Every line from The Office episode "Viewing Party", season 7 episode 8.
Erin Hannon: (to Gabe) They caught the Scranton Stranger, they trapped him in his house. (run to conference room, everyone is watching the news on a monitor)
Reporter: Police have now surrounded the apartment complex.
Michael Scott: (whispering to Pam) They have him surrounded. It's the SWAT. The SWAT's arriving.
Reporter: It is unknown if he is armed with anything.
Kevin Malone: They should do that thing where they play the really good music to get him to come out.
Dwight Schrute: (sighs) They shouldn't televise any of this, it just encourages copy-cats.
Angela Martin: Just say copies, why do you have to drag cats into this.
Gabe Lewis: Okay, while this is interesting we should get back to work. These stand-offs can last a long time. What if it's another Waco.
Erin Hannon: It's pronounced wacko.
Kelly Kapoor: Columbia Street in Washington Ave! When is he gonna come out? (phone rings, Kelly answers and hangs up)
Andy Bernard: I bet he's wishing he had a hybrid, right? Sixty miles to the gallon in the city.
Kevin Malone: No! I bet he's wishing he was strangling someone!
Michael Scott: Ok, that's our street! That's our street! He's going down our street! (runs out of conference room.) Come on everybody! (all quickly follow)
Michael Scott: Walk with me.
Erin Hannon: Gabe and I are having a party, and everyone's invited, and it's at his house apartment and we're gonna watch Glee.
Michael Scott: (obviously faking being serious the whole time) Glee? What is Glee, some television program? Jim I need that thing stat!
Jim Halpert: (confused) Okay?
Erin Hannon: Yeah it's a TV show...
Michael Scott: Dwight! Sign please. I don't have time for parties I don't have time for TV shows. Stanley! What time is that thing I have to do?
Michael Scott: Cancel it! Are you still here? (to Erin)
Erin Hannon: Uhh. It's just that it's our first party together so...
Michael Scott: MMM MMM MM MM MM! Did you hear what I said? I'm a very busy man. I don't have time for your TV show.
Erin Hannon: (sad) Okay, sorry.
Michael Scott: I'm joking.
Erin Hannon: Wait which one?
Michael Scott: I'm joking. I'm kidding around! I'm not actually angry. (Erin laughs) I'm not busy at all, I'm not doing anything. And I know what Glee is, I'm a total Gleek.
Erin Hannon: Good me too!
Michael Scott: You know who my favorite character is? The invalid. (Jim makes a face) I am coming to your party.
Angela Martin: Are you going? (to Dwight)
Dwight Schrute: Not because I want to. With all the feeling to base a show around. Glee? Thirst. Now that's a show I'd watch.
Angela Martin: I would watch that.
Dwight Schrute: Tonight might be a convenient night for us to have some intercourse.
Andy Bernard: (to Erin) You're having a party at Gabe's apartment?
Erin Hannon: Mhmm! I'd love it if you were there.
Erin Hannon: You and Michael are always the life of the party!
Andy Bernard: Try and keep me from coming!
Erin Hannon: Why would I keep you from coming?
Andy Bernard: Try and hide it, I will track this party down!
Erin Hannon: Why would I hide it! (giggling)
Kevin Malone: Hey, you going tonight?
Michael Scott: Yes, I am. Are you?
Kevin Malone: Yeah! You gotta go to the boss's party!
Michael Scott: What? No Gabe is... Gabe is not the boss.
Kevin Malone: No he's not the boss.
Michael Scott: Why did you just say he was the boss?
Kevin Malone: 'Cause, you're the boss!
Michael Scott: Yeeee... Guys! Do you consider Gabe to be the boss?
Erin Hannon: (to Michael at Gabe's apartment) It's make your own pizza night. Isn't Gabe's place so nice?
Erin Hannon: Look at the size of those wine glasses Michael!
Erin Hannon: Those posters used to be real French ads.
Michael Scott: All right!
