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Season 9 Episode 21
Livin' The Dream

Every line from The Office episode "Livin' The Dream", season 9 episode 21.

Jim Halpert: I’m taking some time off from work—well, my other work—because we needed it.
Pam Beesly: It’s great.
Jim Halpert: It’s great.
Pam Beesly: The phone has been ringing off the hook. The guys in Philly are kind of going nuts.
Jim Halpert: But that doesn’t matter. This does. It’s the only thing that matters. We’ve had some really nice days together.
Pam Beesly: Nice morning, too.
Jim Halpert: Beesly! Oh, my god.
Andy Bernard: Hey. Which tie makes me look like a guy who likes sofas? My agent’s putting me up for a furniture commercial.
Jim Halpert: Ah, definitely blue.
Andy Bernard: Totally, right? So, Big Tuna, what’s up? Back in the small pond?
Jim Halpert: For now, yeah. I was spreading myself way too thin—
Andy Bernard: Thin-sliced tuna. Carpaccio. Go on.
Jim Halpert: Uh, well, it took me a while, but I finally realized that I can’t give 100% to two things at once you know.
Andy Bernard: Tell me about it, you know? I’ve been trying to act and manage this branch. Half the time I don’t know if I’m wearing my stage makeup or my work makeup.
Jim Halpert: Huh. Well, you know, you can’t have everything so you gotta ask yourself what makes you the happiest. You just go all in for what’s most important. That’s my new thing.
Oscar Martinez: (noticing Angela looking very unkempt) Is everything ok?
Angela Martin: No. Everything is not okay. The county took my cats.
Kevin Malone: Wait, all of them?
Angela Martin: Two sacks’ worth. Apparently my apartment complex has rules about how many pets are too many for a studio. And while I was out picking Phillip up from daycare, they came. They came into my house.
Oscar Martinez: That’s—that’s awful, Angela. I’m so sorry.
Angela Martin: It’s the (bleep) that lives downstairs. She’s this uptight, judgmental shrew. You know the type.
Kevin Malone: I’ve never met anyone like that.
Angela Martin: And they’re gone. And I have no one left. Without my cats, I am utterly and completely alone.
Oscar Martinez: Angela, you still have your son.
Angela Martin: I guess.
Dwight Schrute: Attention, everyone. May I have your attention? There are four new deadly weapons in this office. (kicking and punching) Basher, Thrasher, Crasher and—
Jim Halpert: Smasher!
Dwight Schrute: Smasher? No, where’d you get that? Fireball. This morning after hours of combat with some of the city’s best teenagers I earned my black belt in Goju Ryu martial arts.
Dwight Schrute: I had to find a new dojo after sensei Ira and I parted ways. My new sensei, sensei Billy, thought I had more than enough training to take the test. Turns out, sensei Ira was a bit of a shyster. Sensei Billy says most students don’t spend $150,000 over 20 years to get their black belt.
Dwight Schrute: I would like to invite you all to my black belt ceremony, right here in the office at lunch, lunch not provided.
Jim Halpert: Fireball!
Dwight Schrute: Ah! (throws punch) That’s how it’s done.
Jim Halpert: That’s pretty good. I feel safe.
David Wallace: Hey, Erin. Is Andy in?
Erin Hannon: Oh, is Andy in? Sorry, I thought you said “is Indian” and was like, “Is Indian what?” Is Indian food good? Is Indian jewelry pretty? Is Indian hair an expensive kind of wig? Yes, to all three, by the way.
Erin Hannon: Lately, I’ve been having a lot of trouble keeping track of Andy’s calendar. His student film audition schedule is crazy hectic.
Erin Hannon: Yes, there’s Andy! Andy is in. I’m a good receptionist, I know he’s in.
Andy Bernard: David Walrus, in his native habitat.
David Wallace: Hey, Andy. Can we go in your office and talk?
Andy Bernard: Yeah.
David Wallace: This isn’t going to be an easy conversation. I told Andy that he was on very thin ice when he snuck away from three months to the Caribbean. Then last week he used company money to buy a top-of-the-line photo printer. In his words, “The kind that’s good for head shots.” And yesterday, he asked me to pay for cheek implants. Claimed it’s gonna boost office morale. Now, he’s a good guy. But honestly, at some point, the ice gets too thin and you fall through. And that is when you get fired.
David Wallace: Andy—
Andy Bernard: I’m gonna stop you right there. David, this documentary is going to air in two weeks. I feel like it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to pursue my dream.
