Scene 011 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (waiting on Pam to be done with the microwave) Ahhhhhhhhh. (whispering loudly) I'm hungry.
Scene 021 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Movie Monday! The only cure I know for the Monday blues is... Varsity Blues!
Scene 036 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Let's gooooo! Let's go, let's go, let's go!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (directing people to their assigned seats) Take a seat down there. Second from the end.Michael ScottOpen quote: Alright, everybody here? Yes.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (walking in with a tray of six popcorn bags) Popcorn anyone?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes pleeeeease! Thank yooouuu!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (with five popcorn bags left) Anyone else? Nooo.
Scene 041 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: Movie Monday started with training videos, but we went through those pretty fast. Then we watched a medical video. Since then, it's been half hour installments of various movies, with the exception of an episode of Entourage, which Michael made us watch six times.
Scene 064 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Kevin, would you like to do the scenes from last week?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Yes!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Why him?Michael ScottOpen quote: Don't whine. Get the window. (Dwight exhales)
Scene 072 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Previously on Varsity Blues...Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Ok. Billy-Bob, got a head injury, but coach made him play. So then Lance, he gets sacked, he's out for the year...
Scene 081 lineJan LevinsonOpen quote: (walking into an empty office because everyone is watching Varsity Blues) Hello?
Scene 121 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (Jan walks in on Movie Monday) Hi Jan! Hope you brought the Milk Duds!
Scene 135 linesJan LevinsonOpen quote: How would a movie increase productivity Michael? How on earth would it do that?Michael ScottOpen quote: People work faster after...Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Magically?Michael ScottOpen quote: No... they have to... to make up for the time they lost watching the movie.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: No.
Scene 154 linesAngela MartinOpen quote: Michael is going to get us all fired. You sat back and let him play that dumb movie, and now Jan is peeved off and we're all going to lose our jobs.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: That's not going to happen.Angela MartinOpen quote: You know she has it out for him now.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: That's not his fault! He had to follow his heart!
Scene 161 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: Ever since Michael dumped Jan for Carol, Jan's been bitching out on him. Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also weak arms.
Scene 175 linesAngela MartinOpen quote: Dwight, you should be running this office.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Michael would never let me...Angela MartinOpen quote: It's not up to Michael, it's Jan's call. Talk to her.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I could never do that!Angela MartinOpen quote: Fine! Sit back and do nothing and let us all get fired!
Scene 181 lineAngela MartinOpen quote: I know that patience and loyalty are good, and virtuous traits. But sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair.
Scene 191 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: At the Stamford branch, they all play this World War II video game called Call of Duty, and they're all really into it. I'm told it started as a team building exercise. Unfortunately I really suck at it. We didn't play many video games in Scranton. Instead we'd do stuff like, uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high pitched note, and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And uh, Pam called it... Pretendenitus.
Scene 201 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: (on the phone) Hey Kelly, my stuff just got here. (Kelly screams with excitement into the phone and Pam has to take it away from her ear)
Scene 211 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: Kelly really likes to online shop. Soooo, I felt like I wanted some new clothes. I mean, I just, I wanted to, it just, I felt like it was time, to maybe um... just get new clothes.
Scene 228 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: (pulling her new shirt out of a box) Ok.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: (gasps) I love it!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Really? I don't know.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: You haven't even tried it on yet, try it on.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Not at work, I'll try it on---Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: ...nooooKelly KapoorOpen quote: (clapping her hands in unison) Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!
Scene 235 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Why did you do that?!Jim HalpertOpen quote: I'm just killing Germans, any way I can.Andy BernardOpen quote: We're on the German team. Shoot the Brittish.Jim HalpertOpen quote: (turning around to Karen) Wait, are we playing teams?Karen FilippelliOpen quote: (laughing) Yeah.
