Scene 014 linesKelly KapoorOpen quote: Here you go.Michael ScottOpen quote: Nice dress, Ryan.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: It's not a dress. It's a kurta.Michael ScottOpen quote: (laughing) OK.
Scene 021 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Tonight, one of our most ethnic co-workers, Kelly, has invited us all to a Diwali celebration put on by her community. What is Diwali, you may ask? Well, to have Kelly explain it (girly voice) it's ada blah blah blah, it's so super fun and it's going to be great. (normal voice) Lot of gods with unpronounceable names. Twenty minutes later you find out that is essentially a Hindu Halloween.
Scene 035 linesKelly KapoorOpen quote: You look so handsome.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Really you do. I love the material.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: I know.Michael ScottOpen quote: How come you didn't get me one?Kelly KapoorOpen quote: I...
Scene 044 linesPhyllis VanceOpen quote: Ok, so, between Meredith's Mini-van and if I borrow Bob's Yukon that should fit about twelve people.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I actually might not go. Feeling kind of tired.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Do you want to make Appletini's and watch 'Sex and the City' at my place?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh, I don't know. I haven't decided yet.
Scene 056 linesKelly KapoorOpen quote: I don't get why you won't go. Did I do something wrong? I mean, I thought we were really close friends.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I just feel kind of tired, you know.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Maybe you've got mono.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Maybe. I just ...I don't really have anyone to go with.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Well, go with Dwight. He's single, too. Right?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yeah, totally single. Hundred percent available.
Scene 065 linesKevin MaloneOpen quote: Are you guys going to this Indian thing tonight?Roy AndersonOpen quote: I don't know. Who's... uh, who's going?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Oooh. Do you mean like, is Pam going?Angela MartinOpen quote: Don't go. They eat monkey brains.Michael ScottOpen quote: Hey. Hey. Stop that. That is offensive. Indians do not eat monkey brains. And if they do... sign me up... because I am sure that they are very tasty and nutritional.
Scene 073 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: It's important that this company celebrates its diversity. And you know what, Stanley? Come Kwanzaa time, I have got you covered, baby.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: I don't celebrate Kwanzaa.Michael ScottOpen quote: Wha? Really? You should! It's fun.
Scene 081 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: I love the people here. And if there was one thing I di... don't really care for is that they can be terribly, terribly ignorant about other cultures. And I don't want them embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend, Carol.
Scene 0912 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Diwali is a very important holiday for the Hindus. But, frankly, I'm a little appalled that none of you know very much about Indian culture. So, without further ado, Kelly you are on.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Um... Diwali is awesome... and there's food... and there's going to be dancing... and... Oh! I got the raddest outfit. It has, um...Michael ScottOpen quote: Kelly?Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Sparkles...Michael ScottOpen quote: Um... why don't you tell us a little bit about the origins of the holiday.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Oh, um... I don't know. It's really old, I think.Angela MartinOpen quote: How many gods do you have?Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Like hundreds, I think. Maybe more than that.Angela MartinOpen quote: (points at picture on the wall) And that blue busty gal? What's her story?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: She looks like Pam from the neck down.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Pam wishes. (generalized laughing) Kelly, I'll take this one. Diwali is a Celebration of the Coronation of the God-King Rama. After his epic battle with Ravana, the Demon King of Lanka. It symbolizes the battle between good and evil...Michael ScottOpen quote: All right, all right, all right, all right. This isn't 'Lord of the Rings'.
Scene 111 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: I started biking into work. Josh does it and he lives a lot farther away than I do. And also it saves gas money, keeps me in shape... helps the environment. And now I know it makes me really sweaty for work.
Scene 135 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Now, a lot of people say that Kelly is one in a million and that's true, but it's also not true. Because, frankly, there are literally billions of people just like Kelly in the world. Here are some famous Indians. (slide show) Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar. He is a Nobel prize-winning physicist. Impressive. Apu from the Simpsons. Hilarious. Indian. M. Night Shyamalan. 'The Village', 'Unbreakable', 'Sixth Sense', 'Sig... 'Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I see dead people.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay. Spoiler... alert.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: He was dead the whole time.Michael ScottOpen quote: Just stop it. (slide of Michael & Carol kissing) What's the... oh, whoa! (laughs) Where did that come from?
Scene 143 linesTonyOpen quote: Karen, my chips got stuck in the vending machine again. I need your skinny, little arms.Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Oh. Did you shake it?TonyOpen quote: Yeah, I shook it, I shook it.
Scene 156 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: We have such a roller coaster thing, Karen and I.Jim HalpertOpen quote: 'Scuse me?Andy BernardOpen quote: Roller-coastery friendship. Hot. Cold. On again. Off again. Sexual tension filled type of deal. It's very Sam and Diane.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Wow.Andy BernardOpen quote: From 'Cheers'.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yup.
