Scene 012 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Damn, lost another file. Going to have to reboot. Again. (Windows reboot sound) Hey, Dwight, do you want an Altoid?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: What do you think?
Scene 021 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: In school, we learned about this scientist who trained dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell by feeding them whenever a bell rang. For the last couple of weeks I've been conducting a similar experiment.
Scene 032 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: (Windows reboot sound) Dwight, want an Altoid?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Okay.
Scene 052 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: (Windows reboot sound) Mint Dwight?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Inbwit? Yes.
Scene 065 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: (Windows reboot sound) (Dwight holds out his hand, sighs)Jim HalpertOpen quote: What are you doing?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I...Jim HalpertOpen quote: What?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I don't know. My mouth tastes so bad all of a sudden. (nasty, dry mouth-smaking noise)
Scene 072 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Always the bridesmaids, right ladies?PhotographerOpen quote: Okay, for this next one everyone hop out. Just Phyllis and Dad. Actually, let's bring Mom back in. And the sisters. And you, and you, and you. Great.
Scene 081 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Phyllis is getting married. And I am in the wedding party. She has asked me to push her father's wheelchair down the aisle. So, basically, I am co-giving away the bride. Since I pay her salary it is like I'm paying for the wedding. Which I'm happy to do. It's a big day for Phyllis. But it's an even bigger day for me. Employer of the bride.
Scene 091 linePhyllis VanceOpen quote: Yes, I put Michael in my wedding. It was the only way I could think to get six weeks off for my honeymoon. No one else has ever gotten six weeks before.
Scene 101 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: Phyllis... ended up using the exact same invitations as Roy and me. So it was kind of like being invited to my own wedding. And I was like 'Wait, thought I called that off'.
Scene 114 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: So what's in the box?Stanley HudsonOpen quote: A toaster, you?Karen FilippelliOpen quote: A toaster.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Unbelievable.
Scene 124 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Hello, Angela.Angela MartinOpen quote: Hi, Dwight.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You look as beautiful as the Queen of England.Angela MartinOpen quote: Thank you. Don't linger. Break left. Left!
Scene 131 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: The Shrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair.
Scene 144 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Those flowers are nice.Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Yeah. P and R?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Phyllis and Robert.Karen FilippelliOpen quote: Ah, of course.
Scene 1615 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: There she is. I swear Phyllis you are as beautiful as the first day you started work at Dunder Mifflin.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Thanks, Michael. That's sweet. Same as when you said it outside.Michael ScottOpen quote: How you doin'? You excited.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Yes, very.Michael ScottOpen quote: Me, too. If you need to vomit, that is ok. I did. Do you want to talk about tonight?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: No.Michael ScottOpen quote: You're probably worried about pleasing Bob. A lot of pressure. Phyllis, did you break wind? It's okay, if you did. It's a very natural reaction. It's your wedding. And you're nervous...Phyllis VanceOpen quote: That wasn't me.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay... umm... I'm sure that Bob... Wow. That is... that is pungent. I lost my train of thought. Aaah... Are you set on that hairstyle?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: I thought it was...Michael ScottOpen quote: Here, let me...Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Michael... No.Michael ScottOpen quote: Just cover up that bald patch.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: I don't need your... thank you. No, Michael please... I just need some time alone.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay.
Scene 173 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: You might be surprised to learn that I've only been to one other wedding. It's actually a very cute story. My Mom was marrying Jeff. And they asked me to be ring bearer. I was understandably emotional and somehow my pants became wet.Michael ScottOpen quote: (in video of Michael as a kid) I hate you!Michael ScottOpen quote: Long story short: Jeff's dog ended up as ring bearer. And the irony is that after the ceremony that dog peed on everything and nobody said 'boo'.
Scene 185 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Why are all these people here? There are too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague. Who are all these people?Jim HalpertOpen quote: You know what? I bet a lot of them are wedding crashers.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No way.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Did you ever see that movie?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Of course I saw it.
Scene 191 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theatre. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theatre, but I kept waiting. That's the thing about bear attacks, they come when you least expect it.
Scene 202 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: You know I just wish, I wish, I had the investigative powers to smoke some of these guys out.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Once again, Jim, I will take care of this. I will locate the wedding crashers and report them to Phyllis. That way I won't have to get her a gift.
