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Season 7 Episode 15

Every line from The Office episode "PDA", season 7 episode 15.

Pam Beesly: Hey. How you doing?
Darryl Philbin: Thinking about my grandmother a lot.
Pam Beesly: Yeah.
Darryl Philbin: She was about to turn 97.
Pam Beesly: At least she lived a very long and I'm sure, a very happy life. Got you this card. When you're ready. We all signed it. We just wanted you to know we're thinking about you.
Darryl Philbin: Thank you. "Congratulations, Darryl. Let's get wasted." "Have fun today, big guy." "Aww, yeah. Party time. Whoo-whoop."
Pam Beesly: It's possible that some people thought it was your birthday.
Darryl Philbin: "Hooray. Live it up big D. " "Days like this don't come often enough. Time to celebrate. You deserve this"?
Andy Bernard: Birthday punches! (softly punching Darryl in the stomach) One two three four five sice seven eight!
Pam Beesly: I'm so sorry.
Darryl Philbin: (tears welling up in his eyes)
Andy Bernard: ...thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty twenty-one twenty-two twenty-three twenty-four twenty-five twenty-six!...
Andy Bernard: ...So I got an early res at Blue Wasabi and I'm taking Rachel. She's picking me up after work.
Darryl Philbin: Rachel from the party?
Andy Bernard: Oh, yeah!
Darryl Philbin: Nice. Do the damn thing. - Pow! (they fist bump and explode)
Phyllis Vance: Blue Wasabi is so good, but get the cheeseburger. They say they won't do it, but they will if you make a scene.
Holly Flax: Okay, bye. Okay, bye. (kisses Michael) I'll miss you.
Michael Scott: Miss you. Okay. I'll be in my office if you need me.
Holly Flax: Bye.
Michael Scott: Okay, bye. Bye. All right, bye. Bye... bye.
Holly Flax: Okay, one more quick one.
Michael Scott: Don't go. I don't want you to go. Oh don't go. Don't go.
Michael Scott: Holly and I are dating. It's been a week, and I still can't believe it. (sighs) It goes to show that everything you want in life, you get. And you can't work for it. It just comes to you.
Gabe Lewis: And what do we have here?
Erin Hannon: From my secret admirer. That's you!
Gabe Lewis: Come on.
Gabe Lewis: I dominate Valentine's Day. I practically make romance into a science.
Erin Hannon: "Roses are red. Violets are blue. Look in the vase to find your first clue." Oh, my gosh. It's a romantic scavenger hunt!
Gabe Lewis: Oh, close. It's a romantic treasure hunt. A scavenger hunt is where you find items from a master list. This is where you follow clues that lead to a prize. Common misuse. Good luck.
Erin Hannon: But, there's no clue.
Gabe Lewis: Well, get to work.
Erin Hannon: I can't, 'cause there's no clue.
Gabe Lewis: The puzzle is the clue.
Erin Hannon: Oh.
Oscar Martinez: (clears throat)
Michael Scott: (rubbing hands with Holly) Are these numbers correct?
Oscar Martinez: The numbers are correct, Michael.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Oscar Martinez: (clears throat more loudly)
Michael Scott: Are you... are you sick, Oscar? Do you need to go home? 'Cause you're grossing me out.
Oscar Martinez: I jus... I just need a signature.
Jim Halpert: (getting out of a taxi) There you go. Thanks.
Pam Beesly: How much did you give him?
Jim Halpert: Big tip.
Pam Beesly: Wait. I don't have my scarf.
Jim Halpert: What?
Pam Beesly: I'm missing my scarf. Oh. (both laugh)
Jim Halpert: We decided to have a Valentine's day lunch and then that way we can spend the entire night with Cece and avoid the Valentine's day dinner thing. It's a whole thing.
Pam Beesly: (loudly) Yeah, lunch was wonderful!
Jim Halpert: Shh.
Pam Beesly: Um, there was an amazing buffet and there was a chocolate fondue... station. And what else was there?
