All Episodes

Season 3 Episode 10
A Benihana Christmas

Every line from The Office episode "A Benihana Christmas", season 3 episode 10.

Dwight Schrute: Merry Christmas! (holds up dead goose and puts it on Pam's desk)
Pam Beesly: Merry Christ--(looks up) NO! Why... why did you bring that here?
Dwight Schrute: Don't worry, she's dead. Oh wait. He's dead.
Pam Beesly: Dwight, what uh...
Dwight Schrute: I accidentally ran over it. It's a Christmas miracle!
Pam Beesly: Well, get it out of here.
Dwight Schrute: Relax, OK. And because this is Christmas, I am going to roast this goose and prepare it with a wild rice dressing. Do we have any cayenne pepper in the kitchen?
Jim Halpert: Merry Christmas Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Jim.
Jim Halpert: Wow. What have we got here?
Dwight Schrute: What does it look like?
Jim Halpert: Dead goose.
Dwight Schrute: And circle gets the square.
Jim Halpert: All right.
Dwight Schrute: (to Pam) So can you watch this? I'm gonna get my carving knife out of the trunk.
Toby Flenderson: Oh, Dwight, we talked about this.
Dwight Schrute: No, Toby, this is different. He's already dead.
Dwight Schrute: Once I brought in a duck. To prepare for lunch. And people got upset. Apparently, they got attached to the duck and didn't want to see it killed.
Dwight Schrute: He was already dead. And we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious, smoky, rich flavor. Plus you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease.
Jim Halpert: Wow. Win-Win.
Dwight Schrute: Exactly. Thank you, Jim.
Phyllis Vance: I like goose. If it's already dead is it so crazy we eat it?
Creed Bratton: That's crazy. It's crazy.
Toby Flenderson: Dwight, you cannot keep that here.
Dwight Schrute: Ok, that is ridiculous. And totally against the spirit of Christmas.
Toby Flenderson: Come on Dwight. We went over this, like for a half an hour.
Dwight Schrute: It's Christmas Toby.
Toby Flenderson: It's a dead animal in an office. You can't...
Dwight Schrute: Toby...
Toby Flenderson: I'm sorry.
Dwight Schrute: (sighs) Please? Please?
Toby Flenderson: Clean it in your car.
Pam Beesly: I would like it off my desk.
Dwight Schrute: Oh Pam. Take a chill pill.
Michael Scott: (Riding a bicycle down the hallway and singing) Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa la la la la la la la la. (Struggling to stay on) 'Tis the ... ack. (expletive) Hey! (to Pam) I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candied Pams. And perhaps, some Pam-chops, with mint...
Pam Beesly: Can I help you, Michael?
Michael Scott: I'm looking for the toy drive box.
Pam Beesly: It's behind you.
Michael Scott: OK... Well, I need to put this bike in there. I hope it'll fit, with all these little knickknacks.
Jim Halpert: Wow. What kind of bike is that?
Michael Scott: Umm... I don't know? Average kind?
Kevin Malone: The tires look pretty worn.
Michael Scott: Well, that is probably from the test drive.
Jim Halpert: But the paint's chipping. Is that your old bike, Michael?
Michael Scott: No.
Andy Bernard: Yo, Michael, sweet ride Mike.
Michael Scott: Oh, thanks. (Michael and Andy do a fist bump and explosion.)
Pam Beesly: Michael?
Michael Scott: Yes? (Pam holds up a bag) Oh Pam, that is so sweet. You didn't have to do that.
Pam Beesly: (hands over bag) I didn't, it's from corporate.
Michael Scott: OK. Did everybody get one of these?
Pam Beesly: Yup.
Michael Scott: Terrific. Good.
Michael Scott: This is going to be the best Christmas ever. My girlfriend Carol is coming to our party tonight, and I have a little surprise for her. (singing) I've got two tickets to paradise! Pack your bags, we're leaving the day-after-tomorrow! Um, taking her to Sandals, Jamaica, all-inclusive. All-inclusive. You know what that means? Right? Yeah.
Jim Halpert: (Creed takes toy from toy drive box.) Oh, I think you're supposed to put a toy in the box, Creed.
Creed Bratton: And a happy holiday to you.
Jim Halpert: (Carol walks through door looking upset) (waves) Carol.
Carol: Hi, is Michael around here?
Michael Scott: There she is. A Christmas Carol. Hello (kisses Carol) You're about five hours early to the party. You're such a blonde. (laughs)
Carol: Michael.
Michael Scott: Hey, everybody. I don't know who you haven't met yet, but I think this is one of them. This is my girlfriend - Carol. This is just the front of her. Show 'em, show 'em the other side.
