Scene 011 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: It's Britney bitch. And I am back, in the form of a new company. The Michael Scott Paper Company. (tries to parallel park, hits car.) Okay. Not gonna make this one. (drives away revealing plenty of space for the Cruiser)
Scene 023 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: LOVE the hair. (Ryan walks up driveway with blonde dyed hair)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Morning Michael!Michael ScottOpen quote: Hello! They took away my parking space but they can't take away my pride! (awkwardly climbs out of his car)
Scene 031 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: I would like to invite you all to come away with me, on a journey. (nips mylar ribbon with hedge clippers, it won't cut, he tears it down) Welcome! To the Michael Scott Paper Company!
Scene 046 linesKelly KapoorOpen quote: So. I thought we could take the customer on a... Then. Then we could...Jim HalpertOpen quote: You realize you're not actually talking to me, right?Kelly KapoorOpen quote: And...Charles MinorOpen quote: Hey Kelly?Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Yes? Charles, you wanted me?Charles MinorOpen quote: Oh, I meant, I meant that Kelly. (New receptionist walks in)
Scene 051 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: The new receptionist is also named Kelly. So Kelly Kapoor has decided to hover around my desk, so that she can run into his Charles' office every time he calls for Kelly. She thinks if she says "You wanted me" enough, he will in fact want her. It's not the worse plan she's ever had.
Scene 067 linesCharles MinorOpen quote: Oh, and Kelly...Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Yes Charles? Yes, you wanted me?Charles MinorOpen quote: Okay, I'm gonna call you Kapoor, okay? And you, Hannon.Erin HannonOpen quote: If we're changing names, can I be Erin? It's my middle name.Charles MinorOpen quote: Erin. Okay, that's very pretty.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Well you know what my middle name is? Rajani Ghana! And I hate it! I hate it!Kevin MaloneOpen quote: I thought Rajini Ghanda was a boy's name?
Scene 073 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: We are in the heart of it. (Bathroom sounds rattle the small office.) And the surge of water carries our business out to the sea.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: What should we do now?Michael ScottOpen quote: We wait, and hope that people show up to the pancake luncheon.
Scene 081 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: I don't know I think we've done absolutely everything you can do to prepare for the day. I've updated our contacts, I have gotten quotes from suppliers. I have sent out an E-vite for our big grand opening pancake luncheon. Six yeses, one maybe, only eleven noes. Um, and 788 not yet replieds. But of that group, 782 have viewed it.
Scene 091 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: I am going to need 800 of these, on nice bright paper. It is a coupon for unparalleled customer service. (He sets sheet between Pam and Ryan on desk. Neither takes it.)
Scene 101 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: I make that one copy, and I become the girl who makes copies, and by the end of the day I'm receptionist again. And the worst part is, I like making copies. The paper comes out all warm and stuff. And it's cold in there. Cause it's technically a closet.
Scene 113 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: What do you think?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Let me check. (Pulls out hunting scope) Oh nope! Clearly a hunter. Who knows how to throw an outfit together.Andy BernardOpen quote: Thank you!
Scene 121 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: Yes, I am taking Andy hunting after work. Not long ago we were sexual competitors. I used to hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. I studied him, to figure out why I hated him so much. But that blossomed into a very real friendship, as these things often do.
Scene 133 linesRyan HowardOpen quote: You should come into town this weekend man. Yeah, we'll hang out Scranton style.Michael ScottOpen quote: Hey you said you were gonna be out of town this weekend.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Please don't listen to my phone calls. Yeah, she's like um, she'd probably be a Six in New York, but she's like a Seven here in Scranton. And then uh, my boss is my old boss from Dunder Mifflin. It's a small space.
Scene 146 linesCharles MinorOpen quote: Hey Jim can I get a, um-Jim HalpertOpen quote: Hi! (Awkward)Charles MinorOpen quote: Hi. I need a rundown of your clients, can you get that to me.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Sure!Charles MinorOpen quote: Yeah.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Okay.
Scene 165 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: When did you need that rundown by?Charles MinorOpen quote: As soon as possible.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Okay.Charles MinorOpen quote: Just get it right.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah. Gotcha. Of course. I'm gonna dive in. To the rundown. I'll be exhausted 'cause it's like a triathlon. (At door.) Do you want to close this? Close, or keep it?
