Scene 0117 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Let's think this through. If we ask Corporate for that then...Dwight SchruteOpen quote: They are either going to say yes... or no.Michael ScottOpen quote: Could go either way. We don't know what they are going to say.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Think it through.Michael ScottOpen quote: Have to think it through. Because if they say no...Jim HalpertOpen quote: Can we not?Michael ScottOpen quote: No! Yes, we have to! You know why? Because I don't like to be cooped up in that office! In that box! All day long. (Michael starts playing with a football in the office) Heisman! Because I need to think. Okay, Jim? Oh, Kevin, oh! (laughs) Nice catch. Mmmm, mmm, mmm,mmm. Os-car! Intercepted.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Still want that.Michael ScottOpen quote: Give it to me. Phyllis, give me the ball. Ok, give me the ball. Give me, you guys... Creed give me the ball! Right now give it to me.Creed BrattonOpen quote: Ryan!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Fumble! Yaaah!Michael ScottOpen quote: Hey, Dwight.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Hut! Hut! Hut! Hike!Michael ScottOpen quote: You all right Ryan?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Ryan.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Yeah.Michael ScottOpen quote: Pam!
Scene 023 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Ooh. They're having a sale on TiVo. Maybe I should get a TiVo. Oh. DVD Burner! Maybe I should get one of those. You are so lucky, Jim. You are so lucky you don't have this problem. What was the 9th place prize again? A loaf of bread?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Cugino's pizza.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh, great. Tasty, terrific pizza. Hmm. Question: Do their pizzas play DVDs?
Scene 031 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: Dwight was the top salesman of the year at our company. He wins a little prize money and gets honored at some convention. It is literally the highest possible honor that a Northeastern Pennsylvania-Based Mid-size Paper Company Regional Salesman can attain, so...
Scene 049 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: What did I do to deserve this?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Are you sad that Dwight beat you?Jim HalpertOpen quote: No.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Are you going to cry, Jim? Do you need a tissue?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Hey, I heard you got a wedding dress. Do you have pictures?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh! I... uh... yeah. Um... I'll uh show them to you later.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Oh.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, I should get back. Talk to you guys later.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Ok, cool.
Scene 051 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: I have a ton of stuff to do for the wedding. And I have to do it in the office. And that can be kind of awkward. Um... just because people can get all weird about wedding stuff. Then... I just... I don't want to offend... Angela... or someone.
Scene 065 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: That's what she said!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Ha! I don't get it.Michael ScottOpen quote: Grapes. Seductive. So you ready for the big speech this afternoon?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Well, it's not really a big speech. You still coming right?Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh! Abso-fruit-ly. Fruit. Grapes. Nailed the joke. Matter of time. Um... And yes, it is a big speech. Biggest of your life.
Scene 071 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Speaker at the Sales Convention. Been there, done that. Went there again, did it again. Two years in a row. Consecutive. I just... I miss the feeling of knowing that you did a good job because someone gives you proof of it. Sir, you're awesome! Here's a plaque. What, a whole year has gone by and you need more proof? Here's a certificate. They stopped making plaques that year.
Scene 082 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: What if I give a really long, extended Thank You. For instance, "Thank you, Mr. Blank. Thank you very, very, very..."Michael ScottOpen quote: That would look terrible. These are mostly salesmen and salesmen expect to be entertained and you are the main act.
Scene 091 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: When I was in the sixth grade, I was a finalist in our school Spelling Bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure'.
Scene 1010 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: I can't do this.Michael ScottOpen quote: That's because you're incapable of doing it because you don't know how. Because you have no skills. Dwight, there's no way I can possibly teach you what you need to know about public speaking by speech time.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh, okay.Michael ScottOpen quote: But I can teach you enough so that you don't embarrass me or the company.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Okay, deal! I'll do whatever you say. No questions asked.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, if you have a question, you should ask me.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I'll try and think of one. When...Michael ScottOpen quote: Don't. Don't try and think of a question to humor me. Just... try not to be such an idiot.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Is that an insult or is that part of the public speaking advice?Michael ScottOpen quote: Insult.