Carol: (whispers) What?
Michael Scott: Turn around, turn around. Come on. (making a body turning gesture)
Carol: Get outta here.
Michael Scott: No, you get outta here.
Andy Bernard: Michael
Michael Scott: Yes.
Andy Bernard: If I may say. She's even prettier that you described her.
Dwight Schrute: (standing up) Oh, ouch. Michael, I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you described her.
Michael Scott: Thank you.
Carol: I really need a moment alone with you. (Carol heads towards Michael's office.)
Michael Scott: Not as much as I need a moment alone with you. (puts finger on her back and reaches for her butt) Berp.
Carol: What is this? (Holds up a Christmas photo)
Michael Scott: That is my Christmas card. It's a picture of you and me and your kids on a ski trip, having a blast. Ski-sons Greetings.
Carol: No. See, we never went on a ski trip.
Michael Scott: I know.
Carol: I went on a ski trip.
Michael Scott: Right.
Carol: Two years ago with my kids and my ex-husband.
Michael Scott: Yes, but what you didn't realize at the time was that I was with you in a sense. I was in your heart...
Carol: Michael.
Michael Scott: And next to your kids. What?
Carol: This is so weird.
Michael Scott: I don't understand?
Jim Halpert: It's a bold move, to Photoshop yourself into a picture with your girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father. But then again, Michael's a bold guy. (Towards unseen cameraman) Is bold the right word?
Carol: I think you're a really sweet guy.
Michael Scott: OK
Carol: But, um, I don't know how to deal with, with this thing (waves Christmas card). And, and the proposal. And I don't think things are going to work out with us.
Michael Scott: No, no no no Ok, OK, You know what, you're not thinking straight. You know what you need? You need to think this through in (making drum noise) Jamaica's largest fresh water pool.
Carol: What are you talking about?
Michael Scott: I got us tickets to Sandals, Jamaica, We leave day after tomorrow. (Carol shakes head in disappointment). You better find the skimpiest bikini there is.
Carol: Oh, no. Michael.
Michael Scott: And it's all inclusive.
Carol: Michael...
Michael Scott: Yes.
Carol: I'm sorry.
Michael Scott: No, Carol. You walk out that door and it is over.
Carol: I know. (Closes door.)
Pam Beesly: Psst. Jim. (Jim turns around. Pam nods head towards her for him to come over) Um, hey. I need to give you your Christmas gift now because, well, I'll just tell you.
Jim Halpert: What?
Pam Beesly: For the past few months I've been sending Dwight letters from the CIA. (hands a folder to Jim)
Jim Halpert: Are you serious?
Pam Beesly: They're considering him for a top secret mission. There's his application. Oh, and this is where I made him list every secret he promised he'd never ever tell.
Jim Halpert: (Opens folder and reads from Dwight's file) Last year, my boss, Michael Scott, took a day off because he said he had pneumonia, but really, he was leaving early to go to magic camp. Wow.
Pam Beesly: So... here's the gift. You get to decide what his top secret mission is. (Jim smiles) Sorry I didn't wrap it.
Jim Halpert: (closes folder) You know what? Uh, I really don't think I should be doing this stuff anymore, you know?
Pam Beesly: Oh.
Jim Halpert: No, because of the promotion.
Pam Beesly: Oh yeah.
Jim Halpert: It just feels a little bit, like...
Pam Beesly: No, I get it, of course. OK. (holds out hand for folder. Jim gives Pam back the folder.)
Jim Halpert: I feel like there's a chance for me to start over. And if I fall back into the same kind of things I used to do., then ... what am I doing?
Michael Scott: I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is canceled.
Stanley Hudson: You can't cancel a holiday.
Michael Scott: Keep it up Stanley and you will lose New Year's.
Stanley Hudson: What does that mean?
Michael Scott: Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley.
Pam Beesly: Michael, what's going on?
Michael Scott: Carol and I split up. Amicably. And I just don't think it would be appropriate to celebrate under the circumstances.
Jim Halpert: Will they still air 'Rudolph?'
Kevin Malone: That's not fair.
Dwight Schrute: (over everybody else's talking) Are we gonna cancel Hanukah as well?
Michael Scott: Fine! (everybody stops talking) Have your party. Just no guests.
Phyllis Vance: But we invited guests.
Michael Scott: Well, you know what Phyllis? All of your guests would have probably canceled at the last minute anyway, leaving your life a stupid rotten mess.
Michael Scott: Oh, oh, oh, oh, it hurts.
Pam Beesly: I know.
Michael Scott: It hurts my heart. It hurts my stomach. It hurts my arms.
Pam Beesly: OK, well, why are you laying like that?
