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Season 5 Episode 24
Casual Friday

Every line from The Office episode "Casual Friday", season 5 episode 24.

Kevin Malone: At least once a year, I like to bring in some of my Kevin's Famous Chili. The trick is to undercook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot. I'm serious about this stuff. I'm up the night before pressing garlic and dicing whole tomatoes. I toast my own Ancho chilies. It's a recipe passed down from Malone's for generations. It's probably the thing I do best.
Michael Scott: Someone is returning! He started his own company, and now he's back. Who could it be? I'll give you a hint. He is a man. A man you have missed with all your heart. A man who has ruined all other men for you. Who is it?
Ryan Howard: (whispering) Who is it?
Pam Beesly: (whispering) Who is it?
Michael Scott: (whispering) It's Michael Scott. (applause; Michael jumps through sign) Hold it up. Conference room, five minutes.
Michael Scott: Well, I guess the first order of business is to welcome back me, and Pam and Ryan. (scattered applause) And how about casual Friday again, huh? Reinstituting casual Friday? You all look great. What I want to do right now is try something a little different. I'm going to throw it out there, starting with this meeting. I want you guys to run it. I want you to say whatever you want, take it away. Your meeting.
Dwight Schrute: (after a few moments of silence) Wh--what are you doing?
Michael Scott: If there is something that you would like to say as a group, then by all means, you may say it to me right now.
Angela Martin: Okay.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Angela Martin: People are dressed inappropriately.
Michael Scott: Take it up with Toby. What I want you to do, is I want you to look inward. And I want you to reflect. And I want you to say something different.
Jim Halpert: Can you give us a hint?
Michael Scott: When I needed salespeople for my new paper company, everyone here turned their back on me. Am I going to ask them to beg for forgiveness? No. Am I going to ask for big, crying apology? No. Am I going to ask them to slit their wrists for me? No. I just want a tiny, microscopic version of that.
Michael Scott: Oscar, what were you going to say?
Oscar Martinez: Nothing. I didn't say anything.
Michael Scott: All right.
Erin Hannon: Do I still have a job here?
Michael Scott: Not important. (everyone mutters) Okay, alright. Yes. Yes, you have a job. Frankly, you have a job because Ryan and Pam are starting with us as salesmen.
Dwight Schrute: Wait, what?
Stanley Hudson: How is that going to work?
Michael Scott: It's going to work very smoothly, because Pam and Ryan are bringing over a ton of clients from Michael Scott Paper Company and--
Phyllis Vance: You mean the clients you stole from us.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah , aren't we getting those clients back?
Michael Scott: No, you lost those clients.
Andy Bernard: I call foul, sir.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Dwight Schrute: You were bought out. So the company then bought out all of the stolen clients.
Michael Scott: Okay, Dwight. Let me explain something to you. I set the rules and you follow them. Blindly. Okay? And if you have a problem with that then you can talk to our complaint department. It's a trash can.
Meredith Palmer: (to Ryan) Don't fall in love with me, kid.
Pam Beesly: (laughs) Boscov's at the Steamtown Mall?
Phyllis Vance: It sure looked good on the mannequin.
Pam Beesly: Well, you have good taste.
Phyllis Vance: Well, thanks. I sure wish I had more time to talk to my clients, though.
Pam Beesly: What?
Phyllis Vance: Isn't that what you said to a bunch of my clients when you were stealing them? That I didn't have enough time for them?
Pam Beesly: Oh, I, um...
Phyllis Vance: Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout.
Angela Martin: The man is wearing sandals. I don't need to see Oscar's toes at work. Gross! I mean he looks like he just got off the boat.
Toby Flenderson: Can't you just not look at his feet?
Angela Martin: Excuse me? Oh. You're so educated, aren't you Toby? So trained to deal with a hysterical woman. I don't want to look at his feet. (storms off) Do your job!
