need any help, I am just a phone call away.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: I bet you are.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Well, I saw - oh your Dundies. I'm surprised they're not out on the coffee table for everybody to see.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: It was between the neon beer sign and the Dundies so I said "Honey keep the trophies."Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh honey, I have the best trophy right here, aside from my Dundies.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: (doorbell) Oh, excuse us just a second.Michael ScottOpen quote: I'll get it.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: (Andy and Angela enter) So glad you're finally able to be here.Angela MartinOpen quote: (Michael tries to hug Angela) No, no.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay.Andy BernardOpen quote: Tuna! What's up Tuna, we having tuna for dinner? (to Pam) I bet you're sick of tuna right? You probably have tuna every night. Tuna! (to Jan) These are for you. (hands flowers)Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Oh, how thoughtful.Michael ScottOpen quote: Very nice.Andy BernardOpen quote: Except for one flower, which is for... my flower.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Aw.Angela MartinOpen quote: What am I supposed to do with this?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: How 'bout we do the short tour and then I'll start dinner?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh I can help starting dinner if you need it.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Oh no no no, it's just the osso buco needs to braise for about three hours, everything else is done.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Three hours from now or three hours from earlier like 4:00?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: You know Pam, in Spain they often don't start eating until midnight.Michael ScottOpen quote: When in Rome.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Do you have a preference, upstairs first?Michael ScottOpen quote: Whatever you say babe.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Follow me.Michael ScottOpen quote: All right.
Scene 0811 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: How 'bout a toast. Shall I? Here's to good friends.EveryoneOpen quote: Cheers.Michael ScottOpen quote: Kinda sorta an oaky afterbirth.Jim HalpertOpen quote: What was that?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: So music, should we turn some music?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah that sounds good.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Do you guys remember my old assistant Hunter? He is an excellent songwriter.Hunter's CDOpen quote: You took me by the hand, Made me a man, That one night, You made everything all right, So raw, so right, All night, all right, Oh yeah, Oh yeah, So raw, so right, All night, all right, Oh yeah.Michael ScottOpen quote: You know what, Hunter was a terrible assistant, that is why Ryan fired him.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Well I think he's probably just about as reliable as Pam being that it usually takes you an afternoon to get back to me.Angela MartinOpen quote: Sometimes I think she holds on to faxes.
Scene 091 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: (To camera) I don't care what they say, I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for... at a dinner party.
Scene 1017 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: (playing charades) No it's a... hump. There's a hump.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Joe Camel!Andy BernardOpen quote: Okay yes, first name of that animal and the second name is the state where Helena is the capital.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Montana.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Oh!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Joe Montana!Andy BernardOpen quote: Yes! Yes.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Why didn't you just say 49ers quarterback?Michael ScottOpen quote: All right, (rhythim clapping) my my my my turn, my my my my turn, my my my my turn.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Babe can you just like really, woah, could you just simmer down?Michael ScottOpen quote: What, no, I'm just making people laugh.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: No.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes, I was watching Jim's face.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: I was watching Jim.Michael ScottOpen quote: And he was laughing.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: No smiling.Michael ScottOpen quote: Look at him, he's laughing.
Scene 111 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own separate game and it's called 'Let's see how uncomfortable we can make our guests' and they're both winning. So I'm going to make a run for it. (holds cellphone)
Scene 1226 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: You'll never guess, I just got a message from my landlord apparently, my apartment flooded, something with a sprinkler. Pam, we should probably get going and see the damage.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh okay.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well you don't need two of you to do that.Jim HalpertOpen quote: That's true. Um... dinner sounded delicious. Pam I'll see you at home, thank you so much.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh Jim, I don't think you're going to abandon this party here all by itself.Jim HalpertOpen quote: I don't know because I everything I own is there.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You can buy new stuff but you can't buy a new party.Michael ScottOpen quote: That's true, that's a great point. Come on down here. Sit down on that couch and be amongst friends and we are not going to think about all your stuff being destroyed, all right.Andy BernardOpen quote: Michael, you're up.Michael ScottOpen quote: All right here we go, this is going to be fun, ready. All right first name is Tom-Jan LevinsonOpen quote: No no no, no names, no names, no rhyming, no soundalikes.Michael ScottOpen quote: All right, Okay, okay, you're getting inside my head. First name is blank and he goes on a cruise, he goes on a Caribbean CRUISE.Angela MartinOpen quote: I don't know.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Katie Holmes.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, Baah! But he's married to her!Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, Dawson's Creek.Michael ScottOpen quote: No! It has to be a real person Jim, come on. Okay, no no, I'm gonna pass, I'm gonna pass. Okay, rhymes with Parnold Schporzenegger.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: No rhyming!Jim HalpertOpen quote: Not really a rhyme.Angela MartinOpen quote: Another clue, another clue.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, he is the governor of California, he is the Terminator.Angela MartinOpen quote: Those aren't helpful.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Tom Cruise!Michael ScottOpen quote: No!Andy BernardOpen quote: Time!Michael ScottOpen quote: God, does anybody read the paper?!
