Dunder Mifflin, Inc.Best Office Lines

A Benihana Christmas

Vol. 3 · Issue 10Scranton, PA

Michael is nursing a broken heart after Carol dumps him over a Photoshopped Christmas card, so Andy takes the guys to Benihana to find a new 'ho.' Meanwhile, Pam and Karen join forces to start a rival party and finally take down Angela's strict rules. Every line of dialogue and all the best quotes from this holiday classic are here for you to look through.

Scene 01

17 lines
Dwight Schrute
Merry Christmas! (holds up dead goose and puts it on Pam's desk)
Pam Beesly
Merry Christ--(looks up) NO! Why... why did you bring that here?
Dwight Schrute
Don't worry, she's dead. Oh wait. He's dead.
Pam Beesly
Dwight, what uh...
Dwight Schrute
I accidentally ran over it. It's a Christmas miracle!
Pam Beesly
Well, get it out of here.
Dwight Schrute
Relax, OK. And because this is Christmas, I am going to roast this goose and prepare it with a wild rice dressing. Do we have any cayenne pepper in the kitchen?
Jim Halpert
Merry Christmas Dwight.
Dwight Schrute
Jim.
Jim Halpert
Wow. What have we got here?
Dwight Schrute
What does it look like?
Jim Halpert
Dead goose.
Dwight Schrute
And circle gets the square.
Jim Halpert
All right.
Dwight Schrute
(to Pam) So can you watch this? I'm gonna get my carving knife out of the trunk.
Toby Flenderson
Oh, Dwight, we talked about this.
Dwight Schrute
No, Toby, this is different. He's already dead.

Scene 02

1 line
Dwight Schrute
Once I brought in a duck. To prepare for lunch. And people got upset. Apparently, they got attached to the duck and didn't want to see it killed.

Scene 03

16 lines
Dwight Schrute
He was already dead. And we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious, smoky, rich flavor. Plus you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease.
Jim Halpert
Wow. Win-Win.
Dwight Schrute
Exactly. Thank you, Jim.
Phyllis Vance
I like goose. If it's already dead is it so crazy we eat it?
Creed Bratton
That's crazy. It's crazy.
Toby Flenderson
Dwight, you cannot keep that here.
Dwight Schrute
Ok, that is ridiculous. And totally against the spirit of Christmas.
Toby Flenderson
Come on Dwight. We went over this, like for a half an hour.
Dwight Schrute
It's Christmas Toby.
Toby Flenderson
It's a dead animal in an office. You can't...
Dwight Schrute
Toby...
Toby Flenderson
I'm sorry.
Dwight Schrute
(sighs) Please? Please?
Toby Flenderson
Clean it in your car.
Pam Beesly
I would like it off my desk.
Dwight Schrute
Oh Pam. Take a chill pill.

Scene 04

19 lines
Michael Scott
(Riding a bicycle down the hallway and singing) Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa la la la la la la la la. (Struggling to stay on) 'Tis the ... ack. (expletive) Hey! (to Pam) I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candied Pams. And perhaps, some Pam-chops, with mint...
Pam Beesly
Can I help you, Michael?
Michael Scott
I'm looking for the toy drive box.
Pam Beesly
It's behind you.
Michael Scott
OK... Well, I need to put this bike in there. I hope it'll fit, with all these little knickknacks.
Jim Halpert
Wow. What kind of bike is that?
Michael Scott
Umm... I don't know? Average kind?
Kevin Malone
The tires look pretty worn.
Michael Scott
Well, that is probably from the test drive.
Jim Halpert
But the paint's chipping. Is that your old bike, Michael?
Michael Scott
No.
Andy Bernard
Yo, Michael, sweet ride Mike.
Michael Scott
Oh, thanks. (Michael and Andy do a fist bump and explosion.)
Pam Beesly
Michael?
Michael Scott
Yes? (Pam holds up a bag) Oh Pam, that is so sweet. You didn't have to do that.
Pam Beesly
(hands over bag) I didn't, it's from corporate.
Michael Scott
OK. Did everybody get one of these?
Pam Beesly
Yup.
Michael Scott
Terrific. Good.

Scene 05

1 line
Michael Scott
This is going to be the best Christmas ever. My girlfriend Carol is coming to our party tonight, and I have a little surprise for her. (singing) I've got two tickets to paradise! Pack your bags, we're leaving the day-after-tomorrow! Um, taking her to Sandals, Jamaica, all-inclusive. All-inclusive. You know what that means? Right? Yeah.

Scene 06

2 lines
Jim Halpert
(Creed takes toy from toy drive box.) Oh, I think you're supposed to put a toy in the box, Creed.
Creed Bratton
And a happy holiday to you.