Michael Scott: (moves a little) Thanks. How did you push away the bad thoughts?
Pam Beesly: Like what?
Michael Scott: Like maybe, the real reason they left was because there were things they wanted you to do in bed, that were, foreign, and scary?
Pam Beesly: Well.. um I, I don't...
Michael Scott: And not that you didn't want to try them. Some wine may have helped. Do you know what I'm referring to?
Pam Beesly: I don't need to know.
Dwight Schrute: Michael. Sorry to interrupt. Uh, It appears we're one bathrobe short.
Michael Scott: Take it from Toby.
Dwight Schrute: Copy.
Michael Scott: Hey, would you like to go to Sandals, Jamaica with me?
Pam Beesly: No, thank you.
Michael Scott: It's all... (Pam walks away.) OK.
Toby Flenderson: Hey Dwight. Pretty nice robe- (Dwight grabs bag with robe in it and walks away.) Why?
Angela Martin: Phyllis, I need you to pick up green streamers at lunch.
Phyllis Vance: I thought you said green was whorish.
Angela Martin: No, orange is whorish.
Karen Filippelli: Uh, so I had a couple of ideas to make the Stamford people feel more at home. Each year we have a Christmas raffle ... (Phyllis and Pam nod their heads in agreement).
Angela Martin: It would never work here.
Karen Filippelli: Ok ... um, another idea was karaoke ...
Angela Martin: No.
Karen Filippelli: A Christmas drinking game ...
Meredith Palmer: Yes.
Angela Martin: God help you.
Karen Filippelli: What?
Angela Martin: These are all terrible ideas and none of them are on the theme of "A Nutcracker Christmas." I think you should leave.
Karen Filippelli: You're kidding.
Angela Martin: You tried this out, and it's clearly not for you. It's time to go. Come on. (Angela gets up from seat) Please. (Karen gets up and leaves) Thank you. OK, thank you very much. (Angela closes door)
Michael Scott: What are you doing? ("Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt plays)
Dwight Schrute: (putting things into a box) We are getting rid of everything that reminds you of Carol.
Andy Bernard: Hey, what's the haps? (Dwight shuts door in his face.)
Michael Scott: Carol?
Dwight Schrute: Oh, look at this. (looks through papers) Your old condo closing papers. It's riddled with Carol's name. I wish I could throw this in the box. (Michael hits repeat to "Goodbye My Lover" on computer)
Dwight Schrute: Why don't you just buy the whole song?
Michael Scott: I don't have to buy it. I just want to taste it. I just... I just want a little taste of it.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, look at this, she saved you two thousand dollars 'cause they failed to report a mold problem. (Continues to sift through papers) But wouldn't that affect the final... How did she? Oh, oh, I see what she did. That is good. Wow. Carol is one smart cookie.
Michael Scott: (singing) Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. (hits repeat again)
Michael Scott: This is an old adage, but they say when you find true love, you know within the first 24 hours. With Carol, I knew within the first 24 minutes of the second day I met her.
Pam Beesly: I feel like I've been kinda cold to Karen and there's no real reason for it. I mean it's not like she's ever done anything to me. So, I think I probably shouldn't be cold to her.
Pam Beesly: Hey, Karen. Sorry about that meeting today, that was really crazy.
Karen Filippelli: Yeah, right? I'm so glad you said that. Because, I don't know how those meetings usually go.
Pam Beesly: Um, usually like that.
Karen Filippelli: Does anyone ever stand up to Angela or..?
Pam Beesly: I think one of her cats did once. She came in with scratches all over her face. (both laugh)
Karen Filippelli: Right.
Pam Beesly: Um, I really liked your karaoke idea.
Karen Filippelli: Oh cool, yeah.
Pam Beesly: That could really be fun.
Karen Filippelli: Oh, thank you.
Pam Beesly: You guys do a raffle?
Karen Filippelli: Yeah, we do a raffle...
Toby Flenderson: Hey Kev.
Kevin Malone: Hey. (Toby puts hand on Kevin's back, who is wearing the robe and feels it a little bit.)
Angela Martin: This should've been up yesterday. (refers to party flyer)
Phyllis Vance: It'll be all right.
Angela Martin: (Pam puts up another flyer) What is that? (Reads flyer) The "Committee to Plan Parties invites you to a margarita-karaoke Christmas?" There's no such thing as the "Committee to Plan Parties."
Pam Beesly: There is now. We just started it.
Angela Martin: Well, you just can't start a committee. You have to have funding.
Karen Filippelli: What's your funding?
Angela Martin: Two hundred dollars.
Pam Beesly: What's ours again?
Karen Filippelli: Umm, two hundred and one dollars.
Pam Beesly: Oh right.
