Scene 011 lineToby FlendersonOpen quote: This here is a radon test kit. (holding out tiny cylinder disc) Okay I will be putting 'em everywhere. And... please don't throw these out. (starts snapping towards Michael's face) This is a radon test kit. (continues snapping) Please don't throw these out. (Michael gives annoyed look) See them all over the office.
Scene 021 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Toby has been leaving radon kits everywhere, like he owns the place. The first time I threw mine away, I thought it was an ant trap. (finds radon kit in between his blinds in his office) But I figured I'd rather live with ants than with his creepy little disc. (throws it away) The second time... I thought it was one of those, you know, those things you turn over and it moos. (finds another radon kit on top of his cabinet) Like a cow thing. But upon closer examination, it was another ant trap, so I threw it away. And the third time... I did it out of spite. (takes radon kit from the top of the blinds of his office window and slams it into the trash can)
Scene 0330 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Pfffffttt.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: Come on, Michael. You're interrupting.Michael ScottOpen quote: You're kidding me? God! You say radon is silent, but deadly, and then you expect me not to make farting noises with my mouth? What is this?Toby FlendersonOpen quote: Please sit down.Michael ScottOpen quote: You know what? We're not gonna die of radon, we're gonna die of boredom.EveryoneOpen quote: YEAH! (laughter)Michael ScottOpen quote: Right? And if I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.EveryoneOpen quote: No. No!Jim HalpertOpen quote: That's... not okay.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, alright.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You were being really funny, and then you went too far.Michael ScottOpen quote: I would kill Bin Laden and then Toby.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No, hmmm... that's still...EveryoneOpen quote: Mm-mm.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay geniuses, how would you do it?Creed BrattonOpen quote: Curve the bullet. Like in my favorite James McAvoy film, Wanted.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: All that does is help you shoot around things. What does Bin Laden...Ryan HowardOpen quote: Is there a curtain rod in the room?Michael ScottOpen quote: I don't know.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: How about make-believe land has anything you want?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Stanley, please, this is serious!Angela MartinOpen quote: Is this the thing where they use an icicle so there's no evidence?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes, we stab Toby through the heart with an icicle.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Come on, the whole two bullet thing is a red herring. Here's how you do it: You line them all up, you take one bullet, shoot them all through the throat at the same time. Watch this. (stands up and points to Phyllis) Phyllis, you're Hitler. Come up here. Toby, you're Toby. Andy, you're Bin Laden. Line up, throats together.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: I don't wanna do this.Michael ScottOpen quote: (shouting) Toby, just do it! God!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Toby, come on. (Andy lines up to the right of Toby and Phyllis is on his left)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Ready, one bullet. And boom! (makes shooting noises and mimics a bullet with his fingers tapping Phyllis' throat, then Toby's, and finally Andy's)EveryoneOpen quote: Yeah, that works. That works!Michael ScottOpen quote: Good work. (clapping)
Scene 045 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: What flavors did you get? (yawns)Erin HannonOpen quote: It's so exciting Pam. The Eagles are doing a theme of ice creams in honor of turning 60.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (reading flavors) Despera-dough. Witchy-womanilla. Why do they do this?Erin HannonOpen quote: Do you want me to go back to the store?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No, no, no, it's fine. I was just commenting. We gotta get these out, open 'em up.
Scene 055 linesErin HannonOpen quote: This is all for Michael. It turns out his girlfriend was married.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah, and when Michael gets a broken heart, this whole place comes to a halt, so we're just trying to get out in front of this.Erin HannonOpen quote: After his last breakup, he ate 40,000 calories in three hours. Right, Pam? That's what Pam told me.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (yawns) Yeah, or no... well... I don't know. I'm sorry. I was up all night with Cece, otherwise I'd be running this.Erin HannonOpen quote: That's okay. You probably shouldn't keep a baby up that late, though.
