Scene 011 lineRyan HowardOpen quote: Yeah, I'm not a temp anymore. I got Jim's uh, old job. Which means at my 10 year high school reunion it will not say "Ryan Howard is a temp." It will say "Ryan Howard is a junior sales associate at a mid-range paper supply firm. ...that'll show 'em.
Scene 025 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: (after "the kiss") You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Me too. ...I think we're just drunk.Jim HalpertOpen quote: No I'm not drunk. Are you drunk?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No... (Jim leans in for another kiss) Jim---Jim HalpertOpen quote: Are you really gonna marry him? (Pam nods) ...Ok.
Scene 031 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: (sobbing) Jim is gone. He's gone. I miss him so much. Ooooh I cry myself to sleep, Jim! (serious) False. I do not miss him.
Scene 044 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: No! That is the fun of this place. I call everybody "faggie". Why would anybody find that offensive?Toby FlendersonOpen quote: OK I think Oscar would just like if you used "lame" or something like that.Michael ScottOpen quote: That's what faggie means!Toby FlendersonOpen quote: No not really...
Scene 059 linesToby FlendersonOpen quote: Apparently you called Oscar "faggie" for liking the movie Shakespeare in Love more than an action movie.Michael ScottOpen quote: It wasn't just an action movie, it was Die Hard!Toby FlendersonOpen quote: All right Michael, but Oscar's really gay.Michael ScottOpen quote: Exactly!Toby FlendersonOpen quote: I mean for real.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah, I know.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: No, I mean he's attracted to other men.Michael ScottOpen quote: OK, a little too far, crossed the line.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: OK, I am telling you, Oscar is an actual homosexual. Yeah, he told me this morning. And, obviously he hopes he can count on your discretion.
Scene 061 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: I would have never called him that if I knew. You don't... You don't call retarded people "retards". It's bad taste. You call your friends "retards" when they're acting retarded. And I consider Oscar a friend.
Scene 074 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Listen man, I am so sorry. I had no idea.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: No, it's fine.Michael ScottOpen quote: No. No it's not. I feel terrible about it. I have been calling people "faggie" since I was in junior high, and I have never made this mistake. If I don't know how to behave, it is because I am just so far the opposite way, you know? I'm just... I, I can't even imagine... the... thing. Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime. And you could tell me... how... you do that to another dude.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: That sounds like a great, wonderful idea, let's do that.
Scene 091 lineOscar MartinezOpen quote: No, I'm not gay. And I don't understand why anyone would think, that I'm gay... if... (sighs) Uh... yeah I'm gay.
Scene 101 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: I can't say whether Dunder Mifflin paper is less flammable, sir, but I can assure that it is certainly not more flammable.
Scene 111 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: Why did I transfer to Stamford? I think that's pretty obvious. I got promoted! And you can't beat that view... right?
Scene 125 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Hey, Big Tuna! You're single right?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Uh-huh, yeah. I am.Andy BernardOpen quote: She's pretty hot huh? (Jim nods) She's completely crazy. Steer clear Big Tuna. Head for open waters.Jim HalpertOpen quote: OooOK.Andy BernardOpen quote: OooOK.
Scene 131 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: I ate a tuna sandwich, on my first day. So, Andy started calling me Big Tuna. ...I don't think any of them actually know my real name.
Scene 141 lineAndy BernardOpen quote: Big Tuna is a super ambitious guy, you know? Cut your throat to get ahead kind of guy, but I mean I'm not threatened by him. I went to Cornell, you ever heard of it? (laughs) I graduated in four years. I never studied once. I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the acappella group, "Here Comes Treble."
Scene 152 linesJoshOpen quote: So, end of day we are going to have a little diversity policy refresher, because of some more problems at the Scranton branch. And I have a list of business startups I got from the chamber. Yes, I am going to need someone to cold call them.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, I can do that.
Scene 161 lineKaren FilippelliOpen quote: Jim's nice enough. I dont... I don't know how well he's fitting in here. He's always looking at the camera like this. (makes classic "Jim"-camera face) What is that?
Scene 179 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Can you tell who's gay and who's not?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Of course.Michael ScottOpen quote: What about Oscar?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Absolutely not.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, he is.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Well, he's not dressed in women's clothes, so...Michael ScottOpen quote: (deep sigh) There could be others... I need to know. I don't want to offend anybody else.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You could assume everyone is, and not say anything offensive.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah, I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay.
Scene 184 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Hey, what about Angela? She's hard and severe. She could be a gay woman.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I really don't think so.Michael ScottOpen quote: I don't know, I can imagine her with another woman, can't you?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (creepy smile)
Scene 196 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Do some research. Find out if there's a way to tell by just looking at them.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Jim told me you could buy gay-dar online.Michael ScottOpen quote: That's ridiculous.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yeah probably. He didn't tell the truth a lot.Michael ScottOpen quote: (sighs) Let's call him and get the website.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Definitely.
