Every line from The Office episode "Body Language", season 6 episode 21.
Michael Scott: Buenos dias, Erin.
Erin Hannon: Buenos dias, Miguel. (phone rings) Hello, Dunder-Mifflin.
Michael Scott: No, no, no, no. Solamente en espanol, por favor.
Michael Scott: Buenos dias, Jaime.
Jim Halpert: Buenos dias, Miguel. Como estas? Bien? Claro que si! Yo estoy fantastico. Que pasa?
Michael Scott: Ha ha! Buenos dias, Dwight!
Dwight Schrute: Guten tag, Herr Michael.
Oscar Martinez: Your office is full of genitalia.
Michael Scott: (clears throat) Oh. Eso es lo que dice, el!
Oscar Martinez: "That's what he says?"
Michael Scott: Damn it. (knock on door) Ah, Angelo.
Angela Martin: Angela. (Michael sticks post-it on Angela's forehead with female genitalia) Michael.
Michael Scott: Yo soy Cancun.
Angela Martin: (removes post-it, leaves) Uhh!
Jim Halpert: All right, so I'll finish up on bulk pricing, and then you go into delivery guarantee.
Pam Beesly: You know, maybe there's an opportunity for a joke there, like, um... like, (vaudeville delivery) "I just delivered a baby. They didn't offer me a guarantee."
Jim Halpert: Yeah, or maybe we don't even need that.
Michael Scott: Can you smell the power of the Halperts? Power couple.
Dwight Schrute: You know what? I should be getting this client, Michael. My numbers are better than either of theirs.
Michael Scott: I went with the people I thought would put the best face on the company.
Dwight Schrute: If you want people to put the best face on something, why would you get two people who probably never cut the face off of anything in their lives?
Jim Halpert: (whispers) That's a good point.
Pam Beesly: This is our first joint sales pitch. I think we're gonna work really well together.
Jim Halpert: Yeah I think we have complimentary strengths. We understand each other.
Pam Beesly: We have good give and take. (vaudeville delivery) I give, he takes.
Jim Halpert: (whispering) I don't even know who you are anymore.
Pam Beesly: (vaudeville delivery) Yee.
Donna: Hi, uh, Donna Newton, here to see Michael Scott.
Jim Halpert: Oh, hey, Miss Newton. Hi, I'm Jim.
Jim Halpert: How are you?
Michael Scott: Did somebody order a hooker over here?
Donna: (laughing) Oh, stop that.
Michael Scott: Hi. How are you?
Michael Scott: Right here, we have the wonder twins, Jim and Pam Halpert. They will be assisting you today.
Donna: You look exactly alike.
Pam Beesly: Oh, no we're actually married. We're not brother and sister.
Donna: I have a sense about these things.
Donna: You have some ancestors in common... somewhere back.
Angela Martin: I knew it. You should see their baby.
Jim Halpert: (explaining PowerPoint to Donna) So, yes, laser printers are more expensive. But they cost less to operate (knocking) So it's a tradeoff.
Michael Scott: (barges in) Hi.
Jim Halpert: Hold on one second.
Michael Scott: Sorry to interrupt. Sorry to interrupt. Do you, Donna, by any chance shop at Victoria's Secret?
Michael Scott: Because I keep getting these magazines sent to me via the address of the woman who used to live in my condo before me.
Jim Halpert: None of this is time sensitive.
Michael Scott: Uh, yes, uh, the sale is on now through May.
Donna: Oh, yeah, thank you.
Michael Scott: Okay, I have more of them.
Gabe Lewis: You would have weekly conference calls with executives in corporate. A two-week training program at the Yale school of management, obviously you would be high on the list for advancement opportunities.
Darryl Philbin: Sounds all right.
Dwight Schrute: What is this?
Gabe Lewis: Oh, this is "Print in All Colors," Sabre's minority executive training program.
Dwight Schrute: It doesn't just sound a'ight, it sounds amazing.
Darryl Philbin: I didn't say "a'ight."
Dwight Schrute: How do I apply?
