Dunder Mifflin, Inc.Best Office Lines

Women's Appreciation

Vol. 3 · Issue 21Scranton, PA

After a flasher targets Phyllis in the parking lot, Michael decides a mall trip is the only way to make things right. You'll find all the lines from the episode here, covering everything from the Steamtown Mall food court to Michael’s awkward breakup with Jan. It's the best spot to find the full script and catch every joke about Dwight’s anti-flashing task force.

Scene 01

16 lines
Jim Halpert
(to Pam) Hey.
Jim Halpert
(Dwight hands Jim a piece of paper) Oh, what's this?
Dwight Schrute
That is a demerit.
Jim Halpert
(reads demerit) "Jim Halpert, tardiness." Ugh. I love it already.
Dwight Schrute
You've gotta learn, Jim. You are second in command, but that does not put you above the law.
Jim Halpert
Oh, I understand. And I also have lots of questions, like, what does a demerit mean?
Dwight Schrute
(scoffs) Let's put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those.
Jim Halpert
Lay it on me.
Dwight Schrute
Three demerits and you'll receive a citation.
Jim Halpert
Now that sounds serious.
Dwight Schrute
Oh, it is serious. Five citations and you're looking at a violation. Four of those and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in a world of hurt... in the form of a disciplinary review written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.
Jim Halpert
Which would be me.
Dwight Schrute
That is correct.
Jim Halpert
OK, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation.
Dwight Schrute
What's a dis... what's that?
Jim Halpert
Oh, you don't want to know.

Scene 02

15 lines
Pam Beesly
(door opens) Hey, Phyllis. You all right?
Phyllis Vance
I think I just got flashed.
Pam Beesly
What? Really?
Phyllis Vance
In the parking lot.
Pam Beesly
Oh, my God.
Dwight Schrute
(jumps out of his chair and runs for the door) Move!
Jim Halpert
OK, I'll call the real police.
Andy Bernard
What happened? What can I do to help?
Jim Halpert
(on the phone) OK.
Andy Bernard
I'll check the web.
Jim Halpert
(on the phone) Thank you. (hangs up the phone) The police are on it. They say they've already had three calls.
Pam Beesly
(to Phyllis) Can you tell us what happened?
Phyllis Vance
Um... I was walking to the building and this man asked me for directions. And he was holding a map. And when I walked over, he had it out... on the map.
Angela Martin
Phyllis. You're a married woman.
Creed Bratton
The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss?

Scene 03

1 line
Creed Bratton
If that's flashing, then lock me up.

Scene 04

24 lines
Pam Beesly
(whispering) It's just, like, so creepy.
Ryan Howard
(whispering) Yeah. (Pam and Ryan whispering)
Michael Scott
What's happening?
Pam Beesly
Oh, some guy exposed himself to Phyllis in the parking lot.
Michael Scott
Really? Is she OK?
Pam Beesly
Yeah, Bob Vance took her for a walk to calm down.
Michael Scott
OK. (deep breath) Phyllis, you say? (snorts) Hmm. (suppressed laugher)
Angela Martin
What is so funny?
Michael Scott
Um... I mean did he even see Pam? Or, uh... Karen from behind?
Kevin Malone
I'm guessing not.
Michael Scott
(laughing softly) I'm sorry. It's pretty funny when you think about it.
Jim Halpert
Mm... not really, no.
Pam Beesly
It's disgusting and demeaning.
Michael Scott
Oh, OK. Masters of comedy. A guy dropped his pants. Have you ever been to the circus? (everyone glares) OK. (Michael puts his finger through his pant's zipper) He's back! (laughs) OK. Hmm. (babbling with his coat pulled closed) Waagh! (flashes everyone)
Toby Flenderson
Hey, what's going on? There's a police car in the...
Michael Scott
What? Oh. (makes descending scale noise as his finger goes down)
Toby Flenderson
What's going on?
Michael Scott
Oh, Phyllis got flashed. It's, uh... (laughs)
Toby Flenderson
I don't think laughing about it is an appropriate response.
Michael Scott
Oh, come on. We are laughing at Phyllis, but she's not even here, so no harm, no foul.
Toby Flenderson
I don't think the women in this office -
Michael Scott
Incidentally, where were you during all of this? Maybe you're the flasher.
Toby Flenderson
I was at a parent-teacher conference.
Michael Scott
Uh-huh. Prove it. Let's see your penis. (everyone is shocked) (exhales)I... you know, as that was coming out of my mouth, I knew that it was wrong.

