Scene 012 linesOscar MartinezOpen quote: (Kevin is holding two ice cream treats) Two?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: I didn't eat lunch. (Oscar gives Kevin a look) I didn't eat all my lunch.
Scene 0215 linesAngela MartinOpen quote: (enters smiling and waving) Hello, everyone. Oh, ice cream. Nice, Kevin. Looks good.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: It... yeah.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Angela, you're more chipper than usual.Angela MartinOpen quote: I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. (takes a breath, excitedly) She's hypoallergenic. She doesn't struggle when you try to dress her. She's a third-generation show cat. Her father was in 'Meet the Parents.' Needless to say, she was very, very expensive.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: How much?Angela MartinOpen quote: Seven thousand dollars.Creed BrattonOpen quote: For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Where'd you get that kind of money?Angela MartinOpen quote: I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Wait, you didn't give it back?Angela MartinOpen quote: He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name is Princess Lady!Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Seven grand?Angela MartinOpen quote: Mm-hmm.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: I gotta see that little bitch.Angela MartinOpen quote: I have something better than a picture. Come on.
Scene 036 linesOscar MartinezOpen quote: You have your cats on Nanny-Cam?Angela MartinOpen quote: Yeah. (cats meowing) I mean, I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat, but I'm out of vacation days. And this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. I mean, when somebody has a kid, oh sure, take off a year.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: She's right. I had my second kid just for the vacation.Angela MartinOpen quote: Right. Anyways... I just want to make sure Princess Lady is acclimating well. She means more to me than anyone.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Any cat, you mean.Angela MartinOpen quote: And person.
Scene 041 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: So, detour. We're now adding Nashua to the Lecture Circuit so Michael can confront Holly and get some closure. Nashua actually sounded very excited on the phone. I don't think they get a lot of visitors. Because their office is only accessible by cross-country skis. Hey-oh! (laughs) (whispers) I've been driving too long.
Scene 0526 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: (shouts from another room) What did you do?Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Stop yelling at me!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: What did you do?Kelly KapoorOpen quote: I didn't do anything!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: What did you learn in there? I bet you learned things, huh? Like how to fashion a shiv, hmm?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Hey! What the hell's goin' on?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Why don't you tell Jim where you were from ages 14 to 15.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: I was kickin' it.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: In juvie.Jim HalpertOpen quote: What?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Juvie... nile... Detention Center. Where they send teenagers!Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yep.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: For reha-Jim HalpertOpen quote: Got it.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: What did you do? Huh?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Hey, Dwight, sounds like she was 14, so maybe we wanna go a little easy.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yeah, if she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to follow the law. (to Kelly) What did you do?Kelly KapoorOpen quote: My boyfriend dumped me, so, I stole his boat. I mean, he told me it was his boat. It was actually his father's. And I just thought it'd be really romantic, like 'Thelma and Louise,' but with, like, a boat. And it was the worst year of my life. And I can't believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I thought you said yesterday was your birthday!Jim HalpertOpen quote: Hey, you know what? I got you a cake.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: You did? I wanna see the cake.Jim HalpertOpen quote: And... ta da.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: I hate it.Jim HalpertOpen quote: How do you hate it? It's a cake.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Well, there's no flowers... or toys... or--- I mean, there's nothing on it. Where did you even find a cake like this? I mean, it doesn't have my name on it! Do you guys know what my name is? My name is Kelly!Jim HalpertOpen quote: Right.
Scene 061 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: I forgot if there was an "e" between the "l" and the "y." I still don't know.
Scene 077 linesKelly KapoorOpen quote: I mean, I don't even know what the theme is. What's the theme?!Jim HalpertOpen quote: Birthday.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Frosting.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Those aren't... themes. There's always a theme. (walks out)Phyllis VanceOpen quote: There's always a theme.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Nice job on the cake, Bozo!Jim HalpertOpen quote: Okay, you know what, next time, I'll let you get the cake and I get to scream at the birthday girl.
Scene 081 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: (taking Michael's picture) Okay, a little bit more closer to the sign. Yeah.