Gabe Lewis: You have to be a minority.
Dwight Schrute: Uh, glasses wearers. Cholera survivors. Geniuses. Non-organic family farmers. The list goes on and on. You want me to keep going?
Gabe Lewis: Those don't really count. We're thinking more ethnic and racial minorities.
Dwight Schrute: Come here. Come here.
Dwight Schrute: Ten seconds ago, this guy was driving a forklift. Okay? Now all off a sudden he's Cinderella of the office. What are you guys thinking?
Darryl Philbin: I like the sound of this. (looks at Dwight) Maybe one day I'll be sitting in Michael's chair. Wouldn't that be something?
Kelly Kapoor: (on phone) This is the second time that you've sent me the wrong size. I mean, I know what a four feels like. I've been a four my whole life. You know what? You can go to Hell. All right? Thanks for nothing.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, man. White people, right?
Kelly Kapoor: I don't know if she was white.
Dwight Schrute: Well, you can kinda tell from the voice.
Dwight Schrute: I bet you get pulled over by the cops a lot, just because of your race.
Kelly Kapoor: Well, they say it's because of texting, but maybe you're right.
Dwight Schrute: I think you should consider applying for the executive minority training program.
Kelly Kapoor: Never thought of myself as an executive before.
Dwight Schrute: I know, 'cause you have no role models. How many Indian CEO's can you think of?
Kelly Kapoor: I can't think of any CEO's, any race.
Dwight Schrute: You could be the Indian Bill Gates. You could be the Indian Ted Turner.
Kelly Kapoor: I could be the Indian Julia Roberts.
Dwight Schrute: That's not... she's... okay. Yes.
Michael Scott: I took the liberty to scan a few things earlier, and I want to show you... there we go! (Michael's picture pops up on the PowerPoint screen) Whoa, look at those vivid colors. Look at my eyes. Those are Shrek-green eyes. That is me again. I think this displays the crisp, dazzling white.
Michael Scott: And that would be a display (image from a catalog of a man wearing only white boxers pops up) of the crisp, gorgeous black.
Michael Scott: This is a place that I like to go to be alone with my thoughts. I've never taken anybody there before.
Donna: Who took the photo?
Donna: Oh. (Michael quickly advances PowerPoint show to last slide which is "SEX" in bold white letters on a black background and then exits the show quickly)
Michael Scott: And that's it. That's me. That's who I am.
Donna: (giggles) Not bad.
Michael Scott: Oh, thanks. (softly) You're not bad, either.
Donna: Thank you. (Michael tries t kiss Donna, Donna clears throat) Hmm.
Donna: Oh my God. (realizing Jim and Pam are looking through the conference room windows)
Michael Scott: Jim! Could you come in here for a sec? What was that printer we were looking at?
Michael Scott: (in his office) You didn't see it, Pam. She was giving me all sorts of signals that she wanted me to make a move. Shortbread?
Pam Beesly: I'll have one.
Jim Halpert: Well, maybe you shouldn't try to kiss people at work.
Michael Scott: Oh really, Jim? What about Pam? And you did a heck of a lot more than kiss. Maybe this could be my Pam.
Jim Halpert: Okay. Well, all that is irrelevant.
Pam Beesly: Maybe Michael has a point. I mean, if she was really that upset, she wouldn't still be here.
Jim Halpert: What was that?
Pam Beesly: Just let him flirt with her. People meet each other all sorts of ways.
Jim Halpert: Pam, you know he's not gonna get anywhere, and he's gonna blow our sale.
Pam Beesly: Who cares? (Michael peeking at them through his office window) It's not that huge a sale.
Jim Halpert: Hey, the Schwab guy told us to treat every sale like it was a huge sale.
Pam Beesly: Don't act like you understood anything that guy said. (pat's Jim's arm) Good luck, wingman. (salutes)
Dwight Schrute: How as being a minority affected you?
Kelly Kapoor: Well, there's a lot of pressure from my parents to settle down and marry an Indian guy.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, good, and you resent this because...