Scene 112 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: Mom, I'm sorry. I know you and Dad are chipping in for the wedding but I do not want orange invitations. Yes! Well, if you really want my...Jim HalpertOpen quote: Hi, yeah, can I talk to one of your travel agents?
Scene 121 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: I'm going to take a trip. I'm going to get out of town for a while... and go someplace... not here.
Scene 131 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: Where do I want to go? Um... that is an excellent question. And one I should have probably thought about before I called you. Um...
Scene 141 lineOscar MartinezOpen quote: I get here early every morning so I can set the thermostat. I like it a little cooler, around 66 degrees. I'm more productive. Maybe some people don't like it as cold as I do, but I don't care.
Scene 159 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (stand up comic voice) But seriously, what's the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Saleswoman has a vagina.Michael ScottOpen quote: It's a joke, Dwight. It's not a Sex Ed class.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: But I'm right?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah, you're right about the difference between a man and a woman, but not about the punch line to the joke, right? (stand up comic voice) The difference between a salesman and a saleswoman... is boobs!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Hey. Do you remember the speeches that you gave?Michael ScottOpen quote: I do. Both of them.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Could I have a copy of one of them?Michael ScottOpen quote: No, no! They would remember them. Look, it doesn't matter what you say. It just matters that you're saying something that people care about. Yeah? All right? Here we go. Watch this.
Scene 164 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Attention everybody! Attention please! I have some very great news from Corporate. We had a wonderful quarter and as a result all of you are getting bonuses for 1000 dollars!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yeah!Michael ScottOpen quote: (generalized clapping and cheering) Congratulations.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Unbelievable.
Scene 173 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: You see that? You see how they responded to me? In that moment, I had them.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: That is so great about the bonus!Michael ScottOpen quote: No, no! It's not true. I was just talking so just go out there and say anything. They'll eat it up. They're a great audience.
Scene 1819 linesStanley HudsonOpen quote: Go ahead. Get the wallpaper. Wallpaper the ceiling if you want. Call Terri and tell her she...Phyllis VanceOpen quote: It's unbelievable!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Excuse me! May I have your attention please? There has been an accident on 84 West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped. There is broken glass everywhere. Several people are injured.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Do we know anyone who was in the accident?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Brad Pitt. Also there will be no bonuses.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Why would this affect our bonuses?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: They are unrelated.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Is Brad okay?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: What the hell is going on here?Angela MartinOpen quote: Are we out of jobs?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yes.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Aniston.Michael ScottOpen quote: He's kidding. Dwight was kidding and I don't know why because it wasn't funny... and it was just horrible.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Michael?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: You said we were getting bonuses.Michael ScottOpen quote: All right. Everybody in the conference room now. Let's go. Let's do it.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Cancel wallpaper.
Scene 1921 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: As your leader and your friend, I sort of demand that you can all speak in public as I can... and did... twice. (speaking to camera) You saw the plaque, right? (to office) All right. We're all going to go around the room and we're going to make toasts. And that way, we will overcome our fear of public speaking.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You mean Toastmasters?Michael ScottOpen quote: Pam! I'm public speaking. Stop public interrupting me. Actually, this would be good practice for your wedding toast.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah, the bride doesn't really do... Have you ever been to a wedding?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Can I go?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes. Good. Jim taking the initiative.Jim HalpertOpen quote: So. Uh... I am going on a trip. But not really sure where I'm going yet. It's kind of open-ended. So I was hoping maybe you guys would have some suggestions?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: You should go to Hedonism.Jim HalpertOpen quote: What is that?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: It's like Club Med, but everything is naked.Jim HalpertOpen quote: I was thinking more like Europe. Or something like that. But, good second choice.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: Been to Amsterdam.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh ho hokay. You know what? That's not a toast. You're not standing up.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: (mimes lifting a glass) To Amsterdam.Jim HalpertOpen quote: When did you go there?Toby FlendersonOpen quote: Umm... After my divorce. Yeah.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Really for like how long?Toby FlendersonOpen quote: Uh, about a week. Er... .um... .maybe a month. I uh can't...Creed BrattonOpen quote: Jimmy, listen to me. You do not want to go to Amsterdam. Trust me.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Where do I want to go?Creed BrattonOpen quote: I'd send you to Hong Kong.
