Dunder Mifflin, Inc.Best Office Lines

The Chump

Vol. 6 · Issue 23Scranton, PA

Michael thinks he's the hero of his own cheating scandal, but the rest of the office definitely disagrees. Every line from the episode is laid out here, covering everything from the iconic Toby-Hitler-Bin Laden hypothetical to Dwight’s attempts at de-valuing his own "stud fee." It's all the cringeworthy dialogue you remember without any radon test kits getting in the way.

Scene 01

1 line
Toby Flenderson
This here is a radon test kit. (holding out tiny cylinder disc) Okay I will be putting 'em everywhere. And... please don't throw these out. (starts snapping towards Michael's face) This is a radon test kit. (continues snapping) Please don't throw these out. (Michael gives annoyed look) See them all over the office.

Scene 02

1 line
Michael Scott
Toby has been leaving radon kits everywhere, like he owns the place. The first time I threw mine away, I thought it was an ant trap. (finds radon kit in between his blinds in his office) But I figured I'd rather live with ants than with his creepy little disc. (throws it away) The second time... I thought it was one of those, you know, those things you turn over and it moos. (finds another radon kit on top of his cabinet) Like a cow thing. But upon closer examination, it was another ant trap, so I threw it away. And the third time... I did it out of spite. (takes radon kit from the top of the blinds of his office window and slams it into the trash can)

Scene 03

30 lines
Michael Scott
Pfffffttt.
Toby Flenderson
Come on, Michael. You're interrupting.
Michael Scott
You're kidding me? God! You say radon is silent, but deadly, and then you expect me not to make farting noises with my mouth? What is this?
Toby Flenderson
Please sit down.
Michael Scott
You know what? We're not gonna die of radon, we're gonna die of boredom.
Everyone
YEAH! (laughter)
Michael Scott
Right? And if I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
Everyone
No. No!
Jim Halpert
That's... not okay.
Michael Scott
Okay, alright.
Dwight Schrute
You were being really funny, and then you went too far.
Michael Scott
I would kill Bin Laden and then Toby.
Dwight Schrute
No, hmmm... that's still...
Everyone
Mm-mm.
Michael Scott
Okay geniuses, how would you do it?
Creed Bratton
Curve the bullet. Like in my favorite James McAvoy film, Wanted.
Oscar Martinez
All that does is help you shoot around things. What does Bin Laden...
Ryan Howard
Is there a curtain rod in the room?
Michael Scott
I don't know.
Stanley Hudson
How about make-believe land has anything you want?
Jim Halpert
Stanley, please, this is serious!
Angela Martin
Is this the thing where they use an icicle so there's no evidence?
Michael Scott
Yes, we stab Toby through the heart with an icicle.
Dwight Schrute
Come on, the whole two bullet thing is a red herring. Here's how you do it: You line them all up, you take one bullet, shoot them all through the throat at the same time. Watch this. (stands up and points to Phyllis) Phyllis, you're Hitler. Come up here. Toby, you're Toby. Andy, you're Bin Laden. Line up, throats together.
Toby Flenderson
I don't wanna do this.
Michael Scott
(shouting) Toby, just do it! God!
Dwight Schrute
Toby, come on. (Andy lines up to the right of Toby and Phyllis is on his left)
Dwight Schrute
Ready, one bullet. And boom! (makes shooting noises and mimics a bullet with his fingers tapping Phyllis' throat, then Toby's, and finally Andy's)
Everyone
Yeah, that works. That works!
Michael Scott
Good work. (clapping)

Scene 04

5 lines
Pam Beesly
What flavors did you get? (yawns)
Erin Hannon
It's so exciting Pam. The Eagles are doing a theme of ice creams in honor of turning 60.
Pam Beesly
(reading flavors) Despera-dough. Witchy-womanilla. Why do they do this?
Erin Hannon
Do you want me to go back to the store?
Pam Beesly
No, no, no, it's fine. I was just commenting. We gotta get these out, open 'em up.

Scene 05

5 lines
Erin Hannon
This is all for Michael. It turns out his girlfriend was married.
Pam Beesly
Yeah, and when Michael gets a broken heart, this whole place comes to a halt, so we're just trying to get out in front of this.
Erin Hannon
After his last breakup, he ate 40,000 calories in three hours. Right, Pam? That's what Pam told me.
Pam Beesly
(yawns) Yeah, or no... well... I don't know. I'm sorry. I was up all night with Cece, otherwise I'd be running this.
Erin Hannon
That's okay. You probably shouldn't keep a baby up that late, though.

