Scene 014 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Stop it!Jim HalpertOpen quote: Stop what?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You're talking about me in Morse Code. Well, you know what? Joke's on you 'cause I know Morse Code. Ha!Jim HalpertOpen quote: (chuckles) Yeah. That's what we're doing. In our very limited free time and with our very limited budget, we went and got a nanny and then we went out and took a class on a very outmoded and very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you.
Scene 022 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Yup. That's exactly what we did.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: It all started when Dwight was tapping his foot against the leg of his desk. When I asked him to stop, he said, "I will when you lose the baby weight."
Scene 031 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: Very well. I must have imagined it. I apologize. (Pam clacking her stapler and Jim responding with tapping his keyboard rhythmically) Detonator. Detonator where? Michael!
Scene 045 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Jim. Are you clicking a detonator?Jim HalpertOpen quote: It's a pen.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Michael, come on.Michael ScottOpen quote: Get back to work, Dwight. Please.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Fine. (clears throat) Hey. Tap away. (Dwight puts noise-cancelling headphones on and Pam and Jim begin to blink rhythmically)
Scene 051 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Ooh! Things with Donna are so... oh-ho-ho! They're going great. I, uh... we're just clicking on every level. Emotionally and sexually and... orally and I am not used to relationships going this well. I'm actually having trouble focusing on my job. And I like it!
Scene 0638 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Who enjoys the weekends? (all raise hands) Of course. Now the weekend is always great if you have someone, which I do. I have Donna. She is hot. She has a Pilates butt. But we need to find something to do this weekend beside have sex. Did I say that? Yes, I did. (all nod) And the reason you are here is that I need ideas for things that Donna and I could do on the weekend. So just shout it out.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: I have an idea for your weekend.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Let me get back to my desk right now.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, you get out of here, big dog. (high-fives Stanley) Ah, no, no, no, no. You guys sit down. I need ideas.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Stanley got to go.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah, well, Stanley doesn't help with anything. Come on. Shout 'em out, shout 'em out.Andy BernardOpen quote: Walk around apple orchards.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh!Andy BernardOpen quote: Super romantic.Michael ScottOpen quote: That's fun.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Eel fishing.Michael ScottOpen quote: All right.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Curl up with your favorite DVD.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: You and Donna should hit the Poconos. They have heart-shaped Jacuzzis. Room enough for three.Michael ScottOpen quote: We actually went to the Poconos last Tuesday. We headed up there, we went to a little Chinese bistro, um, P.F. Chang's.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Wait, why would you go all the way to the Poconos to P.F. Chang's when we have the Great Wall in Scranton.Michael ScottOpen quote: Because when your super-hot girlfriend says, "I wanna go to Mount Pocono," you go to Mount Pocono and you do her. And we screwed. Whoops. TMI.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Wait, that's crazy far. Are you sure she's not cheating?Michael ScottOpen quote: You know what, Kelly? This is the real world. Not The Real World: Scranton. Oh my God, this is super weird. When Ryan had two girlfriends, he used to take me to some diner in Hazelton just so the other girl wouldn't see.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Some diner?! It was the Starlight Diner! It's in a LIFE magazine spread about Americana.Michael ScottOpen quote: You guys think Donna's cheating on me?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No, Michael, no.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Are you nuts?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You had a nice meal with your girlfriend in a lovely place...Michael ScottOpen quote: ... and... we had sex, too.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: That is right. Don't make any more of it.Michael ScottOpen quote: How?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: How what?Michael ScottOpen quote: How do I not make any more of it?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You could start by concluding this meeting.Michael ScottOpen quote: All right. (all stand up to leave) And she won't say, "I love you."Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh, no.Andy BernardOpen quote: How many dates have you been on?Michael ScottOpen quote: Nine dates. I said it on the second date.Andy BernardOpen quote: Mm.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: That seems... quick. Even for lesbians.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Does she keep her phone locked around you, Michael? Does she watch how much she drinks around you, Michael?