Scene 0621 linesErin HannonOpen quote: We have Mr. Bean playing in the conference room and the Pink Panther movie in his office. With half hour shifts to watch it with him.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: And we need bodies in both these rooms, people. So please sign up.Erin HannonOpen quote: He's coming.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh, okay. Everyone, remember, when he get's like this, he will wallow, if you empathize. Keep conversations light and if you get stuck, and you don't know what to do, make a random sound effect okay? Farting noise, whatever. Okay.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: (walks in) Hey everyone.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No, out! Get out now! Leave now.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Leave, get outta here.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Leave!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Right now!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh, and if he makes a joke, just laugh it up, no matter what. Okay?Michael ScottOpen quote: (walks in) Morning everyone.EveryoneOpen quote: Hey! (applauses) Hey, hey!Erin HannonOpen quote: Hi Michael. (gives him a hug)Michael ScottOpen quote: Hello!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Michael, nice tie or something.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, thank you. It's reversible, I think. (everyone laughs)Kevin MaloneOpen quote: That's hilarious.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: That's awesome. You want some ice cream?Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh! Oh wow, are those Eagles' flavors? Cake it to the Limit. That's my favorite! I love that! Too much for me to have by myself. Anybody wanna share?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Boi-oi-oi-ingMichael ScottOpen quote: Okay. Well... that's random. I will dig into those later.
Scene 075 linesLawyerOpen quote: I don't follow this exactly. Uh, "The Descendants of any replicants from this union shall have..."Dwight & AngelaOpen quote: Joint custodyLawyerOpen quote: Are we talking about your grandchildren?Angela MartinOpen quote: No.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No.
Scene 084 linesAngela MartinOpen quote: Rather than spend all day in court, we've decided to settle our dispute using a mediator. It was an option spelled out in our childrearing contract.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Alleged contract.Angela MartinOpen quote: Alleged? I'm going to own your farm by the time this is over.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Just try. I will do legal jujitsu on you. Gyah! (pretends to karate chop her neck) See, don't even need to make contact. The law will do it.
Scene 095 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: So much of this is just impossible to verify. Item five, point "B", uh... the beet juice cleanse?Angela MartinOpen quote: I'm doing it. You know I am. It's disgusting.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: How do we know this? I'd like to see a stool sample.Angela MartinOpen quote: Dwight, look at my teeth. (shows teeth, beet red)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Eughh. (looks disgusted)
Scene 106 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: No secret crying. Hasn't even opened the tissue box in there.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Could he still be seeing her?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: I don't think he'd do that.Jim HalpertOpen quote: So we're gonna say the most likely scenerio is that Michael matured overnight?Andy BernardOpen quote: Well, it happened to Tom Hanks in Big.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Exactly. It happened in Big.
Scene 1118 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: No, I gotta go. Text me later.Jim HalpertOpen quote: I'm really too tired to do this.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Me too!Jim HalpertOpen quote: Then let's just not do this. Do you have any idea the risks involved?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hey Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Hey.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: We were wondering if you would like to have dinner with us tonight, in our home, and play with our baby.Jim HalpertOpen quote: We can order in from Hooters.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, Hooters to go. Nice.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: We can watch a movie and play Rock Band.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Billy Joel Rock Band.Michael ScottOpen quote: That... exists?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yes.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, well, I'll have to take a rain check, but thanks for the offer.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (shouts) Michael Scott, are you still seeing Donna?Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, Pam... she's not invisible so stop asking silly questions.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Oh Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Since when is this an office where we delve into each other's personal lives?
Scene 121 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: I like Donna. Is it wrong to keep seeing her? Depends on who you ask. I mean, if you ask her husband... or you took a random poll, yeah, it's wrong.
Scene 133 linesMeredith PalmerOpen quote: That is something I would never do.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, I think we all know what you're capable of Meredith.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Hey, I have never cheated on, been cheated on, or been used to cheat with.
Scene 141 lineMeredith PalmerOpen quote: I ask... everyone in the room, "Are you in a relationship?".