Scene 05

1 line
Michael Scott
In all the excitement, I forgot that my primary goal is to keep people safe. Women can't have fun if they don't feel safe. For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. Foliage. And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time... she pretended she didn't hear me.

Scene 06

10 lines
Jan Levinson
(on speakerphone) Michael, ...
Michael Scott
Huh?
Jan Levinson
...come over after work tonight, OK? I miss your body.
Michael Scott
I don't know. I feel... I drive a lot. I'm spending a fortune on gas and tolls -
Jan Levinson
I'll give you $200. And if I get up before you, I'll leave it on the dresser.
Michael Scott
Um, that... I don't know. That makes me kind of uncomfortable.
Jan Levinson
$300?
Michael Scott
I... uh, well, I don't know.
Jan Levinson
You know whatever. Just let my assistant know if you're coming over so he can get more vodka, OK? Hunter, are you on?
Hunter
(on speakerphone) You got it, Jan.

Scene 07

1 line
Dwight Schrute
Employees of this office are very small and delicate. Deserve protection from local pervs. Better 1,000 innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free.

Scene 08

7 lines
Michael Scott
(exhales) I am sick over this thing. Those people out there are clearly afraid. And that can't happen. Not in my house.
Dwight Schrute
Agreed. Let me show you what I've been working on.
Michael Scott
OK.
Dwight Schrute
(lays a folder full of pictures on Michael's desk) There are several penises there I'd love Phyllis to run her eyes over. You know, see if we can catch this pervert.
Michael Scott
This is the last thing that Phyllis needs to see right now, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute
Look at that one.
Michael Scott
Dwight, are those your pants? That's a Polaroid. (Dwight takes the Polaroid and crumples it in his hand)

Scene 09

6 lines
Michael Scott
Attention, everybody. Dwight has something he would like to say.
Dwight Schrute
Due to a recent incident involving Phyllis, a man, a map, and his penis - I think you know what I'm referring to - Michael has authorized me to form an emergency anti-flashing task force.
Jim Halpert
(raises hand) Question. Won't that interfere with your other task forces?
Dwight Schrute
Answer: No, because this is being given priority one. This is a petition for the business park to upgrade their security cameras as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot. And I know... I know what you're thinking. (Pam nods) Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam. You can draw, kind of. Why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community?
Pam Beesly
Phallus?
Dwight Schrute
Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain. Back to work, everybody.

Scene 10

1 line
Pam Beesly
I don't often miss Roy. But I can tell you one thing. I wish someone had flashed me when I was with Roy. Because that would have been the ass-kicking of the year. (small laugh) Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to have seen Jim's... Whoo, I am... I am saying a lot of things.

Scene 11

20 lines
Phyllis Vance
I didn't really get a good look.
Pam Beesly
That's OK. I don't feel like answering phones.
Karen Filippelli
Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? (reads memo) "Women will be sent home if they wear makeup or heels exceeding 1/4 inch. Females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute." This is ridiculous.
Dwight Schrute
Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen.
Karen Filippelli
Dwight, this memo that you distributed is insulting.
Dwight Schrute
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Pam Beesly
(reads memo) "Sleeves down to the wrists, buttoned-up collars, and muted colors." Nobody dress like that. (camera pans over to Angela)
Michael Scott
OK, you know something, Dwight? We are not the terrorists. Why don't you just take these women, put 'em in a burlap sack, and hit 'em with a stick? Because that's what you're doing. I celebrate these women. They deserve the right to dress as they please. If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to. I encourage that.
Karen Filippelli
Look, it's really simple. We just want you guys to treat us with respect.
Michael Scott
See? That's what we're talking about. Did you hear that, Dwight?
Dwight Schrute
Yes. Did you hear that, Michael?
Michael Scott
No, Dwight. Respect. R-E-S-P-svee-T. Find out what it means to me. All right, you know what? That's it. Conference room, five minutes. Women's appreciation.
Jim Halpert
Wait a second, how are you qualified for that?
Michael Scott
Oh, I don't know, James. Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one?
Dwight Schrute
(eating banana) Mm, less than three.
Michael Scott
That is not current.
Dwight Schrute
You know what? Why doesn't Oscar run the meeting? He's a homosexual.
Jim Halpert
Why don't you run the meeting? You play with dolls.
Dwight Schrute
Those are collectible action figures and they're worth more than your car.
Michael Scott
You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. I know the crap out of women.