Scene 1723 linesErin HannonOpen quote: Oh.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You know there's a ghost in this officeErin HannonOpen quote: Really?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: A woman was murdered on this very floor in 1816. Haddie McGonagle. She was a prostitute.Erin HannonOpen quote: Why was she in this building?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh, this whole place used to be a brothel. There was a tavern on the ground floor.Erin HannonOpen quote: That's crazy.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yeah isn't it? She was bludgeoned to death by the business end of a riding crop.Erin HannonOpen quote: Oh my god!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: It was gruesome. They say she walks these hallways. If you ever feel a tapping on your shoulder?Erin HannonOpen quote: Hmm.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: That could be Haddie. Begging for her life. And it could mean, that you're next. (Taps her shoulder)Erin HannonOpen quote: Oh! (Dwight and Erin laugh.)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Just kidding. You finding everything okay?Erin HannonOpen quote: Yeah.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yeah?Erin HannonOpen quote: Just got some ice.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Erin (eerie voice) Erin...Andy BernardOpen quote: Oh, this is awkward. (Andy and Erin 'dance' trying to get out of each other's way)Erin HannonOpen quote: Oops!Andy BernardOpen quote: Uh oh! Oh! Oh! (Andy improvs musical verbage)Erin HannonOpen quote: So I'll see you guys around!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Hey buddy.
Scene 1818 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Hey Ryan? (Ryan watches Montgomery Flea Market ad on YouTube) Could you get to that copy from before?Ryan HowardOpen quote: Pam's better at that stuffPam BeeslyOpen quote: That is so insulting.Ryan HowardOpen quote: How is it insulting to say that you're good at something?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Because the thing you're saying I'm good at, is pushing a big green button a bunch of times.Ryan HowardOpen quote: I'm not judging it, it's like ... I could run GM but I couldn't fix a car. It's not saying one is better than the other.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Seriously? Because it sounds like one of those is better than the other.Ryan HowardOpen quote: What the hell? (Michael closed his laptop)Michael ScottOpen quote: Listen. Listen listen listen listen listen listen. I need someone to make a copy of this. Because I don't make copies, I'm the boss. Got it? I make originals.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Yeah I make originals too.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Shut up!Michael ScottOpen quote: Stop it stop it! Bickering! Stop it!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Really!Ryan HowardOpen quote: Yeah!Toby FlendersonOpen quote: Not much? What's up with you? (from bathroom above) Nah it's okay. I'm in the bathroom. Hey you been watching Damages this year? It's so good. No, you gotta tune in, it's as good as anything on HBO. (sound of pissing) Hey does blue go with tan?Michael ScottOpen quote: Would someone just make the copy?Toby FlendersonOpen quote: I have like, like a blue shirt? I don't wear a lot of colors, I have a lot of tan. Uh huh.Michael ScottOpen quote: Just make that copy okay?
Scene 1919 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: Seriously? This is what's so important, putting naked pictures on the desktop?Ryan HowardOpen quote: That's me and my friend Jonathan from Thailand.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I don't want to look at your friend Jasmine's boobs all day.Ryan HowardOpen quote: You could be hot too if you made any effort. At all.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Like how? Dyeing my hair blond?Ryan HowardOpen quote: This is from the sun.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh yeah I bet.Michael ScottOpen quote: They're getting on my nerves Mom. Both of them. R thinks he's too good to be here, and P is not as much fun without Jim.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Michael, we can hear you.Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm on the phone, please. Mom, I'm gonna have to call you back. P's being a giant B.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Okay it's my turn.Ryan HowardOpen quote: No don't take that, give that back!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Give it back for what? What're you gonna do with it?Ryan HowardOpen quote: I'm gonna make a spreadsheet.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You're gonna make another "spreadsheet."Ryan HowardOpen quote: Yeah!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah exactly. It's my turn.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Go make a copy, secretary.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Come on! Ryan!
Scene 201 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: They always say that it is a mistake to hire your friends and they are right! So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get?
Scene 2111 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Hey buddy, what are you up to?Andy BernardOpen quote: Um, nerthing?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Listen, when I saw you talking to Erin earlier, I noticed that your pupils dilated, and your skin flushed, and I'm assuming, a little bit of blood rushed into your penis.Andy BernardOpen quote: Pffft.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Well, a little bit of blood rushed into mine as well, so where does that leave us?Andy BernardOpen quote: The last thing I want to do, is step on your funk man.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: And I, yours. So I will cede her to you.Andy BernardOpen quote: No, that's ridiculous.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No no no.Andy BernardOpen quote: Look you've been here longer, and besides, I'm a better wingman than I am a boyfriend so-Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Look I just want you and I to hang out so, you know. Just, (They Hi-5 badly) Boom.
