Conflict Resolution

Vol. 2 · Issue 21The Office · NBCScranton, PA

Michael Scott thinks he can solve every workplace problem with a "Win-Win-Win" solution, but reading everyone's private complaints out loud might not be the best move. Every line from the episode is right here, so you can catch up on the baby poster drama and all of Dwight’s grievances against Jim. It's the perfect way to see exactly how Michael managed to make Toby's life even harder.

Scene 01

3 lines

Kevin Malone

So, uh... you found a band for your wedding yet?

Pam Beesly

No.

Kevin Malone

'Cause I'm in a band. We really rock.

Scene 02

1 line

Jim Halpert

Yeah, I mean it's inevitable. I definitely overhear some wedding preparation, but I'm fine with it. She hears me arranging my social life. And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet, so it evens out.

Scene 03

6 lines

Phyllis Vance

Oh I got the 'Save The Date'.

Pam Beesly

Yeah?

Phyllis Vance

Yeah, pretty stationery.

Pam Beesly

Oh, thanks!

Angela Martin

I didn't get mine yet.

Pam Beesly

Uh...

Scene 04

1 line

Pam Beesly

There are a few people I decided not to invite, and that might make things kind of awkward but ... it's my wedding. And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy.

Scene 05

1 line

Michael Scott

Yes, thanks, Fantastic Sam's. Adult Cut Plus. Comes with a shampoo and blow dry. We're doing I.D. photos today. Gotta represent.

Scene 06

6 lines

Phyllis Vance

Uh, on or off?

I.D. Photographer

Off.

Phyllis Vance

Okay... (removes glasses)

Dwight Schrute

Oh! What is on your face? Is that a disguise?

Phyllis Vance

(leaving the room) Excuse me.

Dwight Schrute

Clown paint.

Scene 07

1 line

Dwight Schrute

I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

Scene 08

6 lines

Michael Scott

That's a nice tie.

Ryan Howard

Thank you.

Michael Scott

That is... who makes that?

Ryan Howard

Um, I don't...

Michael Scott

Do you mind if I wear that for the photo?

Ryan Howard

Um... let's um, let's keep our clothes.

Scene 09

11 lines

Oscar Martinez

It's like child abuse. I say, if Jesus saw that, he'd freak out! He'd freak out, Toby! I mean on some levels... it's... and I'm supposed to work there. I'm supposed...

Michael Scott

(walking into the Conference room) What's the dealio?

Toby Flenderson

Just letting Oscar vent a little. We would use the break room, but the photographer's back there today.

Michael Scott

What's the problem?

Oscar Martinez

Angela!

Toby Flenderson

It's just a little dispute over a poster in their workspace.

Oscar Martinez

Since Christmas.

Michael Scott

So what, you're having a little spat. I forget, are you guys dating?

Oscar Martinez

No.

Toby Flenderson

Michael, can I talk to you for a uh, second please?

Michael Scott

Yes.

Scene 10

10 lines

Toby Flenderson

Here's how I usually handle this: all I do is listen.

Michael Scott

Yeah?

Toby Flenderson

These things just have a way of working themselves out.

Michael Scott

Okay.

Toby Flenderson

It's like if you write someone a letter, when you're really angry... they say to keep it in a drawer for a couple days. Then you just never end up sending it.

Michael Scott

What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced. So...

Toby Flenderson

Okay.

Michael Scott

Okay... what?

Toby Flenderson

That was the right decision for me and my marriage.

Michael Scott

Yeah, well... that's not gonna fly here. Because in this office, it is till death do us part... assuming we don't get downsized. (leans over to Pam) Uh, Pam, will you get Angela and meet us in the conference room please?

Scene 11

7 lines

Michael Scott

(holding up a binder) A mediator's tool chest. Okay, well, before we get started, you should know that are 5 different styles of conflict.(in a comedic voice) My Shaolin temple style defeats your monkey style.

Angela Martin

Can we go? I have a lot of work to do.

Michael Scott

No. Okay, this is important. The first style is lose/lose.

Oscar Martinez

What's the next one?

Michael Scott

Just hold on, please! Okay, if we do lose/lose, neither of you gets what you want. Do you understand? You... you would both lose. Now I need to ask you, do you want to pursue a lose/lose negotiation?

Michael Scott

Win/Win is number four and number five is win/win/win. The important difference here is with win/win/win, we all win. Me too. I win for having successfully mediated a conflict at work.

