Dunder Mifflin, Inc.Best Office Lines

Todd Packer

Vol. 7 · Issue 17Scranton, PA

Every line from the episode is right here, from Michael's misplaced loyalty to Jim and Dwight’s legendary Florida prank. You'll find the full script of Todd Packer making everyone uncomfortable while Pam gets a little "corrupt" over a new computer. It’s the perfect way to catch the moment Michael finally realizes his best friend is actually a jerk.

Scene 01

1 line
Dwight Schrute
I have the best survival stock shelter in north eastern Pennsylvania. But everything has a shelf-life. So I must eat and replace everything that's about to expire. It's nice not to have to plan my meals.

Scene 02

20 lines
Kevin Malone
You're eating eight year old tomatoes?
Dwight Schrute
They're still good for another week.
Meredith Palmer
You know, I think I have some type of cheese in the back of my fridge you might like. (Jim smiles)
Kevin Malone
I've got some cheese you might like too. In between my toes. (all laugh)
Dwight Schrute
Hardy har har. Okay picture this: Snowy ash drizzles from the sky. A ravenous pack of dogs surrounds you as the flame at the end of your stick dies out. There's only one hope left for you. The door to my shelter. You pound, you beg, Dwight! Please let me in! But I ignore your cries and do not let you in. You wanna know why?
Jim Halpert
Because of the sign, that says no pounding no begging.
Dwight Schrute
No. Because you laughed at me. Kevin will be eaten! Pam will be taken slave! Jim will be made a warlord's gesture. Meredith will do ok. Be assured this day will come. It's just a matter of time. Could be one month, could be two months.
Jim Halpert
Three months.
Dwight Schrute
Could be.
Jim Halpert
Four months.
Dwight Schrute
I can see that happening, yes.
Jim Halpert
Eight months?
Dwight Schrute
That's a realistic time line.
Jim Halpert
(Pam kisses Jim on the cheek) Eleven months.
Dwight Schrute
Perhaps.
Jim Halpert
Okay now really think hard about this one: One year.
Dwight Schrute
I can see that as a very real possibility.
Jim Halpert
(time has obviously passed, as everyone is gone except Jim and Dwight) Four hundred and ninety-four months?
Dwight Schrute
I can see that happening.
Jim Halpert
Four hundred and ninety-FIVE months. That's just...

Scene 03

3 lines
Todd Packer
I really though I was becoming too much of a womanizer. I realized I had shirts in five different women's houses.
Michael Scott
Still not seeing the problem here.
Todd Packer
All right, truth is I gotta couple love bumps on my ding-dong so, game-over!

Scene 04

1 line
Michael Scott
It was the best of times, it was the awesomest of times. And now Packer wants to come home. And ohh, look who's here to sign off on it! My boo, Holly.

Scene 05

29 lines
Holly Flax
(walks into conference room with Michael and Todd) Hi!
Michael Scott
Hi. (Holly and Michael kiss)
Holly Flax
You must be Todd.
Todd Packer
(shaking Holly's hand) Whoa! I'm sorry, Michael. I thought we were meeting Holly today, not Jennifer Aniston!
Holly Flax
(laughs oddly) Very funny. Okay let's get started.
Todd Packer
After you!
Michael Scott
Oh, Michael! This'll be just us.
Michael Scott
Oh, yes yes yes yes. Just so you know, he's at his funniest when you've given him five shots.
Holly Flax
All right.
Michael Scott
And it also helps if you've had five shots.
Holly Flax
I already have.
Michael Scott
Whoa!
Jim Halpert
(to Michael) Why is Packer back?
Michael Scott
Is Packer here?
Dwight Schrute
Why's he talking to Holly?
Michael Scott
(peering into conference room) Don't know, don't care.
Holly Flax
(to Todd) Michael loves you, and your sales speak for themselves.
Todd Packer
(excitedly) Oh!
Michael Scott
(sees Holly and Todd shaking hands in the conference room) Yes! The Pack is back! Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to a man who needs no introduction, probably because most of you have done it with him. Just kidding he wouldn't be interested in any of you. In all seriousness, Todd Packer, is a permanent salesman at this branch. And I would like to invite you to welcome him with open arms.
Kevin Malone
Yes!
Jim Halpert
What!?
Todd Packer
It's great to be among friends, but until then, you suckers will do!
Kevin Malone
Nice! We got burned!
Michael Scott
You did! You got burned, because Packer's back! Packer is turning in his car for a desk. He is turning in his condoms, for a condominium! Although he's probably going to have to use condoms from here on out.
Dwight Schrute
(seething) Holly, you approved this?
Holly Flax
Yes I did, I think Todd's gonna make a great addition to the staff.
Jim Halpert
You did approve it?
Holly Flax
Yeah.
Kevin Malone
What don't you understand about the word approved? It seems some of you don't know what the word approved means.