David Wallace: Uh-huh, but—
Andy Bernard: Every minute that I spend here is time not spent making audition videos for reality dating, cooking or singing shows. I got a real shot here. And I’ll never be able to forgive myself if I blew it because I was too focused on my stupid paper company job. No offense.
David Wallace: So you think you’ve been too focused on your job?
Andy Bernard: At my last head shot sitting, I was so distracted wondering what I was missing at work that I came across totally manic. And I was going for zany.
David Wallace: So you—you want to quit Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting?
Andy Bernard: Well, no, actually. I see no reason to limit myself to just acting. I am pursuing fame of any kind. Could be singing, could be dancing. I don’t—it just… I owe it to myself and my future fans.
David Wallace: Uh, well, I guess I can’t stand in the way of a man’s dream. And it seems like you have the gift.
Andy Bernard: Thank you, David.
David Wallace: There’s probably no way I can talk you into staying at this point, can I?
Andy Bernard: Nope. I have made up my mind. I’m really sorry.
David Wallace: Well, good luck.
Andy Bernard: Thank you. Not gonna need it.
David Wallace: Okay.
David Wallace: Well that kind of worked out.
Creed Bratton: I think just anybody could be a star. My postman, the night janitor here, but Andy? No, definitely not. Charisma black hole.
Jim Halpert: Oh, Clark. I’m actually here today. Surprise! So I was wondering if I could maybe have my desk back.
Clark Green: Right. Yeah. But, you know, I’ve actually been working pretty hard here on a daily basis. So, I kind of feel like I’ve earned this. I mean, you know?
Jim Halpert: You totally have. You have earned this. But maybe I could be with my wife. Kind of the whole reason that I’m here.
Clark Green: Right. Well, I’m here to sell paper.
Pam Beesly: Wow.
Clark Green: All right, Jim, look, I just got made junior salesman. Right? And—and Wallace is here today. And I don’t him to just think of me as a customer service rep that sits in the annex. I mean, you can get that, right? Right? And what do you need more face time with Wallace for? You trying to get a second second job here?
Pam Beesly: it’s okay. You can sit in the annex.
Jim Halpert: What?
Pam Beesly: I’ll come visit you.
Jim Halpert: Okay. The annex it is. I’ll be sitting at your desk if that’s okay with you.
Clark Green: That’s fine with me. But be careful, it is very easy to get lost in Pete’s beautiful, dead eyes.
Andy Bernard: Everyone, a little breaking news for ya. Just had a little chat with David Wallace. And, um, I’m taking a leave of absence from Dunder Mifflin, forever.
Oscar Martinez: I can’t say we didn’t see it coming. But it’s a sad day when anybody is fired. We’re so sorry, Andy.
David Wallace: Uh, uh, uh, uh, Andy was not fired.
Andy Bernard: I wasn’t fired. What are you talking about? I’m fired up, yes. Guys, I’m—I’m leaving to pursue my lifelong dream of being famous.
Pam Beesly: Oh, Andy.
Andy Bernard: Yeah, so, I’ll see you on the red carpet. See, that’s how it works.
Phyllis Vance: Andy sings beautifully. And he’s really good at dancing. He’s a good speaker. But there’s just something there you don’t want to look at.
Jim Halpert: Hey, how am I doing as your desk mate, by the way? You probably miss Clark.
Pete Miller: Yeah, a little bit.
Jim Halpert: Oh, wow. But, um—Oh, I get that.
Pete Miller: Oh, no, no, no. No it’s cool.
Jim Halpert: I get it.
Pete Miller: It’s cool, man. I’m sure you and I will have our own thing.
Jim Halpert: Yeah. Definitely. Go Phillies, right. You don’t watch baseball. I keep forgetting that.
Darryl Philbin: I just think you’re going into this a little fast.
Andy Bernard: I’m 38, Darryl, how much slower should I go?
Darryl Philbin: Show business is cold. Let’s say you get a job, which you probably won’t. They’re not gonna cut you any slack. You’re meant for a job with lots and lots of slack.
Andy Bernard: All right. I get it.
Andy Bernard: The male is a funny species. We don’t just tell each other how we feel, that’s chick stuff. So instead of saying, “Hey, Andy, I love you, man. I don’t want you to leave.” You say something like, “Hey, Andy, you’re making the worst mistake of your life. You’re not talented.” Well… right back at you, Darryl.