Toby Flenderson: Well, I was in the Seminary for a year and dropped out 'cause I wanted to have sex with this girl, Cathy. Followed her to Scranton. Took the first job I could find in H.R. Later she divorced me. So no, I wouldn't say I have a passion for H.R.
Michael Scott: (hands Ryan a soda) There you are, my friend.
Ryan Howard: Oh, thanks, man.
Michael Scott: Pamela.
Pam Beesly: Thank, Michael.
Michael Scott: Yep.
Dwight Schrute: Fresh hot ink.
Stanley Hudson: "New File System".
Dwight Schrute: Trust me, Stanley, you're going to want to read this memo very carefully.
Stanley Hudson: I am not changing the way I do my files.
Dwight Schrute: No, no. This goes for all of you. Believe me, you are going to want to heat my words.
Dwight Schrute: When held over heat the invisible ink will reveal that everyone should meet at the warehouse immediately. Do not ask me where I got the invisible ink. Urine. It was urine.
Oscar Martinez: I'm sorry you're offended by my shoes, but I am not going to drive home to change.
Toby Flenderson: I could loan you a pair of socks.
Oscar Martinez: No.
Toby Flenderson: No, they're clean. I was going to wear them to volleyball practice later.
Oscar Martinez: I don't think so.
Andy Bernard: Andrew Bernard.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, what are you still doing at your desk?
Andy Bernard: What are you still doing not at your desk?
Dwight Schrute: Did you even read the memo?
Andy Bernard: All my files are now in reverse alphabetical order--
Dwight Schrute: No, you idiot. There is a code embedded in the memo. Listen, you need to round up all the salesmen, except for Ryan and Pam, and get them down to the warehouse pronto.
Andy Bernard: Oh, it is on like a prawn who yawns at dawn.
Dwight Schrute: Stop doing rhyming poetry. Just tell them, please. God, the simplest thing.
Dwight Schrute: We're in crisis mode here, do you understand? The two unqualified so-called salespeople are being favored because they all failed together. And frankly, I'm not convinced that Michael and Pam didn't have a thing going while they were gone.
Jim Halpert: Can I address that?
Dwight Schrute: No, you're too close.
Jim Halpert: Okay.
Dwight Schrute: Stanley, how do you feel about those two taking your clients?
Stanley Hudson: It's not right. I don't like it.
Dwight Schrute: He doesn't like it.
Phyllis Vance: You don't take my clients away and give them to a secretary. (sighs) No offense, Jim. I think she's very pretty.
Dwight Schrute: Her face is okay, but-- Jesus! What --what are you doing here?
Meredith Palmer: I don't know. I saw a crowd. I thought there might be a dogfight or something--
Dwight Schrute: Get out! We need to do something. I'm thinking maybe a coup or we take Ryan hostage.
Phyllis Vance: Those sound too harsh.
Dwight Schrute: No, I'm not saying we do those things. I'm saying something like those things.
Jim Halpert: Of course. What is like a hostage?
Dwight Schrute: Excellent question.
Andy Bernard: We could write a strong-worded letter.
Dwight Schrute: Words will never be enough.
Jim Halpert: Strongly-painted picture.
Dwight Schrute: No, pictures are too interpretive.
Jim Halpert: Can I just say something? I know that tempers are high, but I think the best way to handle this might be to just talk to Michael directly.
Dwight Schrute: Oh. Well, that--that's a great idea, Jim. Oh, I totally see your point. Okay, we'll talk to Michael directly. So uh, meeting is over, I guess. I'll see everyone upstairs.
Jim Halpert: Great. See you upstairs.
Dwight Schrute: C'mon. (whispers) Guys. Psst, listen. Now is the time for action. I'm talking action--
Pam Beesly: That one's great.
Michael Scott: I know.
Ryan Howard: You look so classy in that picture.
Michael Scott: I do? Well--Where is that bowl?
Jim Halpert: Hey, you have a second?