Scene 06

1 line
Kevin Malone
I have very little patience for stupidity.

Scene 07

3 lines
Erin Hannon
(walking in with Gabe behind her) Sorry we're late. Gabe fell in the shower.
Gabe Lewis
I'm such a klutz!
Erin Hannon
Yeah, it took the fire department forever to get there. (realizing there's a new computer at her desk. Gets very excited) Oh my God, where did this come from?! Who did this?!

Scene 08

1 line
Pam Beesly
I got Erin a new computer, because the one at reception sucked. I should know. And I don't wanna say the other one was old, but its I.P. number is one! (laughs sheepishly) Right?

Scene 09

6 lines
Erin Hannon
Thank you Pam.
Pam Beesly
Awwh, you're welcome. (they hug) My pleasure.
Jim Halpert
(Pam walks over to him and smiles excitedly while bouncing, Jim imitates her) Can I do something for ya?
Pam Beesly
I just helped someone out. It feels good.
Jim Halpert
Nice. You know, I cleaned our daughter for like, an hour at four a.m. this morning, so...
Pam Beesly
So you know the feeling.

Scene 10

17 lines
Michael Scott
Special delivery for Dwight K. Schrute.
Dwight Schrute
I didn't order anything.
Michael Scott
And I don't have anything for you. But I do wanna talk to you about something. We have been thinking about where Packer should sit... And we can't just sit around and wait for Creed to die.
Dwight Schrute
Well there's a lot of seats in the annex.
Michael Scott
So you wouldn't mind permanently relocating, so that Packer can take this desk here. (Jim looks appalled)
Todd Packer
Thanks man, it'd mean a lot.
Dwight Schrute
I have been sitting here for ten years, Michael.
Todd Packer
well I was there for twelve years. Plus my name's carved under the desk.
Dwight Schrute
No it is not.
Todd Packer
Is too!
Michael Scott
(Grunting as he crawls under Dwight's desk. Dwight follows) Let's look at this.
Todd Packer
Check it out!
Dwight Schrute
I don't wanna move desks!
Michael Scott
Don't be a baby! Okay! There it is. Packer was here and so was your mom! [Todd starts humping Dwight and Michael who are still under the desk.
Jim Halpert
Do I have any say in this?!
Michael Scott
No!
Todd Packer
(grunting while humping Michael and Dwight) Don't even watch, Halpert!

Scene 11

20 lines
Dwight Schrute
(in the annex, moving into his new desk. Holds up a red tray with rocks on it) Hey, who's dirt box is this?
Holly Flax
Oh, that's our Zen garden.
Dwight Schrute
What do you grow in here, bullcrap? (puts the tray into the garbage)
Pam Beesly
(walking into the annex with Jim) Hey, um...
Holly Flax
Hey, what's up guys?
Meredith Palmer
Don't what's up us! You think you're so cute, with your pretty blonde hair!
Jim Halpert
Whoa, pull it back. Uhm, why did you hire Todd Packer?
Holly Flax
Uhm.
Pam Beesly
He's seriously awful!
Holly Flax
Michael's recommendation was glowing! And, honestly, he's been nothing but nice to me!
Meredith Palmer
That's how he gets you to take off his panties.
Jim Halpert
(Pam starts nodding in agreement) Why are you nodding?
Pam Beesly
United front...
Holly Flax
Okay, look. We can't fire someone because we don't like him.
Ryan Howard
Right this isn't the U.S. Government.
Kelly Kapoor
What are you referencing?
Ryan Howard
(seems unsure) Everything... Everything.
Holly Flax
Do any of you have any concrete complaints about something he's done?
Jim Halpert
Well, I mean he humped Michael.
Holly Flax
Well if that's the case, I guess I've gotta be fired too. (all groan in disgust)

