Michael hires his nephew Luke, and bad coffee turns out to be the least of the office’s problems. Pam’s attempt to prank Dwight doesn’t go much better. Find every line from "Nepotism," The Office’s Season 7 premiere, in the full script, with quotes from the lip dub to Michael’s very unwelcome counseling assignment.
The Office, Season 7, Episode 1, “Nepotism,” opens with the staff filming a lip-sync video to “Nobody but Me.” Ryan plugs WUPHF.com, Michael performs magic tricks, and Dwight turns his dance into a wild stunt with a knife. Toby films the chaos, which ends with streamers, cheers, and the staff pleased with their latest take.
Summer has brought big changes: Erin now dates Gabe, while Andy masks his hurt with a dark whale fantasy. Dwight has bought the building and locks the thermostat, while Jim mocks his hands-free water pack. Kelly returns from a Yale training course, sure she now knows far more about business.
The staff soon turns against Luke Cooper, a rude new assistant who botches coffee orders and skips key tasks. Michael defends Luke, then admits he hired his nephew to rebuild ties with his half-sister’s side of the family. Their bond broke years earlier, after Michael lost Luke in a forest.
Michael’s defense sparks a heated debate, with odd claims about Hanson, Jesus, and what he calls “reverse nepotism.” His failed “Don’t bother Luke” sign adds another great visual gag before Luke returns with soy ice cream and bagel chips. Angela later finds unsent work packages in Luke’s car, and Dwight breaks in as the staff spots lost sales.
Gabe reports the mess to Jo, who calls Michael and demands to know why Luke still has a job. Michael admits he loves his nephew, while Jo notes her own troubled nephew cannot even enter her house. She lets Luke stay but makes Michael answer for his work, prompting their strange exchange about covering Luke’s rear.
Meanwhile, Pam tries to fix Jim’s ruined prank after she exposes his plan to slowly bulk up Dwight’s keychain. She hires someone to swap the elevator buttons, but ends up trapped inside with Dwight when the prank backfires. Dwight quickly sets up a “pee corner,” while Jim later finds Pam too scared to climb out.
During a staff meeting, Luke uses a laser pointer to tease coworkers and refuses Michael’s orders to stop. Michael finally snaps, bends Luke over a desk, and spanks him in front of the whole office. Luke storms out crying, the staff cheers, and Phyllis and Andy later act out the scene.
Gabe tells Michael he must attend six counseling sessions or lose his job after striking an employee. Michael first welcomes the light penalty, then learns Toby will lead the sessions and pauses to weigh getting fired. Remember, you can click the camera button next to any quote to create an image for social media.