Gabe Lewis: So these are your cheeses, your ham, your sausages, your herbs, and your vegetables. Here's what's been done, so start creating. Some times it helps to think of a part of the world, and...
Michael Scott: (interrupting) Okay okay okay.
Michael Scott: Gabe likes to entertain a lot, ad he cooks in an oven, and all that jazz. I just have a different life style. They have these bags of vegetables that steam right inside their own bag. So I'll get a few ingredients, sit down in front of the TV, a bag of vegetables, before you know it I'm ready for bed!
Michael Scott: (tossing pizza dough in the air)
Gabe Lewis: You don't really toss the dough.
Michael Scott: Try and destroy the old ways, Gabe, well I will not let you. (throws pizza dough, hits the ceiling)
Gabe Lewis: (walking with Jim and Pam) Welcome to my Man Cave! I did my senior year in prog in Japan. Best year of my life.
Jim Halpert: You play? (referring to keyboard)
Gabe Lewis: Oh! I like to play soundscapes. I imagine one instant of a song, expanded to be the size of the universe.
Jim Halpert: You can't even do that.
Pam Beesly: She's up! Great!
Erin Hannon: (peeking into various rooms) The show's starting. The show's starting! The show's starting! Show's starting! (Glee begins as all get nearby to watch)
Phyllis Vance: (to Kelly) Who's that?
Phyllis Vance: Who's that?
Phyllis Vance: Which one's Glee?
Kelly Kapoor: You have to stop.
Michael Scott: Where's Michael? Where's Michael? We can't start without Michael! Oh here he is! Ohhhh. Yayyy, and let the show begin! (turning up volume)
Gabe Lewis: (takes remote) It's a little loud...
Michael Scott: Actually I think it's not loud enough. May I? Thank you sah! (takes remote, raises volume) There we go. Glee right? Rock and roll! Turn it up to elevaan! Spinal Cord!
Gabe Lewis: (lowers volum) Some of us are trying to have a conversation.
Michael Scott: Well some of us are trying to have a...
Gabe Lewis: I'll just turn the captions on.
Michael Scott: (grabs different remote from the table) Well I will turn up the volume.
Gabe Lewis: That's for the other box.
Michael Scott: Okay... Heeeere's what we're gonna do! Right down the hall is a bed room. All the real Glee fans are gonna go down the hall to the real Glee party in the bedroom, follow me! Where we can crank it!
Oscar Martinez: (noise on TV, Oscar pauses show) That one! She's been in a couple episodes of Friday Night...
Kelly Kapoor: You know what? I'm so confused. Is this a Glee watching party? Or a Glee pausing party? 'Cause we keep stopping it, to get a history lesson from...
Oscar Martinez: You know what? I didn't read the rules, I didn't know the rules. There, it's on. I didn't read the rule book.
Pam Beesly: (enters on Michael alone sitting on a bed watching Glee) Michael? Maybe you should try gong in the other room again. You can have my seat. It's closer to the TV. It'll seem louder.
Michael Scott: Pam I have a loaded gun in my desk at work. If I ever start acting like that weenie Gabe I want you to take that gun, and I want you to shoot me like a hundred times in the groin until I'm dead. Okay?
Pam Beesly: You have a gun in your desk?
Michael Scott: (Pam in the background struggling with Cece) Better men than Gabe have tried to be my boss. David got fired. Charles got fired. Jan went crazy. Ed Truck, who I liked, got decapitated.
Dwight Schrute: Michael, I find it absolutely disgraceful that no one followed you in here for your walk-out. I took the liberty of making a list of everyone who didn't follow you in here. Jim. Oscar. Creed. Me, at first.
Pam Beesly: Maybe I should go.
Dwight Schrute: (continuing) Kelly. Kev- (to Pam) Are you gonna quiet that baby? Or do I have to? (Dwight grabs Cece and makes noises, Cece stops crying) In the Schrute family, the youngest child always raises the others. I've been raising children since I was a baby.