Scene 213 linesKevin MaloneOpen quote: (to Toby's date) Hi. I'm Kevin. (to Toby) Where did you find her?Toby FlendersonOpen quote: At the gym.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Riiight. The gym. (snickers)
Scene 223 linesKelly KapoorOpen quote: Could you scoot over? You're on my dress.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: I thought you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: I know but there was an emergency.
Scene 241 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: This strappy young lad sitting here is Phyllis' father, Albert, and he is quite the ladies' man, aren't you Albert, hah? Ah, ringbearer. I could have done better. I will do better. I am going to be better. I can't believe I'm actually doing this! Ooh! Are you ready for this, Albert? I am. Let's do it.
Scene 255 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: That's my dress.Michael ScottOpen quote: (whispers to father) That's ok. (Albert gets out of his wheelchair and starts walking)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: It's a miracle.CrowdOpen quote: (generalized clapping)Michael ScottOpen quote: This is bull****!
Scene 261 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Me walking Phyllis down the aisle was supposed to be the highlight of the wedding. And now... the wedding has no highlight.
Scene 271 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: I can't believe I pushed that... that guy's lazy ass around all day... until he was ready to stand up and steal the show. That's... well... I got news for you, Albert. If that's your real name. The show's not over.
Scene 289 linesPriestOpen quote: And do you, Phyllis, take Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, to be your lawfully wedded husband?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: I do.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance!PriestOpen quote: And do you, Bob...Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, shiii...PriestOpen quote: ... take Phyllis to be your lawfully wedded wifeBob VanceOpen quote: I do.PriestOpen quote: You may now kiss the bride.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ladies and Gentleman, for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance. (generalized clapping and cheering) Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!
Scene 292 linesAngela MartinOpen quote: Congratulations, Phyllis. You look lovely. Your dress is very white. So white, my eyes are burning.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Thanks Angela.
Scene 303 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Congratulations, Bob. You're a good man. But just know... if you ever lay a finger on Phyllis, I will kill you.Bob VanceOpen quote: If you ever lay I finger on Phyllis, I'll kill you.Michael ScottOpen quote: Agreed. No fingers will be laid on Phyllis. (to Albert) Oh, decided to sit down again, huh? Great. Bet you can hear me, too.
Scene 313 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Best of luck, Phyllis. Also I'm going to need to see a copy of the guest manifest as well as photographs of the caterers.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: I don't have that, Dwight.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Dammit, Phyllis!
Scene 326 linesKelly KapoorOpen quote: Are you all right? This must be so awful for you.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: What do you mean?Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Well... this was supposed to be your wedding.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh... um... no. That's... um... That's actually fineKelly KapoorOpen quote: There's no way it's fine. I'm sorry. If I was you, I would just like freak out and get really drunk and then tell someone I was pregnant.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Okay, that's a lot of good ideas. Thanks
Scene 338 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: 'Scuse me, sir. How do you know the happy couple?Uncle AlOpen quote: Who?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: The bride and groom? What are their names?Uncle AlOpen quote: Oh, I... I don't... I'm not sure.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh I get it, I get it, come on, freeloader. Let's move it. Come on. Come on.Uncle AlOpen quote: Okay, Okay. Where are we going?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Got to find yourself another wedding to crash, my friend.Uncle AlOpen quote: Oh!
Scene 345 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Phyllis! Are you happy with everything? What can I do to make it more perfecter?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: It's beautiful. Why don't you find your seat. Enjoy the buffet.Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm already on it. The chicken? Totally undercooked. I sent it back.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: It's fish.Michael ScottOpen quote: I will take care of that.
Scene 351 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: I do. I know a fair amount about fine food... and drink. This is a white.
Scene 361 lineKevin MaloneOpen quote: No this is not our first wedding. This is the THIRD wedding that Scrantonicity has played. We also played our bassist's wedding and our guitarist's wedding.
Scene 371 lineKevin MaloneOpen quote: Attention, everyone. Attention, please. I am supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He is old and has brown eyes and dementia. His family is very concerned. It is a very serious situation. (sings) Roxanne. You don't have to put on your red light.
Scene 3811 linesRoy AndersonOpen quote: Hey.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hey.Roy AndersonOpen quote: I know I normally don't notice these kind of things but uh... This wedding's really nice! I mean, the flowers and stuff? Phyllis has got some great taste.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You're kidding me, right?Roy AndersonOpen quote: I know you're probably not going to remember this, right? But um... Those color roses? I got you those color roses for our prom.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Roy, I picked those flowers. Phyllis just stole all of my ideas for our wedding.Roy AndersonOpen quote: I uh guess I wasn't really too involved in the planning.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah.Roy AndersonOpen quote: Sorry about that.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: It's okay.Roy AndersonOpen quote: You think this sucks for you? I was the one who actually wanted to get married.