Scene 07

16 lines
Jim Halpert
(Carol walks through door looking upset) (waves) Carol.
Carol
Hi, is Michael around here?
Michael Scott
There she is. A Christmas Carol. Hello (kisses Carol) You're about five hours early to the party. You're such a blonde. (laughs)
Carol
Michael.
Michael Scott
Hey, everybody. I don't know who you haven't met yet, but I think this is one of them. This is my girlfriend - Carol. This is just the front of her. Show 'em, show 'em the other side.
Carol
(whispers) What?
Michael Scott
Turn around, turn around. Come on. (making a body turning gesture)
Carol
Get outta here.
Michael Scott
No, you get outta here.
Andy Bernard
Michael
Michael Scott
Yes.
Andy Bernard
If I may say. She's even prettier that you described her.
Dwight Schrute
(standing up) Oh, ouch. Michael, I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you described her.
Michael Scott
Thank you.
Carol
I really need a moment alone with you. (Carol heads towards Michael's office.)
Michael Scott
Not as much as I need a moment alone with you. (puts finger on her back and reaches for her butt) Berp.

Scene 08

12 lines
Carol
What is this? (Holds up a Christmas photo)
Michael Scott
That is my Christmas card. It's a picture of you and me and your kids on a ski trip, having a blast. Ski-sons Greetings.
Carol
No. See, we never went on a ski trip.
Michael Scott
I know.
Carol
I went on a ski trip.
Michael Scott
Right.
Carol
Two years ago with my kids and my ex-husband.
Michael Scott
Yes, but what you didn't realize at the time was that I was with you in a sense. I was in your heart...
Carol
Michael.
Michael Scott
And next to your kids. What?
Carol
This is so weird.
Michael Scott
I don't understand?

Scene 09

1 line
Jim Halpert
It's a bold move, to Photoshop yourself into a picture with your girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father. But then again, Michael's a bold guy. (Towards unseen cameraman) Is bold the right word?

Scene 10

13 lines
Carol
I think you're a really sweet guy.
Michael Scott
OK
Carol
But, um, I don't know how to deal with, with this thing (waves Christmas card). And, and the proposal. And I don't think things are going to work out with us.
Michael Scott
No, no no no Ok, OK, You know what, you're not thinking straight. You know what you need? You need to think this through in (making drum noise) Jamaica's largest fresh water pool.
Carol
What are you talking about?
Michael Scott
I got us tickets to Sandals, Jamaica, We leave day after tomorrow. (Carol shakes head in disappointment). You better find the skimpiest bikini there is.
Carol
Oh, no. Michael.
Michael Scott
And it's all inclusive.
Carol
Michael...
Michael Scott
Yes.
Carol
I'm sorry.
Michael Scott
No, Carol. You walk out that door and it is over.
Carol
I know. (Closes door.)

Scene 11

13 lines
Pam Beesly
Psst. Jim. (Jim turns around. Pam nods head towards her for him to come over) Um, hey. I need to give you your Christmas gift now because, well, I'll just tell you.
Jim Halpert
What?
Pam Beesly
For the past few months I've been sending Dwight letters from the CIA. (hands a folder to Jim)
Jim Halpert
Are you serious?
Pam Beesly
They're considering him for a top secret mission. There's his application. Oh, and this is where I made him list every secret he promised he'd never ever tell.
Jim Halpert
(Opens folder and reads from Dwight's file) Last year, my boss, Michael Scott, took a day off because he said he had pneumonia, but really, he was leaving early to go to magic camp. Wow.
Pam Beesly
So... here's the gift. You get to decide what his top secret mission is. (Jim smiles) Sorry I didn't wrap it.
Jim Halpert
(closes folder) You know what? Uh, I really don't think I should be doing this stuff anymore, you know?
Pam Beesly
Oh.
Jim Halpert
No, because of the promotion.
Pam Beesly
Oh yeah.
Jim Halpert
It just feels a little bit, like...
Pam Beesly
No, I get it, of course. OK. (holds out hand for folder. Jim gives Pam back the folder.)

Scene 12

1 line
Jim Halpert
I feel like there's a chance for me to start over. And if I fall back into the same kind of things I used to do., then ... what am I doing?

Scene 13

13 lines
Michael Scott
I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is canceled.
Stanley Hudson
You can't cancel a holiday.
Michael Scott
Keep it up Stanley and you will lose New Year's.
Stanley Hudson
What does that mean?
Michael Scott
Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley.
Pam Beesly
Michael, what's going on?
Michael Scott
Carol and I split up. Amicably. And I just don't think it would be appropriate to celebrate under the circumstances.
Jim Halpert
Will they still air 'Rudolph?'
Kevin Malone
That's not fair.
Dwight Schrute
(over everybody else's talking) Are we gonna cancel Hanukah as well?
Michael Scott
Fine! (everybody stops talking) Have your party. Just no guests.
Phyllis Vance
But we invited guests.
Michael Scott
Well, you know what Phyllis? All of your guests would have probably canceled at the last minute anyway, leaving your life a stupid rotten mess.