Scene 1613 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: And another thing about the Indian people... they love sex positions. I present to you the Kama Sutra. I mean look at that. Who's seen that before?Creed BrattonOpen quote: I have. That's the 'Union of the Monkey'.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Oh, that's what they call it.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: This is the best meeting we've ever had.Michael ScottOpen quote: Thank you, Kevin.Angela MartinOpen quote: I find this incredibly offensive.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, I find it beautiful.Angela MartinOpen quote: Well, whatever Kelly wants to do in her own house is fine but we shouldn't all be subjected to it.Michael ScottOpen quote: No...Toby FlendersonOpen quote: Actually, she's right. This isn't appropriate. Why don't I take these.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, You're not going to collect them.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: Yes.Michael ScottOpen quote: No. This is delightful, charming culture.
Scene 171 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: My Indian Culture Seminar was going great until Toby decided that he was too immature to deal with culturally explicit images. It's just sex. People... everybody does it. I'm doing it... with Carol! Probably tonight.
Scene 184 linesJoshOpen quote: All right. Think you guys should be all set. Oh, here's the corporate card for dinner.Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Thanks.JoshOpen quote: And Karen? Let's keep it to twenty dollars a person this time.Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Got it.
Scene 191 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: Once a quarter, the sales staff at this branch has to stay late to do order form consolidation... which, amazingly, is even less interesting than it sounds.
Scene 203 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: You guys ready to party?Jim HalpertOpen quote: What's that?Andy BernardOpen quote: I said are you ready TO PARTY!
Scene 213 linesPhyllis VanceOpen quote: Isn't this fun? Not wearing shoes?Angela MartinOpen quote: I wish some of us still had our shoes on.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Stop it. It's a disease! I've told you.
Scene 226 linesCarolOpen quote: (wearing cheerleader costume) I thought you said this was a costume party!Michael ScottOpen quote: (points at woman) What does that look like to you?CarolOpen quote: An Indian woman in a sari.Michael ScottOpen quote: No one's even going to notice.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Nice outfit.Michael ScottOpen quote: Hey, Kevin. It's a costume. Why don't you just cool it, okay? Carol? Carol.
Scene 234 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: I'll have one of those as well. Thank you very much. Now these are limes, lemons, onions...Angela MartinOpen quote: I'm a vegetarian. What can I eat?ServerOpen quote: It's all vegetarian.Angela MartinOpen quote: I'll just have some bread. You used your hands.
Scene 245 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Oh, yuck. (spits out food)CarolOpen quote: What? Too spicy?Michael ScottOpen quote: No. These s'mores are disgusting.CarolOpen quote: They're not s'mores. They're samosas.Michael ScottOpen quote: Do you think they have any s'mores?
Scene 251 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: All they are is chocolate, graham cracker, and marshmallow. How difficult would that have been?
Scene 267 linesRyan HowardOpen quote: So, you're Kelly's sisters, huh?GirlsOpen quote: (laugh) Kelly Zach Braff (speaks in Hindi)Ryan HowardOpen quote: What?Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Ruka, Nipa, Tiffany. Stop acting like such little losers and just be cool. Come on, Ryan. Come on. Leave him alone. I hate you guys.Ryan HowardOpen quote: They said something about Zach Braff.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Don't even listen to them. They're so...Ryan HowardOpen quote: No, you don't...
Scene 281 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: I decided to come. Uh... I feel a little under-dressed... but at least I'm not dressed like a slutty cheerleader, right? Is that mean?
Scene 304 linesKelly KapoorOpen quote: I don't even want to hear it. Okay. I didn't come this Diwali to get yelled at!Kelly's MomOpen quote: Stop it right now. Ryan is a temporary worker, makes no money. Wally is a whole doctor. So handsome.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Uh... excuse me. I want to get a...Kelly's MomOpen quote: He's a perfect match.
Scene 317 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Hey, Big Tuna, you ready?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yep.Andy BernardOpen quote: One. Two. Three. Shot!Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, Holy Mother of God.Andy BernardOpen quote: Oh, that burns! Golly. Um...Jim HalpertOpen quote: Good.Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Ooh.
Scene 321 lineOverheadOpen quote: (song by Beyonce Knowles) Looking so crazy, my baby. I'm not myself lately. I'm foolish. I don't do this. I've been playing myself. Baby I don't care. Cuz your love got the best of me. And baby you're making a fool of me.
Scene 337 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Wow, thirty years? And you two only met once before the wedding night?Kelly's FatherOpen quote: Yes.Michael ScottOpen quote: Wow.Kelly's FatherOpen quote: How long have you been married to the cheerleader?Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh! She's not a cheerleader. She thought this was a costume party! Um... no, we're not married... yet!Kelly's MomOpen quote: She is very fair.Michael ScottOpen quote: She is. Very fair and very kind. So... um... tell me, is your marriage the kind of thing where when you die she has to throw herself on a fire? No? Okay. It's still very cool. Ok. Thanks!