Scene 241 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: (outside in the parking lot, pacing back and forth) WAH! GAH! (breathing heavily)
Scene 2518 linesJan LevinsonOpen quote: (answering the phone) Hello?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Is this Jan?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Who is this?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: This is Dwight Schrute. I am calling about an extremely sensitive matter.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: You should talk to Michael, and he'll talk to me, and that way we don't have to speak to each other.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: It's about Michael.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: What about him?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (exhales) I can't talk here. It's too sensitive.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: It's not about a surprise party is it?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No, but we should discuss that another time.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Look, I am already an hour outside of Scranton, Dwight, I'm not coming back.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Pull over at exit 40. There is a Liz Claiborne outlet. I know you like that store. Go inside and shop, until I can meet you.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: How do you know I like that store?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Many of your blouses are Claiborne's.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: How do you know that?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Part of my job.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: No it's not. It's officially not.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: ...noted.
Scene 266 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: (walking into Michael's office) I'm going... to the dentist.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ok.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I have to have an emergency crown put in.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ouchy.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yes. It's a new dentist. He's far. I might be gone... three hours.Michael ScottOpen quote: Three hours, wow. Have fun. (Dwight walks away staring through the blinds at Michael)
Scene 273 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Did you get anything good?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Yeah.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: New blouse? Halter top? Camisole? Teddy?
Scene 289 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: I can save the branch.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Really?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: If you let me run it.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Ok.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (excitedly) "Ok" I can run it?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: What would you do differently?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Mostly get rid of waste. Which is half the people there. And clean house. (to waitress in diner) Right here. It's all for me. Thank you.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Dwight, you must feel strongly, to speak with me this way, behind Michael's back, and turn on so many of your co-workers.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: The decision to turn on Michael was difficult. (pouring way too much syrup on his food) But once I did it, I didn't look back. And mostly I feel that Michael would approve. It's really what's best for the branch. And I could care less about my co-workers. So (cutting his food, giving Jan a "so there" look), here we are. It's all, on the table. I want... the branch. And I await your decision.
Scene 292 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: (shoveling waffles into his mouth) Oh, by the way. There's a new Ann Taylor outlet store near here. I know you like their earrings.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: (thinks for a second) Where is it?
Scene 3010 linesJan LevinsonOpen quote: (on speakerphone with Michael) Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Hi.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: I just had a very interesting conversation with one of your employees.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh. That's nice.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: No, it wasn't. Dwight just told me that he thinks he can run the branch better than you.Michael ScottOpen quote: ...what?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Mm-hmm.Michael ScottOpen quote: ...you were at the dentist?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: You can't have people undermining you. Get control of your branch immediately.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ok.
Scene 311 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: What was Dwight thinking? That he could turn Jan against me? She's my ex-lover! ...ish.
Scene 327 linesPhyllis VanceOpen quote: (Pam walks out of the bathroom wearing her new red shirt) Woooooow.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: It's so sexy. You look so hot.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: It's really something.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (smiling) It's too much.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: What?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I'm gonna return it.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: No, you have to keep it today, just see how you feel.
Scene 335 linesRoy AndersonOpen quote: (walking into the break room) Hey.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hi.Roy AndersonOpen quote: You look nice.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Thanks.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Isn't that like your third soda today?
Scene 342 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah I think we can be a big help to your company. (someone dims the lights, signifying that it's game time) Ok, see you next week. Bye. (to Karen) Again?Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Scared?
Scene 364 linesJoshOpen quote: (sounding upset) Andy, Jim, can I see you in the conference room for a minute?Andy BernardOpen quote: Now?JoshOpen quote: Yes now.Andy BernardOpen quote: Put the game on hold everyone.
Scene 3714 linesJoshOpen quote: This is not working, ok? We are getting slaughtered out there.Andy BernardOpen quote: It's the new guy. (looks at Jim)Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, I'm sorry I don't know... what we're talking about...Andy BernardOpen quote: See what I mean?JoshOpen quote: We just need a strategy, ok? We're going to set up a trap in the gun room. All right Jim, are you using the MP-40 or the 44?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Um, sniper rifle?JoshOpen quote: SNIPE--Andy BernardOpen quote: WHAT?JoshOpen quote: JIM!Andy BernardOpen quote: Are you playing for the other team?!JoshOpen quote: You don't snipe in Carrington, ok?Andy BernardOpen quote: Saboteur!JoshOpen quote: Andy, it's not---Andy BernardOpen quote: Saboteur! I'm going to kill you for real. This game--- the game is over. I'm really going to shoot you.