Scene 217 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Okay, Dwight. Show us what you have learned today.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Good morning, Vietnam! (general groaning) Okay. You know what? This isn't working. Because um I'm not nervous in front of them. They're my subordinates.Jim HalpertOpen quote: No. We're not.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Uh, yes you are. I'm Assistant Regional Manager.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Which means absolutely nothing.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Michael, can you explain?Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, it's mostly made up. So...
Scene 221 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Dwight is not going to do a job. It's sad. And they're expecting excellence because I did do such a good job. Two years in a row. I killed. It was amazing.
Scene 2411 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Dwight. If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you go?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I can travel anywhere except Cuba. And I will travel to New Zealand. And walk the 'Lord of the Rings' trail to Mordor. And then I will hike Mount Doom. So... no... just leave me alone.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Okay. Just trying to get some advice on my trip.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh please! You're not taking any trip.Jim HalpertOpen quote: You know I majored in Public Speaking in College.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You did?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Mmmhmm. And the first thing they teach you is that you've got to be true to your self. And you are all about authority.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yes. I am.Jim HalpertOpen quote: The great speakers throughout history were not joke tellers. They were people of passion. So if you want to do well today, you got to do what they did.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Which is?Jim HalpertOpen quote: You've got to wave your arms and you've got to pound your fists. Many times. It's supposed to emphasize your point.
Scene 251 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: Ok, I didn't actually major in Public Speaking. But, I did download speeches from some of history's famous dictators. Like this one (holds up paper). Originally given by Benito Mussolini.
Scene 262 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Ok, look. I know you are giving this speech on your own but I wrote up a few talking points for you to take a look at. I hope you don't mind.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I'll glance at it.
Scene 273 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: It's time, Dwight. The grim reaper is here.Angela MartinOpen quote: The very best of luck to you, Dwight.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Thank you, Angela.
Scene 284 linesKelly KapoorOpen quote: Why'd you pick the V.A. for the reception?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Roy has a connection. It's nicer than you think.Ryan HowardOpen quote: You're inviting Jim?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Of course. He's one of my closest friends.
Scene 291 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: All right. You ready? Here we go! Wow. It's a little bit bigger than I remember. Come on. We're down here. Right.
Scene 313 linesAngela MartinOpen quote: (coughs) (sniffles) I am just feeling under the weather. And... I think that I will go home and rest.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: I've never, ever seen you take a sick day.Angela MartinOpen quote: Well, I've seen you take enough for the both of us.
Scene 328 linesSpeakerOpen quote: Next, I'd like to introduce the Dunder Mifflin Salesman of the Year, Dwight Schrute!CrowdOpen quote: (polite clapping)Michael ScottOpen quote: Dwight, they called your name.SpeakerOpen quote: Dwight, how we doing?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No, I can't... I ca...Michael ScottOpen quote: All right. You know what? Okay. No. No problem. You are lucky you have me here. I'm going to cover for you. (shouts) All right!CrowdOpen quote: (claps)Michael ScottOpen quote: Gooood morning, Vietnaaaam! I am not Dwight Schrute. Not at all. I am Michael Scott, his mentor and boss. And until Dwight comes up, if he ever does, I wanted to say a few words about excellence. What makes a work environment excellent? Well, there are many things, I believe, that do such a thing of that nature. And one would be humor. What is the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman?