Kelly Kapoor: (pointing) Hey, a margarita-karaoke Christmas party, that sounds like fun.
Angela Martin: No, that is not a party. There's only one party and it's hosted by the Party PLANNING Committee and it starts at three o'clock.
Kevin Malone: Then why are there two flyers?
Karen Filippelli: Oh, I understand that this is confusing for everyone, let me explain. There's a party that starts at three.
Kevin Malone: Right.
Karen Filippelli: And then there's a way more fun party that starts at two forty-five.
Pam Beesly: Right, and if you're interested in the way more fun party, all the info can be found here on our more brightly colored flyer. (Angela rips down brightly colored flyer and walks away. Karen rips down Angela's flyer.)
Kevin Malone: I didn't see where it was.
Jim Halpert: Yup, looks like the Scranton people and the Stamford people are finally coming together. And that's what you want, right?
Karen Filippelli: I think that's a really good option...
Dwight Schrute: Pam and Karen. I am ordering you to cease and desist all party planning. Immediately.
Pam Beesly: You can't do that.
Dwight Schrute: As ranking number three in this office, I am order -
Andy Bernard: Umm... I'm number three.
Dwight Schrute: You're number four.
Andy Bernard: Yeah, but I'm number three.
Dwight Schrute: Ah, no. (to Pam and Karen) You must turn over to me all Christmas decorations and party paraphernalia immediately that will be returned to you on January fourth.
Jim Halpert: OK, I think I can help here.
Dwight Schrute: Ok, good
Jim Halpert: As ranking number two, I am starting a committee to determine the validity of the two committees and I am the sole member. The committee will act on this now.
Dwight Schrute: OK, this is stupid.
Jim Halpert: Could you please keep it down? (interrupted Dwight) I'm in session. I've determined that this committee is valid. (Pam and Karen cheer.)
Dwight Schrute: No no, no, wait, wait, wait (raises hand) Permission to join the Validity Committee.
Jim Halpert: Permission denied.
Dwight Schrute: Damn it!
Andy Bernard: Hey. I can't concentrate when I know you're in pain, man. Let me take you to lunch. (Michael sighs.) C'mon, my treat.
Michael Scott: All right. Nothing here to distract myself with anyway.
Andy Bernard: That's my boy. I know the perfect place, too.
Michael Scott: Hooters?
Andy Bernard: No. Benihana. Much classier. But don't worry, the babes are totally hot, too. (do a fist bump and explosion)
Michael Scott: Ah, I need my entourage (both exit Michael's office) Jim. Dwight. Ryan. C'mon, we're going to Asian Hooters.
Ryan Howard: Ah man, I can't.
Michael Scott: Why not?
Ryan Howard: I'm not feeling so well. I've got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy, peanut allergy, I just ate there last night. (Michael feels Ryan's forehead)
Michael Scott: Ok, feel better.
Ryan Howard: Thanks.
Michael Scott: C'mon Jim, let's go.
Jim Halpert: OK. (to Ryan) Wow, thanks for taking all the excuses, dude.
Ryan Howard: Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man. I keep mine in here. (Holds up blackberry.) Look alive, Halpert. Welcome back.
Michael Scott: Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho and you told her she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then ... and then suddenly she's not yo' ho no mo'.
Andy Bernard: So she looks really hot, so I said, "You look hotter than usual today." (to waitress) Thank you. Michael (gesturing to sit down.) Head of the table.
Dwight Schrute: Get out Jim. (Dwight tries to sit between Andy and Jim) Actually, um... (to two other people at the table) Sir, I'm going to need take this chair.
Michael Scott: Dwight, just, just leave them alone please. They're on a date. They look very happy.
Andy Bernard: So she looks at me right, and she goes, "I'm sorry, don't I even know you?" After a year, a year of buying lattes from her, do you believe that?
Jim Halpert: Yes.
Dwight Schrute: I can't... I can't here what you're saying.
Michael Scott: Carol used to drink lattes.
Dwight Schrute: (off screen at other end of table) What're you talking about?
Michael Scott: She would get this little foam mustache...
Dwight Schrute: (still off screen) Carol had a mustache?
Michael Scott: And I used to say "Hey, got latte?" And she'd say, that's not funny.
Dwight Schrute: (off screen) What are you guys talking about?
Michael Scott: She totally got me. She understood that we didn't have to laugh to enjoy ---
Dwight Schrute: Michael! Repeat what you said louder!
Dwight Schrute: It is my job to be there for Michael. How can I be there for Michael if I'm here for Michael? (food is thrown at Dwight's face)
Michael Scott: I'm already starting to forget what color eyes she had. I can't, OK, I'm gonna call her. I am gonna call and find out...