Scene 06

21 lines
Erin Hannon
We have Mr. Bean playing in the conference room and the Pink Panther movie in his office. With half hour shifts to watch it with him.
Pam Beesly
And we need bodies in both these rooms, people. So please sign up.
Erin Hannon
He's coming.
Pam Beesly
Oh, okay. Everyone, remember, when he get's like this, he will wallow, if you empathize. Keep conversations light and if you get stuck, and you don't know what to do, make a random sound effect okay? Farting noise, whatever. Okay.
Toby Flenderson
(walks in) Hey everyone.
Pam Beesly
No, out! Get out now! Leave now.
Dwight Schrute
Leave, get outta here.
Pam Beesly
Leave!
Dwight Schrute
Right now!
Pam Beesly
Oh, and if he makes a joke, just laugh it up, no matter what. Okay?
Michael Scott
(walks in) Morning everyone.
Everyone
Hey! (applauses) Hey, hey!
Erin Hannon
Hi Michael. (gives him a hug)
Michael Scott
Hello!
Dwight Schrute
Michael, nice tie or something.
Michael Scott
Oh, thank you. It's reversible, I think. (everyone laughs)
Kevin Malone
That's hilarious.
Pam Beesly
That's awesome. You want some ice cream?
Michael Scott
Oh! Oh wow, are those Eagles' flavors? Cake it to the Limit. That's my favorite! I love that! Too much for me to have by myself. Anybody wanna share?
Kevin Malone
Boi-oi-oi-ing
Michael Scott
Okay. Well... that's random. I will dig into those later.

Scene 07

5 lines
Lawyer
I don't follow this exactly. Uh, "The Descendants of any replicants from this union shall have..."
Dwight & Angela
Joint custody
Lawyer
Are we talking about your grandchildren?
Angela Martin
No.
Dwight Schrute
No.

Scene 08

4 lines
Angela Martin
Rather than spend all day in court, we've decided to settle our dispute using a mediator. It was an option spelled out in our childrearing contract.
Dwight Schrute
Alleged contract.
Angela Martin
Alleged? I'm going to own your farm by the time this is over.
Dwight Schrute
Just try. I will do legal jujitsu on you. Gyah! (pretends to karate chop her neck) See, don't even need to make contact. The law will do it.

Scene 09

5 lines
Dwight Schrute
So much of this is just impossible to verify. Item five, point "B", uh... the beet juice cleanse?
Angela Martin
I'm doing it. You know I am. It's disgusting.
Dwight Schrute
How do we know this? I'd like to see a stool sample.
Angela Martin
Dwight, look at my teeth. (shows teeth, beet red)
Dwight Schrute
Eughh. (looks disgusted)

Scene 10

6 lines
Andy Bernard
No secret crying. Hasn't even opened the tissue box in there.
Pam Beesly
Could he still be seeing her?
Phyllis Vance
I don't think he'd do that.
Jim Halpert
So we're gonna say the most likely scenerio is that Michael matured overnight?
Andy Bernard
Well, it happened to Tom Hanks in Big.
Jim Halpert
Exactly. It happened in Big.

Scene 11

18 lines
Michael Scott
No, I gotta go. Text me later.
Jim Halpert
I'm really too tired to do this.
Pam Beesly
Me too!
Jim Halpert
Then let's just not do this. Do you have any idea the risks involved?
Pam Beesly
Hey Michael.
Michael Scott
Hey.
Pam Beesly
We were wondering if you would like to have dinner with us tonight, in our home, and play with our baby.
Jim Halpert
We can order in from Hooters.
Michael Scott
Oh, Hooters to go. Nice.
Pam Beesly
We can watch a movie and play Rock Band.
Jim Halpert
Billy Joel Rock Band.
Michael Scott
That... exists?
Pam Beesly
Yes.
Michael Scott
Okay, well, I'll have to take a rain check, but thanks for the offer.
Pam Beesly
(shouts) Michael Scott, are you still seeing Donna?
Michael Scott
Okay, Pam... she's not invisible so stop asking silly questions.
Phyllis Vance
Oh Michael.
Michael Scott
Since when is this an office where we delve into each other's personal lives?

Scene 12

1 line
Michael Scott
I like Donna. Is it wrong to keep seeing her? Depends on who you ask. I mean, if you ask her husband... or you took a random poll, yeah, it's wrong.