Scene 071 lineRyan HowardOpen quote: Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before sex? Does she shower after sex? Does she...
Scene 0813 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Yeah, she does all that.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Sorry, dude.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, no...Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Michael, do not let your imagination run amok.Michael ScottOpen quote: Run what?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Amok. It means, don't let your imagination run out of control.Michael ScottOpen quote: Why didn't you just say that, Pam?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Michael, do not let your imagination run out of control.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, that's easy for you to say. You have a bad imagination. It's stupid. I live in a fantasy world.Jim HalpertOpen quote: You do?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes, Jim, I do. And I can't stay in a relationship that is full of lies and deceit.Jim HalpertOpen quote: But you didn't believe any of this was true five minutes ago.Michael ScottOpen quote: That's what makes it so wrong.
Scene 091 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Ever since I found out that Donna might be cheating on me, I have not eaten or slept. This not knowing, that's what's killing me.
Scene 109 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh, God, that tickles. What did...Michael ScottOpen quote: (whispers) I want someone to follow Donna. I want her tailed. I need the name of a good private investigator.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I think I've got one for you. (hands Michael a business card)Michael ScottOpen quote: This is you. How much do you charge?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: $100 a day, plus expenses.Michael ScottOpen quote: I'll give you $50. Money's no object.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I'm just gonna warn you... and I say this to all my clients... you might not like what I find.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: And you might not like how I find it. (slides over table, leaves)
Scene 112 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Of course. Yeah, that's terrible. Okay, let me get back to you. Hey, Stanley. One of my clients just called and said that their Sabre printer started smoking and caught on fire.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: My doctor told me to cut out hot dogs. We all got problems.
Scene 1212 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Hey, Gabe I need to talk to you about something. It's really important.Gabe LewisOpen quote: There's no way that you guys have any almond butter, right?Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah, I don't know. Look, one of my clients called. He was in the middle of a big printing job and the back of the printer started smoking and then the paper tray caught on fire.Gabe LewisOpen quote: That's weird. I haven't heard of that happening. I would even settle for apricot preserves.Andy BernardOpen quote: What are we gonna do about this?Gabe LewisOpen quote: I don't know. Call HQ, see if they know anything. Yeah. That's what I'll do today. All right. Yeah.Andy BernardOpen quote: Let me know what they say.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: (puts newspaper down) Wow. That dude is good.Andy BernardOpen quote: What do you mean?Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: You didn't feel like he was hiding something?Andy BernardOpen quote: I don't know.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Like he was... covering something up? Maybe.
Scene 131 lineDarryl PhilbinOpen quote: Two years ago, Andy blamed the warehouse for a late shipment that he forgot to process. We got yelled at pretty bad. Almost lost my job, and I was mad as hell at the time. But I said "Darryl, just wait. He's a fool. There's gonna be an opportunity. Just be patient." (smiles)
Scene 146 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: (sitting on his Firebird's hood in front of a gym) Hi stranger.DonnaOpen quote: Oh, hi. You work for Michael.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I work with Michael.DonnaOpen quote: Right.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Dwight Schrute. (they shake hands)DonnaOpen quote: Donna, hi.
Scene 151 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: All cases are solved with logic. The only logical way to find out if Donna Is a cheater is to seduce her, bring her to orgasm, then call Michael and tell him the sad news.