Darryl Philbin: (to Andy) Take a shot.
Darryl Philbin: Wow, so much Asia stuff. I wonder if there's a guy in China right now, looking at a bunch of our stuff.
Andy Bernard: Why does Erin like Gabe?
Darryl Philbin: Andy look, all I know is that if I was a girl, and I had to choose between the tall dude who loved Asia, and the you looking dude who loves sweaters and wearing sweaters... I'd choose you.
Andy Bernard: That's really nice, thank you.
Darryl Philbin: And I'd blow your mind.
Andy Bernard: (pours powdered seahorse into his wine glass)
Jim Halpert: (changes channel during commercial, sports scores appear on screen.)
Oscar Martinez: Jim what are you doing?
Jim Halpert: Oh, it was commercial break so I just wanted to check the scores.
Oscar Martinez: Flip it back please.
Jim Halpert: Okay... (changes back to Glee)
Kelly Kapoor: The show's back on, what happened?
Ryan Howard: We're behind.
Oscar Martinez: Go to the recorded version.
Kelly Kapoor: Oh my God what song was that?
Erin Hannon: I wasn't recording it.
Kelly Kapoor: (texting) What song was it?
Erin Hannon: Wait, why do you have to record it?
Oscar Martinez: This is why Erin! We're living it! Start recording now!
Erin Hannon: Jim. (Jim gives her the remote)
Kelly Kapoor: Okay, they did Blinded by the Light and they did it with an actual blind guy. Was it worth it Jim? (Jim leaves) 'Cause we missed it!
Pam Beesly: If I could get her sleeping normally I could get my life back.
Dwight Schrute: That would be nice wouldn't it?
Pam Beesly: I can't even talk about it.
Dwight Schrute: You know it's not really necessary for me to sit here holding her all night. Just go into Gabe's refrigerator, get a lump of suit, or any kind of congealed animal fat will do rally, tie a piece of string to it and the other end to her toe, put the suit in her mouth, she'll be happy for hours.
Pam Beesly: I kind of doubt Gabe has suit.
Dwight Schrute: Really? Oh... Then here we are.
Erin Hannon: Michael. Gabe is making the pigs in a blanket, and he kind of needs some (Dwight shushes her) help so, (Erin whispering) he was wondering if you could help him. (Michael goes with Erin)
Andy Bernard: (enters room where Phyllis is pouring wine, using stadium announcer voice) Ladies and gentlemen please welcome, Phyllis Vance! (sniffs her) Isn't that White Diamonds Maya Smith Taylor?
Phyllis Vance: You know your perfumes!
Andy Bernard: My nanny used to wear that.
Erin Hannon: Look who I found! (points to Michael)
Michael Scott: Yeah, well I wasn't very hard to find.
Gabe Lewis: Let's go ahead and wash our hands.
Michael Scott: Is this the same dough you used for the pizza crust?
Gabe Lewis: Yep! Waste not right?
Michael Scott: So these are pizza dogs, they aren't pigs in a blanket per se.
Erin Hannon: Michael knows everything there is to know about snacks,
Erin Hannon: Gabe was born in 1982. He was the longest baby in the hospital.
Michael Scott: He's the longest baby in this room.
Erin Hannon: What's the longest thing you've ever seen? (Michael chuckles) For me it was the tale from Jets.
Gabe Lewis: Erin you don't have to...
Michael Scott: You know what Erin you do have to.
Gabe Lewis: Michael! You are making this harder than it has to be.
Michael Scott: (grimacing) That's what she said. (leaves)
Jim Halpert: (whispering) Hey.
Pam Beesly: It's a miracle. She loves him.
Jim Halpert: I don't know about, love...
Dwight Schrute: She loves me.
Angela Martin: (whispers in Dwight's ear) Outside my car in two minutes.
Dwight Schrute: Well something's come up, I have to go.
Pam Beesly: No no no no no! She'll wake up!