Scene 13

3 lines
Meredith Palmer
That is something I would never do.
Michael Scott
Well, I think we all know what you're capable of Meredith.
Meredith Palmer
Hey, I have never cheated on, been cheated on, or been used to cheat with.

Scene 14

1 line
Meredith Palmer
I ask... everyone in the room, "Are you in a relationship?".

Scene 15

14 lines
Michael Scott
People, this is Scranton. And many people consider that to be the Paris of northeastern Pennsylvania. And in Paris, it is rude for a woman to have less than four lovers.
Kelly Kapoor
Eughh, Ryan, I do not want you hanging around Michael anymore.
Ryan Howard
Okay.
Michael Scott
I will have you know that I asked Donna about this and she is fine with it. And just to be sure, I asked her again afterward. Same answer.
Andy Bernard
How does he feel about it?
Michael Scott
He is never gonna find out. He is a high school baseball coach. He wakes up early. He goes to bed early. Look at how long it took for him to find out. (points to Andy) It was right under his nose. I had to tell him.
Jim Halpert
Now you're just being hurtful.
Michael Scott
I'm sorry, it... why is it okay for Stanley to cheat or for Phyllis to cheat...
Phyllis Vance
Hey!
Michael Scott
On her diet! He's a sports guy. He's scummy. Dogfighting. Drugs. They spit.
Andy Bernard
Did Donna tell you that?
Michael Scott
Real sports with Bryant Gumble.
Andy Bernard
So you're just making a giant assumption. You don't even know the guy.
Michael Scott
You know what? You know what? I am declaring a moment of silence right now. Ten minutes of silence honoring Michael Jackson. just sit there and think about Michael jackson.

Scene 16

1 line
Andy Bernard
My name is Andy Bernard and I am a cuckold. For those of you unfamiliar with William Shakespeare, a cuckold is a man whose woman is cheating on him. I've lived the part. And let me tell you, I'd so much rather play the part on stage.

Scene 17

14 lines
Andy Bernard
So... here's the thing about infidelity.
Michael Scott
Mm, no, when are you people going to stop casting the first stone? I am not in the wrong here. I am the good guy.
Andy Bernard
How does that work?
Michael Scott
Do you think this husband is a super sweet nice guy? Do you think he's an angel? I don't think so. Why is his wife going off and having a little something-something with me? There has to be a problem with him.
Andy Bernard
In any cheating movie, the person getting cheated on is the hero. You're Ali Larter, I'm Beyonce.
Michael Scott
I am Beyonce always.
Andy Bernard
Not this time.
Michael Scott
Yes, I am.
Andy Bernard
This guy's a high school baseball coach, right? Let's go check him out, see what a horrible person he is.
Michael Scott
I would love that.
Andy Bernard
Yeah. Those teams have games and practices every day. Let's go check it out.
Michael Scott
I have work to do.
Andy Bernard
Oh, really? I thought you were the boss.
Michael Scott
Let's go. (starts walking towards the elevator) I can't wait to see this jerk who is making me cheat on his wife. I should punch him in the nose for what he's making me do to her.

Scene 18

11 lines
Andy Bernard
(humming Call to Post) Bum bum BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM bum bum
Michael Scott
All right, Andy, please.
Andy Bernard
Baseball!
Michael Scott
Shh! Try not to draw attention, please. That's him. That's him.
Andy Bernard
Where?
Michael Scott
Right there. The coach!
Andy Bernard
Stage right or stage left? I played batboy in damn yankees!
Michael Scott
Right there. Look, look. Follow my finger. Okay? see? The grownup by the base?
Andy Bernard
(announcer's voice) And Now, coaching third base with two arms, two legs, and no heart. Capable of feeling pain.
Michael Scott
All right. Can you just-- can you just act normal for a second, please?
Andy Bernard
Whatever. I'm the one blending in.

Scene 19

6 lines
Gabe Lewis
(ahem)(Pam snores) Guys?
Jim Halpert
Pam.
Pam Beesly
Mm. Hey. Oh, hi, Gabe.
Gabe Lewis
Can you two please join me in my office? Now.
Pam Beesly
You were supposed to be the Lookout.
Jim Halpert
Yeah, well it's really warm in here. It's like a sleeping bag.