Scene 14

16 lines
Michael Scott
Oh, oh, oh, oh, it hurts.
Pam Beesly
I know.
Michael Scott
It hurts my heart. It hurts my stomach. It hurts my arms.
Pam Beesly
OK, well, why are you laying like that?
Michael Scott
(moves a little) Thanks. How did you push away the bad thoughts?
Pam Beesly
Like what?
Michael Scott
Like maybe, the real reason they left was because there were things they wanted you to do in bed, that were, foreign, and scary?
Pam Beesly
Well.. um I, I don't...
Michael Scott
And not that you didn't want to try them. Some wine may have helped. Do you know what I'm referring to?
Pam Beesly
I don't need to know.
Dwight Schrute
Michael. Sorry to interrupt. Uh, It appears we're one bathrobe short.
Michael Scott
Take it from Toby.
Dwight Schrute
Copy.
Michael Scott
Hey, would you like to go to Sandals, Jamaica with me?
Pam Beesly
No, thank you.
Michael Scott
It's all... (Pam walks away.) OK.

Scene 15

1 line
Toby Flenderson
Hey Dwight. Pretty nice robe- (Dwight grabs bag with robe in it and walks away.) Why?

Scene 16

14 lines
Angela Martin
Phyllis, I need you to pick up green streamers at lunch.
Phyllis Vance
I thought you said green was whorish.
Angela Martin
No, orange is whorish.
Karen Filippelli
Uh, so I had a couple of ideas to make the Stamford people feel more at home. Each year we have a Christmas raffle ... (Phyllis and Pam nod their heads in agreement).
Angela Martin
It would never work here.
Karen Filippelli
Ok ... um, another idea was karaoke ...
Angela Martin
No.
Karen Filippelli
A Christmas drinking game ...
Meredith Palmer
Yes.
Angela Martin
God help you.
Karen Filippelli
What?
Angela Martin
These are all terrible ideas and none of them are on the theme of "A Nutcracker Christmas." I think you should leave.
Karen Filippelli
You're kidding.
Angela Martin
You tried this out, and it's clearly not for you. It's time to go. Come on. (Angela gets up from seat) Please. (Karen gets up and leaves) Thank you. OK, thank you very much. (Angela closes door)

Scene 17

9 lines
Michael Scott
What are you doing? ("Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt plays)
Dwight Schrute
(putting things into a box) We are getting rid of everything that reminds you of Carol.
Andy Bernard
Hey, what's the haps? (Dwight shuts door in his face.)
Michael Scott
Carol?
Dwight Schrute
Oh, look at this. (looks through papers) Your old condo closing papers. It's riddled with Carol's name. I wish I could throw this in the box. (Michael hits repeat to "Goodbye My Lover" on computer)
Dwight Schrute
Why don't you just buy the whole song?
Michael Scott
I don't have to buy it. I just want to taste it. I just... I just want a little taste of it.
Dwight Schrute
Oh, look at this, she saved you two thousand dollars 'cause they failed to report a mold problem. (Continues to sift through papers) But wouldn't that affect the final... How did she? Oh, oh, I see what she did. That is good. Wow. Carol is one smart cookie.
Michael Scott
(singing) Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. (hits repeat again)

Scene 18

1 line
Michael Scott
This is an old adage, but they say when you find true love, you know within the first 24 hours. With Carol, I knew within the first 24 minutes of the second day I met her.

Scene 19

1 line
Pam Beesly
I feel like I've been kinda cold to Karen and there's no real reason for it. I mean it's not like she's ever done anything to me. So, I think I probably shouldn't be cold to her.

Scene 20

12 lines
Pam Beesly
Hey, Karen. Sorry about that meeting today, that was really crazy.
Karen Filippelli
Yeah, right? I'm so glad you said that. Because, I don't know how those meetings usually go.
Pam Beesly
Um, usually like that.
Karen Filippelli
Does anyone ever stand up to Angela or..?
Pam Beesly
I think one of her cats did once. She came in with scratches all over her face. (both laugh)
Karen Filippelli
Right.
Pam Beesly
Um, I really liked your karaoke idea.
Karen Filippelli
Oh cool, yeah.
Pam Beesly
That could really be fun.
Karen Filippelli
Oh, thank you.
Pam Beesly
You guys do a raffle?
Karen Filippelli
Yeah, we do a raffle...

Scene 21

2 lines
Toby Flenderson
Hey Kev.
Kevin Malone
Hey. (Toby puts hand on Kevin's back, who is wearing the robe and feels it a little bit.)