Michael Scott: Michael Scott Paper Company only.
Jim Halpert: Yeah, I think you're going to want to cool it with that 'cause it's starting to upset the other salesmen.
Michael Scott: Okay, well---
Ryan Howard: Tough.
Michael Scott: I will--no, no. I'll talk to them when they all get back from the bathroom.
Jim Halpert: This is awkward to talk about, but there may or may not be--but definitely is--a mutiny forming in the warehouse right now.
Michael Scott: Against who?
Ryan Howard: You. Us.
Pam Beesly: What?
Ryan Howard: It's gotta be because they all want their clients.
Michael Scott: The old Michael Scott might have taken this, but not the new Michael Scott. They are in for a bitter surprise. I am not to be truffled with.
Michael Scott: Six weeks ago, none of these people wanted to come with me. You two were the only ones with the stones to follow.
Pam Beesly: Mm-hmmm.
Michael Scott: That was us, right there.
Pam Beesly: We were something else.
Ryan Howard: What you gotta do is you gotta go down to that warehouse and you gotta crack some skulls.
Michael Scott: Mm-hmm.
Ryan Howard: Chiklis style.
Michael Scott: Yeah, the Commish.
Ryan Howard: Yes, but Chiklis Shield style. Not Commish style.
Michael Scott: Yeah, yeah. The Shield.
Creed Bratton: It's crazy what's going on out there today, huh?
Jim Halpert: I know. Yeah, it's...kinda--
Creed Bratton: Sometimes it's best just to say out of it.
Jim Halpert: That's true. That's right. Yeah.
Creed Bratton: Want to play a game?
Michael Scott: Hey gang. Where you been?
Dwight Schrute: Lunch.
Michael Scott: Where'd you eat?
Phyllis Vance: A restaurant.
Michael Scott: What'd you have, Stanley?
Andy Bernard: I had a salmon salad. With water, no ice. I was going to get a soda, but the waiter talked me out of it. Her name was Flo, she had black hair.
Stanley Hudson: I had Mexican food.
Michael Scott: So since you guys already ate, you won't be eating the stuff you brought with you for lunch, will you? (walks into kitchen) Oh, wow, Stanley. Is that egg salad? Andy brought some salmon.
Ryan Howard: That looks great.
Michael Scott: Dwight, is that a meat sandwich? You guys hungry?
Ryan Howard: I can eat.
Michael Scott: I'm going to o have some of this meat sandwich.
Dwight Schrute: It's pony.
Michael Scott: Mom. What kind of sauce is on your salmon?
Andy Bernard: Dijonnaise.
Michael Scott: Mmm. Thanks for going out, guys.
Pam Beesly: Mmm.
Toby Flenderson: Hey, Meredith. Can I talk to you privately for a second?
Meredith Palmer: About what?
Toby Flenderson: Your outfit.
Meredith Palmer: What? What's wrong with my outfit?
Toby Flenderson: You--you might consider pulling it down a touch. It's ri--it's riding up a little high.
Meredith Palmer: A bunch of prudes. You know, Oscar's allowed to wear sandals, but I'm not allowed to wear open-toed shoes? (pulls down dress, office gasps) Is that how it goes?
Oscar Martinez: Meredith, your boob is out.
Meredith Palmer: Fine. (pulls dress up, everyone gasps again)
Angela Martin: Meredith, too far!
Kelly Kapoor: Dammit, Meredith, where are your panties?
Meredith Palmer: It's casual day. Happy? (bends over to get a file, exposing herself to the office)
Creed Bratton: (playing chess with Jim) No. IF you do that, I'm gonna do that. IF you do that, I'm gonna do that. IF you do this, I'm gonna do that.
Jim Halpert: Well, what if I just do this?
Creed Bratton: You don't want to do that.
Jim Halpert: I'm just hiding out until all this stuff blows over. With Creed. Playing chess. At work. He's winning. I feel like I'm describing a dream I had.