Scene 20

10 lines
Gabe Lewis
I don't wanna be the heavy here, but honestly, guys, this makes us all look bad.
Jim Halpert
Sorry about that.
Pam Beesly
So embarrassing.
Gabe Lewis
Good. Okay. End of the dressing down. I just hate that part of the job, you know, the power dynamics.
Jim Halpert
Well, you were surprisingly restrained.
Pam Beesly
We will be well-rested tomorrow.
Gabe Lewis
Okay. That's great, actually, because I wanted to talk to you about something else.
Jim Halpert
Excellent. Go for it.
Gabe Lewis
I'm sure you got my email about the printer fires. The one with the branching decision tree? I actually designed that chart. Kinda hoping it catches on. (Jim and Pam struggling to stay awake) Anyway, the question is, what is the best way to disseminate important information in an efficient way?
Jim Halpert
Right? So, uh, let's uh...

Scene 21

15 lines
Lawyer
Finally there's a provision here in the occurrence that the child is born an old man, a la Benjamin Button.
Angela Martin
Same page. Go to the next one.
Dwight Schrute
Same page. Just keep moving.
Lawyer
Despite the provision covering whether this is all part of the matrix--
Dwight Schrute
Which we can't know.
Lawyer
This is essentially...
Dwight Schrute
Unless we're unplugged.
Lawyer
Equivalent to a donor or surrogate contractor.
Dwight Schrute
And wake up in the future.
Lawyer
Which is actually pretty common. So I have to tell you that this is a solid contract.
Dwight Schrute
What?
Lawyer
Look, I can't enforce that anybody have a child with anyone else.
Angela Martin
What?
Lawyer
So essentially, this comes down to damages. Now, there is some precedence for the range of $30,000.
Dwight Schrute
What?

Scene 22

1 line
Dwight Schrute
I don't have $30,000 lying around. I have it buried very deeply, and I don't want to dig past a certain someone to get it.

Scene 23

10 lines
Andy Bernard
Chase Dixon is up. Could be a big play.
Michael Scott
You have no idea what you're talking about.
Andy Bernard
I know it's like cricket.
Michael Scott
You don't. No, no.
Andy Bernard
And it's--there's-- well, home plate is like a wicket.
Michael Scott
You don't know. You don't-- you don't know anything. Look at him. Look at him over there. High-fiving? He didn't even do anything. Kid did all the work. I bet he does that at home. I bet it's like, "Hey, Donna, why don't you wash the dishes?" "High-five, Donna." "Hey, why don't you bring me my slippers?" "Hi-five. I'm taking all the credit."
Andy Bernard
Seems pretty well liked by the team.
Michael Scott
Okay, well, that's because he's paying their salary.
Andy Bernard
You do know that high school coaches don't pay their players.
Michael Scott
I know, I know, I know. It--I'm--it-- that was a euphemism.

Scene 24

7 lines
Dwight Schrute
$30,000? There's gotta be another way.
Angela Martin
He has a 60-acre beet farm that is worth a small fortune.
Dwight Schrute
Look, I will not pay.
Angela Martin
Well, I have an alternative.(hands Dwight a document)
Dwight Schrute
"Intercourse to completion. Five individual times rendered at my discretion?"
Lawyer
Look, I don't think that's actually legal.
Dwight Schrute
Agreed. (shakes hands with Angela)

Scene 25

1 line
Dwight Schrute
Five times for $30,000? Not a bad stud fee. Better than most horses.

Scene 26

9 lines
Dwight Schrute
But not in your bed. It's lumpy.
Angela Martin
Those lumps are cats, and those cats have names, and those names are Ember, Milky Way, Diane, and Lumpy.
Dwight Schrute
Fine. Five times. (signs contract)
Lawyer
Look, I can't legally watch this unfold. It's coming a little dangerously close to prostitution.
Angela Martin
I want eye contact.
Dwight Schrute
No.
Angela Martin
Yes.
Dwight Schrute
Do you understand how rare is that in nature?
Angela Martin
I'm not some farm animal. (Dwight smirks at the camera)

Scene 27

8 lines
Andy Bernard
Great game, coach.
Michael Scott
Shh! Okay, all right. Don't, don't.
Andy Bernard
You guys are awesome! Best game I've ever seen in my life.
Shane
Yeah, right. You must be rootin' for the other guys.
Andy Bernard
Ha. The other guys can go die.
Michael Scott
(whispers) Okay.
Andy Bernard
Baseball! Go talk to him.
Michael Scott
No. God. You go talk to him.