Scene 1514 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: People, this is Scranton. And many people consider that to be the Paris of northeastern Pennsylvania. And in Paris, it is rude for a woman to have less than four lovers.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Eughh, Ryan, I do not want you hanging around Michael anymore.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Okay.Michael ScottOpen quote: I will have you know that I asked Donna about this and she is fine with it. And just to be sure, I asked her again afterward. Same answer.Andy BernardOpen quote: How does he feel about it?Michael ScottOpen quote: He is never gonna find out. He is a high school baseball coach. He wakes up early. He goes to bed early. Look at how long it took for him to find out. (points to Andy) It was right under his nose. I had to tell him.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Now you're just being hurtful.Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm sorry, it... why is it okay for Stanley to cheat or for Phyllis to cheat...Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Hey!Michael ScottOpen quote: On her diet! He's a sports guy. He's scummy. Dogfighting. Drugs. They spit.Andy BernardOpen quote: Did Donna tell you that?Michael ScottOpen quote: Real sports with Bryant Gumble.Andy BernardOpen quote: So you're just making a giant assumption. You don't even know the guy.Michael ScottOpen quote: You know what? You know what? I am declaring a moment of silence right now. Ten minutes of silence honoring Michael Jackson. just sit there and think about Michael jackson.
Scene 161 lineAndy BernardOpen quote: My name is Andy Bernard and I am a cuckold. For those of you unfamiliar with William Shakespeare, a cuckold is a man whose woman is cheating on him. I've lived the part. And let me tell you, I'd so much rather play the part on stage.
Scene 1714 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: So... here's the thing about infidelity.Michael ScottOpen quote: Mm, no, when are you people going to stop casting the first stone? I am not in the wrong here. I am the good guy.Andy BernardOpen quote: How does that work?Michael ScottOpen quote: Do you think this husband is a super sweet nice guy? Do you think he's an angel? I don't think so. Why is his wife going off and having a little something-something with me? There has to be a problem with him.Andy BernardOpen quote: In any cheating movie, the person getting cheated on is the hero. You're Ali Larter, I'm Beyonce.Michael ScottOpen quote: I am Beyonce always.Andy BernardOpen quote: Not this time.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes, I am.Andy BernardOpen quote: This guy's a high school baseball coach, right? Let's go check him out, see what a horrible person he is.Michael ScottOpen quote: I would love that.Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah. Those teams have games and practices every day. Let's go check it out.Michael ScottOpen quote: I have work to do.Andy BernardOpen quote: Oh, really? I thought you were the boss.Michael ScottOpen quote: Let's go. (starts walking towards the elevator) I can't wait to see this jerk who is making me cheat on his wife. I should punch him in the nose for what he's making me do to her.
Scene 1811 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: (humming Call to Post) Bum bum BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM bum bumMichael ScottOpen quote: All right, Andy, please.Andy BernardOpen quote: Baseball!Michael ScottOpen quote: Shh! Try not to draw attention, please. That's him. That's him.Andy BernardOpen quote: Where?Michael ScottOpen quote: Right there. The coach!Andy BernardOpen quote: Stage right or stage left? I played batboy in damn yankees!Michael ScottOpen quote: Right there. Look, look. Follow my finger. Okay? see? The grownup by the base?Andy BernardOpen quote: (announcer's voice) And Now, coaching third base with two arms, two legs, and no heart. Capable of feeling pain.Michael ScottOpen quote: All right. Can you just-- can you just act normal for a second, please?Andy BernardOpen quote: Whatever. I'm the one blending in.
Scene 196 linesGabe LewisOpen quote: (ahem)(Pam snores) Guys?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Pam.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Mm. Hey. Oh, hi, Gabe.Gabe LewisOpen quote: Can you two please join me in my office? Now.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You were supposed to be the Lookout.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah, well it's really warm in here. It's like a sleeping bag.
Scene 2010 linesGabe LewisOpen quote: I don't wanna be the heavy here, but honestly, guys, this makes us all look bad.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Sorry about that.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: So embarrassing.Gabe LewisOpen quote: Good. Okay. End of the dressing down. I just hate that part of the job, you know, the power dynamics.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Well, you were surprisingly restrained.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: We will be well-rested tomorrow.Gabe LewisOpen quote: Okay. That's great, actually, because I wanted to talk to you about something else.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Excellent. Go for it.Gabe LewisOpen quote: I'm sure you got my email about the printer fires. The one with the branching decision tree? I actually designed that chart. Kinda hoping it catches on. (Jim and Pam struggling to stay awake) Anyway, the question is, what is the best way to disseminate important information in an efficient way?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Right? So, uh, let's uh...