Jim Halpert: Um, bottomless champagne.
Pam Beesly: Yes. Never found that bottom, did we?
Jim Halpert: No.
Erin Hannon: Psst! Psst!
Andy Bernard: What's up?
Erin Hannon: Are you good at jigsaw puzzles?
Andy Bernard: Are you kidding me? It's all I did every summer when my brothers were out sailing.
Erin Hannon: Okay.
Andy Bernard: But if there is a romantic thing with Gabe, I should probably...
Erin Hannon: Oh! No, no, no, no. It's not weird at all. You have your new girlfriend. I have Gabe. This is just as friends.
Andy Bernard: Well, okay then.
Erin Hannon: Yes!
Andy Bernard: At least until Stanley calms down.
Erin Hannon: Oh, is he...
Andy Bernard: D...d...d...d...don't look. I accidentally did his Sudoku. (Stanley glares at Andy)
Erin Hannon: Andy.
Jim Halpert: (on phone) All right, I will fax over it to you. Whoop. I will fax it over to you. Okay. Thank you. (chuckles)
Dwight Schrute: Okay, my name is j...j...j...j...j...j...j...j Jim Halpert and I will fax it in to you... under you. I'll fax it under you. Oh, excuse me. I just p...p...p...p pissed my pants. Not really. I didn't really. (clears throat)
Jim Halpert: (goes to hand Dwight a valentines card) Wait.
Dwight Schrute: You're just filling that out right now. That wasn't meant for me. I will not be your Valentine.
Jim Halpert: Aww, nuts. (laughs)
Angela Martin: I don't know if anyone else feels this way and don't get me wrong, I love Michael and Holly, and maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but... the PDA.
Oscar Martinez: Yes! The freaking PDA!
Angela Martin: Uh-huh.
Oscar Martinez: Thank you! I mean, I'm thrilled for them.
Angela Martin: No one is more thrilled for them than I am...
Oscar Martinez: Yes, yes, absolutely.
Angela Martin: ...but it's totally inappropriate.
Darryl Philbin: Yeah, it's a little much.
Phyllis Vance: Mm-hmm.
Darryl Philbin: Obviously, so happy for them both.
Oscar Martinez: So happy. Yeah.
Kevin Malone: I don't know, guys. I, for one, enjoy watching them, because...
Angela Martin: No, stop! Just don't.
Oscar Martinez: Kevin!
Kevin Malone: Can I finish? Can I finish? Is that okay? I was saying...I enjoy watching them because it makes me horny.
Everyone: (groans)
Angela Martin: God! Kevin!
Erin Hannon: So tell me about your new girlfriend.
Andy Bernard: She's neat. Uh, I met her at Darryl's cousin's party. We were the only two white people there.
Erin Hannon: Aww, cute.
Andy Bernard: Hey, look at that. Done.
Erin Hannon: That's Gabe's boom box. Come on. We have to go find it.
Andy Bernard: I wish you well on your quest.
Erin Hannon: No, come on.
Andy Bernard: Aww, I mean...
Erin Hannon: (growling) Come on!
Andy Bernard: Okay.
Erin Hannon: Ha!
Gabe Lewis: (to Toby) I hear them kissing all the time. It's this horrible plipping sound. You know, it's like Chinese water torture. Just...(makes popping sound) like it's coming from my own head.
Michael Scott: Sit. Okay, just close your eyes. (massaging Holly's back)
Holly Flax: Ohh. Can you get lower?
Michael Scott: Oh, yeah.
Holly Flax: A little lower.
Holly Flax: I cannot keep myself from Michael. Everything he does is sexy. He has this undeniable animal magnetism. He's a jungle cat. The man exudes sex. He can put both his legs behind his head.
Gabe Lewis: Thank you all for meeting on such sort notice.
Michael Scott: (clears throat)
Gabe Lewis: Yes?
Michael Scott: (sitting in Holly's lap) Yes. Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin. What is the purpose of this meeting?