Scene 22

18 lines
Angela Martin
This should've been up yesterday. (refers to party flyer)
Phyllis Vance
It'll be all right.
Angela Martin
(Pam puts up another flyer) What is that? (Reads flyer) The "Committee to Plan Parties invites you to a margarita-karaoke Christmas?" There's no such thing as the "Committee to Plan Parties."
Pam Beesly
There is now. We just started it.
Angela Martin
Well, you just can't start a committee. You have to have funding.
Karen Filippelli
What's your funding?
Angela Martin
Two hundred dollars.
Pam Beesly
What's ours again?
Karen Filippelli
Umm, two hundred and one dollars.
Pam Beesly
Oh right.
Kelly Kapoor
(pointing) Hey, a margarita-karaoke Christmas party, that sounds like fun.
Angela Martin
No, that is not a party. There's only one party and it's hosted by the Party PLANNING Committee and it starts at three o'clock.
Kevin Malone
Then why are there two flyers?
Karen Filippelli
Oh, I understand that this is confusing for everyone, let me explain. There's a party that starts at three.
Kevin Malone
Right.
Karen Filippelli
And then there's a way more fun party that starts at two forty-five.
Pam Beesly
Right, and if you're interested in the way more fun party, all the info can be found here on our more brightly colored flyer. (Angela rips down brightly colored flyer and walks away. Karen rips down Angela's flyer.)
Kevin Malone
I didn't see where it was.

Scene 23

1 line
Jim Halpert
Yup, looks like the Scranton people and the Stamford people are finally coming together. And that's what you want, right?

Scene 24

16 lines
Karen Filippelli
I think that's a really good option...
Dwight Schrute
Pam and Karen. I am ordering you to cease and desist all party planning. Immediately.
Pam Beesly
You can't do that.
Dwight Schrute
As ranking number three in this office, I am order -
Andy Bernard
Umm... I'm number three.
Dwight Schrute
You're number four.
Andy Bernard
Yeah, but I'm number three.
Dwight Schrute
Ah, no. (to Pam and Karen) You must turn over to me all Christmas decorations and party paraphernalia immediately that will be returned to you on January fourth.
Jim Halpert
OK, I think I can help here.
Dwight Schrute
Ok, good
Jim Halpert
As ranking number two, I am starting a committee to determine the validity of the two committees and I am the sole member. The committee will act on this now.
Dwight Schrute
OK, this is stupid.
Jim Halpert
Could you please keep it down? (interrupted Dwight) I'm in session. I've determined that this committee is valid. (Pam and Karen cheer.)
Dwight Schrute
No no, no, wait, wait, wait (raises hand) Permission to join the Validity Committee.
Jim Halpert
Permission denied.
Dwight Schrute
Damn it!

Scene 25

14 lines
Andy Bernard
Hey. I can't concentrate when I know you're in pain, man. Let me take you to lunch. (Michael sighs.) C'mon, my treat.
Michael Scott
All right. Nothing here to distract myself with anyway.
Andy Bernard
That's my boy. I know the perfect place, too.
Michael Scott
Hooters?
Andy Bernard
No. Benihana. Much classier. But don't worry, the babes are totally hot, too. (do a fist bump and explosion)
Michael Scott
Ah, I need my entourage (both exit Michael's office) Jim. Dwight. Ryan. C'mon, we're going to Asian Hooters.
Ryan Howard
Ah man, I can't.
Michael Scott
Why not?
Ryan Howard
I'm not feeling so well. I've got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy, peanut allergy, I just ate there last night. (Michael feels Ryan's forehead)
Michael Scott
Ok, feel better.
Ryan Howard
Thanks.
Michael Scott
C'mon Jim, let's go.
Jim Halpert
OK. (to Ryan) Wow, thanks for taking all the excuses, dude.
Ryan Howard
Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man. I keep mine in here. (Holds up blackberry.) Look alive, Halpert. Welcome back.

Scene 26

1 line
Michael Scott
Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho and you told her she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then ... and then suddenly she's not yo' ho no mo'.

Scene 27

14 lines
Andy Bernard
So she looks really hot, so I said, "You look hotter than usual today." (to waitress) Thank you. Michael (gesturing to sit down.) Head of the table.
Dwight Schrute
Get out Jim. (Dwight tries to sit between Andy and Jim) Actually, um... (to two other people at the table) Sir, I'm going to need take this chair.
Michael Scott
Dwight, just, just leave them alone please. They're on a date. They look very happy.
Andy Bernard
So she looks at me right, and she goes, "I'm sorry, don't I even know you?" After a year, a year of buying lattes from her, do you believe that?
Jim Halpert
Yes.
Dwight Schrute
I can't... I can't here what you're saying.
Michael Scott
Carol used to drink lattes.
Dwight Schrute
(off screen at other end of table) What're you talking about?
Michael Scott
She would get this little foam mustache...
Dwight Schrute
(still off screen) Carol had a mustache?
Michael Scott
And I used to say "Hey, got latte?" And she'd say, that's not funny.
Dwight Schrute
(off screen) What are you guys talking about?
Michael Scott
She totally got me. She understood that we didn't have to laugh to enjoy ---
Dwight Schrute
Michael! Repeat what you said louder!