Scene 2115 linesLawyerOpen quote: Finally there's a provision here in the occurrence that the child is born an old man, a la Benjamin Button.Angela MartinOpen quote: Same page. Go to the next one.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Same page. Just keep moving.LawyerOpen quote: Despite the provision covering whether this is all part of the matrix--Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Which we can't know.LawyerOpen quote: This is essentially...Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Unless we're unplugged.LawyerOpen quote: Equivalent to a donor or surrogate contractor.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: And wake up in the future.LawyerOpen quote: Which is actually pretty common. So I have to tell you that this is a solid contract.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: What?LawyerOpen quote: Look, I can't enforce that anybody have a child with anyone else.Angela MartinOpen quote: What?LawyerOpen quote: So essentially, this comes down to damages. Now, there is some precedence for the range of $30,000.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: What?
Scene 221 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: I don't have $30,000 lying around. I have it buried very deeply, and I don't want to dig past a certain someone to get it.
Scene 2310 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Chase Dixon is up. Could be a big play.Michael ScottOpen quote: You have no idea what you're talking about.Andy BernardOpen quote: I know it's like cricket.Michael ScottOpen quote: You don't. No, no.Andy BernardOpen quote: And it's--there's-- well, home plate is like a wicket.Michael ScottOpen quote: You don't know. You don't-- you don't know anything. Look at him. Look at him over there. High-fiving? He didn't even do anything. Kid did all the work. I bet he does that at home. I bet it's like, "Hey, Donna, why don't you wash the dishes?" "High-five, Donna." "Hey, why don't you bring me my slippers?" "Hi-five. I'm taking all the credit."Andy BernardOpen quote: Seems pretty well liked by the team.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, well, that's because he's paying their salary.Andy BernardOpen quote: You do know that high school coaches don't pay their players.Michael ScottOpen quote: I know, I know, I know. It--I'm--it-- that was a euphemism.
Scene 247 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: $30,000? There's gotta be another way.Angela MartinOpen quote: He has a 60-acre beet farm that is worth a small fortune.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Look, I will not pay.Angela MartinOpen quote: Well, I have an alternative.(hands Dwight a document)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: "Intercourse to completion. Five individual times rendered at my discretion?"LawyerOpen quote: Look, I don't think that's actually legal.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Agreed. (shakes hands with Angela)
Scene 251 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: Five times for $30,000? Not a bad stud fee. Better than most horses.
Scene 269 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: But not in your bed. It's lumpy.Angela MartinOpen quote: Those lumps are cats, and those cats have names, and those names are Ember, Milky Way, Diane, and Lumpy.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Fine. Five times. (signs contract)LawyerOpen quote: Look, I can't legally watch this unfold. It's coming a little dangerously close to prostitution.Angela MartinOpen quote: I want eye contact.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No.Angela MartinOpen quote: Yes.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Do you understand how rare is that in nature?Angela MartinOpen quote: I'm not some farm animal. (Dwight smirks at the camera)
Scene 278 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Great game, coach.Michael ScottOpen quote: Shh! Okay, all right. Don't, don't.Andy BernardOpen quote: You guys are awesome! Best game I've ever seen in my life.ShaneOpen quote: Yeah, right. You must be rootin' for the other guys.Andy BernardOpen quote: Ha. The other guys can go die.Michael ScottOpen quote: (whispers) Okay.Andy BernardOpen quote: Baseball! Go talk to him.Michael ScottOpen quote: No. God. You go talk to him.