Ryan Howard: I'm sorry you feel that way, Mr. Bart. Is there anything I can do to make things better?
Dwight Schrute: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Give me the phone. Give me the phone.
Ryan Howard: Exactly.
Dwight Schrute: That's my client.
Ryan Howard: Exactly. This is your first complaint in ten years.
Dwight Schrute: Give me the phone.
Ryan Howard: Things have been generally good.
Dwight Schrute: Give me the phone. Tell him Dwight Schrute wants to talk to him.
Ryan Howard: Look, uh, Mr. Bart...
Dwight Schrute: Hi, Mr. Bart.
Ryan Howard: At these prices with this service...
Dwight Schrute: Hey, it's Dwight here. Give me the phone.
Ryan Howard: You're not gonna find this anywhere else.
Dwight Schrute: Dwight Schrute here. Hey, don't hang up.
Ryan Howard: No, no, no. Sir, don't listen.
Dwight Schrute: I know times are tough right now, and I laud your thriftiness. (tries to pull phone out of Ryan's hand) Ryan!
Phyllis Vance: Ryan, hand the phone over.
Ryan Howard: Stop flustering me, everybody!
Stanley Hudson: Who let this boy on the phone?
Dwight Schrute: Ah! Mr. Bart! Ugh! (slams phone down( I cannot believe you lost that account. He was my client for ten years!
Pam Beesly: You made him lose the account by screaming at him the entire time. It's okay, Ryan.
Dwight Schrute: You're a secretary! What do you know?
Ryan Howard: Okay.
Dwight Schrute: And you're a temp and I'm taking your phone. I'm confiscating this.
Michael Scott: Hey, hey guys. You know what I want you to do? Shake hands, get over it. That was not a shake, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: We want our clients back or we quit, Michael.
Michael Scott: Who quits?
Phyllis Vance: Me.
Stanley Hudson: And me.
Andy Bernard: Me too.
Michael Scott: You guys gotta be kidding.
Dwight Schrute: No, we gotta be deadly serious. We'll start our own paper company. The Schrute-Bernard-Lapin-Vance...Stanley Paper Company.
Michael Scott: I love it. I love this idea, and I fully support you. As a matter of fact, I'm going to give you some seed money. (throws money at Phyllis) There you go. There's some seed money for you. And you can take it, no hard feelings. But if you stay, I want an apology, and I want a big one.
Stanley Hudson: You want us to apologize to you?
Michael Scott: Yes I do.
Andy Bernard: That's completely backwards.
Michael Scott: It's frontward's.
Phyllis Vance: Michael, you thought you were attacking corporate, but we were the ones who got hurt. You should be apologizing to us.
Stanley Hudson: That's right.
Dwight Schrute: Right.
Phyllis Vance: Michael, you always said we were a family. Then you went after us.
Michael Scott: No matter how I look at this, I am in the wrong. And I have looked at this thing, like a hundred different ways. From my point of view, from their point of view...98 others. And the bottom line, I am in the wrong. I'm the bad guy.
Michael Scott: I need you to arrange a meeting between me and the sales staff without Ryan and Pam knowing.
Dwight Schrute: Gasp. Are you talking about a secret meeting?
Michael Scott: Whatever you guys did earlier.
Dwight Schrute: I don't know that first things about secret meetings.
Michael Scott: Just do it, okay?
Dwight Schrute: I'll do--
Michael Scott: Get 'em there. Get 'em there.
Dwight Schrute: I'll do the best I can.
Michael Scott: Are you kidding me?
Dwight Schrute: Deceit does not come easy to me.
Michael Scott: Okay, okay, okay.
Erin Hannon: I really love your outfit.
Kelly Kapoor: Thank you so much for saying that. I can't believe that Toby thinks this is inappropriate.
Erin Hannon: You look like J-Lo.
Michael Scott: So from the bottom of my heart to the top of my heart, I am sorry.
