Scene 013 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Yeah! Everything! Oh it's all good, it's all good. Phyllis!Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Dancing babies!Michael ScottOpen quote: Dancing babies! I love it! I love it!
Scene 021 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: We are making a commercial for Dunder Mifflin today. Our first ad ever. Corporate purchased some air time in local markets to spread the word about Dunder Mifflin Infinity and they are even sending up a professional ad company to help us make it later so... it's uh, not too shabby.
Scene 0312 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Best ad ever. (sings in the tune of the "Kit Kat theme song") Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that... I am totally blanking. What is the thing?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Nobody tell him!Andy BernardOpen quote: What? No, why?Jim HalpertOpen quote: You got it, you're so close!Andy BernardOpen quote: (singing) Break me off a piece of that... huh huh huh... br- applesauce.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Break me off a piece of that applesauce, I don't think...Andy BernardOpen quote: Break me off a piece of that Chrysler car.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Nope.Andy BernardOpen quote: Football cream. Grr!Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, it's football cream. It's football cream. Alright! So, anybody else?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I'm taking a computer animation class so I could try to do a logo.Michael ScottOpen quote: Look at that. Even the receptionist is getting in on the creativity. Very good, very good.
Scene 0410 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Hello hello!Ad guy 1Open quote: Hey, how ya doin'?Michael ScottOpen quote: Michael Scott.Ad guy 2Open quote: Hey, Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Regional manager.Ad guy 2Open quote: Hey Michael, nice to meet youMichael ScottOpen quote: Excited to talk ideas.Ad guy 1Open quote: Let's do it, man.Michael ScottOpen quote: You know, I want this to be cutting edge. I want it to be fast, quick cuts, you know, youthful, sort of a MTV on crack kind of thing.Ad guy 1Open quote: That sounds great.
Scene 0511 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: All right, good, well this is what we have to work with.Michael ScottOpen quote: I would like you to meet Andrew Bernard. The 'Nard Dog. Who let the 'Nard Dog out?Andy BernardOpen quote: Hoo hoo hoo-hoo!Michael ScottOpen quote: He gives the best back rubs in the office.Andy BernardOpen quote: It's true, I give a mean backrub. I also do good aromatherapy (makes farting noise). Not! You just got 'Nard dogged!Michael ScottOpen quote: Now this gentleman right here is the key to our urban vibe.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Urban? I grew up in a small town. What about me seems urban to you?Michael ScottOpen quote: Stanley is hilarious. Phyllis is like our Mrs. Butterworth. Kind of a less urban Aunt Jemima.Michael ScottOpen quote: These are our accountants. And as you can see they are very different sizes. What you might want to do is kind of a Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Baby Bear thing. That might be kind of fun.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: (looking at Oscar) Mama Bear!Michael ScottOpen quote: Who else?
Scene 061 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: I think it's great that the company's making a commercial because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people that I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers, or muffins, or mittens, or... And frankly all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.
Scene 073 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: You playing that game again?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user virtual environment. It doesn't have points or scores, it doesn't have winners or losers.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh it has losers.
Scene 081 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. In my Second Life I was also a paper salesman and I was also named Dwight. Absolutely everything was the same. Except I could fly. (shot of Dwight's avatar flying around)
Scene 0914 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (reading off piece of paper) Little girl in a field holding a flower, we zoom back to find that she's in the desert and the field is an oasis. Zoom back further the desert is a sandbox in the world's largest resort hotel. Zoom back further the hotel is actually the playground for the world's largest prison. But we zoom back further---Ad guy 1Open quote: Okay I can tell that your time is valuable---Michael ScottOpen quote: Actually I don't get paid by the hour anymore, but thank you, I get paid by the year, so...Ad guy 1Open quote: That all sounds really, really ambitious.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah, I know.Ad guy 1Open quote: Why don't we show you what we did with the Nashua branch?Michael ScottOpen quote: Mmm. Okay. (commercial plays on laptop, peppy music in background)Michael ScottOpen quote: That's what Nassau came up with? That sucks! (chuckles) Whoa.Ad guy 1Open quote: That's what we came up with.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well we can do better than that.Ad guy 2Open quote: Well the main part of the ad has to stay the same, actually.Ad guy 1Open quote: Yeah, it's the last five seconds where we have some leeway.Michael ScottOpen quote: The waving?Ad guy 1Open quote: Well, no, no. You don't have to be waving. That was just what they did. You guys can be clapping. Sitting. Standing outside, inside, whatever. This is where you really get to be creative.