Gabe Lewis: Seeing as it's Valentine's Day, I felt it would be apropos to have a little refresher course on romance in the workplace.
Michael Scott: Perfect. Yes. It is quite apro-propriate. Carry on.
Gabe Lewis: First things first. An office romance is permissible. Not something you'd expect to hear from corporate. Well, guess what. Sabre is 100% tolerant of office romances.
Ryan Howard: Speaking of, Gabe, I don't see Erin at this meeting.
Meredith Palmer: Uh, I also don't see Andy.
Kevin Malone: Oooh.
Jim Halpert: OOH! Boom! Face!
Gabe Lewis: I get it. Andy's slamming my girlfriend. Very funny. What I do not approve of, however, is public displays of affection, or PDAs. PDAs are totally superfluous to a happy, healthy office romance. Perfect example. Look at Jim and Pam.
Pam Beesly: Yeah. What? Us?
Gabe Lewis: They don't touch. They don't kiss. You would hardly even know that they were husband and wife.
Jim Halpert: Did it!
Pam Beesly: Yeah!
Jim Halpert: Love it. Keep it goin.
Gabe Lewis: Okay. So, PDAs. That's gonna include behaviors such as hugging, kissing, uh...
Kevin Malone: Booby honking.
Gabe Lewis: Yeah, booby honking. Sure.
Kevin Malone: Butt honking.
Gabe Lewis: Butt honking. Yeah, all the honking.
Creed Bratton: The one where you start in a crouches position, then you leap...
Gabe Lewis: Sure. Basically, there's no precise definition, but you know it when you see it. Ahem.
Oscar Martinez: Are you guys listening to this?
Michael Scott: What, are you talking about me and Holly?
Pam Beesly: Yeah!
Gabe Lewis: Maybe you find your own chair.
Holly Flax: So we kiss occasionally.
Oscar Martinez: Not occasionally. All the time.
Phyllis Vance: Yeah, and it's not just the kissing. It's the flirtatious whispering.
Stanley Hudson: The flirtatious tickling.
Michael Scott: Whispering and tickling have their place in business.
Darryl Philbin: That thing were you softly exhale on her neck.
Michael Scott: I... Okay, yeah, that's pretty hot. I will give you that. Look, you are all hypocrites. You all do it.
Dwight Schrute: Michael. Confession: I have done PDA in the office.
Michael Scott: Thank you.
Dwight Schrute: I've had intercourse in the office.
Michael Scott: All right.
Dwight Schrute: As has Angela!
Angela Martin: Dwight!
Dwight Schrute: As has Ryan. As has Kelly. As has Meredith. As has Phyllis. As has Darryl. As has Creed. (Creed smiles and nods) As has Michael and as has Holly.
Kevin Malone: As has Kevin!
Angela Martin: With who?
Kevin Malone: She goes to another school.
Michael Scott: Okay. Fine. No more PDA.
Oscar Martinez: Good.
Michael Scott: You win. But here's what we are going to do. We are going to designate one of our closets as a hook-up zone.
Angela Martin: No.
Michael Scott: Anything goes.
Oscar Martinez: Just leave it how you said...
Dwight Schrute: Michael, that's absurd. What if two couples want to go at the same time?
Michael Scott: Okay, then we have two closets. No, no, we're gonna have three closets, one for each base, no homers. Yes?
Dwight Schrute: And what is the hook-up zone policy on masturbation?
Michael Scott: Pro.
Dwight Schrute: Yes!
Michael Scott: What? Problem solved.
Michael Scott: No, no, it's great. I love working at Dunder Mifflin, a division of Taliban enterprises.
Pam Beesly: That's weird. I mean, that's weird to have sex in the office. That's where you work, right?
Jim Halpert: Mm-hmm.
Pam Beesly: You know, you're in a meeting, and nobody knows that you've had sex there, except for you and him.
Jim Halpert: (snorts) Ew.