Scene 1311 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: (Michael offers his coat to Pam, who is shivering) Oh, thank you.Michael ScottOpen quote: You're welcome.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: (eyes Pam) I'm so, so sorry for the temperature in here. The um, sliding glass door shattered. It's actually a really cute story. Do you wanna tell it babe or should I tell it?Michael ScottOpen quote: I don't like that story babe.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Come on, it's a cute story, Michael ran through the sliding glass doors because he thought he heard the ice cream truck!Michael ScottOpen quote: Stop, stop it! I mean, I like ice cream. Okay? Sue me. Oh, no, don't. I shouldn't say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue, loves lawsuits. You know honey, that door was extremely clean and it looked invisible.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: You are so right, you're so right because before I lived here, the glass was always covered in smudges, and then I moved in and I cleaned it so I guess that makes me the Devil.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ha ha, you are! She is! She is the devil! I'm in hell! Aaahhh I'm burning, help me!Angela MartinOpen quote: You shouldn't joke about that.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Is there more wine in the kitchen?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: I will get it, I will get it, what kind of hostess would I be if I didn't get. It's okay, I don't mind. In fact you know what, girl's trip, Angela come on. Girl's trip.
Scene 1410 linesJan LevinsonOpen quote: (checking the oven) Uh, not even close.Angela MartinOpen quote: So you keep a very tidy house.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath, whew. But I don't have to tell you Pam.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No, yeah. What?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Oh well don't tell me that he's really changed since you guys dated.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh, are you joking?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Well, Michael told me a little bit about it, but I see the way you look at him.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I have never, ever dated, or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael, ever. Not ever, not now, not then, not now, not ever, ever.Angela MartinOpen quote: I've noticed how you look at him at the office.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Mmhmm.
Scene 156 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (in the garage) So I spend most of my time right here. Have a hand (the chairs are shaped like hands). So Jim I noticed you checking out Jan's candles.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh no she just put it in front of my face.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah, did you know that candles are the number one fastest-growing product in the scent aroma market? $2 billion dollar a year industry. And for only $10,000, you could become a co-owner of "Serenity by Jan" What do you think about that?Andy BernardOpen quote: Thought about it, I'm in.Jim HalpertOpen quote: I'm sorry, are you really trying to get us to invest in Jan's company?Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm sorry. (doorbell rings) What now?
Scene 1618 linesJan LevinsonOpen quote: Coming! (Dwight and a woman are at the door holding wine glasses and a cooler)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Hello.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: What are you doing here?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: We came here to eat dinner and to party, this is a dinner party right?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (whispering) Awesome.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: What is he doing here?Angela MartinOpen quote: Yes, What are you doing here?Michael ScottOpen quote: Dwight is my friend.WomanOpen quote: We weren't invited?Michael ScottOpen quote: You said that I could not invite Dwight because he was not part of a couple, and because we didn't have enough wine glasses. Dwight brought glasses and a person.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Fine, whatever you want, just like always, whatever you want.Michael ScottOpen quote: Whatever I want? It's never whatever I want. When I wanted to see Stomp, and you wanted to see Wicked, what did we see?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: We saw Wicked.Michael ScottOpen quote: When I said that I wanted to have kids, and you said, you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn't so sure, Who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you defintely didn't want to have kids, who had it reversed back? Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap! I did. You have no idea the physical toll, that three vasectomies have on a person. And I bought this condo to fill with children.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: I am so sorry that I don't want to bring kids into this screwed-up world, okay? But look if you want to have kids, then fine you win. Let's have a (bleep)ing kid.Michael ScottOpen quote: Do you mean it? You want to have a kid? (Jan walks away)Jan LevinsonOpen quote: I hate my life.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: So can we come in?
Scene 1711 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Hmmm... Mmm... great turkey leg.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: (crying) I'm just gonna check on dinner. (Jan gets up from the table)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Angela, would you like some of my beet salad?Angela MartinOpen quote: I hate beet salad.WomanOpen quote: It's actually really good.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Hey hey hey hey. (to Angela) I know you love beet salad. I've seen you eat it many times.Angela MartinOpen quote: The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit.Michael ScottOpen quote: (leans across to Pam whispering) Pam... I hope she didn't do anything to the food.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (whispers) Like... like what?Michael ScottOpen quote: I can't prove it but I think she might be trying to poison me. (Jan serves the food) Hey, looks great babe.Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah it does.
