Dunder Mifflin, Inc.Best Office Lines

Gossip

Vol. 6 · Issue 1Scranton, PA

Parkour! Michael is back from summer break and immediately ruins everything by blabbing about Stanley’s personal life. To save face, he starts making up wild lies about everyone else being gay, being a J. Crew model, or having an eating disorder. Here's every line from the script so you can track the chaos from start to finish.

Scene 01

23 lines
Michael Scott
(enters office, somersaults onto couch, kicks over painting and lamp) Parkour!
Dwight & Andy
(rush into office, Andy climbs on reception desk, Dwight holds video camera)
Andy Bernard
Parkour!
Dwight Schrute
(walking on Pam's desk, then Jim's desk) Extreme! Parkour!
Jim Halpert
This... is Parkour. (turns laptop to camera, shows Parkour instructional video) Internet sensation of 2004. And it was in one of the Bond films. It's pretty impressive. (Michael is shown climbing/walking on various objects in office) The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible, so technically they are doing Parkour, as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital.
Dwight Schrute
(stands on his hands kicking open bathroom doors as Andy films, Meredith is seen applying deodorant in women's bathroom)
Dwight & Andy
(approaching elevator, as Michael films) Parkour! Parkour!
Dwight Schrute
Andy! Leapfrog! (Andy leapfrogs Dwight)
Andy Bernard
Do me! Do me!
Dwight Schrute
Yeah! (Dwight jumps on Andy's back, riding him like a horse) Parkour! Parkour!
Andy Bernard
Ow! Get off! Get off!
Dwight Schrute
Okay.
Andy & Michael
(walking across cars in parking lot, Dwight filming) Parkour! Parkour!
Dwight Schrute
(crouching beside car) Jump over the camera! Jump over the camera! (Michael feebly attempts to jump off car, gives double thumbs up to camera)
Michael Scott
(standing on tractor trailer with Dwight and Andy, looking down) Okay, we all go together or we go one at a time.
Andy Bernard
Here it is, here it is... truck, to refrigerators, to dumpster, (camera pans to refrigerator boxes, then dumpster) 360 onto the pallets, backflip gainer to the trash can.
Michael & Dwight
(in unison) Yeah! Gainer! Woohoo!
Andy Bernard
(to Michael's camera) Hardcore Parkour!
Michael Scott
Parkoooooour!
Dwight Schrute
Let's do it!
Andy Bernard
(leaps from trailer, disappears into empty refrigerator box)
Michael & Dwight
(look down, appearing shocked and concerned)
Andy Bernard
(inside refrigerator box, sounding injured) Parkour!

Scene 02

7 lines
Dwight Schrute
(on telephone) Good. Excellent. Thank you.
Female Intern
(hands Dwight a cup of water) There you go. Is there anything else I can do?
Dwight Schrute
(chugs water, throws away cup) Yes. Umm... see those files behind Kevin's desk?
Female Intern
(nods) Mm hmm.
Dwight Schrute
Go put them all in random order.
Female intern
(confused) Mm-kay.
Dwight Schrute
Then come back here for your next assignment concerning their order.

Scene 03

1 line
Pam Beesly
This is the last day of our summer interns. It's been nice. We haven't had interns for a while, ever since Michael's Monica Lewinsky incident. (interns are shown gathered around Kelly's desk, one holding a box of tissues, as Kelly cries and wipes tears) He didn't do anything sexual. (female intern opens a jar of salsa for Michael) He just made far, far too many Monica Lewinsky jokes. (Meredith rubs her breasts into Maurie's back) It was just easier for corporate to shut down the program.

Scene 04

12 lines
Meredith Palmer
(to Oscar, motioning to male intern and female intern) Think she did him?
Oscar Martinez
I bet there's something there. I was with them in the kitchen yesterday, and they were all too happy to be cleaning the freezer.
Kelly Kapoor
If they get married before I do, I'm going to kill myself.
Michael Scott
(entering break room) Who's getting married?
Pam Beesly
Nobody.
Michael Scott
If somebody doesn't tell me, I'm gonna start screaming.
Kelly Kapoor
It's Eric and Megan.
Michael Scott
Oh! Hey, I hired them! Matchmaker! This place is like Spaniard Fly.
Phyllis Vance
They're not getting married. It's just talk.
Michael Scott
Did everybody know about this but me?
Phyllis Vance
There's nothing to know, it's just gossip.
Michael Scott
(shaking head disgustedly) Okay... okay. (leaves room)

