Characters

31 employees, clients & associates · most lines first

Michael Scott
10,972 lines
“THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!”
Dwight Schrute
6,861 lines
“Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing.”
Jim Halpert
6,298 lines
“Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.”
Pam Beesly
5,022 lines
“And, I feel God in this Chili's tonight. WHOOOOOOOO!!!!”
Andy Bernard
3,758 lines
“I spent so much of my time here at Dunder Mifflin thinking about my old pals, my college a cappella group. The weird thing is now, I’m exactly where I wanna be. I got my dream job at Cornell and I’m still just thinking about my old pals. Only now they’re the ones I made here. I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them. Someone should write a song about that.”
Angela Martin
1,570 lines
“I think green is kind of whoreish.”
Kevin Malone
1,561 lines
“At least once a year, I like to bring in some of my Kevin's Famous Chili. The trick is to undercook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot. I'm serious about this stuff. I'm up the night before pressing garlic and dicing whole tomatoes. I toast my own Ancho chilies. It's a recipe passed down from Malone's for generations. It's probably the thing I do best.”
Erin Hannon
1,441 lines
“Disposable cameras are fun, although it does seem wasteful and you don't ever get to see your pictures. If it's an important even that you want to remember, I recommend using a real camera. But I don't care if I forget today.”
Oscar Martinez
1,368 lines
“I was going to quit. But Jan offered me a three month paid vacation and a company car. All I had to do was sign something saying I won't sue. Gill and I are going to Europe. Kids, sometimes it pays to be gay.”
Darryl Philbin
1,223 lines
“I taught Mike some, uh, phrases to help with his interracial conversations. You know, stuff like, "Fleece it out." "Going mach five." "Dinkin' flicka." You know, things us Negroes say.”
Ryan Howard
1,211 lines
“I can't believe I started the fire.”
Phyllis Vance
974 lines
“You have a lot to learn about this town, sweetie.”
Kelly Kapoor
841 lines
“Yeah I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?”
Jan Levinson
812 lines
“YOU BURN IT. YOU BUY IT!”
Toby Flenderson
812 lines
“More like "Everyone let's get your boss laid Saturday." I have an announcement uh, to make. I am moving to Costa Rica. Thought about it for a long time now. And I'm finally gonna do it. So, I'm just gonna hop the fence and jog home now.”
Stanley Hudson
680 lines
“Boy have you lost your mind? 'Cause I'll help you find it! Whatcha lookin' for, ain't nobody gonna help you out there! Jesus could come through that door and he's not gonna help you if you don't stop sniffing after my child!”
Meredith Palmer
559 lines
“Well for the past six years I have been sleeping with him in exchange for discounts on our supplies and Outback Steakhouse gift certificates.”
Holly Flax
557 lines
“Your wife becoming me will I.”
Nellie Bertram
530 lines
“You poor, simple boy. Expected a man, did you? Strong, powerful. Huge, whopping penis? Well, sorry to disappoint, but my huge, whopping penis is right here, and I'm not afraid to use it. So stop looking at my breasts, and start looking at my penis. I'm Nellie Bertram, president of special projects. In the next few weeks we're going to throw everything you know about business out of the window and do it our own way. Are your minds blown? So, how did this special project come about anyway? Well, I interviewed to be the manager of your branch. After you decided I wasn't "a good fit-"”
David Wallace
490 lines
“Could you tell me why you had to cut the face off the dummy?”
Gabe Lewis
427 lines
“Shut up about the Sun! SHUT UP about the SUN!”
Robert California
421 lines
“Ah, well, I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penised debutante. You wanna start a street fight with me, bring it on. You’re gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets. You don’t even know my real name. I’m the *bleep* lizard king.”
Creed Bratton
396 lines
“I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader.”
Karen Filippelli
326 lines
“Jim's nice enough. I dont... I don't know how well he's fitting in here. He's always looking at the camera like this. What is that?”
Clark Green
260 lines
“Yep, body by Cheez-it”
Deangelo Vickers
252 lines
“I swear, that baby could be the star of a show entitled 'Babys I Don't Care About.'”
Roy Anderson
223 lines
“Your art.. was the prettiest art of... all art.”
Charles Miner
222 lines
“I am aware of the effect I have on woman.”
Pete Miller
213 lines
“One of my jobs is to input customer complaints into the computer. And when they’re in, I fill out one of these cards. But the information’s already on the computer, so....why am I filling out the card? I asked Andy, and he told me to “chillax,” and then went away on a big, long boat ride. So here we are. Don’t give me a pointless office chore, because I will build a little paper house. Fight the power.”
Jo Bennett
195 lines
“When Mama was working as a prison guard and something went missing, she'd ask one question: What do we do when we find the guilty party? And if they said, "Come down on him with that swift hammer of justice!", innocent. A clear conscience don't need no mercy. But if they said "Officer Bessie, well they may have had a reason, blah blah blah blah", well nine times out of ten, that's the anus they'd check.”
Todd Packer
161 lines
“What has two thumbs and likes to bone your Mom? This guy!”