Stanley Hudson: Are you giving us our clients back?
Michael Scott: If we could just focus and go down the line, and everyone would say, "apology accepted", I think we would all feel better. And then we can break out my gift to you--complimentary white chocolate bark.
Stanley Hudson: Nobody likes that stuff except for you.
Michael Scott: They wouldn't make it unless people liked it.
Phyllis Vance: Michael, just give us our clients back. That's all we care about.
Michael Scott: Okay. If I give you your clients back there won't be enough clients for Ryan and Pam, and I promised both of them they were gonna be salespeople.
Stanley Hudson: So?
Michael Scott: Fine, have your clients. I can see that's what you wanted all along. (everyone mutters "okay") However, I rescind my apology.
Dwight Schrute: That's fair.
Michael Scott: You are not reacting at all as I had hoped.
Darryl Philbin: What'd I tell you about building forts in my warehouse?
Ryan Howard: Michael gave all of our clients back to their old salespeople, so now there's not enough for both me and Pam to stay on.
Pam Beesly: He can only keep one of us as a salesperson now. He'll make his decision by the end of the day.
Ryan Howard: I think you should get it. You really grew into it.
Pam Beesly: Oh. I think you should get it. You've changed a lot and you'd be good at it.
Ryan Howard: If you really think that, will you tell that to Michael? That would go a long way coming from you.
Pam Beesly: Yeah.
Ryan Howard: Thanks.
Creed Bratton: So hey, I'm want to set you up with my daughter.
Jim Halpert: Oh, I'm engaged to Pam.
Creed Bratton: I thought you were gay.
Jim Halpert: Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter?
Creed Bratton: I don't know.
Michael Scott: Jim. Can I talk to you for a minute?
Jim Halpert: Sure. Let me just finish this turn.
Michael Scott: (puts Scrabble pieces on board) And Bingo was his name. Let's go.
Creed Bratton: Challenge.
Michael Scott: I need your help. This whole Pam/Ryan debate is screwing with my head.
Jim Halpert: I don't want to be biased, but I am very close to Ryan. You know that.
Michael Scott: You're close with Pam too.
Jim Halpert: Eh, she's nice, I guess. You know what? Best thing to do, Pros and Cons list.
Michael Scott: Pro for Ryan, he went to business school, he's my number one choice.
Jim Halpert: Well, that's--
Michael Scott: I like his hair.
Jim Halpert: Cons, Ryan. He defrauded the company. He has never made a sale.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Jim Halpert: He definitely stole my iPod.
Michael Scott: That sounds pretty biased.
Jim Halpert: You didn't hear my pros. Environmentally-conscious 'cause his mom drives him to work everyday.
Michael Scott: Okay. Pam, pros.
Jim Halpert: Mm-hmm.
Michael Scott: I like her. I think that she is a fast learner. Cons, she doesn't always follow through. Sh--New York and the whole art school thing. And Roy. She has a weird voice.
Jim Halpert: That's not true.
Michael Scott: I don't need to tell you that.
Jim Halpert: I think she'd be a really good salesperson.
Michael Scott: I don't think you are being totally impartial though, because you haven't said one bad thing about Pam.
Jim Halpert: And I won't.
Michael Scott: Okay. So be it, then you've lost credibility. And I'm going to go with my guy, and that's Ryan.
Jim Halpert: All right. You're right, sometimes when she's tired, she can be a little bit shrill. But that's not a weird voice.
Michael Scott: Oh, wow! Whoa!
Jim Halpert: Take it easy.
Michael Scott: Ho-ho, man! Wow. (in a high-pitched voice) Honey! I want you to bring the garbage out. 'Cause I'm not going to have sex with you unless you bring out the garba--
Michael Scott: I have a very difficult decision to make. It's like last week I was at the video store. Do I rent Devil Wears Prada again? Or do I finally get around to seeing Sophie's Choice? It is what you would call a classic difficult decision.