Andy Bernard: No.
Dwight Schrute: Who are you calling?
Michael Scott: I'm just gonna call her.
Andy Bernard: Put that away. Put that away. S.O.S. We... I... May day. Haha. Man down over here, (to waitress) we need your help.
Waitress: What can I get for 'ya?
Andy Bernard: I think we'll start with a round of noga-sakes. (waitress gives confused look)
Andy Bernard: One part eggnog, three parts sake. Some places won't make it for you though, because eggnog is seasonal.
Phyllis Vance: You should, you should put out salt for the rims (referring to margaritas)
Pam Beesly: That's a great idea.
Angela Martin: Phyllis?
Phyllis Vance: I was just getting a snack.
Pam Beesly: You can have your snack in here.
Angela Martin: Pam, don't tell her what to do! Phyllis.
Phyllis Vance: OK.
Kevin Malone: I think I'll go to Angela's party, because that's the party I know.
Ryan Howard: I miss the days when there was only one party I didn't want to go to.
Roy Anderson: So I only use three?
Pam Beesly: If you're using more than three pieces of tape to wrap a present, you're doing it wrong.
Roy Anderson: OK. And where to do you get all those cool bows?
Pam Beesly: Oh, I just get those at any party supply place.
Roy Anderson: OK. Are you sure I can't use like, the cartoons from the newspaper?
Pam Beesly: Oh yeah, your mom would love that.
Roy Anderson: (Karen walks in) Hey. All right, I'll see you guys later. (leaves room)
Pam Beesly: Bye.
Karen Filippelli: He's cute. You should date him.
Pam Beesly: Oh, yeah... Maybe.
Dwight Schrute: Looks like you've got a little Nakiri knife action going there.
Chef: No, it's Usuba.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, I bet you wish you had a Nakiri, though.
Chef: Actually, the Usuba's the better knife when you're working with this quantity.
Dwight Schrute: Nah, I don't know... Still think Nakiri's better.
Woman at bar: I think he'd know. (Dwight and her stare at each other)
Michael Scott: Nothing he's doing is cheering me up.
Andy Bernard: Wait for the onion. Trust me. Hey Cindy, he just had his heart broken, you wouldn't do that to him, would you?
Cindy: I don't know.
Michael Scott: Oh, sure you would. Look at you, I bet you break up with a guy every hour. (Cindy laughs and walks away)
Andy Bernard: You made her laugh. Yes! She totally digs us. (referring to what chef is doing) Watch, watch, watch, watch. (Onions smoke up) Heh, heh? What did I tell 'ya?
Michael Scott: You're right. That's good.
Pam Beesly: Hello everyone. We would just like to announce that our party is starting now in the break room. So... you can come by... .
Angela Martin: I have a very important announcement to make... about... your paychecks. Umm... Your paychecks will be arriving as scheduled on Friday. And they will be in the correct amount that they are normally in... Please stand by for a very important announcement... refer..(starts to leave office) for further regarding your paycheck! (runs outside)
Angela Martin: (on cell phone to Dwight) I need to know if I can start the party?
Dwight Schrute: Michael! Hey! Over here, Michael! (waves down Michael with a napkin and whistles to get attention)
Andy Bernard: This drink... (in audible conversation with Michael)
Michael Scott: I don't know. No one can hear me. You know what? Start the party.
Angela Martin: Did Michael give you permission to do this?
Dwight Schrute: (with conviction) Start the party.
Angela Martin: (Angela slams phone shut and runs back to office.) Also, I would like to inform you that, um, as a special treat, my party will be starting early. In fact, it will be starting right now (opens door to conference room.)
Pam Beesly: Our party is also starting now (opens door to break room.)
Karen Filippelli: Yup.
Karen Filippelli: (Stanley gets up and walks towards the break room.) All right Stanley. Woo.
Pam Beesly: Good choice. (Kelly drags Ryan to the break room.)
Angela Martin: Welcome Hannah. You will not be disappointed.
Hannah: Why would I be disappointed?
Angela Martin: I said you wouldn't be disappointed. (Meredith heads towards break room.)
Angela Martin: Meredith, if you don't come to my party, you will be very, very sorry.
Meredith Palmer: Is that a threat?
Angela Martin: No, it's an invitation.
Pam Beesly: We have vodka!
Karen Filippelli: Lots of it! (Meredith leaves to break room party.)
Kevin Malone: I hear Angela's party will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Angela. Double fudge... Angela... double fudge... Angela (puts out hands to weigh his options) Hmmm...
Angela Martin: Brownies. Cupcakes. (Kevin walks toward conference room)
Kevin Malone: Don't push it.