Scene 28

1 line
Dwight Schrute
It is my job to be there for Michael. How can I be there for Michael if I'm here for Michael? (food is thrown at Dwight's face)

Scene 29

7 lines
Michael Scott
I'm already starting to forget what color eyes she had. I can't, OK, I'm gonna call her. I am gonna call and find out...
Andy Bernard
No.
Dwight Schrute
Who are you calling?
Michael Scott
I'm just gonna call her.
Andy Bernard
Put that away. Put that away. S.O.S. We... I... May day. Haha. Man down over here, (to waitress) we need your help.
Waitress
What can I get for 'ya?
Andy Bernard
I think we'll start with a round of noga-sakes. (waitress gives confused look)

Scene 30

1 line
Andy Bernard
One part eggnog, three parts sake. Some places won't make it for you though, because eggnog is seasonal.

Scene 31

7 lines
Phyllis Vance
You should, you should put out salt for the rims (referring to margaritas)
Pam Beesly
That's a great idea.
Angela Martin
Phyllis?
Phyllis Vance
I was just getting a snack.
Pam Beesly
You can have your snack in here.
Angela Martin
Pam, don't tell her what to do! Phyllis.
Phyllis Vance
OK.

Scene 32

1 line
Kevin Malone
I think I'll go to Angela's party, because that's the party I know.

Scene 33

1 line
Ryan Howard
I miss the days when there was only one party I didn't want to go to.

Scene 34

10 lines
Roy Anderson
So I only use three?
Pam Beesly
If you're using more than three pieces of tape to wrap a present, you're doing it wrong.
Roy Anderson
OK. And where to do you get all those cool bows?
Pam Beesly
Oh, I just get those at any party supply place.
Roy Anderson
OK. Are you sure I can't use like, the cartoons from the newspaper?
Pam Beesly
Oh yeah, your mom would love that.
Roy Anderson
(Karen walks in) Hey. All right, I'll see you guys later. (leaves room)
Pam Beesly
Bye.
Karen Filippelli
He's cute. You should date him.
Pam Beesly
Oh, yeah... Maybe.

Scene 35

6 lines
Dwight Schrute
Looks like you've got a little Nakiri knife action going there.
Chef
No, it's Usuba.
Dwight Schrute
Yeah, I bet you wish you had a Nakiri, though.
Chef
Actually, the Usuba's the better knife when you're working with this quantity.
Dwight Schrute
Nah, I don't know... Still think Nakiri's better.
Woman at bar
I think he'd know. (Dwight and her stare at each other)

Scene 36

6 lines
Michael Scott
Nothing he's doing is cheering me up.
Andy Bernard
Wait for the onion. Trust me. Hey Cindy, he just had his heart broken, you wouldn't do that to him, would you?
Cindy
I don't know.
Michael Scott
Oh, sure you would. Look at you, I bet you break up with a guy every hour. (Cindy laughs and walks away)
Andy Bernard
You made her laugh. Yes! She totally digs us. (referring to what chef is doing) Watch, watch, watch, watch. (Onions smoke up) Heh, heh? What did I tell 'ya?
Michael Scott
You're right. That's good.

Scene 37

2 lines
Pam Beesly
Hello everyone. We would just like to announce that our party is starting now in the break room. So... you can come by... .
Angela Martin
I have a very important announcement to make... about... your paychecks. Umm... Your paychecks will be arriving as scheduled on Friday. And they will be in the correct amount that they are normally in... Please stand by for a very important announcement... refer..(starts to leave office) for further regarding your paycheck! (runs outside)

Scene 38

19 lines
Angela Martin
(on cell phone to Dwight) I need to know if I can start the party?
Dwight Schrute
Michael! Hey! Over here, Michael! (waves down Michael with a napkin and whistles to get attention)
Andy Bernard
This drink... (in audible conversation with Michael)
Michael Scott
I don't know. No one can hear me. You know what? Start the party.
Angela Martin
Did Michael give you permission to do this?
Dwight Schrute
(with conviction) Start the party.
Angela Martin
(Angela slams phone shut and runs back to office.) Also, I would like to inform you that, um, as a special treat, my party will be starting early. In fact, it will be starting right now (opens door to conference room.)
Pam Beesly
Our party is also starting now (opens door to break room.)
Karen Filippelli
Yup.
Karen Filippelli
(Stanley gets up and walks towards the break room.) All right Stanley. Woo.
Pam Beesly
Good choice. (Kelly drags Ryan to the break room.)
Angela Martin
Welcome Hannah. You will not be disappointed.
Hannah
Why would I be disappointed?
Angela Martin
I said you wouldn't be disappointed. (Meredith heads towards break room.)
Angela Martin
Meredith, if you don't come to my party, you will be very, very sorry.
Meredith Palmer
Is that a threat?
Angela Martin
No, it's an invitation.
Pam Beesly
We have vodka!
Karen Filippelli
Lots of it! (Meredith leaves to break room party.)

Scene 39

1 line
Kevin Malone
I hear Angela's party will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Angela. Double fudge... Angela... double fudge... Angela (puts out hands to weigh his options) Hmmm...