Scene 12

17 lines
Andy Bernard
(looking at his computer, gasps) Hey! Hey you guys! The Armeth Regado video is up, gather around! (no one moves) Check it out! This guy's on a full beam reach. (watching a sailing video on his computer) They're hiking out like mad! Lock 'em up! Lock 'em up! Nice job! Ughh. (computer is frozen, taps the top of it) This computer's a hunk of jjunk.
Erin Hannon
Hey sailor! Come watch it over here! (pats her new computer)
Andy Bernard
Where did you get this?!
Erin Hannon
Pam gave it to me!
Andy Bernard
This is a sick computer! Gwen Stefani has this computer! (to Pam, in a fake British accent) Uhhh, Pamela! What does a guy have to do to get, ahem, one of them?
Pam Beesly
You have a computer Andy.
Andy Bernard
Yeah, but if you donated my computer to Africa, it would become world famous as the slowest computer in Africa. So...
Pam Beesly
Ok, but listen. We just don't have the budget for it. Okay? Reception needed a computer so we got one.
Andy Bernard
Well Andy's desk needs a computer. And, I mean, it's just kinda a coincidence that I work there, but...
Pam Beesly
Yes, but Reception is a one person department. If I get you a new computer I have to get one for everyone in sales. For Dwight, for Stanley, it would be crazy.
Stanley Hudson
So something good happening to Stanley is crazy now?
Andy Bernard
I'm not asking for one, I need it.
Phyllis Vance
If you're just handing them out, I want one too.
Andy Bernard
Phyllis, no body is handing anything out.
Pam Beesly
See, this is what I'm talking about.
Andy Bernard
What are you gonna play mange on faster?
Pam Beesly
Sorry Andy.

Scene 13

11 lines
Todd Packer
Hey what's going on you guys? (walking into the kitchen with Holly, Dwight, and Kevin, with whom he fist bumps) Yeahh! Three muska-queers!
Kevin Malone
(giggling) Mean but good!
Holly Flax
So, Todd, this must be nice for you getting off the road. You get to spend some time with your daughter.
Todd Packer
I don't know, I love her and all, but she turned into a bitch. Mostly she's great, but some days she acts like her mom. (Holly is un-amused)
Holly Flax
Well, some girls go through a phase.
Kevin Malone
Hey, your life is so insane! You should write a book!
Todd Packer
Since when did you learn how to read?
Kevin Malone
I do know how to read though!
Todd Packer
Yeah. You know how to read... a menu!
Kevin Malone
(Todd leaves. Kevin laughs uncertainly) He's right. I mean, I could lose some weight.
Dwight Schrute
Kevin, in sumo culture, you'd be considered a promising up and comer.