Scene 05

9 lines
Pam Beesly
(talking head with Jim) We haven't told anyone I'm pregnant.
Jim Halpert
Well, with her being unmarried... knocked up by some guy, I mean the yakity-yaks in this office would have a field day.
Pam Beesly
Yeah, we don't want them at the wedding thinking Jim's being marched down the aisle by my dad with a shotgum.
Jim Halpert
Wait, there's not gonna be a shotgun?
Pam Beesly
Nope.
Jim Halpert
No shotgun... 'cause that changes everything.
Pam Beesly
Can't back out now, Halpert.
Jim Halpert
What are you gonna do about it? There's no shotgun, so... free at last, free at last!
Pam Beesly
No, keep it up.

Scene 06

6 lines
Michael Scott
(approaches Dwight's desk) You'll never guess what I know.
Dwight Schrute
(typing) Okay, let me finish this thought.
Michael Scott
Eric likes Megan.
Dwight Schrute
(still typing) He most definitely does. He's been asking her out repeatedly for weeks. She finally said yes. They went out on a group date the other night; apparently it went very well.
Michael Scott
(annoyed) How do you know this?
Dwight Schrute
(still typing) People tell me things. I guess I have a face you can trust. I think it's because of my low cheekbones. And... boom. (finishes typing, turns to face Michael) Okay, what is it, what can't I guess?

Scene 07

1 line
Michael Scott
I hate, hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team, or being picked for a team and showing up and realizing the team doesn't exist. Or that the sport doesn't exist? I should've known. Poopball?

Scene 08

13 lines
Michael Scott
(to Maurie, the Asian intern) Man, I know how you feel. Third wheel. I have been the third wheel so many times in my life. My mom told me something once that made me feel a lot better. She said "The third wheel is what makes it a tricycle."
Maurie
What are you talking about?
Michael Scott
I'm talking about your group date with Megan and Eric.
Maurie
At Tink's?
Michael Scott
Yes
Maurie
How'd you know about that?
Michael Scott
Well...
Maurie
Did Stanley tell you?
Michael Scott
(confused) Stanley was on your group date?
Maurie
No, Stanley was with his wife. I waved at him, but he didn't wave back.
Michael Scott
(laughs) Does anybody else know about this?
Maurie
No.
Michael Scott
(laughs, looks to camera excitedly)

Scene 09

12 lines
Michael Scott
There he goes. There he goes. (Stanley gets up from his desk, walks into kitchen area)
Michael Scott
So, what is the scuttlebutt? Anybody hear anything?
Dwight & Jim & Pam
(stare blankly at Michael)
Michael Scott
Nothing? Well I got a little somethin' somethin'. I don't know if I should say...
Pam Beesly
Just keep it to yourself then.
Michael Scott
Stanly is having a midlife crisis.
Dwight Schrute
Stanley's way past the middle of his life. Especially considering his height to weight ratio.
Michael Scott
Well apparently, he and his wife were out dancing at a club for young people.
Phyllis Vance
Teri's out of town, Michael.
Michael Scott
Who?
Phyllis Vance
Teri, Stanley's wife. She's at an interior decorating expo in Philly. Stanley hates crowds, kids, and music. I think you should check your facts.
Michael Scott
(starts to speak, says nothing, walks away)

Scene 10

12 lines
Michael Scott
(entering break room, to Maurie) You stupid son of a bitch. You set me up.
Maurie
What are you talking about?
Michael Scott
Stanley's wife is out of town.
Maurie
He was with somebody.
Eric
He was definitely with somebody.
Michael Scott
Oh, was he? Well who, his sister?
Eric
(chuckles)
Michael Scott
(upset) I don't get it!
Eric
If that was his sister, then what they were doing was totally illegal.
Michael Scott
Drugs?
Eric
Making out.
Michael Scott
(fumbling for words) Mmm... okay. Uhh... hmm... okay. Never mind. Carry on.

Scene 11

2 lines
Michael Scott
(approaching Kelly's desk, whispering) Stanley is having an affir.
Kelly Kapoor
WHAT??

Scene 12

1 line
Michael Scott
I am very happy right now. Thrilled perhaps, to be part of the office, to be part of the conversation. When you have somebody's attenton, and their eyes are lighting up because they are very interested in what you have to say, (Michael is seen whispering to Jim, then Pam) that is a great feeling, and I experienced that firsthand today. It is wonderful to be the center of attention.