Scene 40

2 lines
Angela Martin
Brownies. Cupcakes. (Kevin walks toward conference room)
Kevin Malone
Don't push it.

Scene 41

2 lines
Karen Filippelli
Are we taking this too far? You know what, I don't think we're taking this far enough. (Pam and Karen look at each other) What?
Pam Beesly
I got goose bumps.

Scene 42

1 line
Angela Martin
I don't back down. My sister and I used to be best friends, and we haven't talked in 16 years. Over some disagreement, I don't even remember. So... yeah. I'm pretty good.

Scene 43

18 lines
Michael Scott
Ahh, damn this chicken is good. My compliments to the chef. (points to chef) Which is you! Right? Hahahaha. Awesome! I need some meat. I want some steak. (leans over to neighboring man's plate) I see steak.
Man
Excuse me.
Michael Scott
Excuse me (tries to take away meat with chopsticks) Ah, un guard. (Fights with chopsticks and laughs) Family style.
Jim Halpert
No, it's not.
Andy Bernard
Cindy, Cindy.
Michael Scott
I don't think... I love it!
Andy Bernard
I want you to close your eyes and imagine your dream house. (Cindy laughs) C'mon, do it for Michael. He's had a really long day.
Michael Scott
(laughing) I don't know what he's doing.
Andy Bernard
This is great.
Dwight Schrute
Jim! Jim! What... What's happening?
Jim Halpert
Oh, (points to Cindy) she's asleep.
Dwight Schrute
Oh... Narcolepsy.
Jim Halpert
Probably.
Andy Bernard
Now open your eyes and describe it to me.
Cindy
I... don't know, it has four bed rooms and a loft...
Dwight Schrute
Oh my gosh, now she's up.
Jim Halpert
And she's trying to correctly butcher a goose, but she's having trouble coming up with it.
Dwight Schrute
Oh, OK. Cindy! Yo, Cindy! Cindy! Hold its neck back and insert the knife below the jaw. Bring it all the way around, there's going to be a good amount of blood. (Cindy looks confused. Woman next to Dwight is disgusted) Don't let it bother you. Have a bucket there, for the blood... and the innards... and the feathers.

Scene 44

1 line
Jim Halpert
Oh no, this is different. The CIA thing, that was a prank on Dwight. This is more like a umm... OK, it's pretty much the same thing.

Scene 45

21 lines
Kelly Kapoor
What d'ya think? (to Stanley about his drink)
Stanley Hudson
Fruity and delicious.
Kelly Kapoor
See, I told you. You want one Meredith?
Meredith Palmer
No thanks. They're too sweet.
Karen Filippelli
Hey, so what's the status.
Ryan Howard
Looks like they forgot the power cord.
Pam Beesly
What?
Karen Filippelli
Oh, you're kidding me?
Ryan Howard
No.
Karen Filippelli
Oh, you guys, guys, um... I'm sorry, but there's a problem with the karaoke machine. (everyone sighs)
Kelly Kapoor
Well that blows.
Darryl Philbin
Hang on little ladies. You don't need this thing, I'll go grab my synthesizer. (Everyone cheers)
Everyone
Darryl! Darryl! Darryl! (Darryl exits break room and passes Phyllis)
Phyllis Vance
Hi.
Darryl Philbin
Hey. Hey, look, when you get done with your... (looks inside conference room) meeting, you should, uh, come to the break room. We're having a party.
Phyllis Vance
Oh, ok.
Darryl Philbin
All right. Se you later...
Hannah
(tries to break nut on a Nutcracker doll) These nuts are really hard to crack.
Angela Martin
Try harder then. (Hannah smashes Nutcracker on top of nut. Sees Kevin take another brownie) Uh uh. No one has seconds until everyone's had some.
Kevin Malone
You've got to be kidding!
Angela Martin
You've got to be kidding. {Kevin takes bite of brownie]

Scene 46

3 lines
Phyllis Vance
Cold, huh?
Ryan Howard
Huh? (puts on jacket)
Phyllis Vance
Maybe that'll help. Is it cold in there?

Scene 47

6 lines
Andy Bernard
(referring to waitresses) They have been checking us out, all night! I am not kidding!
Michael Scott
You know what we should do?
Andy Bernard
What?
Michael Scott
We should invite them to the Christmas party.
Andy Bernard
Now, you are thinking. Yes. And you know what? Because you have had such a rough day, you get Cindy.
Michael Scott
Oh, you are such mench my friend. (They stand up and do fist bump and explosion)

Scene 48

2 lines
Michael Scott
OK, where is everybody? I would like them to meet my new girlfriend. (Guys walk in with two different waitresses from Benihana's)
Jim Halpert
I'm sure they'll want to meet her, too.

Scene 49

5 lines
Michael Scott
The least I could do was give some poor sick kid a bike.
Second Cindy
That rocks.
Michael Scott
Nah, you rock. Tell you what, if you want it, it's yours.
Second Cindy
Thanks! I, I wanna give you something.
Michael Scott
Oh. (She whispers in his ear. Michael starts to laugh) That's what she said.