Scene 14

41 lines
Pam Beesly
(walking through the office, notices Andy with Erin's computer set up at his desk) What the heck! Why do you have Erin's computer!
Andy Bernard
It's crazy, right? Erin just wanted me to have it, so we switched.
Pam Beesly
What? Erin is that true?
Erin Hannon
(nods) I just thought, he really needed a new computer, and he knew so much about that one.
Pam Beesly
Erin, it's not up to you. This computer was for reception! Okay? It's not yours to give away.
Andy Bernard
Pam, when I'm freaking out, I just sorta step back and-
Pam Beesly
I'm not freaking out, Andy.
Andy Bernard
-take a few breaths, and then I ask myself: Is this worth freaking out about?
Pam Beesly
Andy, why should she have your crappy computer?
Andy Bernard
That's interesting. So you also think my computer is crappy.
Pam Beesly
Switch the computers back Andy.
Andy Bernard
Seriously?
Pam Beesly
Seriously.
Andy Bernard
Pam! Come on!
Pam Beesly
Now please.
Andy Bernard
Fine! (the office goes back to their work) Please make sure no one is humping me!
Erin Hannon
(to Holly who is walking by) Oh! If you're going back to the annex, could you take these to Dwight? I think the ants are waking up. They need to start farming soon. (picks up an ant farm and tube of ants from her desk, Holly takes them) Thanks.
Michael Scott
Best day ever. Best day ever!
Holly Flax
So much happening. (not as excited as Michael)
Michael Scott
Question, should I get stripes shaved on the side of my head?
Holly Flax
No! No.
Michael Scott
Please.
Holly Flax
Did Todd tell you to do that?
Michael Scott
Yeah, You love him right? (Holly seems unsure) You love him. I can tell.
Holly Flax
I love you.
Michael Scott
No. Not me, him.
Holly Flax
That's certainly opinionated.
Erin Hannon
(looking anxious) If you're not gonna take the ants over I should probably just do it myself.
Holly Flax
Oh I'm going.
Michael Scott
Whoa! Look, are you jealous of him? Because you think he's funnier than you? Oh honey...
Holly Flax
I don't think he's funnier than me.
Michael Scott
He's funnier than me.
Holly Flax
No, he's not funny at all.
Michael Scott
So I'm less funny than not funny at all?
Erin Hannon
(very anxious at this point) Gee! Uh oh! I think the ants are starting to eat each other!
Holly Flax
No, what I'm saying is, he's not funny, but you're funnier than he is.
Michael Scott
(seems taken aback) Uhm...
Holly Flax
Ok: Bill Cosby (puts the ant tube high up. Each time she mentions a name it gets lower), Steve Martin, Charlie Bit My Finger, Michael Scott, then all the way down here (tube takes a jump to the bottom) Todd Packer.
Michael Scott
That's insane!
Holly Flax
Honey, he's a jerk.
Erin Hannon
(getting up and walking towards them, worriedly) For Pete's sake it just needs to be done! (takes the ant farm and tube from Holly and heads towards the annex)

Scene 15

11 lines
Todd Packer
(to Jim) So you two are married to each other now, right?
Jim Halpert
Yeah.
Todd Packer
That's sweet. How's the sex?
Jim Halpert
(continues working)
Dwight Schrute
(walks towards Todd) Hey Packer, I made you some hot chocolate.
Todd Packer
Why?
Dwight Schrute
'Cause I wanna let bygones be bygones. Show you I'm cool. You're the new guy. It's cold out. I made too much. I got this awesome hot chocolate recipe from my wife.
Jim Halpert
That's a lot of reasons! (suspicious)
Dwight Schrute
Drink it!
Todd Packer
I think I'll pass. The only hot chocolate I'm into is Viva A Fox. (winks)
Jim Halpert
(interrupts Dwight trying to force feed Todd) Can I talk to you a second?