Scene 12

19 lines

Michael Scott

(in front of poster) Okay, since this is the disputed poster. Now, one at a time, I want you to express your feelings using "I" emotion language and no judging or "you" statements.

Angela Martin

I got this poster for Christmas, and I feel I want to see it everyday. It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor.

Michael Scott

Come on, seriously, that?

Oscar Martinez

I don't like looking at it. It's creepy, and in bad taste, and it's just offensive to me. It makes me think of the horrible, frigid stage mothers who force the babies into it. It's kitsch. It's the opposite of art. It destroys art. It destroys souls. This is so much more offensive to me than hardcore porno. I'm talking about the...

Michael Scott

Okay, okay. Stop, stop, stop! Let's see if we can just brainstorm and find some creative alternatives that are win/win.

Pam Beesly

Win!

Michael Scott

Yes. Thank you, Pam. How about Angela makes the poster into a t-shirt, which Oscar wears. That way, he can never see it and whenever she looks at Oscar, she can see it. Win/win/win.

Oscar Martinez

No.

Angela Martin

That's... no...

Michael Scott

Okay... well, brainstorm. Own the solution.

Angela Martin

How about, I leave it up?

Oscar Martinez

How 'bout, she takes it down?

Pam Beesly

How about, Angela can keep it up on Tuesdays and Thursdays?

Michael Scott

Okay, that is called a compromise. And it is style 3. And it is not ideal. To sum up, win/win - make the poster into a t-shirt, win/lose - take the poster down, compromise - Tuesdays and Thursdays. And the answer is... make the poster into a t-shirt! Win/win.

Pam Beesly

Win.

Oscar Martinez

Fine.

Angela Martin

But, it...

Michael Scott

(claps his hands twice) It is done!

Pam Beesly

Win

Scene 13

2 lines

Photographer

(snaps a photo of Creed, then Creed turns to the side for a profile shot) No, you're all good.

Creed Bratton

Great. (gets up and leaves)

Scene 14

2 lines

Pam Beesly

Hey, Angela.(hands her a Save The Date card) I didn't have your zip code.

Angela Martin

Oh. Thanks.

Scene 15

1 line

Angela Martin

It was hand delivered. But, I did get a Save The Date after all. It's not my taste.

Scene 16

11 lines

Toby Flenderson

You solved it?

Michael Scott

Yes.

Toby Flenderson

Well, good. We can, uh, throw that one out. (shuffles through papers)

Michael Scott

Are those all the other complains?

Toby Flenderson

Mmm-Hm.

Michael Scott

I would like to see those please.

Toby Flenderson

I... I can't do that.

Michael Scott

You can't do that, huh? Huh, ok. Now you and I have a conflict. I order you to give me that file.

Toby Flenderson

That... (shakes head and places hand over the file)

Michael Scott

Okay. (yanks the file away, despite Toby's resistance) There! No more conflict. (looks at the camera) I had to use win/lose on that. It was not pretty. (looks back at Toby) All right... is that it?

Toby Flenderson

(sighs and pulls out a box under his desk) It's all Dwight's.

Scene 17

1 line

Toby Flenderson

Every Friday at 4, I have a standing appointment with Dwight for him to file a grievance against Jim. I tell him that I'm sending them to a special file in New York. That box is the special file in New York.

Scene 18

1 line

Michael Scott

Ohh... God. Alright. Why do I have to do everything?

Scene 19

3 lines

Photographer

Are you sure? (looks at Oscar, who is front of the camera, holding the baby poster in front of his chest)

Dwight Schrute

Oh, he's sure. Just shoot.

Photographer

(shoots twice)

Scene 20

3 lines

Michael Scott

(looking through papers in the complaint box) This is from Kevin. He says Stanley uses his Miracle Whip without asking. Meredith complains that everyone talks too loud in the morning and the lights are too bright. Creed... huh. Duh, duh. Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day and wants a seat facing the receptionist.

Pam Beesly

Nice.

Michael Scott

You will notice that not one of these complaints is against me.

Scene 21

1 line

Toby Flenderson

Actually, I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael. This (unlocks a drawer)is January through March of this year. (pulls out a fairly large folder)

Scene 22

10 lines

Michael Scott

How many of you have at one time gone to Toby to complain about another employee? (looks at all the employees, most of whom raise their hands) And... did you get what you wanted, or were you merely listened to, you forget about your problem, and you move on? (employees mumble "merely listen to and forgotten..." ) That is outrageous! I love this place... and it pains me to see all of the negativity festering... (sighs) Okay, today we are going to get everything out of these files and into the open, where it can be resolved. Alright, how about the Phyllis/Angela dispute?