Scene 106 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: I need some advice. I've been spending a lot of time making out with Angela lately. But we've been necking, but only necking. Right? Not actually kissing, our mouths, just the neck on neck. It's just like rubbing slash nuzzling our necks together. It's hot, I'm not going to lie to you , but it's a little weird, but you seem like a guy with answers, so how do I fast track this to get to first base?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: We cannot talk about this... because, someone might hear us.Andy BernardOpen quote: We'll use code names.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Angela can stay the same, but we'll change Andy to Dwight.Andy BernardOpen quote: That's not different enough.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Dwike?
Scene 1115 linesReceptionistOpen quote: You have a call from Eddie Murphy.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Hello?Michael ScottOpen quote: (on speakerphone, Eddie Murphy voice) Shrek! Shrek, I'm a donkey! I'm a donkey, Shrek! (laughing) I'm just kidding. It's me. Hello Ry.Ryan HowardOpen quote: What?Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, calm down. I have a small problem.Ryan HowardOpen quote: I told you not to call about small problems.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah, well when I call about big problems you don't like that either, so make up you mind, kiddo. Here is the deal, the ad guys that you sent are locking me in a creative box, and sort of ignoring my ideas.Ryan HowardOpen quote: That's good. They're creative, you're not.Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm creative, Ryan.Ryan HowardOpen quote: It's not part of your job, it's like, maybe you can cook but it doesn't mean you should start a restaurant.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well actually I can't cook, and I am starting a restaurant. Mike's Cereal Shack. I'm thinking we'll have as many varieties as you can buy in the store.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Okay, I'm not really interested in that right now. I'm delegating creativity to creative professionals. It's a different skills set. Look, I wasn't good at sales, right?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah!Ryan HowardOpen quote: But I'm good at managing people who do sales .Michael ScottOpen quote: Are you? I don't think you're doing such a good job here, suppressing ideas and creativity.
Scene 121 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: All right, let me ask you this, tell me if you think this is creative. When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this is before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture of a horse that could fly over rainbows, and had a huge spike in its head. And I was five, five years old. Couldn't even talk yet.
Scene 136 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Hey guys, um, you know what, we cannot shoot this ad today.Ad guy 2Open quote: Okay, when should we come back?Michael ScottOpen quote: How about never hundred hours, sir.Ad guy 2Open quote: We were sent here to help out.Ad guy 1Open quote: Okay I'm not going to argue with this guy. Let's go. Good luck dude.Michael ScottOpen quote: Hey thanks. Thank you.
Scene 148 linesDavid WallaceOpen quote: (on phone) Michael, David Wallace. What is this about dismissing the ad people?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah, I'm glad you called. Ryan is being a little bitch again.Ryan HowardOpen quote: I'm on Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: What's up my brotha? Listen, David, I would like to do this ad in house. I want to use only the creativity that we have right here in the office. And I will send it to you tomorrow morning, take a look at it, and if you do not think that it's ready to air, send the ad agency back down here, and we'll do it on my dime.David WallaceOpen quote: This is weird.Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm willing to stake my entire reputation on it.David WallaceOpen quote: Okay, I'll see it tomorrow.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay. (hangs up phone) And thus, Michael Scott sealed his own destiny. In a good way.
Scene 154 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Has anyone ever come up to you and said, "You're not creative"?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yes.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well they're wrong. You are creative. You are damn creative. Each and every one of you. You are so much more creative than all of the other dry, boring morons that you work with.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Who are you talking to, specifically?
Scene 161 lineKevin MaloneOpen quote: I kind of know what it's like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man. (makes squinty face)
Scene 171 lineOscar MartinezOpen quote: When I was younger I always wanted to be an actor in commercials. Then I realized I had a brain.
Scene 181 lineMeredith PalmerOpen quote: I'm excited about doing the ad, but I'm not really used to doing videos with so many people around.
Scene 191 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: We have three scenes to film, big scenes. We have a song to write. So let's get cracking. Kelly, I want you to do makeup. Oscar, I would like you to do costume design, obviously. Phyllis, I'd like you look around town and see if we have any celebrities in our local area.