Scene 16

18 lines
Jim Halpert
So, this hot chocolate thing.
Dwight Schrute
None of your business.
Jim Halpert
Well, you know you can't actually poison him.
Dwight Schrute
It wasn't poison Jim, it was a laxative. People take laxatives all the time. This is just, a lot more of a laxative. Let me handle this.
Jim Halpert
I really think we should join forces on this one.
Dwight Schrute
Really.
Jim Halpert
What do we think, what would drive him crazy.
Dwight Schrute
I know.
Jim Halpert
Here we go.
Dwight Schrute
Pepto-Bismol, in his hot chocolate.
Jim Halpert
You've gotta stop with the hot chocolate stuff. I was thinking we can jam his drawers, so they only comes out two inches, then he can see everything in them but he can't get to them.
Dwight Schrute
(mocking) Ooh does Edgar Allan Poe know about that one? So sinister! That wouldn't annoy a person at all! Where do you come up with this stuff?
Jim Halpert
Okay! Well this isn't my best, but call Froggy101, say that we're the tour manager for Justin Bieber, and we're giving away free tickets, we give him a number to call for the tickets, and it's his own number.
Dwight Schrute
Who is Justice Beaver?
Jim Halpert
He... It's a crime fighting beaver.
Dwight Schrute
Why don't you write up your best forty ideas and e-mail them to me. Can you do that?
Jim Halpert
Absolutely, I'll e-mail you a hundred.
Dwight Schrute
Yeah, write up your list of one hundred, edit it down to your top forty, then e-mail it to me, and I'll read it over.

Scene 17

14 lines
Andy Bernard
Pam. Can I talk to you in private?
Pam Beesly
I don't know if there's really a private place in this office.
Andy Bernard
Well they put a sign-up sheet on the conference room and I signed us up for three mods. A mod is five minutes. And it started two minutes ago.
Pam Beesly
(looking confused) You did that?
Andy Bernard
Can we talk about this in the meeting? Because we're a little late.
Pam Beesly
Okay. (walks to conference room with Andy and stares at the sign up sheet with wonder) When did people sign-
Andy Bernard
Mind if I close the door? (after shutting door in the conference room) What you did out there, earlier, was totally un-cool.
Pam Beesly
Well what was I supposed to do, let you walk all over me?
Andy Bernard
You humiliated me in front of every body!
Pam Beesly
Okay, well I didn't think about it like that. It's just, I can't do anything about it. I can't replace that one unless that computer breaks.
Andy Bernard
I mean, it's pretty broken already.
Pam Beesly
Yeah, well if it breaks all the way I can get you a new one.
Andy Bernard
(looks at her knowingly) Pretty sneaky sis. (knocking on conference room door)
Ryan Howard
(walking in) Hey cats, we got a jazz session in mod six, nine, and twelve. (Pam and Andy exit as Ryan and others holding saxophones walk in, Pam looks at the sign up sheet in awe)

Scene 18

5 lines
Dwight Schrute
(to Jim, the two are alone in the annex) There are over four hundred of these! (indicating a packet of paper)
Jim Halpert
Yeah I couldn't cut it down.
Dwight Schrute
They're all good. So good! Number three: eat a frog. That sounds promising. Number four: eat a dog. I don't know, um, from practical stand point-
Jim Halpert
One thirty-five. Did you like one thirty-five?
Dwight Schrute
Eat a brog. Maybe it's because I didn't understand it. I just had a couple of notes, let me grab a pen. (Dwight tries to open up a drawer on his desk but it only goes out two inches) Damn it. Gah! Just when we were getting going.

Scene 19

1 line
Andy Bernard
(Andy is seen clicking random things and warning boxes pop up. He pours coffee on his keyboard, puts bologna with mustard in his CD drive, and many other computer harming things) Allow all cookies? Why certainly! Pop-ups? Yes please! Bit torrent streaming from a Somalian music website? Yeah! Why not? (mock baby voice) Oh I hope you don't get sick Mr. Computer. (computer voice) Why are you doing this to me Andy? (normal voice again) Because I hate your programs!