Scene 28

25 lines
Shane
Let's go.
Andy Bernard
Shane. Great game man!
Shane
Do I know you?
Andy Bernard
No. Uh, just big fans. Both of us.
Shane
Are you somebody's... parents? Oh, are you guys... Kenny's dads?
Andy Bernard
Ha. No. No. But we're gay for baseball. (chuckles)
Shane
Okay.
Andy Bernard
But I have a wife, actually, who I really love a lot.
Shane
Okay. Let's go!
Andy Bernard
Yeah. I am so into the institution of marriage.
Shane
Whoa!
Andy Bernard
I mean, isn't marriage the best, you know? Two good people finding each other, getting all committed to each other. So you love baseball. What else do you love? Let's round you out as a person.
Shane
Hey, I'm really sorry, I'm just trying to... focus here on the game.
Andy Bernard
I get it, man. I love it. That's what makes you a good coach. You know, but as a fan, it just helps me enjoy the game better if I know the coach loves his wife.
Shane
Of course. Okay? I gotta... get back to this.
Andy Bernard
Of course.
Shane
All right.
Andy Bernard
But real quick, I want you to meet my associate. Sheldon!
Michael Scott
No, no, no.
Andy Bernard
Come on, get over here.
Michael Scott
I'm good. Oh, my God.
Andy Bernard
Get- Get over here. Sheldon, say hi to the nice coach.
Michael Scott
Sorry. I got some stomach cramps.
Shane
It's all right. It's all right. Keep it going.
Michael Scott
Well, that was not at all what I expected. Hoo hoo! Whoo. My heart's still racing. I just looked a man in the eyes and I shook his hand. All the time I was thinking, "I'm sleeping with your wife." And you know who does that? James freakin' Bond.

Scene 29

28 lines
Michael Scott
Okay, orange slices. There ya go.
Erin Hannon
Thanks, Michael.
Michael Scott
Don't thank me. Thank Dylan's mom. Here you go! Oh! Ooh Hoo Hoo Hoo hoo!
Oscar Martinez
Why would you throw something wet at me?
Michael Scott
You love it. There ya go.
Jim Halpert
Now, were those for the team?
Michael Scott
Uh, no, they didn't say team. They just said coal Hawks.
Jim Halpert
Ah.
Pam Beesly
I don't think those were yours to take.
Michael Scott
Well, then it wouldn't be the first time I stole something away from Coach Shane.
Andy Bernard
I just wanna go on record as saying that I do not condone this affair, and I went so far as to force Michael to confront the victim of his behavior.
Pam Beesly
Did you talk to him?
Michael Scott
I did.
Pam Beesly
You talked to the man whose wife you're having an affair with.
Kevin Malone
Wow. That is crazy.
Phyllis Vance
Was there a fistfight?
Michael Scott
No. We just talked. He's very nice.
Phyllis Vance
And it didn't change your mind.
Michael Scott
It did not.
Phyllis Vance
Michael, that's awful.
Michael Scott
Isn't it?
Phyllis Vance
Yes.
Michael Scott
I'm awful, aren't I?
Kevin Malone
Yeah. That's pretty bad.
Michael Scott
I'm an awful guy! Ooh!
Oscar Martinez
How can you live with yourself?
Michael Scott
I am what I am, Oscar. And I want what I want. And right now, I want a piece of cake. From now on, when I'm hungry, I am going to eat whatever I am hungry for.
Kevin Malone
That is a dangerous game, friendo.

Scene 30

9 lines
Kelly Kapoor
Well, because I thought that it was a book about Anthropology the store.
Ryan Howard
I don't know why you were in that part of the bookstore.
Kelly Kapoor
'Cause it's next to they baby section, okay?
Ryan Howard
All right, that makes more sense. You should have said that at the beginning when you said, "I read a book about anthropology."
Kelly Kapoor
I don't really know why you're screaming at me right now.
Ryan Howard
I'm not scream-- I'm not screaming.
Kelly Kapoor
That's Meredith's cake. It's her birthday.
Michael Scott
I don't care. I have an appetite for life! (eats cake) Mmm. Mmm! Oh, god. That's Lemon.
Ryan Howard
Good for you, man. Good for you.

Scene 31

1 line
Ryan Howard
He takes what he wants.

Scene 32

5 lines
Ryan Howard
You know what? I think you're attractive, and I wanna sleep with you.
Erin Hannon
What about Kelly?
Ryan Howard
You read my mind.
Erin Hannon
(quietly) Is this a joke?
Ryan Howard
Yep.

Scene 33

2 lines
Ryan Howard
It's hard to live that way man. You gotta really not care what people think about you. I-I don't know how you do it, Michael, I-I-I can't be that cold.
Michael Scott
You'll learn, baby. You'll learn.

