Scene 0122 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: All right, let's get started. Umm... Oh, first off, we're supposed to be pushing cardstock this week. So... let's push cardstock this week. Uh, also... (to Dwight) what is this?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Tape recorder.Jim HalpertOpen quote: For what?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: For recording. Michael is on vacation and he's asked me to record all meetings and to type up the transcripts.Jim HalpertOpen quote: OK. Uh, Karen, any news from that law firm?Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Yeah, the deal closed yesterday, it's the six month commitment.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh my God, Dwight, what're you doing?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: What?Jim HalpertOpen quote: You're not allowed to take off your pants in the middle of the office.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I'm not.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Dwight, you know what, just back up, okay, that's making me uncomfortable. This is sexual harassment, by the way. Oh my God! He's got a knife!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I do not have a knife!Jim HalpertOpen quote: No, let the record show that Dwight K. Schrute is now completely nude and is holding a plastic knife to Stanley's neck?!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (leans into tape recorder) Let the record show that Jim Halpert is a liar!Jim HalpertOpen quote: (picks up tape recorder and speaks into it) Dwight Schrute is now wearing a baby's bonnet.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Give me it. I am not.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Oh, Jim Carrey just walked in! Dwight, get his autograph for Michael quickly...Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Jim Carrey did not just walk in, OK.Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Dwight, what is that on your stomach? Is that a Muppet Babies tattoo?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh my God, Karen, you're right, that is Animal from the Muppet Babies.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You can't see... You can't see my stomach.Andy BernardOpen quote: I am now chopping off Phyllis' head with a chainsaw! ... Rin-in-in-in-in-in!
Scene 0217 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Hey, mon!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hey. You have a bunch of messages and... (sees Michael shaking head with beads in hair) that's nice. Hannah quit while you were gone. I guess she memo-ed to file some complaints she had about being a working mother? And so you might also have to be deposed.Michael ScottOpen quote: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Relax.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: OK.Michael ScottOpen quote: Just relax, OK? I'll get to all of it later.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: It's kind of serious.Michael ScottOpen quote: Aren't you going to ask me how Jamaica was? Say it. Ask me.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: How was Jamaica?Michael ScottOpen quote: It was so good. Oh, Hey mon! At Sandals, Jamaica, when somebody says "Hey mon," everybody says "Hey mon" back.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Oh, Michael, I'm glad you're here.Michael ScottOpen quote: Stanley. You know what? It is really good to see you, too.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: My bonus check was a hundred dollars less than you promised.Michael ScottOpen quote: OK, well payroll is in charge of all that.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: They said I should talk to you.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, I am just getting settled in. So, I'm gonna...Stanley HudsonOpen quote: I am not doing a lick more work until I get my full bonus check.Michael ScottOpen quote: You are not as much fun as your Jamaican brothers... mon.
Scene 041 lineKaren FilippelliOpen quote: I still haven't found an apartment yet. I'm living in a hotel. Yesterday, I saw a "for rent" sign down the street from Jim and he said he didn't think it'd be such a good idea. He said it would be like we were living together. In different houses. Two blocks away.
Scene 0511 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Feelin' hot, hot, hot! (playing conch shell) Feelin' hot, hot, hot! Feelin' hot, hot, hot! Feelin' hot, hot, hot! That's all I know so far, but I'm gonna keep practicing.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: That's good. (Michael continues to play conch shell)Michael ScottOpen quote: You know, I had never been out of the country before now?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Huh.Michael ScottOpen quote: Got to see how Jamaicans live. It is great, you know. They just relax, they party all the time.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: It's kind of an impoverished country.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah... Gosh. Great. You know what, Pam? Make a note. I want us all to start having pina coladas every day at three.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: But you can't today, we're doing inventory.Michael ScottOpen quote: Inventory's at the end of December.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: We couldn't do it without you, so we postponed.Michael ScottOpen quote: I specifically went on vacation so I would miss it.
Scene 061 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Inventory is boring. In the islands, they don't make you do stuff like take inventory. Why do you think so many businesses move to the Caymans?
Scene 075 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Tonight, we are going to have an inventory luau. I want to bring back a little slice of paradise to the Dunder Mifflin warehouse inventory. So, Party Planning Committee, get on it.Angela MartinOpen quote: By the end of the day? That's impossible.Michael ScottOpen quote: The Jamaicans don't have a word for "impossible."Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yep, it's English, it's "impossible."Angela MartinOpen quote: Michael, there's no way we can do it in time.
Scene 081 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: How hard is a luau? All you need are some grass skirts, pineapple, poi, tiki torches, suckling pig, some fire dancers. That's all you need.
Scene 096 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Come on in. Settle in. Settling. Settling... and settled. Good, there is something I would like to show everybody. See this sign? (points to a TV monitor of a picture from Jamaica and reads) "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem." This is an attitude I would like all of you to have right here. So what, if we have to stay late to do inventory? No problem.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh my God. Is that Jan? (points to same monitor)EveryoneOpen quote: What? Where?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: On the left.EveryoneOpen quote: Oh yeah, oh my God.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, no, no. No, that's a German woman named Urkel Grue.