Kelly Kapoor: Indian guys always wear their cell phones outside their pants. It's so dorky.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, no, no. That's not dorky. (Dwight wears his phone like that) Look, it's easily accessible. Boom, like this. 911, hello. Scranton Strangler's in the house. Inside the house.
Kelly Kapoor: Just put it in your pocket.
Michael & Donna: (indistinct chatter inside conference room)
Kevin Malone: (looking it) Look at that. She's totally flirting with him.
Phyllis Vance: You don't know that. Some people can't help oozing sexuality.
Creed Bratton: You ever notice you can ooze two things: sexuality and pus. Man, I tell ya.
Phyllis Vance: She just crossed her arms together... that's bad.
Pam Beesly: Maybe she's just pushing her breasts together to make them look bigger.
Kevin Malone: (tries it by crossing his arms) Like that? (to Andy)
Donna: Is this... is this the best you can do right there?
Jim Halpert: Uh, for that printer, yes. Unfortunately we don't have a lot of flexibility.
Donna: Oh. Well, I guess I'm just used to the restaurant business, (removes sweater revealing her revealing top) where, if you're in charge, then you can always get discounts for the people that you like.
Jim Halpert: Yeah. (chuckles)
Michael Scott: So maybe we could find a little wiggle room, right?
Jim Halpert: What's that?
Michael Scott: Maybe wee find some wiggle room?
Jim Halpert: I don't... I don't think so.
Michael Scott: I think we could. (Donna giggles)
Oscar Martinez: I don't see how we could possibly sell these for that little without losing money. Delivery alone will cost...
Michael Scott: Okay, well sometimes... sometimes it makes financial sense to lose money, right? Like for tax purposes.
Oscar Martinez: Actually, ran the numbers on this, and in this case, it makes more financial sense to gain money.
Michael Scott: Why don't you run them again?
Jim Halpert: What if she's just flirting with you to get a better price?
Michael Scott: If she is, it's working.
Kevin Malone: Yeah, Michael, here's a trick. Ask her if she wants a mint. If she says "no," then she is not interested.
Jim Halpert: She does not like him.
Pam Beesly: You can flirt with someone to get what you want and also be attracted to them. How do you think we got together?
Jim Halpert: 'cause I stopped by your desk like 15 times a day.
Pam Beesly: I was after your money.
Jim Halpert: Well, the joke was on you.
Kelly Kapoor: (typing) Can you stop micromanaging? I know how to do this.
Dwight Schrute: Hey... what are you guys doing?
Kelly Kapoor: This girl was really rude to me at the mall. So I created a fake I.M. account from a hot guy at her high school, and now I'm trying to make her anorexic.
Ryan Howard: Tell her everyone in home room thinks she's fat.
Kelly Kapoor: Oh, that is so good.
Dwight Schrute: You know, we really should keep practicing for this interview.
Kelly Kapoor: Oh, that's okay. Ryan coached me.
Dwight Schrute: Ryan? What does he know?
Ryan Howard: It's easy... you just turn every question around on them. Do you think you're treated differently because of your race?
Kelly Kapoor: Would you ask that same question if I was white? We're so in.
Kelly Kapoor: When I become executive, I'm gonna make Ryan manager.
Ryan Howard: And then the two of us are cleanin' house.
Michael Scott: So corporate approval of this contract is contingent upon buyer and seller...
Michael Scott: Operating blahdy blahdy blah. Boilerplate. Pound of fish. (Donna laughing) Just kidding. Do you like mints?
Michael Scott: I carry mints with me sometimes. You ever tried those?
Donna: Oh, I haven't tried those. No.
Michael Scott: They're good (Donna grabs mint)
Donna: It's like cool... "certified cool." I like how they say "certified." Like there's some consortium of... (Michael grabs the mint from Donna's hand with his mouth, Donna pulls her hand away) Michael!
Michael Scott: I can't stop myself from kissing her.
Kevin Malone: Yeah, now you know how I feel sitting next to those M&M's all day.
Andy Bernard: Well, why don't you just move the M&M's?
Kevin Malone: Well, why don't you shut up!
Michael Scott: Okay, guys, guys, guys. Just tell me it's not totally insane to try one more time.
Jim Halpert: It is totally insane.
Oscar Martinez: Michael, he's right. You are turning into a stalker.
Michael Scott: Okay. What do you think?
Kevin Malone: I think it's over, man.
Michael Scott: Okay, some for, some against.
Jim Halpert: Nobody's for.
Michael Scott: What do you think?
Pam Beesly: Um... I think it's really, really unlikely.
Pam Beesly: Really unlikely. But I can't say that it's impossible.
Michael Scott: I'm going with Pam's group.
Michael Scott: Here we go.
Jim Halpert: Michael. Michael.
Michael Scott: No, guys, guys, guys. Guys, just... thank you for talking. Wish me luck.
Dwight Schrute: Kelly is disqualified!
Dwight Schrute: You said the program is not open to Caucasians. Well... anthropologically, she is Indian. Indians migrated from the caucuses region of Europe. Therefore, technically, she is Caucasian. You're welcome, America.
Gabe Lewis: Yeah, but she's not white, though.
Dwight Schrute: Well, obviously, she is brownish. But come on, I mean, Darryl is far more ethnic.
Gabe Lewis: Darryl withdrew his application. He said the Yale program interfered with his softball league, you know? He's gone.
Dwight Schrute: Kelly is the only applicant.
Gabe Lewis: Yeah, unless somebody else applies today.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, dear God. Okay. Don't make any decisions just yet. Okay? I'll be right back.
Gabe Lewis: That's very nice. (referring to Kelly's bindi) I never noticed that before.
Kelly Kapoor: Sometimes my bangs cover it.
Gabe Lewis: Yeah. I don't want to be offensive but, uh... may I ask you what that means?
Kelly Kapoor: I do find that offensive, actually.
Michael Scott: We should have your contract done by Thursday.
Donna: Oh, great. Great, I will look out for that stuff, then.
Donna: And, um... you know I just wanted to say it was really... really nice to do business with you.
Michael Scott: Yeah it was nice to do business with you, too.
Donna: Thank you. Did I... get everything?
Michael Scott: I don't know. I think so.
Michael Scott: (whispers) Okay. So... Oh, Donna?
Donna: Yeah? Do you need validation? We don't... we don't validate.
Donna: No, it's just in the lot, so...
Michael Scott: Thank you so much.
Donna: You're welcome. (they hug) You're... welcome.
Michael Scott: Mmm. (Donna giggles)
Michael Scott: (follows her out of office) Ahem. So, um... okay, if you have... if there's any other questions that you have...
Donna: I don't have, uh, any other questions. (blind clanking as she leans against door to prevent from Michael kissing her) I'm just gonna... make my way down to...
Michael Scott: All right. All right. Bye.
Michael Scott: And have a good elevator ride.
Michael Scott: Oh, what's that out there?
Kevin Malone: Michael, how did it go? (Michael goes in his office and closes door)
Dwight Schrute: How would one of you feel if I told you I could put you on a fast track to an executive position at this company?
Erin Hannon: Holy cow. I'd be so happy.
Dwight Schrute: I wasn't talking to you, pale-face.
Erin Hannon: I know. I meant I'd be happy for them.
Dwight Schrute: What I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train straight to middle management.
Stanley Hudson: Dwight, I know these programs. "Every color is important because, together, we make a rainbow."
Stanley Hudson: I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow.
Dwight Schrute: Speaking of rainbows, Oscar... you are kind of a double minority. Gay. So we at Sabre could really benefit from your perspective.
Oscar Martinez: Dwight, we know Kelly applied. We're not gonna cross her. No matter how good the program is.
Dwight Schrute: I can protect you from Kelly. (Erin stifles laugh) Will you get out of here? Seriously. (Erin turns and leaves kitchen)
Kelly Kapoor: For hobbies, um, yoga, belly dancing, snake charming. Beds of nails. I like lying on them.
Dwight Schrute: Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is Hide Toshi Hasagawa. He would like to apply for the Sabre minority executive training program "print in all colors" initiative.
Kelly Kapoor: Dwight: What are you doing?
Dwight Schrute: Helping heal America in a dramatic fashion in the 11th hour.
Kelly Kapoor: God, I hate you so much! (gets up, leaves)
Dwight Schrute: Caucasians, am I right? (to Hide) Have a seat. I'll translate.
Hide: Why? I don't need translator.
Dwight Schrute: You don't know what you need. Just...
Gabe Lewis: Well, uh... why don't you just tell me a little about yourself, Hide.
Hide: In Japan, heart surgeon, number one. Steady hand.
Pam Beesly: Hey, Michael. (Michael is sitting on couch outside his office) How you doing?
Michael Scott: I don't know. I don't know. Can't really trust my feelings anymore.
Pam Beesly: You know what, Michael? For what it's worth... I was wrong, too. I thought she was interested in you.
Michael Scott: She suckered you too.
Michael Scott: Was it the cleavage?
Pam Beesly: Yeah, and the shoulder cutouts.
Phyllis Vance: Michael, you know, it's easy to get fooled. Bob's warehouse guys flirt with me all the time. It... it's mostly harmless. Usually I don't let it go too far.
Andy Bernard: You know, when I tore my scrote, I was, uh... I was seeing this really hot urologist about it, and thought she was into me. But now I think she was just doing a bunch of stuff to bill my HMO. You know, she's touching around down there. It's easy to get confused.
Erin Hannon: Michael, I think Donna left this here. Should I put it in the lost and found for 14 days and then I can take it home?
Michael Scott: God. She left this here?
Michael Scott: Okay. Maybe she wants me to return this to her at her work.
Michael Scott: Yeah. This could be a signal. People don't just take barrettes off.
Oscar Martinez: It's not a signal. It's just a coincidence. No, it's not even a coincidence. It's just something that happened.
Michael Scott: (hold up barrette) Well...
Pam Beesly: She doesn't want you to return the barrette. She's not interested in you.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I know. I know.
Michael Scott: I know. You're right. Thank you. Thanks everybody. (waves, returns to his office, clears throat, turns around and runs out of office)
Pam Beesly: Michael! (sighs)
Kelly Kapoor: (puts a bindi on Erin's forehead) And the best part is is that I get a business stipend to buy all new clothes. So you can totally buy any of my old clothes that I'm not gonna need anymore.
Erin Hannon: Oh, my God, thank you so much. I love that denim jumpsuit you have. How much?
Kelly Kapoor: Oh. Actually I was thinking about clothes that I was just gonna give to Goodwill anyway.
Dwight Schrute: Hey, kiddo. Congratulations are in order. You deserve it. (Dwight extends his hand, but Kelly hugs him)
Kelly Kapoor: Thank you, Dwight.
Kelly Kapoor: I'll never forget everything that you've done for me.
Dwight Schrute: Gosh. He he.
Kelly Kapoor: Because I never forget anything.
Michael Scott: You know what? Everybody told me that you weren't interested. Everybody. And I didn't believe 'em. And they were right. So... there's your barrette.
Donna: No, y-you were... right.
Michael Scott: About what?
Donna: You were right. (Michael leans into Donna's car to kiss her and they kiss passionately) I'm sorry.
Michael Scott: No, no. No.
Michael Scott: No... (they kiss again)
Michael Scott: (returns to office) What happened?
Erin Hannon: Kelly got into the minority training program.
Michael Scott: Really?! Oh, that's great. That's such good news. I did it! (all look at him) I kissed. We kissed.
Phyllis Vance: Oh, Michael.
Michael Scott: No, I'm serious. It... this happened. I went down to the parking lot and I was... I returned her barrette (holds up barrette) We ki... We did. Okay. We did. We did.
I hope you enjoyed these classic quotes from The Office episode 21 season 6. Body Language is such a great episode (like every episode of The Office), remember you can click the camera button next to any quote to generate an image of the quote. Go back to all episodes to see more scripts from The Office.