Scene 2825 linesShaneOpen quote: Let's go.Andy BernardOpen quote: Shane. Great game man!ShaneOpen quote: Do I know you?Andy BernardOpen quote: No. Uh, just big fans. Both of us.ShaneOpen quote: Are you somebody's... parents? Oh, are you guys... Kenny's dads?Andy BernardOpen quote: Ha. No. No. But we're gay for baseball. (chuckles)ShaneOpen quote: Okay.Andy BernardOpen quote: But I have a wife, actually, who I really love a lot.ShaneOpen quote: Okay. Let's go!Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah. I am so into the institution of marriage.ShaneOpen quote: Whoa!Andy BernardOpen quote: I mean, isn't marriage the best, you know? Two good people finding each other, getting all committed to each other. So you love baseball. What else do you love? Let's round you out as a person.ShaneOpen quote: Hey, I'm really sorry, I'm just trying to... focus here on the game.Andy BernardOpen quote: I get it, man. I love it. That's what makes you a good coach. You know, but as a fan, it just helps me enjoy the game better if I know the coach loves his wife.ShaneOpen quote: Of course. Okay? I gotta... get back to this.Andy BernardOpen quote: Of course.ShaneOpen quote: All right.Andy BernardOpen quote: But real quick, I want you to meet my associate. Sheldon!Michael ScottOpen quote: No, no, no.Andy BernardOpen quote: Come on, get over here.Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm good. Oh, my God.Andy BernardOpen quote: Get- Get over here. Sheldon, say hi to the nice coach.Michael ScottOpen quote: Sorry. I got some stomach cramps.ShaneOpen quote: It's all right. It's all right. Keep it going.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, that was not at all what I expected. Hoo hoo! Whoo. My heart's still racing. I just looked a man in the eyes and I shook his hand. All the time I was thinking, "I'm sleeping with your wife." And you know who does that? James freakin' Bond.
Scene 2928 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Okay, orange slices. There ya go.Erin HannonOpen quote: Thanks, Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Don't thank me. Thank Dylan's mom. Here you go! Oh! Ooh Hoo Hoo Hoo hoo!Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Why would you throw something wet at me?Michael ScottOpen quote: You love it. There ya go.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Now, were those for the team?Michael ScottOpen quote: Uh, no, they didn't say team. They just said coal Hawks.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Ah.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I don't think those were yours to take.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, then it wouldn't be the first time I stole something away from Coach Shane.Andy BernardOpen quote: I just wanna go on record as saying that I do not condone this affair, and I went so far as to force Michael to confront the victim of his behavior.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Did you talk to him?Michael ScottOpen quote: I did.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You talked to the man whose wife you're having an affair with.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Wow. That is crazy.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Was there a fistfight?Michael ScottOpen quote: No. We just talked. He's very nice.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: And it didn't change your mind.Michael ScottOpen quote: It did not.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Michael, that's awful.Michael ScottOpen quote: Isn't it?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Yes.Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm awful, aren't I?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Yeah. That's pretty bad.Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm an awful guy! Ooh!Oscar MartinezOpen quote: How can you live with yourself?Michael ScottOpen quote: I am what I am, Oscar. And I want what I want. And right now, I want a piece of cake. From now on, when I'm hungry, I am going to eat whatever I am hungry for.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: That is a dangerous game, friendo.
Scene 309 linesKelly KapoorOpen quote: Well, because I thought that it was a book about Anthropology the store.Ryan HowardOpen quote: I don't know why you were in that part of the bookstore.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: 'Cause it's next to they baby section, okay?Ryan HowardOpen quote: All right, that makes more sense. You should have said that at the beginning when you said, "I read a book about anthropology."Kelly KapoorOpen quote: I don't really know why you're screaming at me right now.Ryan HowardOpen quote: I'm not scream-- I'm not screaming.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: That's Meredith's cake. It's her birthday.Michael ScottOpen quote: I don't care. I have an appetite for life! (eats cake) Mmm. Mmm! Oh, god. That's Lemon.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Good for you, man. Good for you.
Scene 325 linesRyan HowardOpen quote: You know what? I think you're attractive, and I wanna sleep with you.Erin HannonOpen quote: What about Kelly?Ryan HowardOpen quote: You read my mind.Erin HannonOpen quote: (quietly) Is this a joke?Ryan HowardOpen quote: Yep.