Dwight Schrute: I have something to do.
Pam Beesly: Look, I know what you have to do, please stay with Cece. Dwight? I've always considered for us to be very good friends. Great friends! Remember your concussion?
Dwight Schrute: I do. But you married my worst enemy.
Jim Halpert: Well I think enemy's a strong word. 'Cause I think we have a really charming back and forth. And-
Dwight Schrute: Enough. I will require beer and pizza to think this over.
Pam Beesly: Absolutely! (starts out)
Dwight Schrute: From Jim.
Jim Halpert: I don't think that's gonna...
Jim Halpert: What kind of pizza would you like?
Dwight Schrute: Surprise me. No! Pepperoni.
Andy Bernard: (muttering going on all around, Andy looks sick) Hey Creed, would you read Chinese?
Creed Bratton: Beleniege!
Andy Bernard: What does this say?
Creed Bratton: HI mahhhh. Boo yowww. Gunjo! Ooh uncow!
Andy Bernard: (confused, rushes out of the room to the room Erin's in, picks up phone, talking fast) Hello UPS! Still waiting on that five minutes with Erin order. Oh never mind it's here. Oh if it isn't the bell of the ball! (queasily) You throw a lovely party ma lady...
Erin Hannon: (concerned) Are you having a good time?
Andy Bernard: Did you wear my favorite outfit on purpose?
Erin Hannon: Andy you look awful!
Andy Bernard: You're four seasons in a day. (heaves) You... got the Autumn thing going on. But if you put on ba- (heaves again) Put if you put on a blue... (stops, is struggling) It's Spring Time in the Rockies!
Erin Hannon: Are you alright?
Andy Bernard: No! (runs off)
Dwight Schrute: (referring to the pizza Jim is offering him) Insert it in my mouth.
Jim Halpert: That's not gonna make your pizza eating experience any better. Trust me.
Dwight Schrute: No, try me.
Pam Beesly: Jim, just don't think of it as degrading. Think of it as, you happen to be moving the six inches his way and he happens to be biting it.
Dwight Schrute: I'd prefer for him to think of it as degrading.
Jim Halpert: Okay... (puts pizza into Dwight's mouth)
Dwight Schrute: No. Crust first. (Jim turns the pizza around) Okay, now the beer. (Jim shakes his head no) Beer me Jim. (Jim quickly puts the beer into his face) Ssss. Gentle. (drinks the beer) Now I've gotta go meet Angela.
Pam Beesly: What no, wait! You said you were gonna help us!
Dwight Schrute: I have a legal obligation to Angela. Okay, she needs to be serviced.
Jim Halpert: You need to stop talking.
Dwight Schrute: Oh come on, stop the fake prissy act. We're in the real world. Sex contracts exist!
Pam Beesly: Okay fine! There must be some way to get out of it. Even just for tonight!
Dwight Schrute: Yeah sure, Jim could go see her.
Jim Halpert: (unbelievingly) Okay...
Dwight Schrute: You ever been with the blondes before? It's the big leagues.
Jim Halpert: I'm going home, and I'm taking my baby with me.
Pam Beesly: No no no, don't. I will go talk to Angela.
Dwight Schrute: She's in heat. She will eat your face off!
Pam Beesly: The reverse cycling ends tonight! (Pam leaves)
Dwight Schrute: (to Jim) A single piece of pepperoni please.
Jim Halpert: I'm not gonna- (cuts himself off, Kevin walks in)
Dwight Schrute: What are you doing?
Kevin Malone: (getting under the bed covers) I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket!
Andy Bernard: (throws up on bed) Puts pillow in front of the puke.
Phyllis Vance: Are you alright?
Andy Bernard: Erin likes Gabe.
Phyllis Vance: I know. I thought you two were nice together.
Andy Bernard: Do you think that they've ever...
Phyllis Vance: Made love? I don't know.
Andy Bernard: Well girls tell each other things right?