Scene 396 linesRandyOpen quote: Phyllis, you're a wonderful woman. And you're a hell of a bowler!CrowdOpen quote: (cheering and clapping)UnknownOpen quote: She is.RandyOpen quote: Cheers.CrowdOpen quote: Cheers.Michael ScottOpen quote: Thank you, Randy. That was great. Thank you. Thank you very much. Hi, I'm Michael Scott and for the next forty minutes, I'm going to be your tour guide through the lives of Phyllis Lapin and Bob Vance. One of the great, seemingly impossible, love stories of our time. My name is Michael Scott. Webster's Dictionary defines "wedding" as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch. Well, you know something. I think you guys are two metals. Gold medals. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Michael Scott, Phyllis' boss. To quote from The Princess Bride "Mawige...
Scene 401 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: The most important part of a speech is the opening line. When time is not a factor, I like to try out three or four different ones.
Scene 4111 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Phyllis and Bob: their celebrity couple name would be Phlob. You look at her... and she's kind of matronly today, but back in High School, I swear, her nickname was 'Easy Rider'. Now as for Bob... Bob Vance...Bob VanceOpen quote: Oh okay. That's enough.Michael ScottOpen quote: is a guy that...Bob VanceOpen quote: Thanks, Michael. Give me...Michael ScottOpen quote: he works... Okay hold, hold on, hold on. Look. Look. I didn't say anything when Phyllis' dad upstaged me at the ceremony. And I think you owe me this. Kay.Bob VanceOpen quote: Give me the microphone.Michael ScottOpen quote: No. I'm not going to...Bob VanceOpen quote: Give me... Give me the microphone, Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ok. All right.Bob VanceOpen quote: You're out of here!Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh. Yeah. You're out of here! You're... Yeah. I hate you!
Scene 427 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Hey.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hey!Jim HalpertOpen quote: When are we going to get to see some of those famous Beesly dance moves?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh... I'm pacing myself.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Come on. Get out there. Give the people what they want.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No. I'm such a dorky dancer.Jim HalpertOpen quote: I know. It's very cute.
Scene 431 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: Hypothetically, if I thought Pam was interested, then... No, it's totally hypothetical.
Scene 447 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Come... Come on!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I can't let you in, Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Dwight, just...Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No, it's Bob and Phyllis' orders.Michael ScottOpen quote: Look, I just wanted to go in and quietly sit and have a piece of cake. I'm not even going to dance one song.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You are a real life wedding crasher and I must bounce you. I'm sorry, it gives me no pleasure.Michael ScottOpen quote: OK.
Scene 453 linesRoy AndersonOpen quote: Hey, they're playing our song.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah, that's weird. I thought they only played the Police.Roy AndersonOpen quote: I know. Uh... I gave them twenty bucks. You want to dance?
Scene 491 lineKaren FilippelliOpen quote: (sings) Every little thing she does is magic. Every little thing she do just turns me on. Even though my life before was tragic. Now I know my love for her goes on. Every...
Scene 501 lineWomenOpen quote: One... Two... Three. Ahhhh! (Phyllis throws the flowers, Ryan knocks them out of Kelly's hands, Toby's date gets them)
Scene 527 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: I just want Phyllis to have a great day.Uncle AlOpen quote: Phyllis and you will be great together.Michael ScottOpen quote: We are great together. We are a great team.Uncle AlOpen quote: The Celtics were a great team.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes. Yes. They were. Robert Parrish! I should talk to her. I don't want this to ruin her honeymoon.Uncle AlOpen quote: Nobody ever helped me. I had to do it myself. Even the doctor didn't know!Michael ScottOpen quote: Dude, keep it together. I listened to you for half an hour even though most of that stuff went right over my head.
Scene 535 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Phyllis. Phyllis! Wait! Please. I'm sorry. I just... I just wanted to make this a day to remember.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: You found Uncle Al!Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah. Yeah. He's kind of a weirdo.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Thank you, Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: You're... You're welcome.
Scene 541 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that your lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that's crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.
Scene 551 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Be careful. Oh no!! (Phyllis and Bob smear cake on each other's face) Oh wow! Phyllis! Phyllis! You look like a clown! Here. Get me! Get me! (Michael smears cake on his own face)