Scene 1626 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: That's interesting. Wow, it's a little early for ice cream, don't you think?Michael ScottOpen quote: It's never too early for ice cream, Jim. But we didn't have any ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh!...Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, my GodMichael ScottOpen quote: It's comfort food, all right? (disgustedly) God.Jim HalpertOpen quote: You know Michael, this whole Donna thing is gonna be okay, you just... stop beating yourself up.Michael ScottOpen quote: I know. Well, I hope you're right. We'll see what Dwight says.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Why do we have to see what Dwight says?Michael ScottOpen quote: Because I have him investigating her. I'm waiting for a text update.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Michael, no...Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No, no, no, no. Undo that. Undo that.Michael ScottOpen quote: It's too late to undo it. I need to know. Otherwise this thing is going to spiral out of amok.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Michael. Okay, I'm... I'm going to talk straight to you because I think you need to hear it. Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: God, this is so disgusting.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Stop eating it! Do you wanna be happy? Look at you. You have a major self-destructive streak in you.Michael ScottOpen quote: I know.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: And you kind of torpedo every romantic relationship you're in.Michael ScottOpen quote: That's not true. (Pam stares him down) You're right, I ruin everything. And I've known some wonderful women. Holly, Carol, Jan.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Helene.Michael ScottOpen quote: Helene?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: My mother.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: My mother, Helene. (Jim shakes his head)Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, yeah. Yes, yes. Yes. All of, all of the greatest loves of my life.Jim HalpertOpen quote: You should stop this, (pulls away mayo and olives bowl) and you should call Dwight right now.Michael ScottOpen quote: (sighs) All right. (calls Dwight)
Scene 177 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: (at gym, looks ready to work out, checks phone, and tries to grab Donna's attention) Oh, gosh, we were both going for the same weight at the same time; you go ahead.DonnaOpen quote: Thank you.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: It's all yours. (strains loudly to lift two dumbbells and a free weight chained to strap around his head) Ah! (after first rep, Dwight is injured)DonnaOpen quote: You okay?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yeah, I'm good. Hey, you know an exercise for two people that uses the whole body?DonnaOpen quote: (chuckles) Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Tractor pulling. Too bad there's not a tractor here.
Scene 185 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: (moaning loudly on exercise machine while staring at Donna who's next to him) Oh. Oh. Oh. (groans loudly) One thing you need to know about me. I don't quit until something tears or pops. (chuckles) You look like you're getting a good workout. Can I feel your pulse?DonnaOpen quote: Nope. I'm good, thanks.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Really? Hey, um... (Dwight gets up and walks sorely from his "workout")Old ladyOpen quote: Look, young man, can you wipe down that seat?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Get out of my way. Huh!
Scene 195 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Tomorrow's fertilizer, am I right?DonnaOpen quote: I'm out of here.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Donna. Donna, wait, please. I'm sorry. Okay? Listen. We both know why I'm here: to see... you... naked... while... I'm... naked.DonnaOpen quote: You stay away from me, or I'm calling security.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Donna, come... Ah! Grr! Ugh! (Dwight is very sore from his "workout" and cannot chase Donna)
Scene 2015 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: You're back. What happened?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh, I pulled muscles in both my thighs. Thanks for asking.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, what happened with Donna?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yeah, no. She's not cheating. Oh, man! Will you help me work out this knot? Right here. (near his groin)Michael ScottOpen quote: Ugh!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Put your fingers here.Michael ScottOpen quote: No. No! Are you sure?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I'm positive. Yeah, oh, and here's your expense receipts right there.Michael ScottOpen quote: Who eats eight protein bars?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: People who don't trust egg whites.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay. Well, I am just glad this is all over.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh, me too. And by the way, uh, I told her not to, but she's coming over here and she's furious.Michael ScottOpen quote: What? No, she didn't say that.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You're right. I was paraphrasing. What she actually said was, (pulls out notebook) "What is with him? He is crazy. I'm coming over there to talk to him." And this was after I have no other recourse but to tell her and gym security that you had me sent there to see if she was cheating. Also, I joined the gym. You'll be billed monthly. [lays down gym membership receipt on a chair in Michael's office.Michael ScottOpen quote: I am not paying for that membership.