Scene 3818 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Hey Dwight.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Hey.Michael ScottOpen quote: Do you want an M&M?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No thanks I'm stuffed.Michael ScottOpen quote: No seriously. You should have an M&M, they're really good.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: ...ok. (takes and eats several M&M's)Michael ScottOpen quote: They're good, huh?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: ...so good.Michael ScottOpen quote: Hey. I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything for a couple hours after you've had a crown put in.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: They have this new kind of quick drying bonding, so...Michael ScottOpen quote: Sounds like a good dentist.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh, yeah.Michael ScottOpen quote: What's his name?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (long pause) Crentist.Michael ScottOpen quote: Your dentist's name is Crentist.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yep.Michael ScottOpen quote: Huh. Sounds a lot like dentist.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Maybe that's why he became a dentist.
Scene 395 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Let me see your teeth. Let me see 'em. Let me see 'em.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (reluctantly opens his mouth and Michael peers inside) Ahh. Aaaah.Michael ScottOpen quote: You should... floss.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I know...Michael ScottOpen quote: (exhales) Well then... I am glad you're ok.
Scene 401 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Business is like a jungle. And I... am like a tiger. And Dwight, is like a monkey, that stabs the tiger in the back with a stick. Does the tiger fire the monkey? Does the tiger transfer the monkey to another branch? (smiling) Pun. There is no way of knowing what goes on inside the tiger's head. We don't have the technology.
Scene 4221 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (in Michael's office) Wow, this is tough.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: What?Michael ScottOpen quote: Ohhhh. Arrrgggh!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: What is it?Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, I just got off the phone with Jan. And um... she demoted me.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah. You know what the craziest part of this is? She demoted me to your job!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Gahh!Michael ScottOpen quote: And she said that you should be expecting a call later from corporate, and that um, I guess that means that you are going to be acting manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I can't believe this news. That--- wow.Michael ScottOpen quote: I know. I told her I didn't know whether you'd wanna do it... because you've always been so loyal to me. You've been my most trusted ally.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You said that?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yep, I did. I did. But I think... you should do it.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Well... Gosh, if you think I should. Then I will.Michael ScottOpen quote: (exhales) Perfect, well, we're settled.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: All right.Michael ScottOpen quote: All right. Well then, you are now acting manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton Branch, and I... am assistant regional manager.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Assistant to the regional manager. Thank you Michael, for staying on. I really appreciate it.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ohh..Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Hey... I can't imagine this place without you.Michael ScottOpen quote: (muttering) Can't you? That's so nice.
Scene 432 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Well... I guess we should go tell the troops.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yeah, when I'm ready, Mike. (Dwight exhales, Michael looks at the camera) Ok let's do it.
Scene 449 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Hey, hi, hello. Everybody, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. I... am being replaced, as your leader, by Dwight.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: You're kidding...Michael ScottOpen quote: You might think that I am kidding, and I understand that.Angela MartinOpen quote: Congratulations Dwight.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Thank you Angela.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: But... why Dwight?Michael ScottOpen quote: Because, Dwight... never lies.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: How does that qualify him to run a branch?Michael ScottOpen quote: Because that's all it takes.
Scene 452 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Ok, Dwight, would you like to say a few words to everybody... about loyalty?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Thank you Michael. I just want to say, to the few of you who will remain under my employ, that I intend to lead you into the black! With ferocity!
Scene 466 linesPhyllis VanceOpen quote: Michael, what will you do?Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, I'll be fine.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Do you have any savings?Michael ScottOpen quote: No, no, I don't, but---Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Michael, you might lose your condo.Michael ScottOpen quote: I... won't. I won't.
Scene 471 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: I have this little vacuum cleaner that's broken. If Dwight doesn't work out, maybe that could be manager.