Scene 1010 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Hi.ReceptionistOpen quote: Hi, can I help you?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes, you can. I am, uh, Michael Scott, Regional Manager of the Scranton branch.ReceptionistOpen quote: Yes, we were expecting you. Have a seat.Michael ScottOpen quote: Thank you. ... Um... is, uh, Holly Flax anywhere here?ReceptionistOpen quote: Actually, she's on an HR retreat for the next three days.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh- She's not here?ReceptionistOpen quote: But, if you need to get in touch with her immediately, you could talk to A.J. He's a salesman here.Michael ScottOpen quote: A.J.ReceptionistOpen quote: Yeah, he's her boyfriend. He's just over there.
Scene 1115 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: She has a boyfriend.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I'm so sorry, Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: How could she do this to me, Pam?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: She's not doing it to hurt you.Michael ScottOpen quote: I can't do the presentation, I can't- (voice cracks) ... just... oh... thinking about seeing him... and... thinking about... him getting to hold her and getting to kiss her, it just- oh, God! (starts crying, covers his face)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Listen, when Jim was dating Karen, I didn't want to come to work. It was awful. I hated it. I wanted to quit, but-Michael ScottOpen quote: I know, just... uh, please, I'm going through something, okay? (exhales)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You know, when Holly gets back, everyone will tell her what a great job you did. And then she'll realize what she's missing.Michael ScottOpen quote: And then she'll move back to Scranton. And her boyfriend will die.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah, maybe.Michael ScottOpen quote: (laughs)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Maybe. One step at a time.Michael ScottOpen quote: (sighs)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You can do this.Michael ScottOpen quote: I can do this.
Scene 1216 linesOscar MartinezOpen quote: It could be snacks, or-Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Why would we- (cats meowing from Angela's computer, sounds like crying)Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Wha-Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Is that what I think it is? (Kevin and Oscar get up and go to Angela's computer)Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Good God!Kevin MaloneOpen quote: (gasps)Oscar MartinezOpen quote: (laughs)Angela MartinOpen quote: (gasps)Kevin MaloneOpen quote: That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady!Angela MartinOpen quote: No!Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Awesome!Angela MartinOpen quote: Stop it, Mr. Ash! Bad cat! That is very bad! You stop it right now! I swear, he is fixed.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Yeah, I know fixed; that ain't fixed.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: No way.Angela MartinOpen quote: No, now listen. You can't let what you see here, sully your image of them. They are good, decent cats. (all laugh) I gotta go. I'll be back in an hour. Oh, stop that! Oh!Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Oh, the other one's watching.
Scene 1310 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Okay, so all we need is a theme... and cups, and ice, and punch, and a cake.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Busy!Jim HalpertOpen quote: Hey, what's that show that she's always talking about?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh, my God. Is this how you are with Pam? 'Cause she must want to shoot herself in the face.Jim HalpertOpen quote: You know what? I could use a little help.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You know what? I'm a little busy.Jim HalpertOpen quote: We have a lot to do, and you are... putting up a very effeminate sign. Is that what you've been doing, is making a sign?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: It's not effeminate. It's festive.Jim HalpertOpen quote: You've been making that sign, for something that we could just announce to the whole office? Hey everybody, the party's now at 3!Stanley HudsonOpen quote: I know, I just read it on the sign.