Karen Filippelli: Are we taking this too far? You know what, I don't think we're taking this far enough. (Pam and Karen look at each other) What?
Pam Beesly: I got goose bumps.
Angela Martin: I don't back down. My sister and I used to be best friends, and we haven't talked in 16 years. Over some disagreement, I don't even remember. So... yeah. I'm pretty good.
Michael Scott: Ahh, damn this chicken is good. My compliments to the chef. (points to chef) Which is you! Right? Hahahaha. Awesome! I need some meat. I want some steak. (leans over to neighboring man's plate) I see steak.
Man: Excuse me.
Michael Scott: Excuse me (tries to take away meat with chopsticks) Ah, un guard. (Fights with chopsticks and laughs) Family style.
Jim Halpert: No, it's not.
Andy Bernard: Cindy, Cindy.
Michael Scott: I don't think... I love it!
Andy Bernard: I want you to close your eyes and imagine your dream house. (Cindy laughs) C'mon, do it for Michael. He's had a really long day.
Michael Scott: (laughing) I don't know what he's doing.
Andy Bernard: This is great.
Dwight Schrute: Jim! Jim! What... What's happening?
Jim Halpert: Oh, (points to Cindy) she's asleep.
Dwight Schrute: Oh... Narcolepsy.
Jim Halpert: Probably.
Andy Bernard: Now open your eyes and describe it to me.
Cindy: I... don't know, it has four bed rooms and a loft...
Dwight Schrute: Oh my gosh, now she's up.
Jim Halpert: And she's trying to correctly butcher a goose, but she's having trouble coming up with it.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, OK. Cindy! Yo, Cindy! Cindy! Hold its neck back and insert the knife below the jaw. Bring it all the way around, there's going to be a good amount of blood. (Cindy looks confused. Woman next to Dwight is disgusted) Don't let it bother you. Have a bucket there, for the blood... and the innards... and the feathers.
Jim Halpert: Oh no, this is different. The CIA thing, that was a prank on Dwight. This is more like a umm... OK, it's pretty much the same thing.
Kelly Kapoor: What d'ya think? (to Stanley about his drink)
Stanley Hudson: Fruity and delicious.
Kelly Kapoor: See, I told you. You want one Meredith?
Meredith Palmer: No thanks. They're too sweet.
Karen Filippelli: Hey, so what's the status.
Ryan Howard: Looks like they forgot the power cord.
Pam Beesly: What?
Karen Filippelli: Oh, you're kidding me?
Ryan Howard: No.
Karen Filippelli: Oh, you guys, guys, um... I'm sorry, but there's a problem with the karaoke machine. (everyone sighs)
Kelly Kapoor: Well that blows.
Darryl Philbin: Hang on little ladies. You don't need this thing, I'll go grab my synthesizer. (Everyone cheers)
Everyone: Darryl! Darryl! Darryl! (Darryl exits break room and passes Phyllis)
Phyllis Vance: Hi.
Darryl Philbin: Hey. Hey, look, when you get done with your... (looks inside conference room) meeting, you should, uh, come to the break room. We're having a party.
Phyllis Vance: Oh, ok.
Darryl Philbin: All right. Se you later...
Hannah: (tries to break nut on a Nutcracker doll) These nuts are really hard to crack.
Angela Martin: Try harder then. (Hannah smashes Nutcracker on top of nut. Sees Kevin take another brownie) Uh uh. No one has seconds until everyone's had some.
Kevin Malone: You've got to be kidding!
Angela Martin: You've got to be kidding. {Kevin takes bite of brownie)
Phyllis Vance: Cold, huh?
Ryan Howard: Huh? (puts on jacket)
Phyllis Vance: Maybe that'll help. Is it cold in there?
Andy Bernard: (referring to waitresses) They have been checking us out, all night! I am not kidding!
Michael Scott: You know what we should do?
Andy Bernard: What?
Michael Scott: We should invite them to the Christmas party.
Andy Bernard: Now, you are thinking. Yes. And you know what? Because you have had such a rough day, you get Cindy.
Michael Scott: Oh, you are such mench my friend. (They stand up and do fist bump and explosion)
Michael Scott: OK, where is everybody? I would like them to meet my new girlfriend. (Guys walk in with two different waitresses from Benihana's)
Jim Halpert: I'm sure they'll want to meet her, too.
Michael Scott: The least I could do was give some poor sick kid a bike.
Second Cindy: That rocks.
Michael Scott: Nah, you rock. Tell you what, if you want it, it's yours.
Second Cindy: Thanks! I, I wanna give you something.
Michael Scott: Oh. (She whispers in his ear. Michael starts to laugh) That's what she said.
Michael Scott: Hello? I would like everybody to meet my new girlfriend.