Scene 2210 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Listen up. It has come to my attention that some people in this office are not getting along with other people in this office. And I think I have come up with the reason why. This office space is too small.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Definitely.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay. There are ... 4 corners in this room. Each corner is to be a personal space for each one of you. Whichever corner you want. And make it your own.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: We could work from home.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Or you could fire one of us. Whoever has less education.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay guys, thank you for the offers. But I want you to get pumped about this corner idea. All right? 1,2,3- What are we gonna do?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: .... Corner idea?Michael ScottOpen quote: No, you're supposed to say, "Rock the house."Ryan HowardOpen quote: Rock the house!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: How would we know that?
Scene 2311 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Hey dude, you know what a "rundown" is?Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Use it in a sentence.Jim HalpertOpen quote: "Uh, can you get this rundown for me?" (impersonating Charles)Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Try another sentence.Jim HalpertOpen quote: "This rundown better be really good"?Oscar MartinezOpen quote: I don't know but it sounds like the rundown is really important.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Charles asked me to do this rundown of all my clients.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Why don't you just ask him--Jim HalpertOpen quote: No. I can't. It was like, hours ago.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: What have you been doing?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Try it in another sentence.
Scene 241 lineRyan HowardOpen quote: Last night was crazy. Jojo? Yeah. He did a donut in a parking lot in front of a cop. And then he yells, "Hey cop, you like donuts?" then we drive off. No, he just stayed there. (Pam goes to sit in a chair in the corner.) I want that new phone. No, the other one. No the other one. No, you know which one I'm talking about it's the one, the one with the awesome browser. (More bathroom noises) No, not that one.
Scene 256 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: That's my corner.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I thought that was your corner.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, this is where I work. I can't relax in the same corner where I work.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: So my corner's the one with the copier?Michael ScottOpen quote: Pam, I don't make the rules. (Pam walks out.)Ryan HowardOpen quote: Yeah. I wish my iPod could make phone calls. No I don't want an iPhone, I know what an iPhone is.
Scene 2612 linesCharles MinorOpen quote: You started on that rundown yet? (Looks at Jim's screen.)Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, this is just something I'm taking a break with.Charles MinorOpen quote: Oh.Jim HalpertOpen quote: I will get back to the rundown, uh, right now.Charles MinorOpen quote: Okay, great.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Hey you know what? Do you have a rundown that I could take a look at, just so I know what type of rundown you're looking for ?Charles MinorOpen quote: Just keep it simple.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Keeping it simple -that's what I'm doing. But I am working hard on this one. Real hard.Charles MinorOpen quote: You're working hard? On this?Jim HalpertOpen quote: No. Not too hard. Not harder than I should.Charles MinorOpen quote: Right. I mean why work harder than you should.Jim HalpertOpen quote: No, I....
Scene 2717 linesErin HannonOpen quote: Can I help you?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No thanks.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Hey!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hey I'm here to see Charles.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Okay.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hey Charles.Charles MinorOpen quote: Hey Pam.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I know you're a very busy man so I'll cut right to the chase. I'd like my old job back.Charles MinorOpen quote: I don't know what to tell you. The job's been taken.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Um, well, I could come back as a salesman. I have experience now.Charles MinorOpen quote: Um.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Or I could come back as your personal assistant. You know? Sort your mail, set your appointments. I know all the people.Charles MinorOpen quote: Yeah I know.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Personal shopper?Charles MinorOpen quote: No.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Well it was great catching up with you. And I'll see you around the building.Charles MinorOpen quote: Okay.
Scene 281 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: I'm just gonna sit here for a little bit longer if that's okay. The air smells so good. I don't remember it smelling so good. The chairs are so comfortable.
Scene 299 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Oh hey! Stanley, Phyllis. Come on in. Welcome, welcome. Let me give you the tour.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: I get it. (To Phyllis) You need to see more?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: It's really cute.Michael ScottOpen quote: Thank you. You remember Ryan (Stanley laughs deeply) And Pam is around here somewhere.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: She's upstairs talking to Charles.Michael ScottOpen quote: What for?Stanley HudsonOpen quote: I don't know. (They shrug and leave.)Ryan HowardOpen quote: Are we staying til five?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes.
Scene 301 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Maybe the Michael Scott Paper Company was a huge mistake. I should leave. I should go, and start my own paper company. That'll show 'em.
Scene 3110 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Get your free pancakes. They are delicious. They are nutritious. They are complimentary. (Flips a pancake. It's about 8x11 inches) Young sir, would you like a free pancake?Ryan HowardOpen quote: I'm texting. I don't want to get my fingers sticky.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ryan, enough with the texting machine. Come on. And tuck in your shirt, you're the face of this company.Michael ScottOpen quote: Hey Pam.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hey.Michael ScottOpen quote: You sorta disappeared there for a while. Where ya been?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah, I needed to take care of some stuff.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: That's as specific as I'd like to be.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, at least you're still being honest with me.