Andy Bernard: (hugs Darryl) I’m gonna miss you too. Mmm!
Stanley Hudson: Andy’s from the generation that thinks they should all be famous. What happened to the generation that knew you shut up, did your work, and died quietly from a heart attack?
Kevin Malone: Could Andy make it as an entertainer? I don’t know. You know who’s really funny? This bird, in the park, that can’t fly right. I’d pay to see him. But I don’t have to cause the park is free!
Sensei: I will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts.
Dwight Schrute: He will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts!
Sensei: It’s not a large room, I think they heard me.
Dwight Schrute: Take my belt, master. I now submit to you every part of myself. (thrusts hips at Ira)
Sensei: That’s really ok. I’m mostly focused on the belt here.
Dwight Schrute: Just slip it off my—Slip it off my hips.
Sensei: Hold it—Take a step back. Take a step back. (they bow, then Dwight thrusts again) Okay, okay. I can’t—I can’t do this if you’re gonna be thrusting like that, okay? I think we’re gonna have to cut this off.
Dwight Schrute: He will now perform the ceremonial cutting-off-of-the-belt.
Angela Martin: Dwight has been practicing karate for years. When we were dating, I would help him with his strength training. He would strap me to his chest in a baby Bjorn made for fat children and do lunges across the farm. It felt like I was flying.
Dwight Schrute: There it is. (everyone applauds)
Sensei: Congratulations.
Dwight Schrute: We did it, we did it. I love you.
Sensei: Okay.
Dwight Schrute: Thanks. I will now perform my final kata forms. You’re gonna watch me right?
Sensei: Yes, I will. (Dwight starts doing karate)
Dwight Schrute: Sensei, you’re not watching.
Sensei: Yeah, I’m watching. Just do it.
Dwight Schrute: Watching?
Sensei: I’m watching.
Dwight Schrute: Watch this part, okay?
David Wallace: Sensei, do you generally do house calls like this?
Sensei: Uh, you can just call me Billy. And no. No, but Dwight insisted. He wanted to receive his black belt in the place he loves most in the world.
David Wallace: He said that? He’s an odd guy, isn’t he?
Sensei: Yes. Irritating, also yes. But I gotta hand it to him, he’s one of the most tenacious and determined men I’ve ever met. (Dwight finishes his routines and everyone applauds)
Esther: Oh! I’m am so proud of you, Schru-berry blue.
Jim Halpert: I really felt like I almost lost her, and—and nothing is worth that.
David Wallace: Well, I gotta tell you, Jim, a lot of guys in my circle? They wouldn’t even change their golf schedule to shore up their marriage let alone their professional goals.
Clark Green: Dude, there is no way that Jim is just back here to hang out with Pam.
Dwight Schrute: You did not just say that! You don’t know Pam. She is really cool.
Clark Green: All I’m saying is, forget about my chair. He wants the manager’s chair. And I thought you wanted that job.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, I did. But I made too many mistakes. It’s out of my reach now. Besides, I think Jim would be a fine manager. I’d be happy to see Jim as manager.
David Wallace: So, the reason that I called you in here is because Andy is moving on.
Jim Halpert: Again.
David Wallace: Again! And I’m looking for a new manager. And with his performance this year, I have been considering Dwight. Am I crazy?
Jim Halpert: Not at all. It should be Dwight.
David Wallace: You sure?
Jim Halpert: You’re gonna want to invest in a lot more liability insurance, but, uh—
David Wallace: Yeah.
Jim Halpert: Hey, if there is someone out there who loves paper more than Dwight, I definitely don’t want to meet that person.
Nellie Bertram: Andy, we just wondered if we could have a word.
Andy Bernard: It’s now or never.
Nellie Bertram: Well, we just had a quick question about this decision of yours. You know, to leave a stable job and pursue a career in the entertainment business. In your late 30s. With no savings to fall back on. And no real connections in that business, which can be competitive.
Andy Bernard: Yeah, sure. What’s your question?
Kevin Malone: Our question is—it seems dumb.
Andy Bernard: Well, it’s better than sticking around here and half-assing it, right?
Nellie Bertram: Of course. But what if you were to stay here, you know, and “full-ass” it? Um, really give it a go. Be the greatest manager in the history of this branch and in that way achieve the fame and immortality that you seek. Hmm?
Andy Bernard: Nah. I like my plan better.
Kevin Malone: Well, Andy, your plan sucks, okay? Nobody is going to hire you ever. You’re too character-y to be a lead and you’re not fat enough to be a great character actor.