Scene 12

22 lines
Michael Scott
I, um... would like to apologize for all of the men who thought this was a laughing matter.
Creed Bratton
Are we still discussing this? I say again, what is the big deal?
Michael Scott
Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited.
Meredith Palmer
I don't remember doing that.
Angela Martin
What a surprise.
Michael Scott
OK, no catfights. Please. Let's - my point is... my point is... a penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.
Dwight Schrute
Alien. Blagh!
Michael Scott
What are...? Shut it. Shut. Up. OK, so what I want to engage us in today is a hardcore discussion about women's problems and issues and situations. Magazines and TV shows and movies portray women as skinny, tall goddesses. Well, look around. Are women like that? No. No, they are not. (points to Pam) Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny. So what does that say? That says that you women are up against it. And it is criminal. Society doesn't care. Society sucks. I don't even consider myself a part of society. FYI. Because I am so angry over all of this.
Andy Bernard
If it were up to me, you ladies would be the fashion models.
Kevin Malone
Yes, Andy. Then the fashion models could come here and work with me.
Karen Filippelli
What you're saying is extremely misogynistic.
Michael Scott
Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And I proves my point. Women can do anything.
Karen Filippelli
I'm saying that you're being sexist.
Michael Scott
No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist.
Karen Filippelli
That - it's the same thing.
Phyllis Vance
Michael.
Michael Scott
Yes.
Phyllis Vance
When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.
Michael Scott
Because wha... that was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.
Angela Martin
And when we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods.
Michael Scott
I have to know whether you're serious or not.
Dwight Schrute
I wish I could menstruate.

Scene 13

1 line
Dwight Schrute
If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.

Scene 14

4 lines
Karen Filippelli
Can we just get back to work?
Michael Scott
Ye - OK, yes.
Angela Martin
This is not work talk.
Michael Scott
You're right. You're right, you're right. And you know why? It's because of where we are. This is a masculine environment. We need to find a place where you feel comfortable. You know where we're gonna go? The Steamtown Mall. (Kelly gasps)

Scene 15

1 line
Karen Filippelli
Frankly, it's kind of insulting. But I have a bunch of stuff I need to return in my car. So... I could do that.

Scene 16

1 line
Angela Martin
Malls are just awful and humiliating. They're just store after store of these horrible salespeople making a big fuss out of an adult shopping in a junior's section. There are petite adults who are sort of... smaller who need to wear... maybe a kids' size 10.

Scene 17

6 lines
Michael Scott
OK, let's go, ladies of Dunder-Mifflin. Hey, we should have a calendar printed up. Pam, put that in my good idea folder. (Pam nods) Let's go!
Dwight Schrute
Have you finished with the sketch?
Pam Beesly
Yeah.
Dwight Schrute
Hmm, doesn't seem like the type.
Pam Beesly
Uh, Phyllis got a good look.
Dwight Schrute
Hmm.

Scene 18

1 line
Dwight Schrute
(Pam's sketch looks like Dwight with a mustache, but without his glasses) I plan on plastering this pervert's face everywhere. You can run, but you cannot hide.

Scene 19

5 lines
Pam Beesly
(tires screeching) Oh.
Angela Martin
Meredith, slow down! We're not gonna get there any faster if we're dead.
Meredith Palmer
Thanks. I know how to drive. (dumps the crumbs from a bag of chips she was eating into her mouth and throws it out the window)
Pam Beesly
Oh, yeah. You really shouldn't litter.
Meredith Palmer
My car, my rules.