Scene 50

13 lines
Michael Scott
Hello? I would like everybody to meet my new girlfriend.
Andy Bernard
My new girlfriend.
Angela Martin
Where's Dwight?
Second Cindy
Is he the hot one or the giant baby?
Michael Scott
(whispers) The giant baby. Wow, I am so sorry, I had no idea this party would be so lame.
Phyllis Vance
(under her breath) There's another party in the break room.
Michael Scott
Oh, party in the break room! Let's go, let's go! Thank God! Let's go to the break room.
Angela Martin
Hey, excuse me! Waitress lady! Hey, where do you think you're going with that? (refers to toy she just took from table)
Second Cindy
I thought I could have it.
Angela Martin
You can't have it (takes back toy) I don't walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack.
Michael Scott
Shhh... Shut it! C'mon! Party.
Dwight Schrute
Hey! It's Angela! (Angela slams door shut, but not before Kevin sneaks out) Hey!
Michael Scott
We're going to ...

Scene 51

1 line
Kevin Malone
(singing) I want you to know. That I'm happy for you. I wish nothing but...

Scene 52

5 lines
Michael Scott
I just think there are two, two specific kinds of people in the world. People who own houses and people who own condos. (turns to reach for pretzel while Second Cindy turns other direction) And... my question to you (points and pulls away other waitress) is do you agree?
Other waitress
Do I agree about what?
Michael Scott
Do you agree about what? (laughs) Wow. You're lucky you're so darn cute.
Other waitress
What're you talking about?
Michael Scott
What're you talking about?

Scene 53

2 lines
Kevin Malone
(singing) And I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. It's not fair, to deny me of the cross I bear that you give to me. You, you, you, you, you, you, you oughta know ta know.
Jim Halpert
All right (high fives Kevin)

Scene 54

11 lines
Angela Martin
Did you have fun at Benihana's?
Dwight Schrute
No. It was awful. I couldn't hear anything. (cheers from other party)
Angela Martin
I've had the worse day here (turns up Nutcracker music on the stereo. [Sighs. Dwight reaches for and holds Angela's hand)
Karen Filippelli
(Karen and Pam enter) Dwight, you won the raffle! (holds out gift)
Dwight Schrute
No... way! Yeah!
Karen Filippelli
Open it! Open it ! Open it! (Dwight rips open present. Angela is upset and Pam notices)
Dwight Schrute
Oh.
Karen Filippelli
Do you like it?
Dwight Schrute
Walkie-talkies.
Pam Beesly
Can I talk to you a second?
Dwight Schrute
Yes!

Scene 55

2 lines
Karen Filippelli
Well the Committee to Plan Parties has served its purpose. We're gonna disband. In the name of Christmas.
Pam Beesly
(holds up rice krispie shaped like a star) In the name of Nutcracker Christmas.

Scene 56

8 lines
Karen Filippelli
Angela, we've been hearing really great thing about uh... your brownies and we were hoping you'd consider merging into two parties.
Angela Martin
I'm not sure. Does your karaoke machine have Christmas songs?
Pam Beesly
Yeah, but we don't have a power cord.
Angela Martin
Oh, I may have seen it somewhere. (Goes to plant and picks up power cord) Is it this one?
Pam Beesly
Mmm. Hmm.
Karen Filippelli
Yeah, thanks.
Pam Beesly
We'll go tell everyone.
Karen Filippelli
OK.

Scene 57

5 lines
Andy & Michael
(singing) And if you want love, we'll make it. Swim in a big sea of blankets. Take all your big plans and break 'em. This is bound to take awhile. Your body is a wonderland. (Michael notices Cindy ride up to him on the bike and looks confused) Your body is a wonderland.
Andy Bernard
Your hands.
Both
Your body is a wonderland.
Andy Bernard
I'll use my hands on it.
Both
Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face...

Scene 58

9 lines
Kelly Kapoor
(singing) Whatever we deny or embrace. For worse or for better. We belong, we belong, we belong together... Ryan...
Michael Scott
When you know, you just know.
Kevin Malone
Right.
Michael Scott
Check her out. My little gal over there. Babe-alectable.
Roy Anderson
Which one is she? (Michael stares at both waitresses)
Michael Scott
It's... it's one of those two. (points at both)
Roy Anderson
You don't know?
Kevin Malone
Dude, you should know.
Michael Scott
Yeah... well, it's been hard, they're wearing the exact same uniform. And I've been drinking. And you know how all waitresses look alike.

Scene 59

1 line
Michael Scott
I honestly don't see what the big deal is. Stevie Wonder is married. Are you going to tell me that Stevie Wonder doesn't love his wife just because he's not sure what she looks like?