Angela Martin

You already did me.

Michael Scott

That's what she said. (Jim mouths these words along with Michael) The thing is, Angela... you are in here an awful lot. You have complained about everybody in the office, except Dwight, which is odd because everyone else has had run ins with Dwight. Toby, by the way, what does "redacted" mean? There is a file full of complaints in here marked "redacted"... ?

Toby Flenderson

Yeah, it just means whoever complained came to me later and withdrew it, so I took their name off.

Michael Scott

Oh, ok. There were a bunch of complaints about Dwight that were put in the redacted file about six months ago.

Dwight Schrute

Whoa.. wha... wait. If someone has a problem with me, why would they withdraw it six months ago?

Pam Beesly

(notices Angela's intense concern) Um... let's move on. I volunteer. Did anyone have a problem with me?

Michael Scott

All right, Pamela. Come on down! Let's do it! And (looks through the file)... okay. Just one complaint. Actually, it has been withdrawn. So that is no help to us. Next.

Pam Beesly

Wait, what did it say?

Michael Scott

Uh... (reading)"Does she have to plan her wedding on office time? Couldn't she do that at home?" (Pam looks Angela an angry look) Who else? Why don't we just warm up first? Warm up emotionally, all right?

Scene 23

1 line

Pam Beesly

I have this kind of big secret about Angela. And I've been really nice to her... and I haven't told anyone. And what the hell?!

Scene 24

14 lines

Michael Scott

Here is a Kelly complaint: "Ryan never returns my calls." Ugh, join the club.

Ryan Howard

My voicemail's really spotty... sometimes...

Kelly Kapoor

I didn't file a complaint. I was just talking.

Toby Flenderson

To your HR representative.

Kelly Kapoor

To my friend, I thought. I want that withdrawn.

Toby Flenderson

Fine, I'll take your name off. (looks at Michael) So no one will know.

Michael Scott

(crumbles up the complaint paper) Makin' progress. (Jim raises his hand) Yes?

Jim Halpert

Dwight tried to kiss me.

Michael Scott

What?!

Jim Halpert

And I didn't tell anyone because I'm not really sure how I feel about it.

Dwight Schrute

That is not true. Redact it. Redact it!

Jim Halpert

Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it.

Dwight Schrute

Okay, question. (looks at Toby) When a name is withdrawn, does that also apply to the permanent misbehavior file in New York?

Toby Flenderson

Sure.

Scene 25

5 lines

Michael Scott

Stanley. (off camera)

Pam Beesly

(gets up and walks over to Angela, whispering to her) Hey. Thanks for ratting me out!

Michael Scott

(still of camera) You got a lot of anger under there buddy. Come on start us out. Unleash it.

Angela Martin

I didn't do it! (Michael and Stanley continue to talk off camera, but it's inaudible)

Pam Beesly

I find that hard to believe... considering you have problems with every single person in this entire office except Bobblehead Joe.

Scene 26

9 lines

Michael Scott

Someone complained that the men's room is "whites only". Stanley, you know that's not true.

Stanley Hudson

I didn't say that.

Creed Bratton

Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door? (Michael, along with the camera, look at the standard stick man on the bathroom door.)

Michael Scott

Okay, Phyllis. You complained that Angela's giving you dirty looks. And you tried to get off the party planning committee.

Phyllis Vance

No, I never said any such thing. Angela and I are close.

Michael Scott

And... also, Phyllis, Stanley says that you cry too much, and that bugs him.

Phyllis Vance

Stanley and I are close, too.

Stanley Hudson

We sit close.

Michael Scott

Oh... ok.

Scene 27

1 line

Toby Flenderson

(sits down for his ID picture) Just take it. (flashes goes off, while he is standing back up again)

Scene 28

8 lines

Pam Beesly

I can't believe Angela. I went against my better judgment, and I gave her a Save The Date. And now it turns out she complained about me to Toby.

Jim Halpert

Well, it was redacted. Look, if she wants an invite, maybe she's just trying to be friends.

Pam Beesly

Don't take her side.

Jim Halpert

(sighs) Well, what does Roy think about everything?

Pam Beesly

I don't know. I try not to bother him about this kind of stuff.

Jim Halpert

You mean your thoughts and feelings?

Pam Beesly

Yeah.

Jim Halpert

Yeah...

Scene 29

5 lines

Phyllis Vance

I know you keep saying it's your space, even though there's no assigned parking, but I keep forgetting.

Angela Martin

Yes, that's the problem.