Scene 20

9 lines
Kevin Malone
Hey, Jim. You wanna go in the women's bathroom?
Jim Halpert
No. Thank you, though.
Kevin Malone
You aren't curious?
Jim Halpert
Not really. I've seen a bathroom before.
Kevin Malone
Yeah, but... it's every guy's fantasy.
Jim Halpert
I think you mean a girl's locker room. And in the fantasy, there's usually girls in it.
Kevin Malone
(quietly) Yeah. I'm going in.
Jim Halpert
Go crazy.
Kevin Malone
(in women's bathroom) Oh... my... God.

Scene 21

6 lines
Andy Bernard
I really appreciate your letting me work alongside you so closely today.
Dwight Schrute
Of course you do, moon face. That's because you're a preppy freak, you're the office pariah, and nobody likes you. So start hanging these all around the building.
Andy Bernard
This guy looks like a real deviant.
Dwight Schrute
No, duh. That's why we gotta catch him. Start hanging those.
Andy Bernard
Aye, aye, Cap'n.
Dwight Schrute
More like, "Aye, aye, General."

Scene 22

3 lines
Michael Scott
(Meredith parking the car) I don't think she's gonna make it. Don't think she's gonna make it - (metal scraping)
Meredith Palmer
It's a little too tight. I'm gonna find another spot.
Michael Scott
Many women are competent drivers. (scraping) OK. Come on.

Scene 23

1 line
Dwight Schrute
(marks Scranton with a red pushpin on a map of Pennsylvania and exhales) This is what we know.

Scene 24

11 lines
Jim Halpert
(in women's bathroom) Well, I stand corrected. This is pretty cool.
Kevin Malone
Yes.
Toby Flenderson
Hey, uh... where'd you decide to take Karen tonight?
Jim Halpert
Anna Maria's.
Ryan Howard
What's the occasion?
Jim Halpert
Six-month anniversary. What?
Ryan Howard
Nothing - I think, uh, we all kinda thought you guys were just, like, hooking up.
Jim Halpert
No, we've been dating for six months.
Ryan Howard
Uh, she might mention an email that I wrote a while back, um -
Jim Halpert
Oh, right. I remember that one. She read it to me. She said she's not really ready to date somebody in the office, but she really likes you as a friend.
Ryan Howard
I figured. It's cool. I don't - I wouldn't want to be in an office relationship anyway.

Scene 25

14 lines
Michael Scott
All right. Hope nobody's on a diet.
Kelly Kapoor
Thanks, Michael.
Angela Martin
Thank you, Michael.
Michael Scott
You're welcome. You're welcome, you're welcome. OK. So, let's dish.
Pam Beesly
What do you want to dish about?
Michael Scott
Anything you guys want. This is your time. (everyone is silent or continues to eat, Michael exhales) Mm. What is a Pap smear? Or is it "shmear?" Like the cream cheese.
Pam Beesly
OK. New topic. Kelly, how are things with Ryan?
Kelly Kapoor
Awesome. Um, awful, I mean. But, uh, sometimes awesome.
Michael Scott
What, um... what do you think of role-play?
Phyllis Vance
Oh, it can be fun.
Michael Scott
Yeah? Well, Jan has this schoolgirl fantasy.
Karen Filippelli
It's a pretty common one.
Michael Scott
I just... I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress.
Angela Martin
OK. I'm gonna be at the doll store.

Scene 26

1 line
Angela Martin
Sometimes, the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.

Scene 27

10 lines
Pam Beesly
Michael, you shouldn't do anything that you're uncomfortable with.
Michael Scott
Jan says anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing. I don't know. Maybe we're different people. I like cuddling and spooning and she likes videotaping us during sex.
Pam Beesly
Oh, my God.
Michael Scott
(groans) And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form.
Karen Filippelli
That is not healthy behavior.
Michael Scott
No, it's not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it.
Pam Beesly
Michael, you need to get out of this.
Michael Scott
No, she's... she's fooling around. It's a woman thing.
Pam Beesly
No, normal women don't do stuff like that. This is bad. (Karen nods and Michael looks like he's about to start crying)
Michael Scott
No... No, it's all right. I'm OK. I'm OK. (sniffing) You guys... what are we gonna do about Jan? (sighs)