Scene 101 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Jan told me to play it cool and not tell anybody because it can get us both in trouble. So officially, I did not see her. But I did see Jan there. In our room. At night. And in the morning. That's all I'm gonna say. Sex. We had sex. I had sex with her. I had sex with Jan.
Scene 1114 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (on phone) Hey dude. I just got back from Jamaica.Todd PackerOpen quote: Big whoop! I was in Hot-lanta. That whole town is whacked.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah, that sounds amazing. You know what? The lady Jan Levinson wanted to go to Montego Bay.Todd PackerOpen quote: You took the ice queen? I don't buy it.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well I'm looking at a photo, right now. And I'm telling 'ya, could be in Maxim.Todd PackerOpen quote: They wouldn't give you a subscription to Maxim.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh no?Todd PackerOpen quote: No.Michael ScottOpen quote: OK. Well, check this out. I am sending you some email. You got it?Todd PackerOpen quote: Well, no. I got nothing.Michael ScottOpen quote: Check it again. Hit refresh.Todd PackerOpen quote: Yeah, Mike, still nothing.Michael ScottOpen quote: OK, wait a second. I sent it to you at... (reading computer screen) [email protected]. [email protected]. Uh oh.Todd PackerOpen quote: Wait, I just got it from somebody else. Wow. This is hot. Damn! How do I get you out of this picture?
Scene 1212 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Darryl?! Hey. Hi. Where's Darryl?Roy AndersonOpen quote: He's in the office.Michael ScottOpen quote: OK, Hey, man, how's it going?Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: All right, what's up Mike?Michael ScottOpen quote: That's great, OK. Um, so did you get an email from me?Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Yup.Michael ScottOpen quote: OK. Well, that was supposed to go to Packer, not "packaging." Did you already, um, forward to a whole bunch of people?Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Uh huh.Michael ScottOpen quote: OK. Um, well, did you get the second email that I sent? Explaining that the first email was a mistake and that you should delete it.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Yup.Michael ScottOpen quote: And you sent that out to everyone?Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Mike, I'm very busy down here. (eats chicken)
Scene 134 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Yikes.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Already sent it to you my friend.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Fantastic.Andy BernardOpen quote: Boring. Call me if she rolls over.
Scene 148 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: Hey.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Hey.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You OK?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You sure?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah. Yes. Um, I'm just in this, like, stupid fight with Karen.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh. You want to talk about it?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Really?
Scene 158 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: I have a special assignment for you.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Who's the target?Michael ScottOpen quote: A sensitive email has been released to the office. It contains a file, a picture. The file name is "Jamaican Jan Sun Princess."Dwight SchruteOpen quote: What's it of?Michael ScottOpen quote: Not important.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Unless you're willing to tell me everything, I cannot accept this assignment.Michael ScottOpen quote: OK, forget it.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: OK, I accept it.
Scene 166 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: So, I dunno, I just feel likes we've been dating a month, right? Same street. I think that might be a little close. A little much.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hmm.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Hmm, what?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: How far away does she live now, like ten minutes?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah, I guess.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Honestly, I think you should go easy on her.
Scene 171 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: No, I didn't mind helping Jim with his problem. That's what friends do. I help Phyllis all the time. Just yesterday, I untangled a piece of tape from her hair. So, yeah.
Scene 183 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Hey, thanks a lot.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh, don't worry about it. I mean, it's better than listening to Michael play a conch shell... which is what I was doing. Oh, also, Michael went to Jamaica with Jan!Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, yeah, How have we not talked about this already? I mean what happened there? Kidnapping? (both start laughing)
Scene 1914 linesToby FlendersonOpen quote: Hey I need to talk to you right now.Michael ScottOpen quote: Not now, not ever.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: About you and Jan.Michael ScottOpen quote: Aww, none of your business.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: Wish it were true, but it, it uh, seems from that photo that you took, you've entered into an intimate relationship.Michael ScottOpen quote: That photo is my personal property and if you are telling me you went on my computer and stole that photo, then I am going to call the cops.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: Michael, nine different people emailed me that photo, including my ex-wife... we don't talk now.Michael ScottOpen quote: This is probably the icebreaker you need.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: You know, for your own protection, you should disclose the relationship to HR.Michael ScottOpen quote: I bet you would love all the details, wouldn't you? Skeevy little perv.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: All right, if you're having a relationship with your superior, you must disclose it.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, no, no. I am not dating Jan. She was very clear about that. Just two like souls having a romantic time in the most romantic place on earth. Got enough, weirdo?Toby FlendersonOpen quote: All right, thanks Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: OK.
Scene 204 linesAngela MartinOpen quote: OK, we only have three hours people to plan a whole luau, and you're not helping.Karen FilippelliOpen quote: What are the ingredients of poi?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: I called every grocery store in Scranton, and no one sells whole pigs.Angela MartinOpen quote: Did you try the petting zoo?
Scene 215 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: (on phone) Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Just a second. Michael, it's Jan on the phone for you.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, God, no. No, no! Hang up! Hang up! Tell her I'm not here. Tell... tell her, I ran out for cash. I hit a deer. I hit a deer with my car. Tell her I hit a cat. Tell her I hit a cat.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: He'll call you back. OK, great.Michael ScottOpen quote: She bought it? (Pam nods) OK. OK.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (to Jim and Ryan) Michael hit a deer?