Scene 217 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (sitting on the floor behind Erin's desk, sighs) Ohhh... mmm...Erin HannonOpen quote: Maybe you'd be more comfortable in your own office.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, I like the attention. Is she here yet?Erin HannonOpen quote: Uh, no. (Michael sighs, Donna enters) Wait, yes.Michael ScottOpen quote: That's her?Erin HannonOpen quote: Yeah.Michael ScottOpen quote: Mm-hmm. Right. Right. Right. (Michael pretends to be speaking on the phone as Donna approaches) Okay, I'll talk to you later.
Scene 2215 linesDonnaOpen quote: How could you think I would cheat on you?Michael ScottOpen quote: I didn't. Everybody else here did. Everybody convinced me that something was up. They poisoned my mind.DonnaOpen quote: That's pathetic.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ye... pfff. Well, no. It's a lie. That's not what happened. I just like you. I can't believe I get to be with you. You work at an adult arcade. You could have any man you want.DonnaOpen quote: When I tell you I like you, you need to trust me, not some freak. (Dwight is gulping some sort of power shake)Michael ScottOpen quote: If you wanna dump me, I totally get it.DonnaOpen quote: I told you I like you.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, you are boner-ific. (Donna laughs)DonnaOpen quote: Hey, if I said that we should go away for a couple of days, you would...Michael ScottOpen quote: ...poop my pants.DonnaOpen quote: Have you ever been to Vero Beach?Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, my God, Vero Beach. No. Is that on the water?DonnaOpen quote: We're going.Michael ScottOpen quote: We are?DonnaOpen quote: Yeah.
Scene 233 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: What's up? I got your e-mail.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Close the door.Andy BernardOpen quote: Okay.
Scene 241 lineDarryl PhilbinOpen quote: I don't have a plan exactly. More of a loose structure. Gives me freedom to improvise. It's like jazz. (scatting) Andy don't mess with me. (continues scatting) I'll figure something out.
Scene 256 linesDarryl PhilbinOpen quote: Some freaky stuff going on. I was walking behind Gabe and I heard some things.Andy BernardOpen quote: Such as?Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: It was kind of mumbled, I don't know, uh, only thing I could make out clearly was "Andy," "Problem," "Eliminate," something. I don't know what it meant.Andy BernardOpen quote: What? You don't know what it meant? How about "Andy is a problem and we must eliminate him?"Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Whoa. I hadn't even thought of that.Andy BernardOpen quote: (chuckles nervously) Yeah. Hah. Hoo.
Scene 2612 linesKelly KapoorOpen quote: Oh, hey, I love your earrings.DonnaOpen quote: Thank you.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Did Michael get them for you?DonnaOpen quote: No, I bought them myself.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Where?DonnaOpen quote: Steamtown Mall.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Claire's? Zales? Ricky's? Earring, Earrings? Fancy Girl? Platinum Cat? Where?DonnaOpen quote: You know, I actually got them in Philadelphia, in a mall down there.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Franklin Mills? King of Prussia? Springfield? Governor's Place?DonnaOpen quote: Uh, Franklin Mills.Jim HalpertOpen quote: (to Pam) What?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hmm? Oh. It's probably nothing.
Scene 273 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: Okay, heart-shaped jewelry is not something that a woman buys for herself. A man definitely bought it for her recently, and it wasn't Michael.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Wait, so are you... you like heart-shaped jewelry, though, right?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No. Except for the pendant that you bought me. Which I love.
Scene 281 lineCreed BrattonOpen quote: Psst... (Creed walks by Andy and draws his right index finger across his neck, further scaring Andy, Andy looks over at Darryl who is staring him down)
Scene 291 lineAndy BernardOpen quote: Creed's head of quality assurance. So he'd definitely be wrapped up in this.
Scene 301 lineCreed BrattonOpen quote: So there I am, minding my own business and Darnell offers me three bucks. All I gotta do is walk by Andy and go like this. (draws finger across neck) Darnell's a chump. I would have done it for anything. I've done a lot more for a lot less.