Scene 28

18 lines
Pam Beesly
Read the pros first.
Michael Scott
OK. Jan is smart. Uh, successful. Good clothes. Hot. Perfect skin. Nice butt.
Phyllis Vance
She does have very nice clothes.
Karen Filippelli
OK, OK. Um, cons.
Michael Scott
Cons. Wears too much makeup. Breasts: not anything to write home about. Insecure about body. I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Flat-chested.
Pam Beesly
What was the last one?
Michael Scott
She's totally flat. Shrunken chesticles.
Phyllis Vance
No, the one before that.
Michael Scott
I'm unhappy when I'm with her.
Pam Beesly
Michael... you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't make you happy.
Michael Scott
I'm happy sometimes. Um... when we scrapbook or right towards the end of having sex.
Karen Filippelli
Look, most relationships have their rough patches. You just have to push through it sometimes.
Michael Scott
Yeah, that's smart.
Pam Beesly
Maybe. But it sounds like you're just wrong for each other.
Michael Scott
That sounds good too. I don't know who's right. I just don't - I don't know. I don't know.
Phyllis Vance
I bet you know. Don't think, just answer. What do you want to do about Jan?
Michael Scott
I wanna break up with Jan. Wow. I wanna break up with Jan.
Phyllis Vance
My mom taught me that.

Scene 29

3 lines
Michael Scott
Wow, I cannot believe this yogurt has no calories.
Pam Beesly
No one said it has no calories.
Michael Scott
Oh, hey, guys. I want to do something nice for you, because you did something so nice for me earlier. I want you to go in there. I want you to buy one item on me as a thank-you. (Kelly sprints inside Victoria's Secret) Come on. Get in here.

Scene 30

1 line
Michael Scott
Let's face it, most guys are from the Dark Ages. They're caveman. And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing 8-inch heels, and to be wearing, um, see-through underpants. But... for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked.

Scene 31

6 lines
Kevin Malone
(in women's bathroom) This is so great, huh? We should do this much more often.
Toby Flenderson
I-I think we hang out an appropriate amount of time.
Creed Bratton
What are you doing in here? This is the women's room.
Kevin Malone
You're in here.
Creed Bratton
I pay for that privilege. (goes into stall)
Kevin Malone
(all get up to leave) OK.

Scene 32

1 line
Creed Bratton
(wearing headphones and speaking loudly) I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times and I have paid dearly.

Scene 33

3 lines
Michael Scott
Mm. You don't want anything? My treat. Some panties or... pick a thong or... G-string. T-back. Get a nice bra. Padded bra. See-through, push-up, lace? Thigh-high? Bustier? Any - it just - you know what, I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear.
Karen Filippelli
Phyllis. What do you think? Too much?
Phyllis Vance
Jim's gonna love it. (Karen giggles)

Scene 34

1 line
Pam Beesly
I'm kind of in-between boyfriends right now. So I don't need anything sexy. But I do need some new hand towels. I figure I can cut up this robe.

Scene 35

7 lines
Angela Martin
(in the car) Slower. Slower. Meredith. (Michael's cell phone ringing My Humps) Slow it up.
Michael Scott
Oh. Oh, no. (inhales sharply) It's Jan. What do I do?
Karen Filippelli
Answer it.
Pam Beesly
Don't answer it.
Michael Scott
OK, it stopped.
Kelly Kapoor
(bang) Whoa.
Meredith Palmer
(tires screeching) Crap.

Scene 36

1 line
Jim Halpert
(snickers at Pam's sketch) That is pretty cool.

Scene 37

8 lines
Kelly Kapoor
Michael, you know how to, um -change a wheel, right?
Michael Scott
Uh, yeah. Yep. Um... Could somebody grab me the lever, and I will...
Pam Beesly
Here, uh... Meredith? Why don't you put your hazards on.
Michael Scott
Yeah, get your hazards on for safety. Let's see. (takes off his coat and tosses it aside) There we go! (Pam brings over the jack and lug wrench) Good. Yes, we have the... all right. (tries the use the jack to loosen the lug nuts)
Pam Beesly
I think I've got it.
Michael Scott
Do you have a... a crescent? A crescent Allan?
Pam Beesly
I don't think we really need that, Michael.
Michael Scott
Uh... you know what? I'm going to... you take care of that. I'm gonna do traffic... detail.