Andy Bernard: What?
Oscar Martinez: No, I don’t think that he can make it as an actor. But, he also can’t make it as an employee in an office, so why not go nuts with it?
Jim Halpert: Hey, are you still in charge of office supplies?
Pam Beesly: Yes. Yeah.
Jim Halpert: I seem to have sticky not emergency where I grab it on the wrong end, and this happens.
Pam Beesly: Oh, boy. Um—
Jim Halpert: If you could help me out, that would be—
Pam Beesly: I could give you some beginner stickies?
Jim Halpert: Anything would help.
Pam Beesly: Here you go.
Jim Halpert: Oh, also, while you’re at it, if you did have a salt packet, three tacks and some aspirin, that would be great. Oh, wow. You have that.
Pam Beesly: Mm-hmm.
Jim Halpert: Wow, that’s—
Pam Beesly: It’s all yours.
Jim Halpert: You come so prepared. Aspirin.
Dwight Schrute: You wanna get rid of a headache, you sit on something sharp. Any sensei will tell you that.
Jim Halpert: Hey, congratulations on that black belt, man. It’s really great.
Dwight Schrute: Thank you. So I saw you talking to Wallace earlier. Is he going to offer you the manager’s job?
Jim Halpert: No. He was maybe thinking of you for it.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, right. I’m afraid that ship has sailed.
Jim Halpert: I wouldn’t be too sure about that. Just saying.
Dwight Schrute: Hello.
Andy Bernard: Well, hello.
Dwight Schrute: Big day for you.
Andy Bernard: Big day for you.
Dwight Schrute: Thank you.
Andy Bernard: Love the belt.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, yes.
Andy Bernard: You know, I don’t know anything about karate but I have broken a few boards in my day. Diving boards, at my family pool in Redding. I was an obese child. I never talk about that here, but Nard-dog’s outta here, so letting it all hang out!
Dwight Schrute: This is exciting! You’re finally gonna get to go out and flap your wings.
Andy Bernard: Thank you, I appreciate that. ‘Cause a lot of people are saying I might not make it.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, I doubt you’ll make it. Very few do who’ve tried to be a star. But, listen, you’ve saved up enough money to take a couple of years off to pursue your dream and have some fun, right?
Andy Bernard: No, I just applied for more overdraft protection.
Dwight Schrute: Andy, I have nothing to gain from getting you to stay, and everything to gain from you leaving. But please, I have known you for years, I have seen you perform. Dear god, don’t quit your day job.
Andy Bernard: (cockney accent) Nothing is impossible to him who will try. (normal) Alexander the Great, if he were cockney.
Dwight Schrute: You’re bad.
Andy Bernard: I’m gonna make it. Every person that has been on Conan has a crazy story about how they made it. Every person.
Andy Bernard: Erin. Honest Erin, cannot tell a lie. We lay together. That’s something you can’t take back.
Erin Hannon: So true. Is there a question, or are—what?
Andy Bernard: Will you tell me bluntly, do you think I am making a terrible mistake quitting my job to become an actor?
Erin Hannon: Bluntly? Yes. Huge mistake. Andy, honestly, I think you might become homeless. Or maybe even starve.
Andy Bernard: Thank you. (steps into conference room)
David Wallace: You can stay on as a salesman, Andy.
Andy Bernard: Thank you. (leaves)
David Wallace: Dwight, could you come in here for a second, please?
Dwight Schrute: Say it again.
David Wallace: Will you be the new manager?
Dwight Schrute: Where?
David Wallace: Where?
Dwight Schrute: What branch?
David Wallace: Here. Scranton. (Dwight falls to his knees) Come on. Come on, Dwight. Get up. Let’s go. It’s good news.
Dwight Schrute: I’m sorry. I’ve just waited for this moment my entire life. I mean, I was interim manager once, but then I shot that gun.
David Wallace: What?
Dwight Schrute: But this isn’t interim manager. No. It’s Dwight K. Schrute… (pulls a business card out of his wallet) Manager.
David Wallace: Why do you already have this?
Dwight Schrute: In case Michael or Andy ever got killed in a traffic accident and there was a trade show on the same day. You will not regret this decision, David.
David Wallace: I know.
Dwight Schrute: I will never, ever let you down.
David Wallace: I know, Dwight. I know. (reaches out to shake Dwight’s hand, Dwight hugs him) Okay. Okay. All righty. You’re gonna do great.