Andy Bernard: My new girlfriend.
Angela Martin: Where's Dwight?
Second Cindy: Is he the hot one or the giant baby?
Michael Scott: (whispers) The giant baby. Wow, I am so sorry, I had no idea this party would be so lame.
Phyllis Vance: (under her breath) There's another party in the break room.
Michael Scott: Oh, party in the break room! Let's go, let's go! Thank God! Let's go to the break room.
Angela Martin: Hey, excuse me! Waitress lady! Hey, where do you think you're going with that? (refers to toy she just took from table)
Second Cindy: I thought I could have it.
Angela Martin: You can't have it (takes back toy) I don't walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack.
Michael Scott: Shhh... Shut it! C'mon! Party.
Dwight Schrute: Hey! It's Angela! (Angela slams door shut, but not before Kevin sneaks out) Hey!
Michael Scott: We're going to ...
Kevin Malone: (singing) I want you to know. That I'm happy for you. I wish nothing but...
Michael Scott: I just think there are two, two specific kinds of people in the world. People who own houses and people who own condos. (turns to reach for pretzel while Second Cindy turns other direction) And... my question to you (points and pulls away other waitress) is do you agree?
Other waitress: Do I agree about what?
Michael Scott: Do you agree about what? (laughs) Wow. You're lucky you're so darn cute.
Other waitress: What're you talking about?
Michael Scott: What're you talking about?
Kevin Malone: (singing) And I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. It's not fair, to deny me of the cross I bear that you give to me. You, you, you, you, you, you, you oughta know ta know.
Jim Halpert: All right (high fives Kevin)
Angela Martin: Did you have fun at Benihana's?
Dwight Schrute: No. It was awful. I couldn't hear anything. (cheers from other party)
Angela Martin: I've had the worse day here (turns up Nutcracker music on the stereo. (Sighs. Dwight reaches for and holds Angela's hand)
Karen Filippelli: (Karen and Pam enter) Dwight, you won the raffle! (holds out gift)
Dwight Schrute: No... way! Yeah!
Karen Filippelli: Open it! Open it ! Open it! (Dwight rips open present. Angela is upset and Pam notices)
Dwight Schrute: Oh.
Karen Filippelli: Do you like it?
Dwight Schrute: Walkie-talkies.
Pam Beesly: Can I talk to you a second?
Dwight Schrute: Yes!
Karen Filippelli: Well the Committee to Plan Parties has served its purpose. We're gonna disband. In the name of Christmas.
Pam Beesly: (holds up rice krispie shaped like a star) In the name of Nutcracker Christmas.
Karen Filippelli: Angela, we've been hearing really great thing about uh... your brownies and we were hoping you'd consider merging into two parties.
Angela Martin: I'm not sure. Does your karaoke machine have Christmas songs?
Pam Beesly: Yeah, but we don't have a power cord.
Angela Martin: Oh, I may have seen it somewhere. (Goes to plant and picks up power cord) Is it this one?
Pam Beesly: Mmm. Hmm.
Karen Filippelli: Yeah, thanks.
Pam Beesly: We'll go tell everyone.
Karen Filippelli: OK.
Andy & Michael: (singing) And if you want love, we'll make it. Swim in a big sea of blankets. Take all your big plans and break 'em. This is bound to take awhile. Your body is a wonderland. (Michael notices Cindy ride up to him on the bike and looks confused) Your body is a wonderland.
Andy Bernard: Your hands.
Both: Your body is a wonderland.
Andy Bernard: I'll use my hands on it.
Both: Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face...
Kelly Kapoor: (singing) Whatever we deny or embrace. For worse or for better. We belong, we belong, we belong together... Ryan...
Michael Scott: When you know, you just know.
Kevin Malone: Right.
Michael Scott: Check her out. My little gal over there. Babe-alectable.
Roy Anderson: Which one is she? (Michael stares at both waitresses)
Michael Scott: It's... it's one of those two. (points at both)
Roy Anderson: You don't know?
Kevin Malone: Dude, you should know.
Michael Scott: Yeah... well, it's been hard, they're wearing the exact same uniform. And I've been drinking. And you know how all waitresses look alike.
Michael Scott: I honestly don't see what the big deal is. Stevie Wonder is married. Are you going to tell me that Stevie Wonder doesn't love his wife just because he's not sure what she looks like?
Michael Scott: Hey. Where's my girl? Is she in the fridge? Where is she hiding? I don't know where she is. 'Cause I'm drunk, I can't even find her.
Second Cindy: You know where I am.
Michael Scott: Haha, I do! I just haven't hugged you in awhile (marks Cindy's arm with a black marker)
Second Cindy: Oh.