Scene 1425 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Goooood morning, Viet-Nashua! Sales. Sales is what bwings us together, today. How do we deal with clients who say, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn... about paper" and get them to "Show us the money!" Well, we are going to find out today. Show of hands. How many of you are salesmen? Let's see the salesmen. (some raise their hands) Oh, okay. Well I know what the rest of you are thinking. Wow, yuck. Salesmen are the worst! They are awful. They are so arrogant. They think the whole place revolves around them. Handsome, good listeners, funny, Mr. Wonderful. So, okay, you're a salesman. What's, uh, what's your name?A.J.Open quote: A.J.Michael ScottOpen quote: A.J. What kind of name is A.J.?A.J.Open quote: (laughs)Michael ScottOpen quote: What do you race cars?A.J.Open quote: (laughs) I'm a salesman. That's why I raised my hand.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ooh. Ouch. Okay, good. You're funny, very good and funny. Tell me, A.J., are you dating? Is there somebody you date?A.J.Open quote: Yeah. Why, are you interested? (all laugh)WomanOpen quote: I have a question about discounts from distributors.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yep, we will get to you. Okay, so you're dating somebody? Um... is it serious?A.J.Open quote: It's pretty serious, yes.Michael ScottOpen quote: Huh- (pauses) Does she ever talk about me? (voice cracking)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh, God.A.J.Open quote: Excuse me?ManOpen quote: What does this have to do with sales?Michael ScottOpen quote: It's all connected. Shut up. (to A.J.) Does she ever mention 'Michael Scott?'A.J.Open quote: No, what are you talking about?Michael ScottOpen quote: (sighs loudly) Does it feel good?A.J.Open quote: Does what feel good?Michael ScottOpen quote: (grunts) Your life. (sits down, upset) Oh, wow. Whew. Ahh, legs are sorta giving out. Long drive in the car, so let's just- We'll just continue. (sighs, falls to floor, gets more upset) Oh, wow. (takes deep breath) Ooh, okay.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Michael, get off the floor!Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah, yeah... uh, I can't do this Pam. Just read from- just read the cards.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (whispering) No, no, no, you have to do it-Michael ScottOpen quote: No, no, I'm okay. I'm all right. (sighs heavily) Okay... okay.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: That was weird, huh? It's all part of the presentation. It was confusing, right? Because confusing situations happen to us all the time in our jobs. (pauses) I'm just trying to bridge the gap between what just happened and the fact that I'm going to be doing the rest of the presentation. (reading from the cards, in Forrest Gump voice) Sales is like a box a chocolates, you never know which vendor you're gonna get. Forrest Gump.
Scene 151 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: (pointing to staff members) Blazer. Freckles. Penguin. K.D. Lang. Holly's boyfriend. These mnemonic devices help to make a connection, and then, also to help you memorize names. I have a chainsaw! (holds up chainsaw, makes a wimpy chain saw noise) Cutting down the competition.
Scene 167 linesAngela MartinOpen quote: (cats meowing in background)(on Nanny-Cam) Where is that bad cat? Oh, you know who you are. Excuse me, Petals, I'm looking for Mr. Ash. He's a bad cat. Bad, bad cat. Do you hear me? Bad. Yeah, you were bad. No, you look at me when I talk to you. Do you hear me, Mr. Ash? You look at me. 'Cause I'm talking to you right now.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: (chuckles)Kevin MaloneOpen quote: (snickers)Angela MartinOpen quote: (meows like a cat, then hisses)Kevin MaloneOpen quote: This is getting weird.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Is she cleaning the cat with her tongue? (Angela licks cat, meows)Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Ohhh...
Scene 171 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (sighs, touches Holly's sweater, cuts off sleeve, chuckles, sees Word document on Holly's computer named "Dear Michael," plugs in USB flash drive to copy file from computer)
Scene 184 linesAngela MartinOpen quote: (shivers) (meowing noises) Has this been on the entire time?Oscar MartinezOpen quote: I have no idea.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: I was looking at pictures of food on my computer.Angela MartinOpen quote: (sigh of relief) Well, sorry I'm late. (clears throat, coughs, pulls hairball out of her mouth)
Scene 191 lineOscar MartinezOpen quote: I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat, are not things I want to go into. Also, I'm pretty sure she coughed up a hairball.
Scene 201 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: (loading up car with Michael) Don't look up. Don't look up. (sighs as office workers all looking from window)
Scene 2124 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Want some pie?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No.Michael ScottOpen quote: I went through Holly's things.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: What?Michael ScottOpen quote: I stole a sleeve of her sweater.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh, Michael...Michael ScottOpen quote: I also stole something off of her computer. A document called "Dear Michael."Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You did what?Michael ScottOpen quote: I shouldn't have done it. It just- I couldn't help it.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: She never sent it to you?Michael ScottOpen quote: No, sh- she didn't. I'm gonna read it.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No, under no circumstances can you read that letter. It's a violation of her trust.Michael ScottOpen quote: How?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Because, she didn't send it to you!Michael ScottOpen quote: I know, I know. You're right, you're right.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I could read it.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, that wouldn't-Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah, I could read it.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, you don't have to do that.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Go get your laptop.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay. (leaves to get laptop)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (to camera) What? I'm not in love with her.