Pam Beesly: Hey.
Jim Halpert: Wow, hey.
Pam Beesly: Hi.
Jim Halpert: What’s up?
Pam Beesly: Um, I have a question.
Jim Halpert: Okay.
Pam Beesly: Oh, I had a question.
Jim Halpert: Really?
Pam Beesly: I did!
Jim Halpert: Yeah, totally you did.
Pam Beesly: Super important.
Jim Halpert: I need you to stay right here while you think about it.
Pam Beesly: Okay.
Jim Halpert: All right? I’m gonna wait.
Pam Beesly: All right. I did not come back here just to see you.
Jim Halpert: I’m sure you did not. What was your question?
Pam Beesly: I don’t know, but it might take me a long time to figure it out.
Jim Halpert: Well, then, I should figure out things to do while I’m waiting.
Pam Beesly: Exactly.
Andy Bernard: Hey, everybody, I changed my mind. Not leaving. I’m gonna stay on in sales.
Nellie Bertram: Oh, thank god. Because sales could be your best role yet.
Meredith Palmer: Hey, good choice, man. Seriously. Don’t want to see you in a porn next year.
Andy Bernard: Okay.
Kevin Malone: Ooh, there’s a great play about a salesman.
Andy Bernard: Death of a salesman.
Kevin Malone: I don’t think so.
Andy Bernard: Sure, ‘Death of a Salesman’ by Arthur Miller, it’s a great play about crushed dreams.
Kevin Malone: No, this one was written by Spongebob Squarepants.
Andy Bernard: (sits at Dwight’s desk) Got any hot leads?
Pete Miller: See, so you just push from under, and turn it around, and boom. No the staple crimps outward.
Erin Hannon: I had no idea. And here I’ve been stapling the same way for 20 years like a frickin’ sheep.
Jim Halpert: Look who’s back.
Pam Beesly: I’m back. Oh, hey, look, and now it’s like a double date.
Pete Miller: Wow. Cause, uh (gestures to him and Erin and then to Pam and Jim with sound effects)
Erin Hannon: Actually, maybe we should go on a double date some time. That’d be fun.
Pam Beesly: Yeah, we should do that for real sometime.
Erin Hannon: Well, how about Thursday?
Pam Beesly: Oh, well, Thursday’s tough, because of—
Jim Halpert: Weeknights are actually tough just because—
Pam Beesly: They are.
Jim Halpert: That’s true, yeah.
Erin Hannon: Just forget it. Forget I said anything.
David Wallace: Attention, everyone, just a quick announcement. Little reconfiguration to the staff. Dwight Schrute—
Dwight Schrute: David. Can I just do one thing while you’re making this announcement and then I’ll never, ever do it again?
David Wallace: I don’t think so.
Dwight Schrute: It’s just one thing. Just let me—let me do this—
David Wallace: Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. Come on—what I was about to say was Dwight—(phone buzzes) Oh, I’m sorry, I gotta—This’ll be a second, sorry.
Dwight Schrute: Just wait and send it to voicemail.
David Wallace: Yeah.
Dwight Schrute: Come on. Come on.
David Wallace: (on phone) Then we’ll get him a new set of drums.
Dwight Schrute: (climbs up on desk) Dwight Schrute is manager! (everyone cheers and applauds)
Andy Bernard: Brava, brava.
Creed Bratton: (from atop his desk) Creed Bratton is the new manager! (nobody responds)
Pam Beesly: What’s going on?
Kevin Malone: Dwight’s the new manager. He freaking did it.
Pam Beesly: (hugs Dwight) Congratulations, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Pam.
Jim Halpert: (hugs Dwight) Congratulations, buddy.
Dwight Schrute: Thank you, Jim.
Clark Green: Congrats, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Get out of Jim’s seat.
Clark Green: But I fought for this seat.
Dwight Schrute: You’re an annex kid. You might be bullpen, we’ll see. Give it a couple of years. Scram.
Pam Beesly: It’s nice to have you back.
Dwight Schrute: So…
Jim Halpert: So.
Dwight Schrute: I wanted to offer you a new position.
Jim Halpert: Let’s hear it.
Dwight Schrute: Assistant regional manager.
Jim Halpert: Nope. Can’t accept that job. It’s not a real job.
Dwight Schrute: Jim.
Jim Halpert: I’ll tell you what I could accept is assistant to the regional manager. That is a real job and one I’d be proud to take.