Scene 20

16 lines
Todd Packer
(at Hank's with Michael, talking to Hank) And a '76 that's good to boot, I like that. (Hank smiles)
Michael Scott
And you made Hank smile, that doesn't happen often. You're very charming. That is something you should take upstairs, and use on people that really matter. (Hank looks irritated again)
Todd Packer
Why?
Michael Scott
I don't know, Holly mentioned that there were some complaints. And that you had said some things about Kevin.
Todd Packer
Holly said that?
Michael Scott
Yeah.
Holly Flax
She was laughing hysterically that whole time!
Michael Scott
I guess you said something weird about your daughter?
Todd Packer
She asked me, Michael! It would've been rude not to answer.
Michael Scott
You've been on the road a long time. And you've been an outdoor cat. And now you have to be an indoor cat, so you can't be peeing all over the walls.
Todd Packer
Michael, can I open the kamomo with you. I've been on the road too long. But, I wanna connect with my daughter. And it's not right to call her a bitch in front of strangers.
Michael Scott
No it isn't.
Todd Packer
You're right. I gotta watch my behavior.
Michael Scott
Yeah, a little bit.
Todd Packer
Don't give up on me.
Michael Scott
I won't.

Scene 21

17 lines
Michael Scott
(Michael and Todd are walking into the office) Okay, every body. I need you to see this. Because maybe there is somebody here that you all underestimated, who will surprise you. Todd Packer, is going to apologize. Kevin! Front and center, come here.
Kevin Malone
I got a lot of numbers here to put together.
Michael Scott
Kevin, we know that you are just trying to save face, we know that you are hurt and embarrassed.
Kevin Malone
That's silly. If anything, I should be apologizing to Packer. Because we all know I can dish it, as good as I can take it.
Michael Scott
Okay, sweetie, no. You shouldn't be apologizing to Packer. That doesn't make any sense. You ready for this? You ready for this? Gentlemen, start your engines.
Todd Packer
I'm sorry if you were offended by my comments earlier.
Kevin Malone
Well, like I said, I wasn't offended, but I'll stand here for the big show.
Michael Scott
Kevin, do you accept the apology?
Kelly Kapoor
Don't do it Kevin, that's the fake kind of apology.
Michael Scott
Okay, go back to the annex.
Kelly Kapoor
This is textbook. It's so uncool. Ryan does this to me all the time. Like it's some offense to have feelings. Don't do it Kevin.
Ryan Howard
(muttering) Sometimes you over react.
Oscar Martinez
Michael how's this supposed to work? Packer's gonna keep saying terrible things, and then he's just gonna make half-assed apologies. And we're back to square one.
Todd Packer
Okay. You want an apology? Here it goes. Kevin, I am so sorry. You are skinny, and you are a genius.
Michael Scott
That-That was maybe too much. Packer is a survivor of divorce Stanley. Packer doesn't speak with his child, Meredith. Packer never lived up to his parent's expectations, Andy. (Andy looks confused and shrugs) Angela loves pussy cats, and Packer loves-
Angela Martin
(cutting in) No! Don't!
Michael Scott
I was going to say dogs! Okay, you know what, this is over! Apology has been issued! And we're through with it. Packer will be here until the day he dies, just like the rest of us!

Scene 22

6 lines
Pam Beesly
(in a car with Andy, by the dumpster you can see a new computer box) So listen, we have to really scuff this up.
Andy Bernard
No no no no no! We can say that the previous owner was a neat-freak. Or an elegant old lady and she just kept it around in case her grand-kids came to visit, but they died and they never came, I think I'm gonna make myself cry.
Pam Beesly
Andy, this is the deal we made.
Andy Bernard
(watching Pam scrap his computer) That's probably good. That's enough.
Pam Beesly
We should break this hinge maybe.
Andy Bernard
Let's not go crazy.

Scene 23

7 lines
Todd Packer
Well thanks, will do.
Jim Halpert
(using fake Southern accent, on the phone with Todd Packer, Dwight is also with Jim) Absolutely, now when you get down there, Jo's a little bit, uh, forgetful. So she may have locked the gate, but what you're gonna do is go ahead, hop it, and just head back to the pool. (Michael walks in on Jim and Dwight)
Todd Packer
That sounds weird.
Jim Halpert
It is weird! Look at you, perceptive. Now I know why Jo's kept her eye on you!
Dwight Schrute
(also In southern accent) And you make sure to get down there and check out that Harry Potter World.
Jim Halpert
(trying to stop him) Whatever you wanna do in your spare time is up to you!
Dwight Schrute
Harry Potter World is supposed to be faaantastic!