Scene 207 linesPhyllis VanceOpen quote: (gasps) Sue Grafton is at the Steamtown Mall. She's doing a book signing right now.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, okay, Phyllis this is what I want you to do. I want you to go down to the mall. I want you to get in line. I want you to get her to be in this commercial. This would be a huge coupe people. All right? Do not take no for an answer.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Okay.Andy BernardOpen quote: Does anyone actually know what Sue Grafton looks like? I mean, is she hot or-?Creed BrattonOpen quote: She's crazy hot.Andy BernardOpen quote: Well then maybe we should just use Angela and say she's Sue Grafton. Would anyone notice?Angela MartinOpen quote: That's not happening.
Scene 223 linesPhyllis VanceOpen quote: Bye everyone.Michael ScottOpen quote: Line it up Phyllis.Creed BrattonOpen quote: Get her Phyll.
Scene 2310 linesDarryl PhilbinOpen quote: (singing) Out of paper, out of stock, there's friendly faces around the block, break loose from the chains that are causing your pain.Andy & Creed & Kevin & Kelly & DarrylOpen quote: Call Michael or Stanley, Jim, Dwight or Creed. Call Andy and Kelly for your business paper needs.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Dunder Mifflin.Andy & Creed & Kevin & KellyOpen quote: The people person's paper people.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Dunder Mifflin.Andy & Creed & Kevin & KellyOpen quote: The people person's paper people.Michael ScottOpen quote: Time out, time out, time out, time out, time out. I thought... I was under the impression that this was going to be a rap.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: What's rap?Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, Darryl, wow, you need to learn a lot about your own culture. I'll make you a mix.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Great.
Scene 241 lineAndy BernardOpen quote: News flash. I got some juicy updates on Operation Fallen Angel. Remind me to tell you later.
Scene 2518 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Hey.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No talk, I'm animating.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Why don't we take a quick ten second break from that so I can show you what's going on here. (pulls up Dwight's game) Okay, this is Dwight's Second Life. He's on it all the time. So much so that his little guy here has created his own world. It's called Second Second Life, for those people who want to be removed even further from reality.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Are you serious?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh my God, he's really in pain.Jim HalpertOpen quote: (sighs)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Who's that?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, it's just my avatar guy. Whatever.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: He looks a lot like you. How much time did you spend on that?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Not much, it's just for tracking Dwight so---Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Right... you're a sports writer in Philadelphia? Nice build too.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yep.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You have a guitar slung on your back. I did not know you played guitar.Jim HalpertOpen quote: I... why don't we go back to this animation.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No no no, I want to see more of Philly Jim. I want Philly Jim.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Ah, show me how this works.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh boy.
Scene 2612 linesDarryl PhilbinOpen quote: (singing in different tune) Out of paper, out of stock, there's friendly faces around the block, break loose from the chains that are causing your pain. Call Michael, Stanley, Jim, Dwight or Creed. Call Andy and Kelly for your business paper needs. Call Dunder Mifflin.Andy & Creed & Kevin & KellyOpen quote: The people person's paper people.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Dunder Mifflin.Andy & Creed & Kevin & KellyOpen quote: The people person's paper people.Michael ScottOpen quote: Stop. Stop stop stop stop stop stop. This is not me. This is not my music.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: You're right, it's better than you! It's us! (sings) Dunder Mifflin.Andy & Creed & Kevin & KellyOpen quote: The people person's paper people.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, I hate it! I hate it! ...I don't hate it, I just don't like it at all. And it's terrible.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: You're on your own, Mike. (gets up and starts to walk away)Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, you know what. Hold on, hold on Darryl.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: You just said you hated it.Michael ScottOpen quote: No. I said I hate the, the style.
Scene 2710 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: (singing) Break me off a piece of that lumber tar. Snickers bar.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, wow. Wow, this looks uh, terrible.Andy BernardOpen quote: Break me off a piece of that Grey Poupon.Michael ScottOpen quote: Andy, Andy, this is a pivotal scene in the ad. And if we don't get this, if we don't nail it, we're going to lose the whole triumph of the moment. The triumph of the will. Now, God, what? What Phyllis?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: (crying) Well, I got in line to buy Sue Grafton's book and when it came to my turn I asked if she wanted to be in the ad and she said no thank you, but I wasn't supposed to take no for an answer.Michael ScottOpen quote: That'a girl.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: So I kept on asking and they finally threw me out of the store in front of all my friends.Michael ScottOpen quote: Did you, or did you not get Sue Grafton?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: (sobbing) No.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ugh, can somebody give her a tissue please? (Kevin hands her piece of tape)
Scene 284 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: I hope you're not killing yourself on this, because I'm sure it's good enough for Michael's ad that will probably be seen by no one.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Maybe, but it's not good enough for me yet.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Okay. Do you want me to stay?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No no, you can go home. I'm good.