Erin Hannon: Don't mind us. You keep working.
Darryl Philbin: Okay. I'll keep working.
Erin Hannon: Oh, my God. It's a song.
Andy Bernard: Whoa.
Erin Hannon: What do you think is on it?
Andy Bernard: (softy) We should actually probably talk about it outside or we might make Darryl mad.
Erin Hannon: (softly) Not if we're talking like this. I think it's okay. He doesn't seem to hear us.
Andy Bernard: I think he can hear us.
Andy Bernard: (softly) That makes sense, 'cause I feel like I'd be able to hear us at this level.
Erin Hannon: Darryl.
Andy Bernard: Darryl is a jerk.
Erin Hannon: No, he's not.
Andy Bernard: No, I'm just testing if he can hear.
Darryl Philbin: I can hear you.
Andy Bernard: Oh. Okay.
Erin Hannon: Okay. Then no more talking. Let's just play the song.
Boom Box: (Gabe singing) The temp at night. The temp at night. The temp at night. The temp at night.
Andy Bernard: The temp at night?
Erin Hannon: What do you...
Darryl Philbin: You got it. Pick it up. Take it out.
Andy Bernard: Pi...
Darryl Philbin: Pick it up.
Andy Bernard: Okay.
Darryl Philbin: Take it out. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Take it out.
Andy Bernard: Right. Okay.
Holly Flax: Sorry to interrupt. Forgot to collect my things.
Michael Scott: Ah, the old "leave behind." Oldest trick in the book. Good thing it's working.
Holly Flax: Oh, no. Michael, I don't want to make people uncomfortable.
Michael Scott: Since when is comfort the most important thing? I mean, I don't... I don't sit on your lap because it's comfortable. I sit on your lap because I like the way your thighs feel on my butt.
Holly Flax: Yeah, but if they're uncomfortable, it makes me uncomfortable.
Michael Scott: Oh. Okay. Well, if it makes you uncomfortable, then we'll stop.
Holly Flax: Okay.
Michael Scott: Holly and I are like Romeo and Juliet. And this office is like the dragon that kept them apart.
Michael Scott: Hey, you know why people here are complaining? They are jealous of two people in love on Valentine's Day.
Holly Flax: Two people in love?
Michael Scott: I love you.
Holly Flax: Wait, wait, wait, what do you mean you love me? We've only been dating for a week. Do you mean you love me like, "oh, hey, there's Holly. I love that girl." Or you do you mean you love me like you love me-love me?
Michael Scott: I love you-love you.
Holly Flax: Wow, you love me-love me. I love you-love you. (both laugh)
Michael Scott: I am really disappointed in the office's policy on PDA at this moment. I love you. (shakes Holly's hand)
Holly Flax: I love you.
Michael Scott: Yeah, whatever. No big deal. Just the hottest girl in the world loves me.
Andy Bernard: Okay, Ryan's the temp. What does he do at night?
Erin Hannon: I guess we just have to wait until night and see.
Andy Bernard: Oh, or maybe not. (turns out the lights)
Erin Hannon: (gasps) Oh. Cool.
Andy Bernard: How romantic is this?
Erin Hannon: Super romantic.
Andy Bernard: Right. Do you see a clue or...
Erin Hannon: Yeah. Did you not see it? ("Eat at Hanks" is written in glow-in-the-dark letters above the door)
Andy Bernard: Oh, my gosh.
Erin Hannon: Hanks.
Jim & Pam: Hey!
Andy & Erin: (bursting out of Ryan's closet) Hey.
Andy Bernard: No time to chat.
Erin Hannon: Sorry.
Jim Halpert: Well, we were just looking for Ryan, so he's not here.
Ryan Howard: Hey. You're looking for me?
Pam Beesly: Oh, yeah, we were. We were just looking to say hi. So hey.
Ryan Howard: No you weren't.
Pam Beesly: No, we weren't.
Ryan Howard: You wanted to have sex in my office.