Scene 224 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Michael! Michael! (pokes head through blinds in Michael's office) There's an emergency in the warehouse.Michael ScottOpen quote: There an accident? Somebody hurt?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No, it's... involves the photograph.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh. God. No, no, no, no, no.
Scene 233 linesRoy AndersonOpen quote: (starts clapping) Mike, you are a rock star, man. You are the man! Well done.Michael ScottOpen quote: All right. (continued clapping and cheering for Michael)Roy AndersonOpen quote: That corporate booty, he likes to hit it!
Scene 245 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Hello. Hi. Attention everyone. Um, apparently, there is an email circulating around that contains a very PG-13 rating picture of me and a woman---Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Jan.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, Kevin. A woman. Maybe Jan, maybe...Jim HalpertOpen quote: Urkel Grue.Michael ScottOpen quote: My point is that, if you get it, I would ask that you just delete it. Sight unseen. Let's be professional, all right?
Scene 259 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Feelin'... feelin' hot, hot, hot! (plays conch shell)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hey.Michael ScottOpen quote: Hey.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: What are you doing out here?Michael ScottOpen quote: Island living. You know?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Jan called. She's coming in later to talk to you.Michael ScottOpen quote: Did she say what it's about?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: That's all she said.Andy BernardOpen quote: Ole ole - ole ole... Ole ole - ole ole. People in the party - hot hot hot (playing conch shell)
Scene 263 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Uh, I think you dropped this (hands over piece of paper)Karen FilippelliOpen quote: You sure?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Definitely.
Scene 274 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: I have disconnected the office T1 line. I have ordered that that (referring to large picture of Michael and Jan in Jamaica on the wall) be taken down and destroyed all print outs from the bathroom.Michael ScottOpen quote: There are copies in the bathroom?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: There were. A lot of them.Michael ScottOpen quote: All right.
Scene 286 linesKaren FilippelliOpen quote: I think I owe you one.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Sorry?Karen FilippelliOpen quote: For talking sense into Halpert. The Day's Inn room 228 was starting to get really depressing.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh, yeah, no. Don't worry about it. I mean, he was being ridiculous.Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Yeah, but... thanks. Seriously.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Sure.
Scene 291 lineDarryl PhilbinOpen quote: Oh, yes! Yes! What'd I tell you? I knew he'd turn up (holds up an iPod inside speakers) You see that? This is the greatest night of my life.
Scene 307 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Who did this to you? (refers to Pam crying) Where is he?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: What? No, it's not... it's nothing.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (takes off coat to tie around waist) It's hot in here.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yeah.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (Dwight hands out handkerchief) Thanks. You don't need to stay here.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I know. (puts arm around Pam who continues to cry) So you're PMSing pretty bad, huh?
Scene 317 linesJan LevinsonOpen quote: Hello everyone. Hello Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Guh.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Hi Jan, you look... tan.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: I was in Scottsdale visiting my sister.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Yeah. How was it?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Very sunny. Family's important. Michael, I would like to speak with you, in your office.Michael ScottOpen quote: OK, yup.
Scene 3217 linesJan LevinsonOpen quote: Why am I here, Michael?Michael ScottOpen quote: I...Jan LevinsonOpen quote: In the last year, I've gone through a divorce, an identity theft, a husband who would not... communicate. This is nether here or there. My psychiatrist thinks that I have some self-destructive tendencies and that for once, I should indulge them. You following me?Michael ScottOpen quote: I... I... Yes.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: I think I owe it to myself to find some kind of happiness, you know? I mean, even, even if it means... lowering my expectations or, or redefining the word, itself.Michael ScottOpen quote: OK, yeah.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: This is the kind of thing, you know? I am... attracted to you. I, I don't know why, I... but, I am. And, I need to follow my instincts. At least that's what Dr. Perry thinks.Michael ScottOpen quote: Who is Dr. Perry? I...Jan LevinsonOpen quote: This is the point, OK? You're wrong for me. In... In... every way. But I still find myself wanting to... be with you.Michael ScottOpen quote: And I, to you, in addition, feel the same feelings that you are as well.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Good, good.Michael ScottOpen quote: So, umm... thanks for coming by. So, I, uh...Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Well, good, OK. Thank you... for taking the time...Michael ScottOpen quote: Well thanks for coming over, I appreciate - (Jan leans over and kisses Michael passionately)Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Wait 15 minutes, find an excuse, and meet me at your condo.Michael ScottOpen quote: Jan, you... complete... me.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Oh, God.
Scene 333 linesRoy AndersonOpen quote: Hey, remember when we were planning our honeymoon and you wanted to go to Hawaii and I wanted to go to Mexico?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah.Roy AndersonOpen quote: I was definitely right. (both laugh) Oh, brother.
Scene 341 lineKevin MaloneOpen quote: What am I going to do? (Refers to large pictures of Jan and Michael) I'm gonna hang it up at home. I don't have a lot of art. (smirks)