Scene 359 linesCarolOpen quote: Are you okay?Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm going to be. (to DJ) Hi, I'm just going to get this for a sec... just a sec. (speaks in microphone) Um... everyone? I'm sorry, could I have your attention, please. Thank you. Ah-hah... Hi. Sorry. I just have an announcement to make. Um... okay. I have learned a lot about Indian culture tonight. But I have learned even more about love. And I know you're all thinking 'who is this crazy gringo and what is he talking about?' Well, I'm not crazy. Maybe I'm crazy in love. So without further ado, Carol? Carol Stills. I would like you to do me the honor of making me your husband.CrowdOpen quote: Awww!CarolOpen quote: Oh, Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: What do you say?CarolOpen quote: Can we talk about this in private?Michael ScottOpen quote: I didn't hear you. (laughs)CarolOpen quote: (louder) Can we talk about this in private?Michael ScottOpen quote: (lowers microphone) Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Okay.
Scene 369 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: No. I get it. I get it. You're not ready. We'll wait. This is a classic...CarolOpen quote: This is the ninth date, Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah, well, but I ... I feel like I've known you many lifetimes. Maybe I'm Hindu after all. Okay, I'm not Hindu, but... Carol. Carol, I just... I feel like... I just like you so much.CarolOpen quote: I better go. Okay, you can find a way home, all right?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes.CarolOpen quote: Okay.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ok. Okay. Good night. (louder) Hey, you know what? Why don't I come with you. Cause I've got this book called the Kama Sutra.CarolOpen quote: Okay, good night, Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: All right. Good night.
Scene 376 linesRyan HowardOpen quote: Well, I was a Temp but I got promoted. So, um... the compensation is a lot more competitive.Kelly's MomOpen quote: So you're saving money...Ryan HowardOpen quote: Yes.Kelly's MomOpen quote: ...to start a family and home.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Oh, um... or travel. And,um... and buy an Xbox.Kelly's FatherOpen quote: Is there anything you wanted to ask us tonight?
Scene 383 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: Can you believe my boss proposed to his girlfriend in public? That is so Michael.Young ManOpen quote: Is it? He's really outgoing, huh?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah. Hey, would you excuse me for a second?
Scene 395 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: It's hot in there. How's the naan?Angela MartinOpen quote: Dry. You look like you were having fun.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I am. You should come dance with us.Angela MartinOpen quote: I have to watch our shoes so they don't get stolen. Who were you texting?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No one.
Scene 4011 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: (sings Indigo Girls) I went to the doctor. I went to the mountains. I looked to the children...Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Andy, no acappella.Andy BernardOpen quote: (sings) I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain.Andy & JimOpen quote: (sing) There's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked lineAndy BernardOpen quote: Wait, wait.Andy & JimOpen quote: (sing) the less I seek my source...Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Oh, come on, guys. Please.Andy & JimOpen quote: (sing) the closer I am to fi-i-i-ne. The closer I am to..Karen FilippelliOpen quote: It's not good.Andy & JimOpen quote: (sing) fi-i-i-ine!Andy BernardOpen quote: TUNA! Are you kidding me!!
Scene 4120 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Oh, God! (chokes on food) Oh. Wow.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Here. (hands drink)Michael ScottOpen quote: That's so spicy.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh. You waiting for a call?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Uh... no.Michael ScottOpen quote: Wow. Pam. When Carol said 'No.' tonight, I think I finally realized how you must be feeling. We are both the victims of broken engagements.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Well, you were never really engaged.Michael ScottOpen quote: I was in that marriage arena, though.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah. Uuuuh... well.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I kind of thought something would happen tonight too.Michael ScottOpen quote: We're so alike. So alike. (leans in to kiss her)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: What are you doing?Michael ScottOpen quote: What are you doing?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I'm rejecting your...Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm... what? I didn'tPam BeeslyOpen quote: ...kiss.Michael ScottOpen quote: (scoffing noises) Can I have a ride home?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: If you sit in the back.
Scene 424 linesKaren FilippelliOpen quote: Goodnight, guys.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Can I have a ride, man? I... uh... I have my bike.Andy BernardOpen quote: No way, dude. I am not driving home. I have brought an inflatable bed for just such occasions. You're welcome to share it though. It's a roomy twin.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Okay.
Scene 4310 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Oh.Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Hey dummy, get in the car!Jim HalpertOpen quote: I'm a drunk driver.Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Yes, you are. Here. Let me take that. Just... uh... get in the car.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Man, you can really hold your liquor, Billabelli.Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Yeah, you can't.Jim HalpertOpen quote: No kidding. And I am just going to lie down in the back, if that's all right.Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Sure. Here's your bag. Just don't puke on anything. You okay?Jim HalpertOpen quote: So good.Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Good.
Scene 443 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: These are not my shoes. This is just like that show 'Taxi Cab Confessions'.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You say one more word; I'm stopping the car.Michael ScottOpen quote: Sorry.
Scene 452 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: This is going out to Indians everywhere. It's a tribute to one of the greats... Mr. Adam Sandler. (sings) Diwali is a festival of lights. Let me tell you something. Tonight has been one crazy night. So put on your saris, it's time to celebrate Diwali. Everybody looks so jolly. But it's not Christmas, it's Diwali. The goddess of destruction Kali stopped by to celebrate Diwali. Don't invite any zombies to a celebration of Diwali. Along came Polly to have some fun at Diwali. If you're Indian and you love to party, have a happy, happy, happy, happy Diwali. Happy Diwali!CrowdOpen quote: (loud clapping, cheering, and whistling)