Scene 60

5 lines
Michael Scott
Hey. Where's my girl? Is she in the fridge? Where is she hiding? I don't know where she is. 'Cause I'm drunk, I can't even find her.
Second Cindy
You know where I am.
Michael Scott
Haha, I do! I just haven't hugged you in awhile (marks Cindy's arm with a black marker)
Second Cindy
Oh.
Michael Scott
Oh, good. That felt good. Let's go. Party.

Scene 61

1 line
Creed Bratton
(singing) Spinnin' n reelin with love. Give it the time, I might come back down. But it feels so good. My feet don't touch the ground. Wha..wha..wild. Wha..wha..wild. Well everybody knows, I'm crazy about 'ya...

Scene 62

2 lines
Dwight Schrute
(into walkie-talkie) Monkey, this is Possum. Do you copy?
Angela Martin
(into another walkie-talkie) Copy, Possum. What's your twenty?

Scene 63

5 lines
Karen Filippelli
No way. (both hold up Bridget Jones' Diary movie DVD)
Jim Halpert
What a horrible, horrible movie that was.
Karen Filippelli
And now we get to remember it forever.
Jim Halpert
Thank you.
Karen Filippelli
Thank you. (Both hug)

Scene 64

11 lines
Second Cindy
Hey.
Michael Scott
Hey, hey, you. How are ya?
Second Cindy
Hey. This party blows, so we're gonna leave.
Michael Scott
No, no, no. Hey, you should stay because we are having fun and...
Second Cindy
Cool...
Michael Scott
Where do you wanna go?
Second Cindy
I... We're just gonna take off.
Michael Scott
I... you know what? I, OK, listen. I like you. I really like you. So much in fact, that I would like you to accompany me on a trip to Sandals, Jamaica.
Second Cindy
No... I have school. (leaves with other waitress and bicycle)
Michael Scott
You want help? OK... Merry Christmas.
Second Cindy
Merry Christmas.

Scene 65

1 line
Dwight Schrute
(singing) Lady, from the moment I saw you standing all alone. You gave all the love that I needed...

Scene 66

14 lines
Michael Scott
That waitress was the one.
Jim Halpert
No. She wasn't.
Michael Scott
How can you be sure?
Jim Halpert
Well, for starters, I've known you as a couple since the beginning of the relationship, which was approximately (looks a watch) three hours ago.
Michael Scott
Don't make fun... You're making fun of me.
Jim Halpert
Sorry.
Michael Scott
I guess, I didn't know her very well. I marked her arm.
Jim Halpert
You what?
Michael Scott
I, I put a mark on her arm. (Both are laughing) So I could tell them apart. I don't... I know, I know. I can't believe I gave her my bike!
Jim Halpert
Yeah.
Michael Scott
Oh, why do I feel like crap?
Jim Halpert
You just had a rebound.
Michael Scott
I had rebound? Yeah.
Jim Halpert
Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but, when it's over, you're left thinking about the girl you really like, the one that broke your heart.

Scene 67

1 line
Michael Scott
I totally rebounded. Someone else shoots and I take the ball and I score. Well, I guess I didn't score and I'm not sure who's actually shooting, but, whatever. Doesn't matter. It's all good. Or as my ex might say. Domo arigato, Mr. Scott-o.

Scene 68

1 line
Angela Martin
(singing, with Dwight holding up microphone) Little baby, parum pum pum pum. I am a poor boy too, parum pum pum pum. I have no gift to bring, parum pum pum pum. That's fit to give our King, parum pum pum pum..

Scene 69

1 line
Michael Scott
(on phone) Yes, I just wanted to see if, uh you would like to come to Jamaica with me. There's this resort called Sandals. Really? OK. All right. I promise you won't be disappointed. Umm, It's all-inclusive...

Scene 70

4 lines
Angela Martin
(singing) ... Shall I play for you, parum pum pum pum (Oscar and Gil walk through door)
Oscar Martinez
Too soon. (both turn back around and walk out)
Angela Martin
(singing) I played my drum for Him, parum pum pum pum. I played my best for Him, parum pum pum pum, Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum.
Dwight Schrute
(singing along) pum pum pum pum pum pum pum

Scene 71

8 lines
Dwight Schrute
Bye Pam.
Pam Beesly
Night.
Jim Halpert
(to Pam) Oh, you know what? Sorry, forgot to tell you. I intercepted a transmission earlier and it seems that the CIA is gonna need Dwight down at their headquarters in Langley for training and an ice cream social with the other agents.
Pam Beesly
We should get him a bus ticket. (types on computer) To make his trip easier.
Jim Halpert
Oh no, that would be great.
Pam Beesly
It costs seventy five dollars.
Jim Halpert
Hmm... Well, maybe the CIA can send a helicopter?
Pam Beesly
Ohh... (laughs)

Scene 72

1 line
Dwight Schrute
(Cell phone beeps) What the? (Reading text message) "You have been compromised. Abort mission. Destroy phone." Destroy phone? (Dwight throws phone off of the roof and walks away)