Dwight Schrute: Shake on it? Done. Way to negotiate, idiot.
Jim Halpert: Don’t get me wrong, I am definitely here for Pam. But this is an awesome added bonus.
Dwight Schrute: So, all the numbers adding up?
Oscar Martinez: Hey, I didn’t get a chance to say it, but… congratulations, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Thank you.
Angela Martin: Yes. Congratulations.
Kevin Malone: Yeah, and Dwight, I’d like to be the first to say congratulations.
Angela Martin: This is a big day for you.
Dwight Schrute: Yes, it is. Carry on.
Andy Bernard: How did I just abandon my dreams so quickly? It’s cause I had a fallback. That’s the problem. When you have fallbacks, it’s just easy to give up. When Cortez landed in Mexico, only way he got his men to defeat the Aztecs was by burning all of his own boats. So they could never return home. Huge dick move but very effective. I need to be that same kind of dick to myself.
Andy Bernard: Everyone! Changed my mind again.
Phyllis Vance: What’s it now, dream or no dream?
Andy Bernard: Uh, dream. Goin’ with my dream. Gotta go all in, isn’t that right, Jim?
Jim Halpert: Oh, don’t look at me cause I think you’re making a terrible choice.
Andy Bernard: All in! Whoo!
Andy Bernard: Toby! Hey, I changed my mind again. I am gonna leave Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting after all.
Toby Flenderson: Okay, then, Andy.
Andy Bernard: Yeah, but here’s the thing. I can’t have good old Dunder Mifflin to fall back on or else I’ll never succeed. Gotta burn those boats! So I need you to go into my file and put down that I was fired for theft and/or groping wieners.
Toby Flenderson: Andy, you know I can’t do that. It’d be lying.
Andy Bernard: Seriously?
Toby Flenderson: Yeah, I’m—
Andy Bernard: Come on, just do it.
Toby Flenderson: I can’t.
Andy Bernard: All right, fine, just know that you made me do this. (starts touching Toby’s thighs)
Toby Flenderson: (fending Andy off) Oh, come on. Andy, no.
Andy Bernard: God, Toby, don’t—stop blocking my hand.
Toby Flenderson: No, no.
Andy Bernard: This is your—you brought this on.
Toby Flenderson: No, no. Andy.
Andy Bernard: Okay, all right. Groped you good. Off to Hollywood!
Angela Martin: (answering phone) This is Angela. Oh. Hello, Miss Polodnikovski. Uh, how can I help you? Did my rent check not clear? Because I just transferred another $25 to that account. So if there’s a problem it’s clearly on your end. And—oh. Oh. Oh, okay. Good. Then... um… what is this about? No, no. Hey, hey! No, you are out of line Miss Polodnikovski. No, no you are. No you are! Evicted? Fine! I didn’t want to live in that cesspool anyway! Listen, I get my security deposit back. Yes, I do. This is not fair! That is not fair! Well, you know what? You have so many hairs on your chin that Animal Control should’ve taken you away. That is very unladylike! You are disgusting! (hangs up phone)
Kevin Malone: What do you think that was about?
Andy Bernard: David. I lost the Scranton White Pages account. Do you have any idea how much paper that is? And I’d just like to point out, I was mad at Dwight. I did it out of spite.
David Wallace: We put the past behind us, though, Andy.
Andy Bernard: What if I told you that I hate you and I hate this company?
David Wallace: Enough, Andy. Enough!
Andy Bernard: Just stop forgiving me, David, please? This is my last chance to honor what is best inside myself. What if I took a dump on your new car?
David Wallace: Oh my god.
Andy Bernard: Eleanor Roosevelt once said ‘the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.’ (clip of him flipping off David Wallace) I think she’s right. (clip of David Wallace yelling at Andy to get out) I feel calm now. (clip of Andy taking a dump on a car) I feel, like, for the first time in a long time, I’m doing the right thing.
Angela Martin: Andy.
Andy Bernard: Yeah.
Angela Martin: What are you doing?
Andy Bernard: Uh, heavy stuff like books on the bottom. So it don’t squash my knickety-knacks on top.
Angela Martin: Yeah, okay. That’s not what I mean. You don’t have to leave because you said you would. Don’t let pride ruin your whole life. Okay? It’s not worth it.
Andy Bernard: Wow. Angela. What we had was great, and, honestly I think about it a lot too—
Angela Martin: Ugh.