Scene 181 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: I know Jan didn't poison the food. I know that. But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table wouldn't it be me? Michael's former lover?
Scene 1934 linesJan LevinsonOpen quote: (Michael dips his steak into his wine) Can you not do that? It's disgusting.Michael ScottOpen quote: You know I have soft teeth, how can you say that?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Oops.Michael ScottOpen quote: Excuse me for a second. (gets up from the table)Jim HalpertOpen quote: (to babysitter) So... how do you guys know each other?WomanOpen quote: I was his babysitter.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: And now you guys are dating?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Purely carnal and that's all you need to know.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Would you write down your e-mail because I have just so many questions...WomanOpen quote: E-mail?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Nevermind.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ok... alright... here we go. (takes down huge painting behind his seat and puts up a neon beer sign) There. (plugs it in) Oooookay.Jim HalpertOpen quote: That's nice.Michael ScottOpen quote: Everybody enjoying their meal?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Hey babe?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: How about we take the beer sign down until our guests leave and then we can discuss it.Michael ScottOpen quote: No. No. I'm gonna leave it up. I think it ties the whole room together.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Ok. (gets up and goes over to the stereo and turns on Hunter's CD really loud)Michael ScottOpen quote: (to the guests) Jan thinks Hunter is very talented. You know what? I don't think he's that good.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: At least he's an artist.Michael ScottOpen quote: BFD. I'm a screenwriter.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: (shouting) AND I'M A CANDLEMAKER BUT YOU DON'T HEAR ME BRAGGING ABOUT IT!Michael ScottOpen quote: NO ALL YOU DO IS YOU GET ME TO TRY TO WORK ON MY RICH FRIENDS!Jan LevinsonOpen quote: FOR AN INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY!Michael ScottOpen quote: MAN! I WOULD LOVE TO BURN YOUR CANDLES!Jan LevinsonOpen quote: YOU BURN IT. YOU BUY IT!Michael ScottOpen quote: OH GOOD. I'LL BE YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER!Jan LevinsonOpen quote: AND YOU'RE HARDLY MY FIRST!Michael ScottOpen quote: (yells) THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! (Jan gets an evil look on her face and picks up Michael's dundie and throws it into his plasma screen tv) THAT IS A 200 DOLLAR PLASMA SCREEN TV YOU JUST KILLED! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe! (Jan goes upstairs crying.)WomanOpen quote: I'm gonna get going.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Fine. Get outta here.Jim HalpertOpen quote: It's getting late.Michael ScottOpen quote: You know what guys, she'll be out of the bathroom soon.
Scene 2024 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: (Jim and Pam head out the door and there are policemen at the door) Of courseDwight SchruteOpen quote: Get out of my way, I'll take care of this. OK.(to police) Uhhh what seems to be the problem officers?Officer 1Open quote: Not now Dwight, We got a call about a disturbance?Michael ScottOpen quote: Nope. Nope. Nothing disturbing here. Just a couple of friends having an awesome dinner party.Officer 2Open quote: The neighbors said they heard some shouting.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh... yes. There was some screaming but... um... my girlfriend... threw a dundie at my TV. Plasma.Officer 1Open quote: You wanna press charges?Michael ScottOpen quote: Would she get into trouble?OfficerOpen quote: Yes. She'd be charged.Michael ScottOpen quote: I will take the fall. I did it.Officer 2Open quote: You know you don't have to press charges, you could just try to be more quiet.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: (running out the door)) Michael! (pleading) Michael. What are you doing to him?Officer 1Open quote: Sir, do you have any other place you can stay? Maybe with one of your friends here?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (puts his hand on the Officer's shoulder) Michael can come home with me.Michael ScottOpen quote: Jim? Pam?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh... my apartment's on firePam BeeslyOpen quote: (whispers) Flooded.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Flooded.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You people. (to Michael) Come on. You're sleeping with me.Michael ScottOpen quote: No.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I'm gonna take you home Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Nope.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Alright. (leads Michael away)Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Bye Babe!
Scene 214 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: (Pam and Jim are sitting in Jim's car in front of Detroit Coney Island Chili Dogs) This is the best burger I've ever had, babe.Jim HalpertOpen quote: You know, babe, I should have told you but... I did something bad.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hmm?Jim HalpertOpen quote: (holds up Hunter's CD) I stole this. (Pam laughs) For you babe.
Scene 242 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: (Tries to steal a bite of Angela's ice cream.)Angela MartinOpen quote: (Rolls down the window and smashes it against his car)
Scene 251 lineJan LevinsonOpen quote: (Watching Michael's cracked plasma screen TV and tries to fix his Dundie.)
Scene 261 lineMichael & DwightOpen quote: (Slow at a red light and see the woman at the bus stop, she waves to Dwight, who passes her by.)