Scene 496 linesAngela MartinOpen quote: It's really happening!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yes.Angela MartinOpen quote: We can make a difference here.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I, will, make a difference here.Angela MartinOpen quote: You alone? Because I thought together we could---Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh please, don't be naive. But you can be in charge of the women.
Scene 509 linesKaren FilippelliOpen quote: (whispering) Look how cute he is! He's trying to shoot with a smoke grenade.Jim HalpertOpen quote: I'm sorry what are you whispering about?Karen FilippelliOpen quote: I'm sorry nothing, just concentrate on turning around.Jim HalpertOpen quote: I'm trying---Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Just tap S then D.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh.Karen FilippelliOpen quote: (her players gun is pointed directly at Jim's player's head) Any... last words? No?Jim HalpertOpen quote: What? (Karen's player shoots Jim's player, "You killed Jim Halpert" appears on the screen, Karen giggles)Jim HalpertOpen quote: Wow. Psychopath. (Karen grins widely at Jim)
Scene 514 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: What?Creed BrattonOpen quote: I'm just looking.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Please go back to your desk.Creed BrattonOpen quote: In a minute.
Scene 521 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: Well, I remember why I dress the way I do at work. But I'm gonna keep the clothes. I mean, it'll be cool to just have some after work clothes that aren't pajamas.
Scene 5314 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Well, I guess it's time, that I turn over the keys, to the famous Sebring.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (smiling) No thank you.Michael ScottOpen quote: It's a corporate lease Dwight, you've earned it.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No thanks.Michael ScottOpen quote: What?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Not my style.Michael ScottOpen quote: But you said you liked it. You've always admired it.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Well that was before. I'm thinking about getting something German, something with decent gas mileage. Plus, that convertible, it's a ridiculous choice for this climate.Michael ScottOpen quote: (Michael finally breaks) Take it back.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (confused) No.Michael ScottOpen quote: That's my car.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: What did you---Michael ScottOpen quote: THAT'S MY CAR.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yes.
Scene 5417 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: I know, Dwight. I know. I know. I know.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You know what?Michael ScottOpen quote: Jan called me about your little meeting!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No!Michael ScottOpen quote: I know, what you did. I made the whole thing up, Dwight.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I think the Sebring's cool. It's cool. The Seabring's cool. It has a cassette and it has a CD.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh do you? Do you like the Sebring--- HOW DARE YOU?! How dare you, Dwight?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (Dwight gets on his knees and puts his face down on the ground) Don't fire me. Please.Michael ScottOpen quote: Give me one good reason why I should fire you RIGHT HERE ON THE SPOT?!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (terrified) I HAVE EXCELLENT SALES NUMBERS!Michael ScottOpen quote: Not. Good. Enough!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (sobbing) I'll do anything! Anything! I'll do your laundry for a month! For a year!Michael ScottOpen quote: I have a laundry machine!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I'm sorry! I'll do anything, I swear. (squeaking, crying)Michael ScottOpen quote: I don't know if I can trust you anymore.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You can't. You can't. But I promise I'll never betray you again. What can I do, Michael. What can I do? (Michael exhales) What can I do? (Dwight has his face to the ground but his butt raised high in the air) What can I do? What can I do?Michael ScottOpen quote: You can get up. Get up. (Dwight gets up with spit hanging from his lips) And you can hug it out, bitch. (Dwight and Michael have a firm embrace)
Scene 551 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Hug it out, bitch. That is what men say to each other, after a fight. They hug it out, and doing so, the just... let it go. And walk away. And they're done. Not a good idea to say that to a woman however. I have found. It doesn't translate.
Scene 562 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: (leaving his desk for the day, pretends pull the pen out of a pretend grenade, and tosses it to Karen)Karen FilippelliOpen quote: (throws some desk material in the air to signify debris from the grenade explosion, grins as Jim walks away)
Scene 571 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Yep. Yeah, we hugged it out. But, it turns out, I was still a little angry. So, I felt I needed to punish him, just a little bit more, (cut to Dwight standing on a box with "LIAR" written on a piece of paper hung around his neck, Dwight's head hung in shame) and I'm making him do my laundry for a year.