Scene 2212 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: (blowing up balloon, breathes loudly) You have to write my suggestions down, too.Jim HalpertOpen quote: I'm not writing, "Horse Hunt." I don't even know what that means.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: It's in the name.Jim HalpertOpen quote: (grunts) Okay, so far, our ideal party consists of beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, blood, touch football, mating, charades, and yes, horse hunting.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You're right, forget horse hunting. It's stupid.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Look, is there a birthday you remember that you loved?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Here's one. It was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light. An intense pressure like I'd never felt before. Father, dressed in white, pulls me forward. Mother bites the cord. (pretends to bite)Jim HalpertOpen quote: Okay, stop. Forever stop that story. That's disgusting, and it doesn't count. So give me another one.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a Depression-era practicality, and then moved on to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year. (rolls eyes) What about you?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Actually, when I was seven, my Dad took me to the Natural History Museum in New York. And we looked at fossils all day. And at the end of the day, he got me a little plastic triceratops. It was awesome.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: That's cool. Hey, you know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed.Jim HalpertOpen quote: (to camera) Didn't see that one coming.
Scene 238 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: (closes laptop) It's deleted.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: She still has feelings for you.Michael ScottOpen quote: She said that? Is that what it said? What did it say?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I can't tell you specifically, but... it's not over.Michael ScottOpen quote: You're sure?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (nods and smiles)Michael ScottOpen quote: (smiles, sighs, chuckles) Okay.
Scene 2437 linesKelly KapoorOpen quote: (enters conference room)EveryoneOpen quote: Happy Birthday!Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Surprise!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Hey, it's not a surprise.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Not a surprise.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: This doesn't look good.Jim HalpertOpen quote: What?! You have a cake. You have a delicious cake, with your name spelled correctly?Kelly KapoorOpen quote: (shakes her head no)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Told you.Jim HalpertOpen quote: You haven't heard our theme, though.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: You don't hear a theme, you see it... why is there a chicklet on my cake?Jim HalpertOpen quote: That's the best part. That represents a pillow, or a television.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Our theme, if you will.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Because the fun part is, you get to decide on an hour of television, or an hour of napping.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: That's our theme.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Cool.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah?Kelly KapoorOpen quote: I love it.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (high-fives Jim) Oh, yes! Okay, good. So what's it gonna be, Kapoor?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Ooh- can she pick a half hour of each?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No.Jim HalpertOpen quote: No.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Oh, then pick TV.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Take a nap!Oscar MartinezOpen quote: TV.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: No, watching TV at work is really cool.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Take a nap, nothing good is on TV right now.Creed BrattonOpen quote: Bonnie Hunt is on.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: You know what, I have been watching TV all week. I choose nap.Jim HalpertOpen quote: All right.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Okay, nap it is! Everyone out! Get out! We're gonna be eating cake at our desks. Let's go.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Surprise.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Move it! Let's go, go, go, go, go. I got this.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Ahem. This is for you... and (puts blanket around her shoulders) ...Happy Birthday, Kel.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: (giggles) Thank you.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (turns off lights) Okay, you've got one hour. (shuts door)Kelly KapoorOpen quote: I'm too excited to sleep.
Scene 252 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Mm, great cake.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Thanks. (both eat cake)
Scene 261 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: (opens door to wake Kelly, bangs together two trash can covers loudly) Birthday time is over! Now go make up for all the work you missed when you were taking your nap. (slaps Kelly's butt) Many happy returns. (slams door)
Scene 277 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: I feel great. So good to have closure. Ah! We should go apologize to Roy or something.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No, we don't need to do that.Michael ScottOpen quote: Who have I wronged? Who have I wronged? Oh, oh! What about that fat guy from Stamford that I insulted? We should find him!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You mean Tony?Michael ScottOpen quote: Jabba the hut, Pizza the hut, Fat guys like pizza, pepperoni pizza, pepperoni Tony!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh, Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Man, was he fat. So, so... fat. You know what, forget it. I know me. When I saw him, I would never be able to apologize to him. Too fat. Big fat fatty.