Scene 13

5 lines
Michael Scott
(motioning to pad of paper with hangman game, spelling out "S_an_ey is chea_in_ _n _eri) That and that are the same letter.
Kevin Malone
Q.
Michael Scott
No... no. He's holding a pencil. He could be doing a crossword puzzle with that pencil. What's that letter, right there? Same letter here and here. What haven't you guessed?
Kevin Malone
T.
Michael Scott
T! Yes! Yes! That is a "T", and there's another one right there. Just sound that out. You're almost there.

Scene 14

11 lines
Michael Scott
(opening blinds as Stanley walks past) Hey, Stanley! Where you goin', big guy? Up to no good?
Stanley Hudson
I'm meeting a client. Do you have a problem with that?
Michael Scott
No, no, no, no. I just had a quick question for you. I'm casting a movie and I'm looking for a woman who can dance, beautiful woman. Do you know anybody?
Stanley Hudson
Goodbye. (walks away)
Michael Scott
Pays five million dollars. Nudity required.
Jim Halpert
(approaching Michael) You have to stop this.
Michael Scott
(giddy, whispering) Did you hear Stanley's having an affair?
Jim Halpert
I did. From you. You gotta stop telling people.
Michael Scott
Oh, okay, I get it. You feel out of the loop, and you feel sorry for yourself, and it's really sad because everybody thinks you're a loser...
Jim Halpert
Do you know if it's true? Do you have any idea? Because you might be ruining his life.
Michael Scott
(stares at Jim silently, then walks away)

Scene 15

18 lines
Michael Scott
(in parking lot, blocking path of Stanley's car) Stop. Hold up, hold up, hold up! No, no, no. Time to stop being polite and get real. (Stanley honks horn repeatedly) Stanley, are you having an affair?
Stanley Hudson
(as Michael gets in car) That is ridiculous. Of course not, why would you think that?
Michael Scott
So It's not true. Okay, well... ahhh, those interns, they told me they saw you at a club, and they all said it was you, it was clearly just... racial profiling gossip.
Stanley Hudson
(hits steering wheel angrily) Damn! I told her it was a stupid idea to go up in that club.
Michael Scott
(nodding) So stupid!
Stanley Hudson
It's just that... Teri's been traveling a lot...
Michael Scott
I know, I know.
Stanley Hudson
And it's been lonely.
Michael Scott
Oh, I bet.
Stanley Hudson
Cynthia's been keeping me company. She was my nurse, when I was in rehabilitation. We used to go on these long walks on the treadmill... I didn't...
Michael Scott
Wait, hold, hold, hold... so it IS true?
Stanley Hudson
Yeah, but Michael, I'm going to go break it off. That's where I'm headed right now. I swear.
Michael Scott
Oh my God! Wait a second, do people often say they're going on sales calls and then go someplace else? 'Cause that's not cool.
Stanley Hudson
I just need you to promise not to say a word about this to anyone. Michael, please.
Michael Scott
(muttering) I'm not saying... a damn thing.
Stanley Hudson
I'm counting on you, Michael.
Michael Scott
(looking afraid) You can count on me.
Stanley Hudson
(sighs)

Scene 16

7 lines
Michael Scott
(entering kitchen area) Oh, that smells good.
Kevin Malone
I might have extra, it just depends on how many I eat.
Michael Scott
Did you hear about Angela? That's pretty weird.
Kevin Malone
Yeah... what do you mean exactly?
Michael Scott
Well, the fact that she is apparently dating an 81-year-old billionaire. Owns a Quizno's on the turnpike.
Kevin Malone
Reeeeally.
Michael Scott
Uh huh. (gestures to Kevin to keep it quiet) Alright?

Scene 17

1 line
Michael Scott
How do you un-tell something? You can't. You can't put words back in your mouth. What you can do is spread false gossip so that people think that everything that's been said is untrue, including "Stanley is having an affair." It's like the end of Spartacus. I've seen that movie half a dozen times, and I still don't know who the real Spartacus is, and that is what makes that movie a classic whodunit.

Scene 18

6 lines
Erin Hannon
Kelly has an eating disorder?
Michael Scott
Yeah.
Erin Hannon
She always eats my lunch.
Michael Scott
Anorexia. She's an anorexatic.
Erin Hannon
We should do something.
Michael Scott
Nothing can be done, we just have to tell everybody and hope for the best I guess.