Pam Beesly: No.
Jim Halpert: Definitely not. That's disgusting.
Ryan Howard: No. It's... it's cool. Just try to put everything back were you found it. Text me when you're finished. I'll be out here.
Jim Halpert: Hey, you don't have to...
Pam Beesly: That was so embarrassing. I'm gonna die.
Jim Halpert: That was really rough.
Pam Beesly: Let me make something clear. Jim and I have never and will never have sex in the office.
Jim Halpert: No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place.
Pam Beesly: Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed.
Jim Halpert: And a shower.
Michael Scott: Hello, Holly.
Holly Flax: Hello.
Michael Scott: Here, shake. No!
Holly Flax: No, don't touch.
Michael Scott: No, we can't.
Holly Flax: No touching.
Michael Scott: No touching. Ah, I'm trying not to touch you.
Holly Flax: Oh.
Michael Scott: Oh.
Holly Flax: Almost got you.
Michael Scott: Oh, no, so close. Oh. No, we can't do that. We can't do this. Ohh.
Holly Flax: You're not touching me.
Michael Scott: I don't know what your body feels like 'cause I can't touch it.
Oscar Martinez: Okay, this is much worse than before.
Kevin Malone: Yeah, I agree. This is nasty.
Michael Scott: Grab you here.
Holly Flax: And here.
Michael Scott: I will grab you here anyway. (laughs)
Gabe Lewis: You have to cut it out.
Holly Flax: Okay.
Michael Scott: Never.
Holly Flax: You said you would.
Michael Scott: I did say I would, but I was wrong. I can't stop. You don't what it is like to love a woman and have her love you back. It is a feeling that cannot and will not, and frankly, cannot be contained.
Gabe Lewis: No one is a bigger fan of sexual touching than me. But with you two, it's reaching the level of a complex. I can think of three explanations. One: You're taking MDMA. Street name, ecstasy. I've done it, and I know the feeling.
Holly Flax: No, I don't think so.
Gabe Lewis: Number two: You're desperately trying to fit in a whole relationship before Toby comes back from jury duty and Holly has to go back to Nashua. Or three: You're at an age where your sexual climaxes aren't as powerful so you need to overcompensate with foreplay, taboo behavior.
Michael Scott: Yes, it was that. It's that one.
Holly Flax: Yes. Number three.
Holly Flax: Give me all your money and take off your clothes.
Michael Scott: We're not supposed to PDA.
Holly Flax: Come one. Nobody's looking. What's wrong?
Michael Scott: I haven't thought about you having to go back to Nashua.
Holly Flax: Maybe we didn't want to think about it. We can make it work. We'll date long-distance.
Michael Scott: That's what we said last time. Remember? We broke up on the drive. How's this gonna be any different?
Holly Flax: We weren't in love last time.
Michael Scott: I was in love with you.
Holly Flax: I'm not saying it won't be hard. But we can make it work. That's what she said.
Michael Scott: (chuckles, sighs)
Erin Hannon: Oh. One Erin Special, please.
Hank Tate: Here's your bottle of sparkling cider.
Andy Bernard: Hey.
Erin Hannon: (laughs) That's my favorite.
Hank Tate: I'm now supposed to tell you to enjoy a mind-hunt break and look for a heart or some (bleep) in the break room when you're through.
Kevin Malone: (through the window at Michael) Hey, buck up, buddy!
Darryl Philbin: Make that face he likes.
Dwight Schrute: Hey. Hey. Come on. You're hurting him.
Michael Scott: It's like a time bomb...
Dwight Schrute: Shh.
Michael Scott: ticking down. When it goes off, no more kissing. No more hugging.
Dwight Schrute: Just hush.
Michael Scott: Sexual time bomb.
Dwight Schrute: Just rock. Shh.
Michael Scott: (into recorder) Boner Bomb starring Jason Statham. Or we go against type with an Eisenberg or a Michael Cera.
Dwight Schrute: Movie idea?