Michael Scott: Oh, good. That felt good. Let's go. Party.
Creed Bratton: (singing) Spinnin' n reelin with love. Give it the time, I might come back down. But it feels so good. My feet don't touch the ground. Wha..wha..wild. Wha..wha..wild. Well everybody knows, I'm crazy about 'ya...
Dwight Schrute: (into walkie-talkie) Monkey, this is Possum. Do you copy?
Angela Martin: (into another walkie-talkie) Copy, Possum. What's your twenty?
Karen Filippelli: No way. (both hold up Bridget Jones' Diary movie DVD)
Jim Halpert: What a horrible, horrible movie that was.
Karen Filippelli: And now we get to remember it forever.
Jim Halpert: Thank you.
Karen Filippelli: Thank you. (Both hug)
Second Cindy: Hey.
Michael Scott: Hey, hey, you. How are ya?
Second Cindy: Hey. This party blows, so we're gonna leave.
Michael Scott: No, no, no. Hey, you should stay because we are having fun and...
Second Cindy: Cool...
Michael Scott: Where do you wanna go?
Second Cindy: I... We're just gonna take off.
Michael Scott: I... you know what? I, OK, listen. I like you. I really like you. So much in fact, that I would like you to accompany me on a trip to Sandals, Jamaica.
Second Cindy: No... I have school. (leaves with other waitress and bicycle)
Michael Scott: You want help? OK... Merry Christmas.
Second Cindy: Merry Christmas.
Dwight Schrute: (singing) Lady, from the moment I saw you standing all alone. You gave all the love that I needed...
Michael Scott: That waitress was the one.
Jim Halpert: No. She wasn't.
Michael Scott: How can you be sure?
Jim Halpert: Well, for starters, I've known you as a couple since the beginning of the relationship, which was approximately (looks a watch) three hours ago.
Michael Scott: Don't make fun... You're making fun of me.
Jim Halpert: Sorry.
Michael Scott: I guess, I didn't know her very well. I marked her arm.
Jim Halpert: You what?
Michael Scott: I, I put a mark on her arm. (Both are laughing) So I could tell them apart. I don't... I know, I know. I can't believe I gave her my bike!
Jim Halpert: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Oh, why do I feel like crap?
Jim Halpert: You just had a rebound.
Michael Scott: I had rebound? Yeah.
Jim Halpert: Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but, when it's over, you're left thinking about the girl you really like, the one that broke your heart.
Michael Scott: I totally rebounded. Someone else shoots and I take the ball and I score. Well, I guess I didn't score and I'm not sure who's actually shooting, but, whatever. Doesn't matter. It's all good. Or as my ex might say. Domo arigato, Mr. Scott-o.
Angela Martin: (singing, with Dwight holding up microphone) Little baby, parum pum pum pum. I am a poor boy too, parum pum pum pum. I have no gift to bring, parum pum pum pum. That's fit to give our King, parum pum pum pum..
Michael Scott: (on phone) Yes, I just wanted to see if, uh you would like to come to Jamaica with me. There's this resort called Sandals. Really? OK. All right. I promise you won't be disappointed. Umm, It's all-inclusive...
Angela Martin: (singing) ... Shall I play for you, parum pum pum pum (Oscar and Gil walk through door)
Oscar Martinez: Too soon. (both turn back around and walk out)
Angela Martin: (singing) I played my drum for Him, parum pum pum pum. I played my best for Him, parum pum pum pum, Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum.
Dwight Schrute: (singing along) pum pum pum pum pum pum pum
Dwight Schrute: Bye Pam.
Pam Beesly: Night.
Jim Halpert: (to Pam) Oh, you know what? Sorry, forgot to tell you. I intercepted a transmission earlier and it seems that the CIA is gonna need Dwight down at their headquarters in Langley for training and an ice cream social with the other agents.
Pam Beesly: We should get him a bus ticket. (types on computer) To make his trip easier.
Jim Halpert: Oh no, that would be great.
Pam Beesly: It costs seventy five dollars.
Jim Halpert: Hmm... Well, maybe the CIA can send a helicopter?
Pam Beesly: Ohh... (laughs)
Dwight Schrute: (Cell phone beeps) What the? (Reading text message) "You have been compromised. Abort mission. Destroy phone." Destroy phone? (Dwight throws phone off of the roof and walks away)

I hope you enjoyed these classic quotes from The Office episode 10 season 3. A Benihana Christmas is such a great episode (like every episode of The Office), remember you can click the camera button next to any quote to generate an image of the quote. Go back to all episodes to see more scripts from The Office.

More Episodes
© 2023 - Buy Me A CoffeeBuilt by Andy Feliciotti