Scene 346 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: Maybe we'll use a DJ. That's the one thing Roy's in charge of for this wedding but all he's managed to do is set a date.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: But he did a great job. June 10th is perfect. I want a June wedding. I've always wanted one. Ryan, do you know when you would want to get married?Ryan HowardOpen quote: Actually, I don't see myself ever getting married.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Oh.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Ryan, you should be more sensitive. It's obvious she likes you and comments like that, they just...Ryan HowardOpen quote: I know what I said.
Scene 351 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: I'm very sorry. I did not know you were wearing a hearing aid and I just thought you were speaking abnormally. ...And now the black guy from the 'Police Academy' movies. A robot. (makes robot sounds) Michael Winslow, anyone?
Scene 3610 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Car starting. (makes car sounds) All right, Dwight Schrute everyone.CrowdOpen quote: (clapping)Michael ScottOpen quote: Good luck. That is a tough crowd.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (bangs fists) Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day. (waves arm) how long we have been striving for greatness? (bangs fist) Not only the years we've been at war, the war of work, but from the moment as a child when we realized that the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime's struggle (waves arms). A never-ending fight. I say to you (hits podium) and you'll understand that it is a privilege to fight!CrowdOpen quote: (clapping)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: WE ARE WARRIORS!CrowdOpen quote: (clapping and cheering)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Salesman of Northeastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour!CrowdOpen quote: (clapping and cheering)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (laughs maniacally) Yeah. Yes!
Scene 375 linesOscar MartinezOpen quote: I've got a time share in Key West that might be available.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Maybe. Thanks.Ryan HowardOpen quote: You really think you're going to go?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah. I'm definitely going.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Nice. Send me a postcard.
Scene 381 lineRyan HowardOpen quote: Jim has worked at the same place for five years. Jim eats the same ham and cheese sandwich everyday for lunch. I don't know. If I were a betting man, I'd say he will have a fun weekend in Philadelphia.
Scene 394 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself. (bangs fists)CrowdOpen quote: (claps)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers and door to door charlatans. This is our duty - to change their perception. I say salesmen... and women of the world unite! We must never acquiesce for it is together, TOGETHER, THAT WE PREVAIL! We must never cede control of the motherland! For it is...CrowdOpen quote: (shouts) Together that we prevail! (cheering and clapping)
Scene 4012 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: Australia? I have always wanted to go there?Jim HalpertOpen quote: I'm going. I'm a little nervous to run into Dwight on his connecting flight to Mordor. But, other than that... um, yeah, I bought the ticket, non-refundable.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: That's awesome. Where are you staying?Jim HalpertOpen quote: I don't know. I feel like I have plenty of time to figure out the details but...Pam BeeslyOpen quote: When are you leaving?Jim HalpertOpen quote: I'm... leaving on June 8th.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah. And I'm really sorry about that, I just...Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh yeah. That's too bad.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah. Do you want me to take these on my way out?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: It's ok. I got it.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Alright.
Scene 4110 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Ok, thanks. (to Michael) There you are. What happened?Michael ScottOpen quote: I got thirsty. How'd it go?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: It was amazing. I wish you would have been there.Michael ScottOpen quote: You would not believe what happened here.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: What? Something happened?Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh! This woman came in, sat down, ordered a drink. The bartender asked for her ID which I thought was odd because I pegged her at like 35.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Weird.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah, it was weird. So, she was like 'I don't have my ID, please give me one.' And he was like 'I can't do that. I can't serve you.'Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Con artist.Michael ScottOpen quote: She might have been. So she says 'Fine. I will go to my room. I will get my purse. I will come back. I'll show you my ID.' She hasn't come back yet. She's probably in her room drinking from the mini-bar! Right?
Scene 421 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Dwight gave a great speech. That's the word on the street anyway. And I entertained Dwight to no end with my bar stories. So, I captivated the guy who captivated a thousand guys. Can you believe that? A thousand guys?