Scene 201 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: What's gay-dar? Oh, oh, gay-dar, yes! No, uh, I think they have it at Sharper Image. Oh, you know what? I could check for you. No problem. (loudly fake typing) It's sold out! Yeah sorry about that, that's a bummer.
Scene 212 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Well, they're sold out.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Damn. (thinks) I'll try Brookstone.
Scene 235 linesRoy AndersonOpen quote: Chicken or fish?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (loud sigh) Chicken.Roy AndersonOpen quote: So you havin' a good day?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Excellent, thanks.Roy AndersonOpen quote: Good, glad. OK.
Scene 241 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah, I didn't go through with the wedding. I got cold feet, a few days before. And I can't really explain it. I just had to get out of that relationship. We still had to pay for all the food. So we froze it. But I'm, I'm doing well. I have my own apartment. I'm taking art classes. And I have lunch for the next five weeks.
Scene 251 lineRoy AndersonOpen quote: After Pam dumped me, I um, I kinda stopped taking care of myself there, and uh, I hit bottom when uh, drunk driving arrest. I've been working out and um, you know, I'm not gonna take her for granted. I gotta win her back.
Scene 261 lineStanley HudsonOpen quote: I got them a toaster. They called off the wedding and gave the toaster back to me. I tried to return the toaster to the store, and they said they no longer sold that kind of toaster. So now my house has got two toasters.
Scene 281 lineOscar MartinezOpen quote: Yes I'm super cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper supply company, Scranton. Much like, um, sir Ian McClellan.
Scene 291 lineAngela MartinOpen quote: Sure, sometimes I watch Will and Grace... and I want to throw up. It's terribly loud. I do like it sometimes when Harry Connick Jr. is on. He's so talented.
Scene 301 lineAndy BernardOpen quote: OK. Who put my calculator in Jello? Good one. But uh, seriously, guys who did this? Seriously guys, who did this? I need to know who put my calculator in Jello, or I'm gonna lose MY FRICKIN' MIND!
Scene 3116 linesJan LevinsonOpen quote: You know, it's amazing to me that in this day and age, you could be so obtuse about sexual orientation.Michael ScottOpen quote: I watch the L Word. I watch, Queer as F***, so...Jan LevinsonOpen quote: That's not what it's called.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: OK, Michael, are you aware that you ousted Oscar today?Michael ScottOpen quote: What? What does that even...Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Coming out, is a significant moment for a gay person, and they should be allowed to select the timing and manner of announcing it.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, gay pride, right? Gay pride parade? It's not like gay... shame festival.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: All right, now Oscar's feeling discriminated against by his co-workers, primarily Angela, and um, that's your fault.Michael ScottOpen quote: I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?Jan LevinsonOpen quote: NO!Michael ScottOpen quote: I don't kn--Jan LevinsonOpen quote: No, it's not possible.Michael ScottOpen quote: Anything's possible.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: You know, imagine... you were gay.Michael ScottOpen quote: (laughs) Well, I'm not gay Jan, and you should know that better than anybody!Jan LevinsonOpen quote: Michael, your immaturity is extremely disappointing and may even lead to a lawsuit which is the absolute last thing this company needs right now. Do you understand?
Scene 321 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: The company has made it my responsibility today to put an end to 100,000 years of being weirded out by gays.
Scene 332 linesOscar MartinezOpen quote: Am I the first gay man you ever knew?Michael ScottOpen quote: Trick question! Cause you can't always tell, so... how would I know. Is that the right answer?
Scene 342 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: Michael, Dwight's looking at gay pornography on his computer.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Uh, Michael knows Pam. He asked me to do this just for him. He has his own reasons.
Scene 351 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (looking at gay porn) Nothing wrong with this stuff. At all. This is fine. You know what. Gay porn, straight porn, it's all goooooood! I don't particularly get into this. But uh, you know what. I totally see the merit! And actually... it is quite beautiful.
Scene 363 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Ah damn pop-ups.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: What are you doing?!Angela MartinOpen quote: Watching some of your friends.
Scene 371 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (yelling) All right, everybody in the conference room! I don't care if you are gay, or straight, or a lesbian, or overweight! JUST GET IN HERE! RIGHT NOW!
Scene 381 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Did you know that gay used to mean happy? When I was growing up it meant lame. And now it means a man, who makes love... to other men.