Scene 294 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Pam is staying late tonight to uh, achieve her dreams. So I'm pretty proud of her, unfortunately she was my ride home.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: You comin'?Jim HalpertOpen quote: I, ah...Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Piss or get off the pot!
Scene 304 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Good morning. (Pam sees breakfast sitting on her desk) Yeah I'm sorry, I looked away for a second and Creed snatched your hash browns.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Thank you.Jim HalpertOpen quote: You're welcome.
Scene 311 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: I worked until about 2:45 AM. And then I had to decide if I wanted to spend the night with Michael editing in his office, and Dwight watching Michael edit in his office, or drive home and probably fall asleep at the wheel and die in a fiery car wreck. I passed out on my keyboard trying to decide.
Scene 3210 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Let me pour you some bubbly because somebody got to a whole new level last night.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Andy, I can't hear this right now.Andy BernardOpen quote: No, no no no, this is good. You know how we haven't really gotten anywhere that I want to get to physically yet? Well, last night, that changed. We're makin' out, I'm kissin' her neck, and cheek and her ear lobe, and she's not really kissing me back. But she closes her eyes and she's like, "Oh D, oh D."Dwight SchruteOpen quote: She called you D?Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah. D for Andy.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh D.Andy BernardOpen quote: Oh D.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (whispers) Oh D.Andy BernardOpen quote: Oh D!BothOpen quote: Ohhhhhh D! (laughing) Ohhhh D!
Scene 335 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: I'm about to send the ad to corporate... and it is sent. They'll probably watch it right away. I know I would. Okay. (dials phone)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (on phone) Yes?Michael ScottOpen quote: Pam, please clear my phone lines.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Certainly. (makes beeping noises) Okay, clear.Michael ScottOpen quote: They could call at any second now. (sighs) Oh God...I better call.
Scene 341 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (Ten days later) Well, it's been tough. The uh, geniuses at corporate rejected my commercial and tonight they are airing the brain dead version. So welcome one and all to the world premiere of Corporate Crapfest!
Scene 353 linesEveryoneOpen quote: (watching ad) Oh! (clapping and cheering)BartenderOpen quote: Hey it seemed like a big hit.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, it was stupid. People like waving, waving sells. It's not art. Yet we made our ad, the real one was full of humor, and full of depth, and full heart and it was real.
Scene 361 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: Hey, could you do me a favor? Could you put that in the DVD player?
Scene 371 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: Hey everybody! Just want to welcome you all to the premiere of the real Dunder Mifflin commercial, the Michael Scott director's cut. Hope you like it.
Scene 381 lineMichael's AdOpen quote: (Chariots of Fire theme plays) It all starts with an idea. But you can never tell where an idea will end up. (people passing a Corporate Memo around to each other) Because ideas spread, they change, grow. They connect us with the world. (Kelly catches paper airplane that says "I love you") And in a fast moving world, where good news moves at the speed of time (newspaper with Andy saying "Hometown Boy Wins Race"), and bad news isn't always what it seems. (Dwight hands Phyllis paper that says "You have a son, and it's me") Because when push comes to shove we all deserve a second chance. (Stanley finds paper that says "Turn your life around. Now hiring at Dunder Mifflin") To score. (Jim throws paper in basket, Michael retrieves it; it says "World's Most Creative Boss") Dunder Mifflin. Limitless paper in a paperless world.
Scene 398 linesEveryoneOpen quote: (claps and cheer)Jim HalpertOpen quote: Animation? All her by the way. (points at Pam)BartenderOpen quote: Really?Jim HalpertOpen quote: I just thought you should---BartenderOpen quote: The animation was cool.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Thanks.BartenderOpen quote: Hey listen, you ever been on a motorcycle?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Ahh. (puts his arm around Pam)
Scene 402 linesKevin MaloneOpen quote: Michael, that was fun.Michael ScottOpen quote: That was fun. Next round of drinks is on me, people!
Scene 411 lineAndy BernardOpen quote: (singing) Claude Van Damme, Hair for Men, poison gas, NutraSweet. (speaking) It's gotta rhyme with "piece." Fancy Feast! (sings) Break me off a piece of that Fancy Feast! It's the cat food. Nailed it.