Scene 34

1 line
Dwight Schrute
(pressing buttons to start microwave and moves towards his crotch) I am an honorable man, and I will honor the contract. But I don't have to give her the good stuff. Schrute sperm are strong, (banging on his crotch with drum sticks) but they're no match for a grown Schrute man. (drops yellow pages against his crotch) (screaming) (chuckling) Let's see what she gets. (bouncing crotch on bike and crashes into glass door) (thud) Aah!

Scene 35

4 lines
Creed Bratton
(Michael leaving copy machine) Uh, boss, we're out of paper.
Michael Scott
Yeah, I noticed that.
Creed Bratton
Are you gonna add any more?
Michael Scott
Nope.

Scene 36

1 line
Creed Bratton
He don't give an "F" about nothin'!

Scene 37

1 line
Michael Scott
I have got big balls.

Scene 38

13 lines
Pam Beesly
I don't think I'm gonna make it.
Jim Halpert
(yawning) What about an energy drink or something?
Pam Beesly
(shakes head) It gets in the breast milk. If I drink it, Cece drinks it six hours later.
Jim Halpert
Well, it doesn't mean I can't drink it.
Pam Beesly
Well, it does and it doesn't.
Darryl Philbin
Probably shouldn't tell you this, but a lotta guys in the warehouse work multiple jobs, so... we have a place.
Jim Halpert
A place?
Darryl Philbin
A restful location. Talk to Glen. He'll take you up in the lift.
Pam Beesly
You sleep in the warehouse?
Darryl Philbin
Lightbulb's burnt out, so it's dark. And the heat from the backup generator keeps it nice and warm. Sometimes I think about it when I'm trying to fall asleep at home. But as far as the rest of the office goes, it doesn't exist, okay?
Jim Halpert
Okay.
Darryl Philbin
Pam.
Pam Beesly
Okay.

Scene 39

9 lines
Phyllis Vance
For your signature. (drops document on Michael's desk)
Michael Scott
Okay. (Phyllis avoids looking at Michael) Phyllis. Okay. Look at me. (continues to look away) Phyllis, look at-- (Phyllis turns to leave) okay, that's... (chases after her) All right, all right. You know what? I'm sick of this. I'm sick of the little disapproving head shakes. If you think that's going to have any effect on me, it will not. I am going to leave right now and go to a motel to meet Donna.
Kevin Malone
Why not your condo?
Michael Scott
Because a motel is dirty and it is sexy. Like me. And like Donna. And frankly, the stuff that we're into isn't very condo-appropriate.
Stanley Hudson
Oh, Michael, will you drop it? Everybody's spoken their mind, and no one's changing their mind.
Michael Scott
Okay, Morgan Freeman-narrating-everything.
Andy Bernard
Do you want someone to stop you? 'Cause no one's going to.
Michael Scott
Nobody better try to stop me. Good. (leaves the office. door closes)
Dwight Schrute
I could have stopped him.

Scene 40

7 lines
Dwight Schrute
Are you warmed up? (outside sliding door in warehouse)
Angela Martin
No.
Dwight Schrute
God, Angela, why is that always my responsibility? (zipper sound)
Angela Martin
What did you do to yourself? (camera pans to Jim and Pam laying down in restful location)
Dwight Schrute
Never mind. Just never mind.
Angela Martin
Well, it better work.
Dwight Schrute
Oh, it'll work. (Jim and Pam look shocked and disturbed) Mm. Stop kissing me. It's not in the contract.

Scene 41

1 line
Michael Scott
(driving in car; returns to office; grabs ice cream out of freezer) How do I feel about breaking up with Donna? Good. Moral. I feel proud. (beeping; cut to Donna who is waiting in the parking lot of the motel) Like a grownup.(Donna receives text from phone) That was not easy because I really liked her a lot. And I'm a little bit emotional right now because I know that I absolutely made the right decision. (Donna has disappointed look; cut back to Michael in his office opening ice cream) At the end of the day, we have to do what's right. And it was either living with myself or... being happy. And I picked... the... former.

Scene 42

6 lines
Reporter
Michael Scott?
Michael Scott
Yes?
Reporter
Do you wanna make a comment on the rumors?
Michael Scott
(sighs) Umm... I have done some very bad things, things of which I am not proud. I would like to publicly apologize to... the coach and the players. And I vow to never listen to my bodily instincts ever again.
Reporter
I'm talking about the Sabre printers that catch on fire.
Michael Scott
Oh. Okay. I was talking about... what do-- what? What's going on?