Scene 24

1 line
Todd Packer
Apparently, as soon as corporate found out I wanted to come in off the road, Jo offered me a cushy new job in Tallahassee. And here's the best part. I'm a huge alligator nerd. I can name you every genus, every sub species. Also I'm a huge boob nerd.

Scene 25

12 lines
Dwight Schrute
Check it out and have a free butterbeer on us. Keep the receipt and we'll get ya' back!
Michael Scott
What are you doing?
Jim Halpert
(trying to hide from Michael what they're doing, he picks up the phone and talks directly into it) All right, so just pack your bags and, uh, be sure to bring those swimming trunks! Bye now! (hangs up)
Michael Scott
I cannot believe this, you're sending Packer to Florida? Why?
Jim Halpert
He's a jerk.
Dwight Schrute
He took my desk.
Michael Scott
Okay, so you're tricking him into flying to Florida?
Dwight Schrute
It wasn't my first choice, Jim had so many better ideas.
Michael Scott
You have to tell him. You have to tell him what you did.
Dwight Schrute
No, no, no. That is not part of the plan. That is actually anti-what we're doing.
Michael Scott
He is my oldest friend, I am going to tell him.
Jim Halpert
Wait! Why don't we come up with a plan we're all happy about? (Michael leaves)

Scene 26

5 lines
Andy Bernard
(plugging in new computer, acting to make people think he got a bad computer) Pam, how is this thing even any better than my old computer?
Pam Beesly
Come on Andy! I mean you said you wanted a new computer and this is the best I could do!
Andy Bernard
Where'd you even find this thing, like, in the corner in the warehouse?
Pam Beesly
Yes, I found it in a shelf in the corner of the warehouse. (Darryl gives the camera an odd look)
Andy Bernard
All right, well thank you for my garbage computer. (Andy turns it on and looks amazed, clearly happy with it)

Scene 27

12 lines
Todd Packer
(walking into Michael's office) You're looking at the new face of corporate. Gonna put the "ass", in Tallahassee!
Michael Scott
Yes, about that.
Todd Packer
Well we gotta go out and celebrate, tonight!
Michael Scott
Well... I don't know if that's a good idea.
Todd Packer
Do you have a ball and chain?
Michael Scott
No, nothing like that at all.
Todd Packer
Listen, I'm gonna tell you something that none of these people have the stones to tell you. It's your girlfriend, man. She's uptight.
Michael Scott
Sorry?
Todd Packer
I know this stuff can hurt, but I wish someone had said something to me about my ex-wife. All I'm saying is about a month or so, meet me down in Florida, I'll introduce you to all the local (spanks the air) talent.
Michael Scott
(thinks a moment) Sounds great.
Todd Packer
It's gonna be so good.
Michael Scott
That is. (Jim sees them and looks happy) It's gonna be awesome. I think you're really going to enjoy it down there.

Scene 28

8 lines
Holly Flax
I'm sorry about your friend.
Michael Scott
Nah, he's an ass.
Holly Flax
(Brooklyn accent) You ahh.
Michael Scott
(imitating) You ahh.
Holly Flax
What ah you wicked smaht?
Michael Scott
No you ahh.
Holly Flax
Who ahh?
Michael Scott
(kisses her and speaks normally again) You ahh.

Scene 29

8 lines
Darryl Philbin
So this new computer you found in the warehouse.
Pam Beesly
Yep. Lucked out.
Darryl Philbin
Yeah, you really did. 'Cause I know every INCH of that warehouse.
Pam Beesly
Yep, super lucky.
Darryl Philbin
Maybe you could go back down there and see if you can find me some extra sick days.
Pam Beesly
(hesitating at the bribe) Yeah. You know what , I think I saw ONE sick day down there.
Darryl Philbin
Really? 'Cause I think maybe I saw five.
Pam Beesly
Three. (Daryl nods)

Scene 30

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Pam Beesly
I'm full on corrupt!