Scene 311 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: So it turns out Donna and I have a facebook friend of a friend in common, so I was able to see some of her pictures online. (pulls out picture of Donna embracing a man and smiling) This was taken two weeks ago. And this was taken the same night. (pulls out a picture of Donna kissing the same man) This photo was taken this morning. (shows a baby picture) It's Cece. (laughs) She's never gonna do anything wrong.
Scene 3223 linesDonnaOpen quote: Isn't that something?Michael ScottOpen quote: Wow. (Pam knocks on Michaels door and goes in) That's exciting.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hey, Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Hey.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I'm sorry to interrupt you. Um, I actually have something very important to talk to you about, business related.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well it can wait. It can wait.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I lied it's personal. It's about me and Jim. We're... I just... you're the only person I can talk to.Michael ScottOpen quote: Jim is her husband.DonnaOpen quote: Oh.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: And...Michael ScottOpen quote: And they are having problems, so sh...Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No, not... we're not... we're not having problems. But it is personal. And I would love...Michael ScottOpen quote: Good in bed.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yes. Yes, I desperately want to speak with you about my sex life with Jim.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, my God. Look at how cheap street level rooms are. Am I the only person who enjoys people watching?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (loudly) I need you to sign this! So bad!Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, weirdo.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I love (leans over Michael's desk to look at his computer screen)... this idea is neat. I've never been. It sounds lovely. (meanwhile Michael looks at the pictures Pam printed out)DonnaOpen quote: Yeah I think it'll be a nice trip. We're gonna get a lot done.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (to Michael) You're gonna wanna look at the date on that. Oh, wow. Look at... golfing. (to Donna) Are you a golfer?DonnaOpen quote: I am, but I, I gave my clubs away. I swear too much. (Pam and Donna both laugh) Hey, you okay? (to Michael, walking away disappointedly)Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah, I just remembered that I have to go to the bathroom. Pam?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Absolutely. (both leave Michael's office)
Scene 337 linesDarryl PhilbinOpen quote: Look, I'm not down there anymore, so if the guys start making fun of you, you just, you gotta stand up for yourself.GlenOpen quote: I know, it's just, I'm scared...Andy BernardOpen quote: Your text said 911.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Glen, could you excuse us? (Andy slams the door after Glen leaves, panting heavily)Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: It's bad.Andy BernardOpen quote: What's bad?Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: It's real bad.
Scene 358 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Oh, God.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: It's getting bigger.Andy BernardOpen quote: I might have to go public here, but no one's gonna believe me. Uh... I need proof. I need, like, a printer to catch on fire.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: I can videotape it.Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: (to camera) There it is.Andy BernardOpen quote: There what is?Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: What?
Scene 3617 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Who the hell is this? Who is this guy?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I don't know who he is.Michael ScottOpen quote: God! Lowest of the low. That guy. Just a notch above Toby. You know what?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: What?Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm gonna kill him. No, I'm not. I feel... I... no, I'm not going to kill him.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You just have to go in there. You have to hear it from her.Michael ScottOpen quote: I have to hear it from her.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You have to settle down first.Michael ScottOpen quote: I need to have her tell me herself. Right?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Okay. Okay. Yes.Michael ScottOpen quote: I need to have her say...Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah, but you have to calm...Michael ScottOpen quote: I need to say, "What the hell is that? What the hell is that?"Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Okay. Look at this, look at this. Baby picture.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, God! No, no, oh, my God!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (in baby voice) Hi, Michael, hi, MichaelMichael ScottOpen quote: (calms down) Okay. Okay. Okay.