Scene 38

1 line
Pam Beesly
You know, I changed a tire today. All by myself. This bathrobe's already coming in handy. (Meredith honking) Coming!

Scene 39

8 lines
Andy Bernard
Think we'll find him?
Dwight Schrute
Yeah, I do. 'Cause justice never rests.
Andy Bernard
(pulls a candy bar from his coat pocket) Halvsies?
Dwight Schrute
No. Wholesies. (snatches the candy bar)
Andy Bernard
Listen, man, I really appreciate you letting me shadow you today. I feel like I learned a lot.
Dwight Schrute
Natch. (bites off a lot of candy bar)
Andy Bernard
Yep. If you don't mind, I think I'll hang some of these posters around my neighborhood. Schools, post office, et cetera.
Dwight Schrute
You know, I may have underestimated you. You're not a total ass. (coughs)

Scene 40

18 lines
Michael Scott
OK, I am really going to do this.
Pam Beesly
Good luck, Michael.
Michael Scott
You know what? I need my girls with me. Pam, Karen, even Phyllis. Come on. Let's do this. Let's do it. (sighs)
Karen Filippelli
OK, remember, be strong.
Michael Scott
I love you guys. Now I'm getting her voicemail.
Pam Beesly
Don't leave a -
Michael Scott
(leaving a message) Hey, Jan. It's me, Michael. I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break, permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I-I wanna remain friends. Or at least business associates who get along. Oh, just so you know, it's not me, it's you. (Jan walks in) OK, buddy. Somebody just walked in. I have to go. Um, so I'll talk to you later.
Jan Levinson
Michael... (clears throat) I was, um... I was really unhappy with our conversation earlier. And I... I just - I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I decided that I would drive down here and apologize to you in person. So... (takes Michael's hand) I'm sorry.
Michael Scott
Thank you.
Jan Levinson
So... we're good?
Michael Scott
Abso-fruit-ly.
Jan Levinson
(cell phone vibrates) Oh. Hold on, I'm sorry.
Michael Scott
No... No...
Jan Levinson
One second. Oh! It's from you. Uh, you wanna grab some dinner?
Michael Scott
Yeah.
Jan Levinson
OK. (voice on phone) "It's me, Michael. I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break, permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I want..."
Michael Scott
Maybe some Italian. (voice on phone) "... to remain friends. Or at least business associates -" (Jan takes the phone away from her ear) Chinese? (voice on phone) "who get along. Oh, just so you know, it's not me, it's you. OK, buddy."
Jan Levinson
Oh. (door closes)

Scene 41

1 line
Michael Scott
(sighs) Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable. There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me. I wished for Phyllis, a plasma TV. I wished for Pam to gain courage. I wished for Angela, a heart, and for Kelly, a brain. "Michael, how can you appreciate women so much but also dump one of them?" You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well, maybe I learned something from women after all.

Scene 42

11 lines
Dwight Schrute
(phone rings) Dunder-Mifflin paper/sex predator hotline, this is Dwight Schrute.
Jim Halpert
Hey, Dwight. It's Jim.
Dwight Schrute
Jim, what are you doing? I'm busy.
Jim Halpert
No, you're not. I'm looking right at you.
Dwight Schrute
Ugh. I'm hanging up.
Jim Halpert
Don't. (quietly) I have information about the sex predator.
Dwight Schrute
You have information about the sex predator?
Jim Halpert
I saw him two minutes ago.
Dwight Schrute
Where?
Jim Halpert
In the women's bathroom, above the sink.
Dwight Schrute
(hangs up and runs to the women's bathroom) Anti-flashing task force! Above the sink. Above the sink. Hmm. (sees himself in the mirror with two black marks on the mirror making a mustache, removes his glasses and figures it out) PAM!