Scene 19

9 lines
Michael Scott
(to Kelly) I'm worried about Erin, because she's not a very good worker. I don't know how long she's gonna last here.
Kelly Kapoor
Really?
Michael Scott
Yeah. So... and Andy is gay.
Kelly Kapoor
Andy Bernard??
Michael Scott
Mm hmm.
Michael Scott
(whispering to Meredith) Did you hear Pam is pregnant?
Meredith Palmer
Really?
Michael Scott
Yeah!
Meredith Palmer
She's gonna hate being a mom.

Scene 20

14 lines
Andy Bernard
(making a cup of tea in kitchen area)
Kevin Malone
(looks at Andy and giggles)
Andy Bernard
What?
Kevin Malone
(still giggling) Tea.
Andy Bernard
So?
Kevin Malone
You would.
Andy Bernard
(laughing) I like tea!
Kevin Malone
(sarcastically) Oh, I bet you like it.
Andy Bernard
Hahaha! I like it a lot! I love tea!
Kevin Malone
Do you like it as much as you like mens' butts?
Andy Bernard
WHAT??
Kevin Malone
Because you're gay.
Andy Bernard
(serious) Who told you that? Was it Broccoli Rob? Someone from Chi Psi? Or did you run into someone from my high school?
Andy Bernard
This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come up. Twice before, actually. Just a weird coincidence... a little too weird. (chuckles nervously) Almost makes you wonder if it's not a coincidence at all. Whoa! Which it is, of course. (long pause) But it makes you wonder.

Scene 21

13 lines
Andy Bernard
(to Oscar in break room) Did you hear the rumor about me? That I'm gay?
Oscar Martinez
(nodding) I did. Yes.
Andy Bernard
And?
Oscar Martinez
What?
Andy Bernard
Do you think it's true? Do you think that I'm... gay?
Oscar Martinez
Are you attracted to other men?
Andy Bernard
(scoffs and chuckles) No! But, let me kick you a scenario. I'm at a beach cabana, and Brad Pitt approaches. He tries to lean in and kiss me. I would definitely resist, like at first. But if he was persistent, (long pause) I think I might give in a little bit, just to see what it... felt like.
Oscar Martinez
(stares at Andy incredulously)
Andy Bernard
Would I push him away? How hard? Like, what if he's like really aggressive?
Oscar Martinez
If you resisted Brad Pitt a little bit, he would still... need to get to you?
Andy Bernard
It's not real Brad Pitt, this is like, this is my fantasy. Or it's like, not a fantasy, it's just... it's just a scenario.
Oscar Martinez
Wow. I wish... I wish I could help you. I don't... you might be gay. You might be gay.
Oscar Martinez
What exactly is my responsibility here? To comfort insecure heterosexual men? That can't possibly fall to me.

Scene 22

9 lines
Phyllis Vance
How far along is Pam?
Meredith Palmer
A few months, that's why they're rushing the wedding.
Michael Scott
(whispering) Guys, guys... you can't believe everything you hear. Like Stanley, having an affair? That is crazy! It's just... there's no stalking it. It's a weird day for false facts. Let it go.
Michael Scott
(with everyone assembled in conference room) Okay everybody, big day. Last day for our interns, a lot of other stuff... who knows what to believe? Dwight, the honors.
Dwight Schrute
(giving envelopes to interns) Present these to the dean for credit. And, as a gift, I've attached my card. Call me any time of the day or night.
Eric
Why would we call you at night?
Dwight Schrute
(grabs card from Eric, crumples it, throws it to the ground) Well now you can't call me at all. Problem solved.
Jim Halpert
(to Eric) You're gonna regret that when you find yourself between a moose and her cubs.
Dwight Schrute
Look at the intern to your left. Now to your right. (interns do nothing) One of you will do exceedingly well in business, just unlimited potential. One of you will make a living, and nothing more. And one of you (looks directly at Megan) will make a great mother. It's up to you to choose which you want to be.