Andy Bernard: But I just—it’s in the past. And I feel like we shouldn’t…
Angela Martin: No, that’s not—
Andy Bernard: Rehash—
Angela Martin: No, none—No, stop. It’s just—
Andy Bernard: Exactly.
Angela Martin: Okay. Well, have a good trip. Good luck, Andy.
Andy Bernard: Thanks, Angela. You too.
Angela Martin: Thanks.
Andy Bernard: A-bridge, a-burnt. No turning back now. Everybody, Lorelai and I would like to say thank you and goodbye the only way we know how.
Nellie Bertram: Oh, good lord.
Stanley Hudson: Can’t you just leave?
Jim Halpert: You know, Andy, you could just say a really nice goodbye.
Andy Bernard: Tuna, I’m a performer. And perform I shall. (sings ‘I Will Remember You’—everyone is slightly impressed)
Dwight Schrute: (whispering) You okay?
Angela Martin: (crying) It’s just a really nice song.
Kevin Malone: (everyone applauding) Awesome!
Phyllis Vance: Who knows? Maybe Andy will make it. He’s not terrible.
Stanley Hudson: Yeah. And people worse than him make it all the time. Like Lil Romeo.
Phyllis Vance: No, he’s good.
Stanley Hudson: He was good.
Oscar Martinez: Good night, Kevin.
Kevin Malone: Night, Oscar.
Oscar Martinez: Tents? Are you thinking of going camping? I thought you found nature vulgar.
Angela Martin: Well, I’ve changed my mind.
Oscar Martinez: Wait a minute. You’re not thinking of living in a—
Angela Martin: Oh, god, could you just mind your own business?
Oscar Martinez: Okay, I’m just gonna say this. You are not going to live in a tent.
Angela Martin: Oh, god.
Oscar Martinez: Come stay with me.
Angela Martin: You don’t want me at your place.
Oscar Martinez: I do. Yes. Not forever. But until you get back on your feet. Which won’t be long. It’s the least I could do.
Angela Martin: Well…
Oscar Martinez: Separate bathrooms.
Angela Martin: Thank you.
Oscar Martinez: You’re welcome. Let’s go get Phillip. Then we’ll get your stuff…
Angela Martin: Okay.
Oscar Martinez: And get you the hell outta that place.
Angela Martin: Are you allowed to have pets?
Oscar Martinez: Oh, Angela.
Dwight Schrute: Yesterday I was just your average, ordinary paper salesman with a farm and a bunch of pipe dreams about beet fuel. Today, I leave here a regional manager with a black belt. It really is amazing how your life can change in one day.
Darryl Philbin: You talk to Wade and Colin?
Jim Halpert: No, I just saw I missed their call. Why? What’s up?
Darryl Philbin: We got an offer on the table.
Jim Halpert: What kind of offer?
Darryl Philbin: A buyout.
Jim Halpert: What?
Darryl Philbin: We’re in play, baby.
Jim Halpert: Oh, my god!
Darryl Philbin: We did it! Hey, and look, the buyers wanna make sure it’s not just a Philly play, so get this: they’re gonna pay for us to go pitch out west. We talking Spurs, the Jazz, Cowboys. Blake Griffin, baby.
Jim Halpert: Wow, that is… wow.
Darryl Philbin: Yeah, we did it.
Jim Halpert: Yeah, we did. Hey, how long—how long do we think that’s gonna take?
Darryl Philbin: Wade said we could do the whole country in three months.
Jim Halpert: Oh, man. Yeah, I can’t do it.
Darryl Philbin: Can’t do what?
Jim Halpert: This, man. I can’t do this to Pam.
Darryl Philbin: No, no, Jim. This is different. This is everything.
Jim Halpert: I know. And I can’t do it.
Angela Martin: So is your place all bachelor-slobby and gross?
Oscar Martinez: No, it’s neat and tasteful, like most gay men’s homes. The stereotype holds up.
Angela Martin: I wouldn’t know. I never lived with a gay guy.
Oscar Martinez: Angela, you just were—
Angela Martin: (starts sobbing) I love him.
Oscar Martinez: I know. I understand more than most, but we both have to move on. You—you can’t—
Angela Martin: No, not the senator. I love Dwight.

I hope you enjoyed these classic quotes from The Office episode 21 season 9. Livin' The Dream is such a great episode (like every episode of The Office), remember you can click the camera button next to any quote to generate an image of the quote. Go back to all episodes to see more scripts from The Office.

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