Scene 392 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: We're all homos! Homosapiens. Gays aren't necessarily who you think they are, people. I mean anybody could be gay. Business-men. Like antique dealers, or hairdressers, or... accountants. Oscar, why don't you take this opportunity to officially come out, to everybody here. However you want to do it. Go ahead. Stand up. I'm doing this for you.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Yes I'm gay. And I didn't plan on sharing that part of my life with you today, so, whatever. Can I sit down now?
Scene 401 lineCreed BrattonOpen quote: : I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the sixties I made love to many many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain. And it was possible a man slipped in, and there would be no way of knowing.
Scene 414 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Who should be the judges and juries of our society?Angela MartinOpen quote: Judges and juries!Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes, that's a good point. She has a good point. Because gay marriage currently is not legal, under U.S. law. I bet a lot of straight men wish that applied to them. So they could go out there and have some torrid unabashed monkey sex as much as they could. You know? Sounds pretty good, right?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: : That sounds great.
Scene 425 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: I think all the other office gays should identify themselves, or I will do it for them.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: No one else in this office is gay.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: What about Phyllis? She makes absolutely no attempt to be feminine!Phyllis VanceOpen quote: I'm getting married to Bob Vance.Michael ScottOpen quote: That's great. Congratulations Phyllis. That is great, and frankly kiiiiiiiind of amazing! (laughs) See? Everybody has a chance!
Scene 439 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: But still, Phyllis, in college? Did you ever experiment with other women? A lot of women do!Phyllis VanceOpen quote: No, you knew me in high school. Course, we all thought you were gay in high school.Michael ScottOpen quote: (laughing) Right! (serious) And I take that as a compliment.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Well with your ties and your matching socks and ---Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, I just like to look good OK, so ---Oscar MartinezOpen quote: You sound pretty defensive Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, I am just coming out myself. I am coming out hetero!Oscar MartinezOpen quote: I think the problem with this office is that you are sending mixed signals about my being here.Michael ScottOpen quote: No no no. The only signal that I am sending is: Gay, good.
Scene 445 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Look, if I was gay, I would be the most flamboyant gay you have ever seen. I would be leading the parade covered in feathers, and just... I would be waving that rainbow flag.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: I don't think I can work here any longer. This has been the worst, most backwards day of my life.Michael ScottOpen quote: You misunderstand-- OK. You know what, OK. I uh, I'm gonna put my money where my mouth is. You ready? I am going to embrace Oscar. You might want to watch this Angela, because you can't catch anything. Here we go. We are going to make a statement. You and I are going to make a statement together. Oscar is my friend ---Oscar MartinezOpen quote: I would rather not.Michael ScottOpen quote: ...and I just don't care who sees it, doesn't bother me!
Scene 454 linesOscar MartinezOpen quote: No, NO! I don't want to touch you, ever consider that? You're ignorant, and insulting, and small!Michael ScottOpen quote: All right, um... sorry.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Michael... I'm sorry. That was a good idea. Come on, come on. (Oscar and Michael hug)Michael ScottOpen quote: (sobbing) I'm sorry I called you faggie. You're not faggie. You're a a good guy.
Scene 461 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: Michael appears to be gay too. And yet he is my friend. I guess I do have a gay friend.
Scene 472 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (embracing Oscar)You know what, I'm going to raise the stakes. I want you to watch this. And I want you to burn this into your brains. Because this is an image that I want you people to remember for a long time to come. Whenever you come into the office I want you to think about this. (awkwardly kissing Oscar) I did it. See. I'm still here. We're all still here. (everyone claps)Michael ScottOpen quote: (Dwight gets up to kiss Oscar) Oh come on! Dwight! Come on, man!
Scene 481 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: We are not in the playground anymore. There are new rules. We have to be mature. But we can't lose the spirit of child like wonder. What is love... anyway? Maybe it's supposed to break all the rules. Like me and Jan. Or Oscar... and some guy. Life is short. When two people find each other, what should stand in their way?
Scene 491 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: I am glad that today spurred social change. That's part of my job as regional manager. But you know what? Even if it didn't, at least we put this matter to bed. ...that's what she said. Or he said.
Scene 511 lineOscar MartinezOpen quote: I was going to quit. But Jan offered me a three month paid vacation and a company car. All I had to do was sign something saying I won't sue. Gill and I are going to Europe. Kids, sometimes it pays to be gay.
Scene 521 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: (reading the note with the gay-dar) "Hope this helps. -Jim" Nice!
Scene 532 linesOscar MartinezOpen quote: (Dwight is running the gay-dar over Oscar's body) What are you doing?!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Shhh. Don't be scared. (gay-dar beeps over Oscar's belt buckle, Dwight smiles) It works. (gay-dar goes off next to Dwight's belt buckle) ...oh no.