Scene 23

38 lines
Erin Hannon
(eating cake with Kelly) I am so happy you're eating again.
Kelly Kapoor
(mouth full of cake) Me too!
Andy Bernard
(to Jim) Tuna, how come you never try to set me up?
Jim Halpert
Oh, I don't really do that. But Pam might have some friends, though.
Andy Bernard
Women friends?
Jim Halpert
Yep.
Andy Bernard
Not guy friends?
Jim Halpert
Are you... interested in her guy friends?
Andy Bernard
No. I mean, for the record, I prefer women.
Jim Halpert
Okay.
Andy Bernard
But off the record, I'm kinda confused.
Jim Halpert
Really.
Andy Bernard
Yeah, the evidence is sort of stacked against me, I feel like...
Jim Halpert
Well you gotta figure this out.
Andy Bernard
Yeah, right?
Jim Halpert
Yeah!
Andy Bernard
How?
Jim Halpert
You gotta have sex with a woman.
Andy Bernard
Right-o.
Jim Halpert
And a man.
Andy Bernard
Ohh...
Jim Halpert
And then compare.
Andy Bernard
Alright. (looks around uneasily) Well hey...
Jim Halpert
Yep.
Andy Bernard
Congratulations to you.
Jim Halpert
On what?
Andy Bernard
(chuckles) Come on... little baby Tuna. Little junior toro.
Jim Halpert
(looks around room nervously)
Angela Martin
(to Pam) Did you know a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a bastard?
Pam Beesly
What?
Angela Martin
Want me to say it again?
Pam Beesly
Why did that come into your brain?
Jim Halpert
(grabs Pam by the arm) Can I talk to you for a second?
Jim Halpert
(whispering to Pam in corner of room) So, they know.
Pam Beesly
Who did you tell?
Jim Halpert
I didn't tell anyone! Who did you tell?
Pam Beesly
Nobody!
Creed Bratton
(approaching Jim and Pam) Hey, did one of you tell Stanley I have asthma? Because I don't, and if it gets out, they won't let me scuba.

Scene 24

1 line
Creed Bratton
If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? What am I working toward?

Scene 25

13 lines
Oscar Martinez
(to Andy) What? You think I'm the voice of the Taco Bell dog?
Toby Flenderson
(to Phyllis and Stanley) What are you guys talking about? I have a daughter. How can I be a virgin?
Jim Halpert
Hey, has everyone heard a crazy rumor about themselves today?
Everyone
(in unison) Yes.
Michael Scott
(entering conference room) Yeah, yeah... you know what? Let's discredit these rumors.
Jim Halpert
Yeah, sure, but... who's been saying all that stuff?
Michael Scott
That's not important, Jim, I just think we shouldn't listen to any of that crap.
Pam Beesly
Sure, but we should get to the bottom of this. Let's pick a rumor and trace it back to the beginning.
Kevin Malone
I need to do mine first. Who's been saying that there's another person inside of me, working me with controls?
Creed Bratton
I heard that from... Andy.
Andy Bernard
I heard it from Erin.
Erin Hannon
I heard it from Michael.
Michael Scott
(quietly leaves room)

Scene 26

12 lines
Pam Beesly
(approaching Michael at elevators) Michael? (to others) He's over here!
Pam Beesly
(to Michael) Where are you going?
Michael Scott
Nowhere.
Dwight Schrute
Michael... (leads Michael to corner of vestibule, then whispers) You told people I use store-bought manure, when I showed you where my manure comes from. Hmm? Hmm? (Michael looks nervously to camera as elevator doors open)
Pam Beesly
Don't get on it. (Michael inches toward elevator)
Jim Halpert
Michael, don't.
Pam Beesly
Don't... get... on. Do not.
Jim Halpert
Michael...
Kevin Malone
Stay.
Pam Beesly
Step away.
Creed Bratton
Come on, boss.
Michael Scott
(reluctantly exits elevator)