Scene 371 lineGabe LewisOpen quote: (to Andy) I talked to corporate. Turns out there have been 12 reports of faulty printers. Out of 400,000. (smiles) We've investigated. Every time it's been user error. They block the vents or something, I don't know. That's why we have the fine print. Thank you for bringing this to our attention. So I'd like to reward you for that. (pulls out gift card) That's god for five bucks at Dunkin' Donuts. Any Dunkin' Donuts. (Andy looks over at Darryl and Darryl motions for Andy to go to him)
Scene 3819 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: You know what? We should really do something fun this week.DonnaOpen quote: Yeah, we should.Michael ScottOpen quote: Wouldn't that be fun?DonnaOpen quote: Yeah.Michael ScottOpen quote: How about Thursday?DonnaOpen quote: Thursday works. Yeah, what do you wanna do?Michael ScottOpen quote: I can't do Thursday. Book club. How about Friday?DonnaOpen quote: Oh, Friday doesn't work.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, really? 'cause I was thinking we could go to this concert. Spice Girls are opening for Weird Al. Front row. It'd be a great, great concert.DonnaOpen quote: Shoot. I'm working.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh okay. Well, maybe I could stop by.DonnaOpen quote: Well, won't you be at the concert?Michael ScottOpen quote: Nope, that's Tuesday.DonnaOpen quote: Oh, well, I can make it on Tuesday.Michael ScottOpen quote: You're cheating. You're cheating on me.DonnaOpen quote: How do you know?Michael ScottOpen quote: Pam told me. (looks up at 2nd floor windows and so does Donna; Jim, Dwight, and Pam are visible on conference room window, they all scramble as soon as Donna and Michael look up, Pam throwing herself on the floor)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (gasps) Did she see me?Jim HalpertOpen quote: (to Pam on floor) Nice effort.
Scene 3913 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: (in old Michael Scott Paper Company's "office") We're printing on 24-pound premium stock paper, approximately 300 sheets in. So far, no signs of distress. (Darryl is filming Andy's demonstration)Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: You haven't even introduced yourself.Andy BernardOpen quote: Right. My name is Andrew Baines Bernard, and if you're watching this, it's because I've turned State's witness because I'm in danger because I know too much.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: You should talk in a higher voice 'cause the camera makes you sound weird.Andy BernardOpen quote: Higher? Okay. (speaking slightly higher) Recently certain events have come to my attention...Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Higher. (motions with hand to go up more)Andy BernardOpen quote: Make it higher? Okay.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Mm-hmmAndy BernardOpen quote: (high-pitched) I have come to the conclusion that the Sabre corporation...Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: One more, yeah. (Again motions to go even higher)Andy BernardOpen quote: (higher) May be overlooking certain safety regulations. At the danger... (printer starts smoking and explodes) ah! (speaking lower) It's working. (in normal voice) It's... I knew it!Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: This... (removes camera headset)Andy BernardOpen quote: We are blowin' the roof off! Blowin' the roof off! (Darryl discharges fire extinguisher onto printer) Nice. Nice. This is my partner, Darryl Philbin. He's been my partner through this entire thing.
Scene 401 lineDarryl PhilbinOpen quote: I don't wanna prank anymore. Things get real. It's not funny. I'm just gonna be good, stay in my room, go to church, try to do one nice thing per day. I do not wanna prank anymore.
Scene 415 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Who is he?DonnaOpen quote: What, what do you mean?Michael ScottOpen quote: The other man. Who's the guy? Who is it?DonnaOpen quote: It's you. I'm married.Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm the mistress?
Scene 427 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: (on workout bicycle at gym) Okay, everybody, let's take this next hill.Gym InstructorOpen quote: Excuse me. Yeah, I'd appreciate it if you'd just let me run this.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You know what? You had your chance. You're no leader. Out of your seat, let's blast!Gym instructorOpen quote: Don't listen to him, we're approaching a cooldown down a gentle hill.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No! The hill's a trap. Let's take the dirt road off to the side.Gym instructorOpen quote: No, guys, no. We're just cooling down...Dwight SchruteOpen quote: If they catch us, they will rape us. Go for the cliff. And three, two, one... jump! No! (points to those around him) You're dead, you're dead, you're dead. Good jump. You're barely alive. Okay, now nice cooldown. Check your pulse rate.