Phyllis Vance

I guess so...

Michael Scott

Okay, well... all settled, then.

Phyllis Vance

(whispering to Angela) I don't like you.

Scene 30

1 line

Michael Scott

OK, Ryan. You told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?

Scene 31

1 line

Creed Bratton

I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious. But they smell like death.

Scene 32

2 lines

Michael Scott

All right, Kevin. You are accused of making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela that made her feel uncomfortable. Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that will make him uncomfortable.

Kevin Malone

I accept your decision!

Scene 33

5 lines

Jim Halpert

Hey... you know what, Dwight? Maybe we should get our photo I.D. taken together.

Dwight Schrute

Wednesdays, tearful. Tuesdays... (Dwight walks in and rummages through his complaint box)

Michael Scott

Uh. Dwight.

Dwight Schrute

Ah... agh... dgh... Ahh! No, no! Four years of malfeasance unreported. This cannot stand.

Michael Scott

Okay! Calm down.

Dwight Schrute

No! You calm down! Who's side is Toby on? Who's side are you on?

Michael Scott

Hey, hey!

Dwight Schrute

Him or me?

Michael Scott

Stop.

Dwight Schrute

Him or me? I cannot work with Jim anymore.

Michael Scott

Okay...

Dwight Schrute

Either he goes, or I go.

Michael Scott

Dwight...

Dwight Schrute

You choose!

Michael Scott

Stop...

Dwight Schrute

One of us is out of here by the end of today! (runs out)

Michael Scott

Oh... kay...

Scene 38

9 lines

Dwight Schrute

I am not bluffing!

Michael Scott

Okay.

Dwight Schrute

Okay?

Michael Scott

Yes.

Dwight Schrute

Do the right thing here, Michael. Okay, I have served you loyally for years.

Michael Scott

Mm-hmm.

Dwight Schrute

I deserve this. You know I do!

Michael Scott

(picks up Dwight's I.D. and snickers) You know your I.D. says you're a security threat?

Dwight Schrute

You have till five.

Scene 39

Hey, there's like, 300 more of these. Let's get to them later.

Dwight Schrute

So, you going to transfer Jim or not?

Michael Scott

Maybe, I haven't decided yet. Let's get to work.

Dwight Schrute

I want an answer by tomorrow.

Scene 52

3 lines

Michael Scott

Okay. Oh... actually, tomorrow's not good. How about later in the week?

Dwight Schrute

Fine.

Michael Scott

Good. Okay.

Scene 53

10 lines

Michael Scott

Hey! Wait. How about a group picture while you're here?

Photographer

I can't. I only get reimbursed for the I.D. photos.

Michael Scott

Well... that's... what, a computer camera, right?

Photographer

You mean digital?

Michael Scott

It'll take like two seconds.

Photographer

20 bucks.

Michael Scott

Ugh... All right. Everybody, (looks around at the employees) come on. Group photo for the newsletter.

Stanley Hudson

You gotta be kiddin' me.

Michael Scott

Come on, everybody.

Dwight Schrute

Come on, let's go. Creed, Kevin, Oscar... andale! Let's go.

Scene 54

22 lines

Photographer

One, two, three... smile. (camera flashes, but no one smiles) Try to smile.

Michael Scott

We resolved a lot today, everybody. Think happy thoughts.

Photographer

Alright, I'm just gonna take it on three... whether you smile or not. One, two, three. (camera flashes)

Michael Scott

Good, let's check that out. (looks at preview screen) Ew, okay, all right. One more. We'll take one more.

Photographer

That'll be another 20.

Michael Scott

What?

Pam Beesly

Angela, I want to talk to you about something.

Michael Scott

(off camera) You just press the button.

Angela Martin

What?

Jim Halpert

No, Pam.

Pam Beesly

(looks at to Jim) I am. (looks at Angela) It's about the Save The Date.

Jim Halpert

Pam, it wasn't her.

Pam Beesly

What?!

Jim Halpert

I'm the one who complained about you.

Jim Halpert

I... I didn't know that Toby was gonna write it down. (the camera flashes) I was just venting.

Michael Scott

(off camera) Okay, good. Check that out.

Jim Halpert

You know, it was one day.

Michael Scott

(off camera) That's terrible.

Jim Halpert

And I took it right back. It was like...

Pam Beesly

Okay.

Phyllis Vance

1 line

Michael Scott

And that is why the idea of a cage match is so universally appealing. But here's the thing about cage matches: sometimes you have to open the cage. And that is something Toby will never understand.