Andy Bernard: You don't understand clothing, Toby. You're dressed like this amorphous blob of khaki.
Toby Flenderson: All right, look, what you gotta understand is that when you come to work, you give up certain rights.
Dwight Schrute: Listen up, Flenderson. You're being weak and ineffectual. I'm cowboying this meeting, okay? Here are the new rules. Earth tones only. Also, women are forbidden to wear pants.
Toby Flenderson: All right, come. Sit down, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: No.
Toby Flenderson: I'm running this meeting.
Dwight Schrute: That's debatable.
Toby Flenderson: It's not. It's not. Sit down or I am writing you up.
Meredith Palmer: Ooh, where has this guy been?
Toby Flenderson: Casual Fridays are cancelled. (everyone protests) Let's just not do it anymore.
Andy Bernard: You're running from the problem.
Toby Flenderson: There's not a single appropriate outfit in this whole--except mine, quite honestly.
Michael Scott: Pam, can you come in here, please? Have a seat. (clears throat) Well, there's no easy way of saying this. So I think I will just...drag it out. Since the dawn of time there has been--
Pam Beesly: Just tell me.
Michael Scott: I gave Ryan the sales job. There just weren't enough clients for the two of you. So I had to--
Pam Beesly: No, okay.
Michael Scott: I'm sorry, sorry.
Pam Beesly: Okay, I get it. (Michael laughs) Why are you giggling? Is this a joke? (Michael continues to laugh) Michael, is this-- did I get the job?
Michael Scott: (laughing) Yes, you did.
Pam Beesly: I did?
Michael Scott: Yep.
Pam Beesly: For real, you're not kidding?
Michael Scott: No, you--no.
Pam Beesly: I did?
Michael Scott: No, you're the best person for the job. You're going to be great.
Pam Beesly: Oh, Michael, thank you. Thank you.
Michael Scott: (laughing) Oh, oh!
Pam Beesly: Thank you. You will not be sorry.
Michael Scott: You should have seen your face. Oh man! Oh, that was classic.
Pam Beesly: Oh. (laughing) I really thought I didn't get it.
Michael Scott: Oh, really?
Pam Beesly: Yeah. 'Cause you said I didn't
Michael Scott: Oh, man. That was really good. That was really good.
Pam Beesly: What about Ryan?
Michael Scott: I don't know, I offered him his temp job back. We'll see. He was not happy at all when I offered him this job and then I told him he didn't get the job, so--
Pam Beesly: Yeah. Maybe you shouldn't fake fire people anymore.
Michael Scott: I don't appreciate you telling me what to do. So clean out your desk, you are through here.
Pam Beesly: Thanks, Michael.
Michael Scott: Oh! What's our receptionists name?
Pam Beesly: Erin.
Michael Scott: Could you send her in?
Pam Beesly: (opens door) Erin. Michael wants to see you.
Michael Scott: Hello.
Erin Hannon: Hi.
Michael Scott: Have a seat.
Michael Scott: This is very difficult to say, but no one here like you in the office and we are going to have to let you go. (pick up phone) Hank, could you come up here please? Hank is our security guard--
Erin Hannon: Oh, I can go.
Michael Scott: He will be ushering you out. (starts laughing)
Erin Hannon: Oh!
Michael Scott: Oh, your face! Oh!
Erin Hannon: Is--do the people--
Michael Scott: No, I'm kidding. No, you're not--you're not fired. Yet.
Erin Hannon: Oh!
Michael Scott: Oh...
Erin Hannon: Do they not like me, though?
Michael Scott: I don't know, actually.
Erin Hannon: Okay.

I hope you enjoyed these classic quotes from The Office episode 24 season 5. Casual Friday is such a great episode (like every episode of The Office), remember you can click the camera button next to any quote to generate an image of the quote. Go back to all episodes to see more scripts from The Office.

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