Phyllis Vance: I'll see what I can find out.
Darryl Philbin: (Michael walks into disarray of people's reactions to the TV going out) Where you been?
Michael Scott: I just went out for a walk.
Darryl Philbin: Cable's out.
Michael Scott: What? Really? That stinks!
Gabe Lewis: It's still on upstairs.
Michael Scott: What does that mean? Party's over? Everybody leaves? Are you sure?
Creed Bratton: (receiving message on his phone) Hey! Puck and Finn worked it out, and the solo is now a duet.
Michael Scott: Are you kidding me?
Michael Scott: Now that's going on?
Kevin Malone: I can't believe we're missing that!
Michael Scott: Boy I wish I could see that. You know what? I have an idea. I don't know if it's gonna work, but let me give it this. Okay, I'm gonna give it shot. (hurries out)
Kevin Malone: Please Michael, just make the Glee happen!
Kelly Kapoor: Good luck Michael!
Phyllis Vance: Erin! Uhm, so how long have you two been going out now?
Erin Hannon: Oh, uhm, like three months.
Phyllis Vance: And I imagine things are starting to heat up?
Erin Hannon: I don't know.
Phyllis Vance: Of course you don't wanna rush things! I mean the anticipation can be so exquisite. Bob and I took our time. The first time we saw each other naked we didn't even make love, we just stared at each other until we fell asleep. It was magical.
Erin Hannon: (awkwardly) I have to go Phyllis.
Phyllis Vance: Magical...
Pam Beesly: (knocking on Angela's car window, Angela is naked inside) Hey in there. It's Pam. It's not Dwight! Don't think it's Dwight!
Angela Martin: What are you doing here?
Pam Beesly: I know you and Dwight have this weird deal, uhm, he sent me out here to see if you could postpone.
Angela Martin: Are you authorized to do this?
Pam Beesly: Yes! I have been so authorized.
Angela Martin: Ok, uhm, then tell him that we'll do this tomorrow night instead.
Angela Martin: Wait Pam! How did he seem? Like, you know, did he seem disappointed?
Pam Beesly: You know, there are a lot of guys out there who would just love and appreciate a-
Angela Martin: You know what Pam just save it.
Erin Hannon: (Michael is outside fixing the cable box) You did this?
Michael Scott: No I was just check- Yeah. Yes I did, yeah yeah.
Erin Hannon: Why don't you like him?
Michael Scott: What is there to like? He's just, he's a weird little skeevy guy with no waist, why do you care whether we like him or not?
Erin Hannon: I care if you like him.
Michael Scott: Why? I'm not your father. (Erin looks sad) All right.
Michael Scott: Go to your room.
Erin Hannon: What? (confused)
Michael Scott: Go to your room young lady!
Erin Hannon: (slowly getting it) Uhm, I'm not going to my room.
Michael Scott: You listen to me. You listen good. You are are not, to see that boy, anymore.
Erin Hannon: You listen to me. You are not to tell me what to do.
Michael Scott: As long as you are living under this roof you are going to do what I say.
Erin Hannon: I hate your roof!
Michael Scott: Oh do not raise your voice to me!
Erin Hannon: I'll raise it how I want! I'll raise the roof!
Michael Scott: Gahh, I will pull this car over!
Erin Hannon: I hate it! I hate your car!
Gabe Lewis: (Andy is leaning over toilet) What happened?
Andy Bernard: I accidentally ate some seahorses.
Andy Bernard: I didn't know it's powdered, so like four or five, I don't know.
Gabe Lewis: I've got just the thing! (leaves, comes back with a synthesizer) This one's called Earth Rise, on the Moon. (music plays)
Andy Bernard: That's so beautiful.
I hope you enjoyed these classic quotes from The Office episode 8 season 7. Viewing Party is such a great episode (like every episode of The Office), remember you can click the camera button next to any quote to generate an image of the quote. Go back to all episodes to see more scripts from The Office.