Michael Scott: No. (into recorder) Saving the world has never been this hard.
Dwight Schrute: Okay. Shh. Have you talked to her about your feelings? Women really go for that crap.
Michael Scott: No, I can't talk to her. I can't even look at her without thinking about it ending.
Dwight Schrute: Kevin! Do more stupid faces.
Kevin Malone: Which one? I have a lot of stupid faces.
Dwight Schrute: I don't know.
Michael Scott: Do the monkey face.
Dwight Schrute: Do the monkey face!
Michael Scott: I love that. I love that face.
Dwight Schrute: Good. He loves it. Good. Jump. Jump up and down.
Michael Scott: No. The monkey!
Dwight Schrute: Go back to the monkey!
Michael Scott: Don't do the squirrel. Throw your poop.
Dwight Schrute: Hurl your feces.
Michael Scott: That's good.
Dwight Schrute: Good.
Michael Scott: That's good. He's throwing it.
Dwight Schrute: They really do that.
Michael Scott: I know.
Erin Hannon: (at vending machine) B-9.
Andy Bernard: B-9.
Erin Hannon: Like a benign tumor.
Andy Bernard: Maybe it's just more like, "be mine."
Erin Hannon: Oh, yes. There's a note. "A little cookie for you, my miss. But the real treasure is your Valentine's kiss."
Andy Bernard: Mm.
Erin Hannon: Mm. Oh. We're suppose to...mmm (leans in to kiss Andy)
Andy Bernard: Hmm. (points to Gabe blowing a kiss to Erin)
Michael Scott: Holly. Hey.
Holly Flax: Hi.
Michael Scott: Holly, I love you so, so, so much. And I think we need to break up.
Holly Flax: What? What are you talking about?
Michael Scott: Actually, it's Valentine's Day. Shouldn't be doing this today. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Holly Flax: No, we're gonna talk now. You're not breaking up with me.
Michael Scott: You're gonna go back to Nashua eventually, and I can't handle it. So let's just...let's...
Holly Flax: What if I said it wasn't up to them?
Michael Scott: Who?
Holly Flax: The company. Nobody knows our future, but it's not gonna be decided by the company. It's not gonna be decided by anybody but us. What we are is up to you and me.
Michael Scott: Okay. Okay.
Michael Scott: Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. As of today, officially, Holly and I are moving into together. Yay! (claps) Thank you. Thank you. Oscar, this must be tough for you, watching this go down. You could not stand in the way of true love, my friend!
Oscar Martinez: Are you kidding? I wasn't trying to break you guys up.
Kevin Malone: Better luck next time, pal.
Michael Scott: Well, the point is, there will no longer be any need for PDA here at the office between us because, when we get home, we are going to make love to and with one another, and that, to me, is the best Valentine's Day present that a person could receive. So I bid you all adieu.
Holly Flax: You do?
Michael Scott: I do.
Oscar Martinez: Go on. Kiss each other already. (they kiss)
Kevin Malone: Suck it, Oscar. This must kill you.
Oscar Martinez: I just told them to do it!
Jim Halpert: What?
Pam Beesly: No.
Jim Halpert: No. We took a walk.
Pam Beesly: We took a walk.
Dwight Schrute: My perfect Valentine's Day? I'm at home, three cell phones in front of me, fielding desperate calls from people who want to buy one of the 50 restaurant reservations I made over six months ago.
Ryan Howard: Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year.
Kelly Kapoor: Flowers, diamonds, three-course meal, violinist comes to my table to serenade me...
Kevin Malone: Pizza, soda, the moon, someone to share it with.
Michael Scott: What are our plans for tonight? Umm...
Holly Flax: (imitates a squeaky bed) (laughter)

I hope you enjoyed these classic quotes from The Office episode 15 season 7. PDA is such a great episode (like every episode of The Office), remember you can click the camera button next to any quote to generate an image of the quote. Go back to all episodes to see more scripts from The Office.

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