Scene 332 linesRyan HowardOpen quote: It's hard to live that way man. You gotta really not care what people think about you. I-I don't know how you do it, Michael, I-I-I can't be that cold.Michael ScottOpen quote: You'll learn, baby. You'll learn.
Scene 341 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: (pressing buttons to start microwave and moves towards his crotch) I am an honorable man, and I will honor the contract. But I don't have to give her the good stuff. Schrute sperm are strong, (banging on his crotch with drum sticks) but they're no match for a grown Schrute man. (drops yellow pages against his crotch) (screaming) (chuckling) Let's see what she gets. (bouncing crotch on bike and crashes into glass door) (thud) Aah!
Scene 354 linesCreed BrattonOpen quote: (Michael leaving copy machine) Uh, boss, we're out of paper.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah, I noticed that.Creed BrattonOpen quote: Are you gonna add any more?Michael ScottOpen quote: Nope.
Scene 3813 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: I don't think I'm gonna make it.Jim HalpertOpen quote: (yawning) What about an energy drink or something?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (shakes head) It gets in the breast milk. If I drink it, Cece drinks it six hours later.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Well, it doesn't mean I can't drink it.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Well, it does and it doesn't.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Probably shouldn't tell you this, but a lotta guys in the warehouse work multiple jobs, so... we have a place.Jim HalpertOpen quote: A place?Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: A restful location. Talk to Glen. He'll take you up in the lift.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You sleep in the warehouse?Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Lightbulb's burnt out, so it's dark. And the heat from the backup generator keeps it nice and warm. Sometimes I think about it when I'm trying to fall asleep at home. But as far as the rest of the office goes, it doesn't exist, okay?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Okay.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Pam.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Okay.
Scene 399 linesPhyllis VanceOpen quote: For your signature. (drops document on Michael's desk)Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay. (Phyllis avoids looking at Michael) Phyllis. Okay. Look at me. (continues to look away) Phyllis, look at-- (Phyllis turns to leave) okay, that's... (chases after her) All right, all right. You know what? I'm sick of this. I'm sick of the little disapproving head shakes. If you think that's going to have any effect on me, it will not. I am going to leave right now and go to a motel to meet Donna.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Why not your condo?Michael ScottOpen quote: Because a motel is dirty and it is sexy. Like me. And like Donna. And frankly, the stuff that we're into isn't very condo-appropriate.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Oh, Michael, will you drop it? Everybody's spoken their mind, and no one's changing their mind.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, Morgan Freeman-narrating-everything.Andy BernardOpen quote: Do you want someone to stop you? 'Cause no one's going to.Michael ScottOpen quote: Nobody better try to stop me. Good. (leaves the office. door closes)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I could have stopped him.
Scene 407 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Are you warmed up? (outside sliding door in warehouse)Angela MartinOpen quote: No.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: God, Angela, why is that always my responsibility? (zipper sound)Angela MartinOpen quote: What did you do to yourself? (camera pans to Jim and Pam laying down in restful location)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Never mind. Just never mind.Angela MartinOpen quote: Well, it better work.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh, it'll work. (Jim and Pam look shocked and disturbed) Mm. Stop kissing me. It's not in the contract.
Scene 411 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (driving in car; returns to office; grabs ice cream out of freezer) How do I feel about breaking up with Donna? Good. Moral. I feel proud. (beeping; cut to Donna who is waiting in the parking lot of the motel) Like a grownup.(Donna receives text from phone) That was not easy because I really liked her a lot. And I'm a little bit emotional right now because I know that I absolutely made the right decision. (Donna has disappointed look; cut back to Michael in his office opening ice cream) At the end of the day, we have to do what's right. And it was either living with myself or... being happy. And I picked... the... former.
Scene 426 linesReporterOpen quote: Michael Scott?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes?ReporterOpen quote: Do you wanna make a comment on the rumors?Michael ScottOpen quote: (sighs) Umm... I have done some very bad things, things of which I am not proud. I would like to publicly apologize to... the coach and the players. And I vow to never listen to my bodily instincts ever again.ReporterOpen quote: I'm talking about the Sabre printers that catch on fire.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh. Okay. I was talking about... what do-- what? What's going on?