Home / Season 5 / Stress Relief DUNDER MIFFLIN, INC. · Episode Transcript
Stress Relief Vol. 5 · Issue 13 The Office · NBC Scranton, PA
Between Dwight’s chaotic fire drill and Michael’s cringeworthy roast, there isn’t a single boring moment in this two-parter. Every line from the episode is laid out here, so you can catch all the insults and CPR mishaps in detail. It’s the perfect place to find that one specific quote that makes you laugh every time you think about Stanley’s heart attack.
Dwight Schrute Open quote: Last week I gave a fire safety talk. (clears throat) And nobody paid any attention. It's my own fault for using PowerPoint. PowerPoint is boring. People learn in a lot of different ways, but experience is the best teacher. (lights a cigarette) Today, smoking is gonna save lives. (throws cigarette into garbage can filled with paper and lighter fluid) Michael Scott Open quote: Oh my God! Okay, it happening. Everybody stay calm. Dwight Schrute Open quote: That's preposterous. Michael Scott Open quote: Nobody should have to go to work thinking, "Oh, this is the place that I might die today." That's what a hospital is for. An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to... An office is a place where dreams come true. Michael Scott Open quote: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there? Rose Open quote: Yeah, okay. You didn't maintain 100 beats per minute, and the ambulance didn't arrive because nobody called 911. So you lost him. Dwight Schrute Open quote: Okay, he's dead. Anyone know what we do next? Anybody? Rose? Michael Scott Open quote: (in a monk-impression tone) Ohmmm... Ohmmm... Everybody sit on the floor Indian style like me. (Meredtih sits Indian style in a dress exposing herself right in front of Michael) Ohmmm my God if you're wearing a dress please keep your knees together nobody wants to see that ohmmm... ohmmm... Kevin Malone Open quote: Michael, I think you're what's stressing everybody out. Meredith Palmer Open quote: Michael? You ran over me with your car. You posted a picture of my bare boobs on the bulletin board with a caption that said "Gross"... Dwight Schrute Open quote: Attention everyone I just got a text from Michael. He says personnel day. Are we hiring? Jim Halpert Open quote: He just sent a text... Creed Bratton Open quote: What's a text?