Scene 27

41 lines
Michael Scott
(to everyone, in conference room) Okay, I made it all up.
Everyone
(sighs in unison)
Andy Bernard
Even the fact that I'm gay?
Michael Scott
Yes.
Andy Bernard
(relieved) Yes!
Michael Scott
But guys, I'm a victim here too, okay? People here have been saying that I'm a J. Crew model.
Angela Martin
No. We heard that about Jim.
Michael Scott
Jim? No, no. I spread the rumor that somebody here was a J. Crew model, and I was referring to myself.
Angela Martin
How is that a bad rumor?
Michael Scott
Because a lot of people think that models, even though they're very attractive, are somewhat vapid. It's set our industry back quite a bit.
Oscar Martinez
Michael, why? Why say all these things? Why make up an eating disorder, Stanley's affair, me being a spokesdog...
Stanley Hudson
(pissed off) You told everyone I was having an affair?
Michael Scott
Okay, okay... here's the thing. There was one true rumor out there today. I didn't want everybody to know what it was. So all of you are off the hook, except for this one person.
Kelly Kapoor
Well then, what's the one true rumor?
Phyllis Vance
We have a right to know.
Andy Bernard
Michael... am I gay?
Michael Scott
(sighs) The one true rumor, and this is going to ruin this person's life, is that...
Jim Halpert
(interrupting) That Pam's pregnant.
Angela Martin
I knew it!
Kevin Malone
I knew it! Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first I thought "Oh, she has a new bra with padding." But then I thought "Pam doesn't need padding." It just didn't add up, Jim.
Jim Halpert
Okay. Thank you.
Phyllis Vance
Congratulations!
Erin Hannon
That's really great, you guys.
Ryan Howard
Don't vaccinate it.
Dwight Schrute
Who's the father?
Pam Beesly
Jim.
Creed Bratton
How far along?
Jim Halpert
Four months.
Creed Bratton
Who's the OB/GYN?
Pam Beesly
Stop. Don't. Just...
Michael Scott
Alright, alright... you know, this is not the truth, and you can't fall on the sword this way. The real thing is that Stanley Hudson had an affair.
Jim Halpert
Nope.
Michael Scott
Yes. Jim...
Jim Halpert
(arm around Pam) Thank you for trying to defend her. But actually, Pam is pregnant, and we can prove it.
Pam Beesly
Yes.
Jim Halpert
If everyone would like to see proof.
Pam Beesly
Okay. (leaves room)
Kelly Kapoor
Are we just gonna wait here? (Pam returns, displays sonogram)
Everyone
(gasps, then cheers)
Kelly Kapoor
It's true!
Michael Scott
Look at that! (grabs sonogram from Pam) That is the inside of your vagina! (Jim takes sonogram from Michael)

Scene 28

1 line
Pam Beesly
(talking head with Jim) It's clear why we were trying not to tell people. That's clear now. (Jim nods, looking at floor)

Scene 29

25 lines
Michael Scott
(to Jim and Pam) How long have you known about the pregnancy?
Jim & Pam
(look at each other uncertainly)
Michael Scott
A week? A month? A year?
Jim Halpert
Michael, we only told our parents last week.
Michael Scott
Did you pee on a stick?
Jim Halpert
I did. It was inconclusive.
Michael Scott
You should've told me.
Pam Beesly
(exchanges looks with Jim) You're right. We should've realized that you are an equal part of this.
Michael Scott
(phone rings, hits speaker button)
Erin Hannon
Michael, Teri Hudson returning your call.
Michael Scott
(gasps)
Pam Beesly
(in disbelief) You called Stanley's wife?
Michael Scott
Oh, oh... yeah, a long time ago, just to make sure she was out of town. Oh... oh God.
Jim Halpert
Don't take it.
Michael Scott
No, I have to take it, or it'll seem suspicious.
Pam Beesly
If you talk to her, you're gonna tell her about Stanley, and that's gonna seem more suspicious.
Michael Scott
No, no, I can do this.
Jim Halpert
You can't do this.
Michael Scott
Yes, I can. I am going to tell her that I need to redecorate my condo, and I need her help. We will haggle about money, and then I will back down, and then I won't talk to her until this whole Cynthia thing has blown over.
Jim Halpert
That sounds terrible.
Pam Beesly
Michael, please don't.
Michael Scott
(picking up phone) Hey, what up, Cynthia? (lowers phone, looking terrified)
Jim Halpert
(gets up to leave room, Michael gestures for him to stay)
Michael Scott
Hold on a second, Cynthia.
Jim Halpert
(hangs up Michael's phone, leaves room)

Scene 30

1 line
Michael Scott
Well, it turns out that Teri was already suspicious, because she had caught Stanley and Cynthia a few months ago. So Stanley promised that he would stop, and he did, end of story. Well, not exactly. (camera pans down from Michael's office window to parking lot below, Stanley is seen destroying Michael's Sebring with a crowbar) Uhh, Cynthia kept calling him, she would not stop calling him, and she was in love with him. Oh, and get this. Cynthia, also married. So... you can't stop love, I guess (Jim is seen displaying fetus picture on his desk as Pam smiles) and quite frankly, I don't think you should ever try.

Scene 31

8 lines
Maurie
(talking head with Eric and Megan) I learned that a company can describe their internship as "full of exciting experiences," even if that's a lie. There's no regulation.
Megan
I learned that half these people's email password is "password."
Eric
I learned that a ream of paper is 300 sheets.
Megan
I thought it was 500.
Eric
Oh... I guess I didn't learn anything.
Maurie
I learned that if you look even the tiniest bit like Jet Li, Michael will call you "Jet Li" all summer.
Megan
(raises hand) Julia Stiles.
Eric
(raises hand) Alan Thicke.