Scene 327 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: There's the rundown you asked for. I may have expanded some areas that you weren't prepared for.Charles MinorOpen quote: Great. Fax that to everyone on the distribution list.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah sure. You want to look at it first?Charles MinorOpen quote: Do I need to?Jim HalpertOpen quote: No. No, I just wanted to make sure, it was in the same format. So that distribution list is gonna be my...?Charles MinorOpen quote: What's that?Jim HalpertOpen quote: The one I have. I'll use the one I have.
Scene 343 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: We're small, but we're eager to make a name for ourselves.ManOpen quote: Do you have a card?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Nope, I don't have a card, but I'll do you one better. A little scrap of paper.
Scene 354 linesCreed BrattonOpen quote: These are terrible boss. You gotta make them in a circle so that they cook evenly.Michael ScottOpen quote: These are shaped like paper.Creed BrattonOpen quote: Well I don't even want these. (Takes the rectangle pancakes out of his coat.)Meredith PalmerOpen quote: I'll take them for my kid.
Scene 3614 linesErin HannonOpen quote: Country roads, take me home, to the place...(Dwight is strumming the tune on his guitar) Sorry. I like that song. You're good!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You're good.Erin HannonOpen quote: Thank you.Andy BernardOpen quote: That was great, but it's just sort of, it's still a little choppy like. But don't worry, it's hard, it took me a while too. It's like (Andy plays Country Roads on his banjo.)Erin HannonOpen quote: Wow!Andy BernardOpen quote: What? Oh my God you heard that I'm so embarrassed. I'm like so rusty.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh it's good, you're coming along. It's really technically proficient but really there's no heart or soul in it.Andy BernardOpen quote: Really?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Hey you want to sing with me? Almost heaven...Dwight & ErinOpen quote: West Virginia, Blue Ridge mountain, Shenandoah River (Andy vocalizes)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: In German! Leben ist dort alt, alter als die Baume, Junger als die Berge, wie eine Brise blasendDwight & AndyOpen quote: Take me home, country roads, to the place, I belong. West Virginia, mountain momma, take me home, country roads. (Erin leaves)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Take it Andy! Take me home, to the place I belong, Ba bah dah duhToby FlendersonOpen quote: You have to stop. (bangs on glass window)
Scene 371 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (sits alone at the pancake table, the breeze blowing paper around.)
Scene 3821 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: I once had a dream. That I was eating a peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich. And, let me tell you something it was delicious. So the next day, I decided to make that sandwich. And in real life it is disgusting. (The phone rings) It is a disgusting sandwich. (It rings again.) And the reason I tell you this story. (phone) Pick up the phone.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Dunder Miff...Michael Scott Paper Company, this is Pam. Oh, hi Russell from the pancake luncheon, how are you? Well we'd like to do business with you too! How can we make that happen?Ryan HowardOpen quote: Keep going. (Whispers)Michael ScottOpen quote: Don't tell them we have free delivery! (Also whispers)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: We already offered free delivery!Michael ScottOpen quote: They don't know that!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Um, I can offer you free delivery on any order that you place today. Okay, twenty boxes? I can do... just a second. I can do 20 boxes at 43 dollars a box. Great!Ryan HowardOpen quote: Write it down.Michael ScottOpen quote: Give him a guarantee.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: A guarantee of what?Michael ScottOpen quote: Just say the word.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: And I guarantee, that you will be satisfied! 'Cause your satisfaction is our guarantee! We guarantee it. We look forward to doing business with you too. Thank you Russell.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I made a sale!Ryan HowardOpen quote: Oh!Michael ScottOpen quote: You did!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh!Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh yeah!Ryan HowardOpen quote: We did it !Michael ScottOpen quote: She did it!Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! (Dancing in the office)
Scene 391 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Who would have thought, that the thing that would save this company would be work? And pancakes? In the end, this day definitely had its ups and downs. I realize that we don't have the biggest office. Which is a surprise, because 165 square feet sounds like a lot. But, we have people with the biggest hearts. And I think for a small company that is really (flushing) Someone went to the bathroom. That is really what's important.
Scene 4011 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Literally every song is better a cappella. Name a song.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Cherry Pie, Warrant.Andy BernardOpen quote: Better a cappella!Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No! Really?Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah. Name another.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Enter Sandman, Metallica.Andy BernardOpen quote: Better a cappella.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Rebel Yell, Billy IdolAndy BernardOpen quote: Aw!! Way better a cappellaDwight SchruteOpen quote: Really?Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah.