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Season 2 Episode 12
The Injury

Every line from The Office episode "The Injury", season 2 episode 12.

Oscar Martinez: ...Lord of the Rings trilogy, if you see it back to back, it's really long. But it's good.
Jim Halpert: (off camera) Yeah, that's right.
Pam Beesly: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
Michael Scott: Pam! It's Michael. Help me! I need help right now.
Pam Beesly: Michael, what's wrong?
Michael Scott: I'm hurt, I have hurt myself. Oh my God!
Pam Beesly: Ok, wait wait wait wait...
Michael Scott: Ungh, this is not looking good Pam!
Pam Beesly: Michael, do you need me to call an ambulance?!
Michael Scott: No, I want you to pick me up.
Jim Halpert: What?
Pam Beesly: Ok...
Jim Halpert: What's going on?
Pam Beesly: Wait a second, I thought you said that you were hurt.
Michael Scott: I am hurt. I hurt my foot.
Jim Halpert: I'm sorry? Pam.
Pam Beesly: (exasperated)
Jim Halpert: What is going on?
Michael Scott: I want to come to work. But I need you to come and pick me up. (Jim lunges across Pam's desk and puts Michael on speakerphone)
Michael Scott: OH GOD!
Jim Halpert: Hey, whoa, Michael...
Michael Scott: Oh God!
Jim Halpert: It's, okay, it's Jim. Just say again, uh, really loudly what happened.
Michael Scott: OK, buhhhh, I burned my foot very badly on my Foreman Grill and I now need someone to come and bring me into work.
Jim Halpert: You burned your foot on a Foreman Grill?
Michael Scott: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me. It's the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot... that's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.
Michael Scott: Pam, could you come get me?!
Pam Beesly: Uh, I have to stay here and answer the phone.
Michael Scott: Ok, could someone come and get me please, Ryan?
Phyllis Vance: Michael, you should stay home and rest.
Michael Scott: There's no toilet paper here. Could Ryan... tell Ryan to bring toilet paper. Could you tell 'em that?
Kevin Malone: Can you hop?
Michael Scott: I tried hopping, Kevin, and I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protruberance.
Michael Scott: (panicked) No one wants to pick me up!?
Dwight Schrute: (silence, Dwight enters the office) What is going on? What is going on?
Pam Beesly: Michael, is, um, sick and he wants one of us to rescue him.
Michael Scott: I'm not sick! I'm burned!
Dwight Schrute: I'm coming Michael!
Jim Halpert: Oh...
Dwight Schrute: I'm gonna save you!
Michael Scott: Don't... is that Dwight? I do not want Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Hold on Michael! I am coming! Wait there!
Michael Scott: I don't want Dwight!
Pam Beesly: Michael, why don't you call your girlfriend?
Michael Scott: I don't have a girlfriend.
Jim Halpert: But you said that you went out with her this weekend.
Michael Scott: It was all made up. Just someone come, ok? Anyone. Anyone but Dwight.
Jim Halpert: (sounds of a car crash) What was that...
Pam Beesly: What was that?! (everyone runs to Michael's office window)
Jim Halpert: Oh!
Pam Beesly: Ohhhhhh!
Jim Halpert: He hit the pole!
Jim Halpert: It's broken right, he can't...
Pam Beesly: Oh my gosh.
Jim Halpert: Oh Dwight, Dwight, (Dwight pukes on his back windshield) Ohhhhhh!
Jim & Pam: Oh my God!
Pam Beesly: Is he ok?
Jim Halpert: He's still driving... Dwight, you forgot your bumper!
Michael Scott: Hellooo? ... Please don't send Dwight!
Michael Scott: Morning everyone. Don't freak out. I forbid anybody to freak out. Clearly, I have had a very serious accident, but I will recover, God willing. I just want to be treated normally today. Normal would actually be good, considering the trauma that I've been through.
Pam Beesly: You missed two big conference calls today, one with corporate.
Michael Scott: Did you explain why?
Pam Beesly: No, I didn't mention that you cooked your foot.
Michael Scott: Burned my foot, Pam.
Michael Scott: Please stop popping my cast. Thank you.
Jim Halpert: So, where are you shipping your foot?
Michael Scott: Ha ha ha. So where are you shipping...
Dwight Schrute: Your foot?
Michael Scott: Thank you. Pam, messages please?
Pam Beesly: You didn't have any.
Michael Scott: Really, well, it, uh, seemed very important to you earlier that you needed to stay and...
Pam Beesly: And do my job?
Michael Scott: No, your job is being my friend, Pam. OW! God!
Dwight Schrute: (holding mini-fan) It slipped.
Michael Scott: What?
Dwight Schrute: Sorry.
Pam Beesly: It's just that before, you said that you didn't want any special treatment.
Michael Scott: I don't want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who's undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don't think that's too much to ask.
Pam Beesly: Do you want some aspirin, because you seem a little fussy.
Michael Scott: No, I don't want some aspirin, yeah I'm a little fussy. Aspirin's not gonna do a damn thing. I'm sitting here with a bloody stump of a foot.
Dwight Schrute: Hey, Pam, I'm assistant regional manager, and I can take care of him. Part of my duties are to.
Michael Scott: What? Part of your duties are to what?
Dwight Schrute: What?
Michael Scott: You just said "part of your duties are to" something.
Dwight Schrute: No, I didn't.
Michael Scott: Yes, you did. What is wrong with you?
Dwight Schrute: What is wrong with you?
Michael Scott: Where is my cornbread?
Ryan Howard: Here you go.
Michael Scott: Thank you. Did you get all dark meat like I like?
Ryan Howard: Yes. I ordered three full rotisserie chickens worth of all dark meat.
Michael Scott: Where are the yams?
Ryan Howard: They were out of yams. I got you creamed spinach.
Michael Scott: Did you go to the one in Stroudsburg?
Ryan Howard: Yes.
Michael Scott: And they had no yams?
Ryan Howard: They had no yams.
Michael Scott: How strange. Because they always have yams.
Dwight Schrute: Aw, man, is that a Prism Duro-Sport?
Pam Beesly: You've seen one of these?
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, they're like an i-Pod only they're better 'cause they're chunkier and more solid.
Pam Beesly: Roy gave it to me for Christmas. I'm trying to figure out how to put songs on it.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, no no no. Don't go there. I know this Russian website where you can download songs for two cents a piece.
Pam Beesly: Really?
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, I'll write down the address for you. Only, the only thing is, is that all the songs are in Russian. ... Kidding!
Pam Beesly: Oh! Ha, haha.
Dwight Schrute: Why would they all be...? Ok, see you later, Pan.
Pam Beesly: Pan?
Michael Scott: Pam... PAAAM!?
Pam Beesly: Oh, God.
Pam Beesly: (phone rings) What.
Michael Scott: Come here please.
Pam Beesly: Tell me before I come there.
Michael Scott: I want you to rub butter on my foot.
Pam Beesly: No.
Michael Scott: Pam, please? I have Country Crock.
Pam Beesly: No.
Michael Scott: Uh, ow. Ryan! ... Ryaaaaan ... RYYYYAN!
Dwight Schrute: These covers are totally indestructible.
Pam Beesly: Really?
Dwight Schrute: Yeah. Throw it. I promise it won't break. Chuck it. (Pam throws her mp3 player)
Dwight Schrute: Oh no, it's broken.
Pam Beesly: What?!
Dwight Schrute: No, it's fine. I told you it wouldn't break. You could throw it all day long.
Pam Beesly: That is so cool. Thanks Dwight!
Dwight Schrute: Yep.
Jim Halpert: So, I guess Pam and Dwight are friends now.
Pam Beesly: Oh God no, Dwight isn't my friend... Oh my God! Dwight's kind of my friend!
Michael Scott: No, nope, no one is helping me out at all Mom. No, I'm not gonna call Jan. She'd just worry... drive down here and make a big thing... Who told you that? No, it was mutual. What is Pam doing chatting with you?
Dwight Schrute: Huh. Do you like candy?
Angela Martin: It's alright.
Dwight Schrute: Cause you're sweeter than candy.
Angela Martin: What is wrong with you? (Dwight pats Angela on the rear and runs away laughing)
Angela Martin: Hey!
Toby Flenderson: Wow, you just dive right into it.
Ryan Howard: You know, around age twelve, I just started goin' for it.
Michael Scott: (loud noise in bathroom) No! Guh! OW! Awww, help, help me!
Toby Flenderson: What, what happened?
Michael Scott: I fell off the toilet. I'm caught between the toilet and the wall.
Toby Flenderson: What do you need?
Michael Scott: Ugh, not you. Someone else. Get Pam.
Toby Flenderson: I don't think Pam's gonna want to come into the men's room.
Michael Scott: Get Ryan. He needs to lift me. (Ryan shakes his head) and he needs to clean me up a little bit. Bring a wet towel.
Toby Flenderson: Ryan, is, uh, dead.
Michael Scott: No, he's not.
Toby Flenderson: Dead.
Michael Scott: I just saw him.
Toby Flenderson: No. Can't, can't you just get up yourself? I... You only grilled your foot.
Michael Scott: Ugh, forget it. I'll just get up myself. No! Uh, aaaahhh! Ah! Oh God!
Jim Halpert: Do you think Dwight's bein' a little weird today?
Pam Beesly: No, he's actually been really nice and helpful.
Jim Halpert: And that isn't weird?
Pam Beesly: Wow...
Michael Scott: Can I have everyone's attention please? Phyllis, Oscar, Ryan, who's supposed to be dead, can I ask you all a question? Do you all know what it's like to be disabled? Oscar?
Phyllis Vance: Um, I had scoliosis as a girl.
Michael Scott: No, never heard of it. No, a real disability, not a woman's trouble.
Creed Bratton: When I was a teenager, I was in an iron lung.
Michael Scott: Wuh, how, how old are you? Look, the point is, I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability, although I'm sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles.
Stanley Hudson: I'm not disabled and neither are you.
Michael Scott: Ok, (lifts up cooked foot) what does this look like to you Stanley?!
Stanley Hudson: Mailboxes, Etc.
Michael Scott: Shuuut it, ok, well, well you know what, disabilities are not things to be laughed at or laughed about. You people are jerks. Imagine if you had left Stevie Wonder on the floor of that bathroom instead of me.
Phyllis Vance: Oh, we wouldn't. We love Stevie Wonder.
Michael Scott: (sigh) I burned my foot!!! Ok, twenty minutes, conference room, everybody's in there!
Dwight Schrute: (looking up at Creed) Dad?
Michael Scott: While we are waiting for our special guest to arrive, I wanted you all to take a look at a few of the many, many disabled icons who have contributed so much to our society.
Jim Halpert: Quick question: uh, why is Tom Hanks on the wall?
Ryan Howard: Twice.
Michael Scott: Good question. Forrest Gump: mentally challenged, Philadelphia (points to a picture from Big): AIDS.
Kevin Malone: I think that's from Big.
Michael Scott: I don't think so, no.
Kelly Kapoor: Yeah, he's dancing on a piano with Robert Loggia.
Michael Scott: He grew into a man overnight. Rare disability, still works. (sigh) A crossword puzzle Stanley, seriously, are you learning nothing here?
Stanley Hudson: Uh hmmmm... .
Michael Scott: What you mean uh hmmm... ?
Stanley Hudson: I mean I'm learning nothing.
Michael Scott: Ok.
Billy Merchant: Michael Scott, I'm looking for Michael Scott.
Michael Scott: Yes, right in here, come on in.
Billy Merchant: Great.
Michael Scott: This, ladies and gentlemen, is our special guest.
Billy Merchant: Sorry I'm late. Someone parked in the handicapped parking space.
Billy Merchant: Hey everyone, I'm Billy Merchant, you may have seen me around here before, I'm the properties manager of this office park
Michael Scott: You are so brave. You are so brave.
Billy Merchant: Thank you. Actually, I've been meaning to come by here for a long time...
Michael Scott: But it's hard for you! Right? Because you're in a wheelchair.
Billy Merchant: No, I just have a lot of properties to manage.
Michael Scott: Let me ask you something, how long does it take for you to do something simple, every day, like brush your teeth in the morning?
Billy Merchant: I don't know, like 30 seconds?
Michael Scott: Oh my God, that's three times as long as it takes me.
Michael Scott: How did you get in your wheelchair?
Billy Merchant: This morning? Just like every other morning, just climbed on in. (Everyone laughs)
Michael Scott: Hey, hey, hey, not funny! Not funny.
Billy Merchant: Hey, hey, relax, just jokin around here.
Michael Scott: Well, that's good, he still has a sense of humor.
Billy Merchant: Listen, I've actually used a chair since I was four years old. I don't really notice it anymore.
Michael Scott: Well they notice it. Don't you? You notice it. It's the first thing you saw when he rolled in here, isn't it?
Jim Halpert: I want to clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill.
Billy Merchant: So, there are just a couple things I want to remind everybody of...
Michael Scott: Ok...
Billy Merchant: First is parking. You can't block the freight entrance with your car, even if your blinkers are on. Does anybody have any questions? (to Dwight, whose arms is raised) Yes. Yeah? yes...
Pam Beesly: Dwight, you have your hand up.
Michael Scott: Ignore him. You know what? We're not that different, you and I. When I clamped my foot into a non-stick...
Billy Merchant: You know what Michael?
Michael Scott: Yeah...
Billy Merchant: Let me stop you right there.
Michael Scott: Ok.
Billy Merchant: And leave.
Michael Scott: Did you see Born on the Fourth of July? I was under the impression that Billy would be more like that guy.
Billy Merchant: What's wrong with that guy?
Jim Halpert: You mean today? He stepped on a George Foremen grill and he burned his foot.
Billy Merchant: No, not Michael. The moon-faced kid who crashed into the pole. He looks like he has a concussion.
Michael Scott: (popping his bubble wrap cast) Hey!
Ryan Howard: I found the pudding cups you wanted in a gas station in Carbondale!
Michael Scott: You did it! Look at you, and with the plate and the napkin. Very nice. Thank you, Ryan.
Ryan Howard: You are very welcome.
Michael Scott: Did you get the yams?
Ryan Howard: No, the gas station in Carbondale did not have fresh yams!
Michael Scott: (sigh) Ok, I'll just have the pudding.
Ryan Howard: You sure?
Michael Scott: Yeh.
Ryan Howard: Ok.
Michael Scott: You know what? I feel better. Ryan brought me some chocolate pudding and his kindness healed my foot.
Michael Scott: Yeah, baby, I am feelin' better. My body's literally healing itself. It is amazing what the human body is capable of when you have a powerful brain.
Ryan Howard: I ground up four extra-strength aspirin and put them in Michael's pudding. I do the same thing with my dog to get him to take his heartworm medicine.
Michael Scott: Uh, finally feel the blood coursing through my foot veins.
Dwight Schrute: (hits his head on his desk) Uh, ugh, ohhhh...
Jim Halpert: Uh, ok, I think we need to take him to the hospital because I'm pretty sure he has a concussion.
Michael Scott: Oh, now you feel some compassion for him.
Angela Martin: He needs to go right now, and you're his emergency contact. I think that you should go with him.
Michael Scott: Why don't you go with him?
Angela Martin: I, barely know him...
Dwight Schrute: I want Michael to take me...
Michael Scott: I can't take you, I don't have my car and yours is all vomity.
Meredith Palmer: You can take my van!
Michael Scott: Oh, ok, that's, great. No, I can't drive. Jim why don't you drive.
Jim Halpert: Fine.
Michael Scott: We'll go. I'm still recovering. So let's just, Ryan, could you get my coat please.
Jim Halpert: Slowly, slowly. Let's just get to the elevator.
Dwight Schrute: Choo choo choo choo choo choo...
Jim Halpert: What are you doing? What, stop...
Dwight Schrute: Vietnam sounds.
Jim Halpert: (Dwight falls onto the couch) Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Dwight Schrute: Tired... (Jim grabs spray bottle from planter)
Jim Halpert: You can't lay down.
Dwight Schrute: Want to take a rake... .
Jim Halpert: Wake up. (sprays Dwight)
Dwight Schrute: Ahh!
Pam Beesly: Dwight, here, let me help you Dwight.
Jim Halpert: I'm just gonna get...
Dwight Schrute: Ok, Pam, thanks.
Pam Beesly: Get up, get up.
Dwight Schrute: You're the best.
Pam Beesly: Yeah.
Jim Halpert: Just keep him awake.
Dwight Schrute: It smells like chicken soup.
Pam Beesly: I know.
Dwight Schrute: I have to go to the hospital.
Pam Beesly: I know.
Dwight Schrute: Where we going?
Pam Beesly: I just want to say goodbye ok?
Dwight Schrute: I'll be back, I mean...
Pam Beesly: Yes, I know, but it's gonna be different.
Dwight Schrute: Why?
Pam Beesly: It's just hard to explain.
Dwight Schrute: Aw, Pam, you're adorable (taps her nose)
Pam Beesly: Oh my goodness!
Dwight Schrute: (giggles)
Pam Beesly: Come here.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, huggy hugs.
Michael Scott: Shotgun!
Jim Halpert: You don't think you should sit in the back with Dwight?
Michael Scott: The rules of shotgun are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout "shotgun" when you're within the sight of the car gets the front seat. That's how the game's played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion.
Michael Scott: Oh, God, a mini-van. What is Meredith's problem?
Jim Halpert: Well, I think she has a kid.
Michael Scott: Well, yeah she has one kid, no husband. She's not gonna find one driving this thing around.
Dwight Schrute: Where are we going?
Jim Halpert: Come on, get inside.
Dwight Schrute: Where are we going?
Jim Halpert: We're going to Chuck E. Cheese.
Michael Scott: Chuck E. Cheese? Oh, God, I'm so sick of Chuck E. Cheese.
Jim Halpert: We're going to the hospital, Michael.
Michael Scott: I know, just sayin'.
Michael Scott: Dwight, what are you drinking?
Dwight Schrute: I found it under the seat.
Jim Halpert: Oh my God, Dwight, put that down.
Dwight Schrute: I'm thirsty.
Jim Halpert: Give the bottle to Michael (sprays Dwight)
Dwight Schrute: No!
Jim Halpert: Give the bottle to Michael!
Dwight Schrute: I'm thirsty!
Michael Scott: Give it to me.
Dwight Schrute: No.
Michael Scott: Dwight... (to Jim) You just keep your eyes on the road. (to Dwight) Give me the bottle or you're fired.
Dwight Schrute: You can't fire me, I don't work in this van!
Michael Scott: Give it to me Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: No. (takes a drink)
Michael Scott: Give me the bottle!!
Jim Halpert: (to Michael) Will you stop?
Michael Scott: Gimme the bottle, Dwight!
Jim Halpert: Michael stop.
Dwight Schrute: (drinks) Mmmmm...
Michael Scott: Just give it!
Jim Halpert: Michael stop. (sprays Michael, then Dwight)
Michael Scott: Stop, stop it! Stop spraying! (Dwight whines) Gimme the bottle!
Jim Halpert: Stop (sprays Michael)
Dwight Schrute: My eyes!
Michael Scott: Stop spraying me! Gimme the bottle!
Dwight Schrute: My eyes!
Michael Scott: Dwight, what is your middle name.
Dwight Schrute: Danger.
Michael Scott: (sigh) Something with a "K".
Jim Halpert: It's Kurt. Wow, I am so sad that I know that.
Michael Scott: What do I write under "reason for visit"?
Jim Halpert: Concussion. (Michael scribbles something out) What did you write?
Michael Scott: Nothing. I wrote "bringing someone to the hospital".
Jim Halpert: So you thought they meant your reason for coming to the hospital.
Michael Scott: No... you know what Jim, this isn't about me anymore. I made a miraculous recovery, which is more than I can say for him. (Dwight falls towards Jim)
Jim Halpert: Come on Dwight. (sprays Dwight)
Dwight Schrute: Hi Michael!
Michael Scott: Hi Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Ahhh. Mweehaa
Michael Scott: Doctor, what is more serious, a head injury or a foot injury?
Doctor: A head injury.
Michael Scott: Well, you don't have all the information. The foot as been fairly severely burned and healed quickly, very quickly, actually like suspiciously quickly.
Doctor: (to Dwight) So, I'm ordering a CAT scan.
Dwight Schrute: What is that?
Michael Scott: Look since you have the machine up and running, can I just stick my foot, we take a look?
Doctor: Well, for a burn, you really just need to look at the outside of the foot.
Michael Scott: Ok, what kinda machine is that?
Doctor: Does the skin look red and swollen?
Dwight Schrute: That's what she said.
Michael Scott: That's my joke, damnit Dwight.
Lab Tech: Ok, no electronics past this point. Camera, sound equipment...
Michael Scott: It's ok, they're with me.
Lab Tech: No metal of any kind.
Michael Scott: Alright, well, I guess this is where we leave you off.
Dwight Schrute: I don't want to do this.
Michael Scott: Uh, well you should of thought of before you crashed your head on your way to pick me up. We'll, see you when you get out.
Dwight Schrute: Oh.
Michael Scott: Fine. Fine.
Pam Beesly: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
Jim Halpert: Dunder Mifflin, this is Jim.
Pam Beesly: Oh my God, what is going on, is Dwight ok?
Jim Halpert: Uh hmm, he should be fine, but, uh, they brought him in for a CAT scan.
Pam Beesly: I can't believe he's getting a CAT scan.
Jim Halpert: Michael went in there with him too. It's pretty sweet.
Pam Beesly: Really? Michael went in with him?
Jim Halpert: Uh huh.
Pam Beesly: Wow.
Jim Halpert: But they shouldn't be much longer now, so we'll be back soon.
Pam Beesly: Ok, that's uh, good news (Pam sees Angela eavesdropping) Uh, yeah, no I'll let you go.
Jim Halpert: Ok.
Pam Beesly: Ok. Bye.
Jim Halpert: Bye.
Pam Beesly: Hey, Oscar?
Oscar Martinez: What's up, Pam?
Pam Beesly: I just wanted to let you that Dwight's gonna be ok. The doctor said there's a really simple treatment for a concussion, so he'll probably even be back at work tomorrow.
Oscar Martinez: Ok...
Pam Beesly: I just, uh, thought you'd want to know that.
Lab Tech: Ok Mr. Schrute, inhale with me on three. One, two, uh Sir? (Michael tries to put his leg in the scanner) Stop that. Stop. Stop that.

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