Scene 0121 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (sitting on the roof of the office building) Well, I'm moving to Colorado to start my new life with Holly. Just up here, getting used to the altitude.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (walking up) Michael?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I've got a treat for you!Michael ScottOpen quote: Ahh, thank you. Like a butler.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Colorado specialty, Rocky Mountain Oysters.Michael ScottOpen quote: (Michael takes one and bites) Oh, these do not taste like oysters.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (angrily) That's because they're Not oysters, they're bull testicles! I cut them off fresh this morning! (Michael spits it out) Hah!Michael ScottOpen quote: Sick freak! What is wrong with you?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: What is wrong with you? I'm the sick freak? After what you did? You expect to be buttled? You didn't recommend me?!Michael ScottOpen quote: I don't own Dunder Mifflin, okay? (Dwight scoffs) The job was not mine to give. (sighs) Look, I need your advice on something. I am told that there are bears in the Rockies.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Where did you hear that? Obvious XM Radio?Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, I was just thinking that maybe I should keep a salami in my pocket...Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Great idea.Michael ScottOpen quote: ...in order to feed the bears.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Especially if you think that life would be better without Legs!Michael ScottOpen quote: How do you mean?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Black Bears can smell a salami at five miles Michael, what are you thinking?! And they run faster than a horse, so if you were thinking about outrunning one on a horse I would try a cheetah. You, in tight pants, Michael, are a salami to a Black Bear. Do you understand? (Michael nods in agreement) You're like a giant walking salami!Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, so no salami in the pants. How about a pepperoni?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Any kind of meat that you can possibly name!Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay.
Scene 0210 linesDeangelo VickersOpen quote: (with Michael in his office) You're not gonna take all these toys are you?Michael ScottOpen quote: Hm?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I mean you don't have a job lined up, so it's not like you have a desk to put 'em on.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well I have interviews.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: That's nice. (reaches and a grabs a toy truck) How 'bout that truck? Can I have this little truck? I was thinking I might... glue a stapler on top. Or put a hole here, stick pens in it. (Michael gives an obviously fake smile) You okay?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes. Yes, you know what? Take my favorite truck. Sure.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: You know what? Uh, it's your last couple days, I'm gonna get out of your hair.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh you don't, that's-Deangelo VickersOpen quote: I will be in the break room.Michael ScottOpen quote: That sounds good. Thank you.
Scene 041 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Sad? No, no, no. I don't leave 'til tomorrow, so... Tomorrow I will be a wreck.
Scene 058 linesGabe LewisOpen quote: (sees Andy walk into the Men's Room and follows him in) Stay away from Erin! (cornering him in the bathroom)Andy BernardOpen quote: Hey!Gabe LewisOpen quote: I'm your boss!Andy BernardOpen quote: Why don't you, uh, stay away from me?Gabe LewisOpen quote: No, I'm gonna stand where I want. Okay? You don't wanna get on my bad side! I've seen some horrible things! I own over two hundred horror movies!Andy BernardOpen quote: Okay! That's so weird! Just go away!Gabe LewisOpen quote: No! You go away! (storms out, toilet flushes, Jim exits the bathroom)Andy BernardOpen quote: (weak) Hi Tuna.
Scene 061 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: So you guys are filming people when they go to the bathroom now?
Scene 076 linesPhyllis VanceOpen quote: (in the conference room with Pam, Angela, and Meredith) How about cupcakes?Angela MartinOpen quote: Please.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: What's wrong with cupcakes?Angela MartinOpen quote: Everything.Michael ScottOpen quote: (walking in) There they are! Party Planning Committee together again!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Well we all wanted to plan your goodbye party. We thought this would be easier.
Scene 086 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: We thought.Angela MartinOpen quote: It's an experiment.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: The three of us have all been chairmen before.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: So this is the dream team.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: (walking up behind the glass) Hey! What are you saying?!Angela MartinOpen quote: The dream team... and Meredith.
Scene 0912 linesMeredith PalmerOpen quote: (to Michael) We decided on the ice cream. Mint chocolate chip, your favorite.Michael ScottOpen quote: Mmm!Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Yeah that was a surprise...Michael ScottOpen quote: You know what, I'm thinking maybe we should get ice cream that everybody'll like. How about vanilla? Let's get vanilla.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (surprised) Okay.Michael ScottOpen quote: Tomorrow I want everyone to have a good time. No drama. And as for today, just a typical day. Alright?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Should we get toppings?Michael ScottOpen quote: What do you like Pam?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (confused) What?Michael ScottOpen quote: What kind of toppings would you like?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hot fudge?Michael ScottOpen quote: Sounds good. Fudge it up! (all seem surprised at Michael's behavior)
Scene 101 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (holding up his "World's Best Boss Mug") I bought this for myself. And yesterday, they gave me this. (holds up a Dundie that reads, 'World's Best Boss 2011, Michael G. Scott', throws his mug into the garbage can and places his Dundie at the front of his desk) I still need something to drink out of though.
Scene 113 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (pulls out a list of everyone in the office, then puts it back in his jacket) Attention everyone, before I leave tomorrow I would like to reveal a secret I have kept for over twenty years. A secret about Phyllis.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Please Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: When Phyllis was in high school, she was so... cute. (Phyllis looks relieved) And she still is.
Scene 1321 linesPhyllis VanceOpen quote: (holds up mittens she's knitting) Look Michael, it's a going away present so your hands won't get cold.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ahh.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: It's almost done, but you can't get them wet, and they can't be dry-cleaned either. You have to hand wash without water, wring-dry gently, and use a hairdryer on cool.Michael ScottOpen quote: (hesitantly) Sounds great, I just think it's great. Oh, I have gifts as well! (goes into his office and comes out with a bag) And I will start, by giving the first gift to Phyllis! Phyllis, you are shy and sweet, and you don't often speak your mind, but you should. Because you have great ideas. So Phyllis, I am giving you this, so you can always remember to speak your mind. (presents to her a mouth wind-up chattering toy)Phyllis VanceOpen quote: It's cute. (plays with it)Michael ScottOpen quote: Stanley, you love your Sudoku and your puzzles, I bestow upon you, my felt. (gives Stanley a small felt table) May you never lose the fun loving quality in life.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Where's the rest of it, it's got no balls.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, okay... And Andy, Andy who needs confidence that he is a great salesman. I give you, my clients, our ten most important accounts. (other salesmen look outraged)Andy BernardOpen quote: Wow.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: (angry) Yeah wow!Andy BernardOpen quote: You know I'm the worst salesman here right?Michael ScottOpen quote: But you're the best salesman, on the inside.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: What does that even mean?Michael ScottOpen quote: You sold us all on Andy, a product that nobody wanted.Andy BernardOpen quote: I'm gonna lose 'em.Michael ScottOpen quote: You're not gonna lose them.Andy BernardOpen quote: I promise you that I will.Michael ScottOpen quote: Just do your best! I have faith in you.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: (as Michael walks away, Stanley whispers angrily to Andy) Gimme those clients!Andy BernardOpen quote: No.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: (to Dwight) Do you believe that?!
Scene 141 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: I've given up expecting Michael to do the right thing. Or the decent thing. Or even the comprehensible thing.
Scene 151 lineDeangelo VickersOpen quote: I used to be obese. Once you've conquered obesity, everything else is easy. Life literally moves in slow motion. I'm not saying I'm superman, but, let me just put it this way. If I were shot in the head, I'm pretty sure everything would be fine. I almost welcome it. (winks)
Scene 1614 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Kevin, I have something for you.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Oh! (Michael unrolls it to reveal it is a caricature of Kevin as a pig eating pizza)Michael ScottOpen quote: You know who that is?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Oh...Michael ScottOpen quote: (rips the poster in half) Don't be a caricature Kevin, never be a caricature. How did that feel when I tore that up?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Better...Michael ScottOpen quote: Good, stand up. (Kevin does so) You will be thin. You Won't drool over pizza like an animal anymore.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: But...Michael ScottOpen quote: You will find love.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Michael, I'm pretty much okay with who I am now.Michael ScottOpen quote: Don't be. You should never settle for who you are. (moving on) Oscar, Oscar, Oscar! Oscar, you are-Andy BernardOpen quote: I just lost Porter Hardware! I just, I lost 'em!Michael ScottOpen quote: (quietly groans) Okay, you know what? Just do your best buddy! Okay, Oscar, you are very smart, and you have a gigantic education. And, I think of you as my scarecrow, because you gave me a brain. So that's why I made you this. (takes a sack tied in the upper middle making a crude head, with a face drawn on, obviously the product of poor craftsmanship, Oscar pretends to like it)Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Thank you Michael. It's beautiful.
Scene 171 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (laughing) It looks like a (more laughing) It looks like it was made by a two year old monkey on a farm! He just accepted, accepted that I put all this work into it! (laughs more) He has the lowest opinion of me, of anybody!
Scene 1813 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Was it just me, or did you think that we were going to have sex at some point?Angela MartinOpen quote: It was just you...Michael ScottOpen quote: How would you have wanted to do it? Okay, okay. You know what? Inappropriate. I am engaged happily, and you have landed yourself a Senator.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: State Senator.Michael ScottOpen quote: Mmhmm, bravo!Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Brava!Angela MartinOpen quote: You wanna see some pictures? I just got these.Michael ScottOpen quote: Sure!Angela MartinOpen quote: Uhm, these are, okay this is us at the theater. And antiquing! Oh, rollerblading.Michael ScottOpen quote: Who's that? Who's that guy? (points to second guy in the pictures)Angela MartinOpen quote: Oh, that's Thomas, Robert's aide.Michael ScottOpen quote: I guess this could be the one, huh?Angela MartinOpen quote: Yeah. (Oscar shakes his head no)
Scene 194 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: (walking into the kitchen, DeAngelo is using the coffee machine to cook chicken covered in melted chocolate) Hey.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (hurriedly, while hiding the chocolate covered chicken) Hey!Andy BernardOpen quote: I'm going to be dropping out on one of our biggest clients this afternoon and I could use some back up.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Let's rip it up homes. (smacks top of the door frame with his hand, leaving a chocolate hand outline)
Scene 201 lineGabe LewisOpen quote: (Andy walks by with DeAngelo, says quietly after he leaves) Walk away bitch.
Scene 217 linesOscar MartinezOpen quote: (Michael is leaving the accounting area) Oh Michael! Where do you want your last pay check sent?Michael ScottOpen quote: My last pay check?Oscar MartinezOpen quote: You have an address yet in Colorado?Michael ScottOpen quote: No.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: What town do Holly's parents live in?Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm not sure, um, Mountainton?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Sounds beautiful!
Scene 2215 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: (Michael sits alone eating at the back of the kitchen, Pam comes in with Jim, Creed and Kevin) You should do more stuff like that.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: I'm going to!Jim HalpertOpen quote: (to Michael) Hey! It's almost your last day, come sit with us.Michael ScottOpen quote: Nah, I'm almost done.Jim HalpertOpen quote: You sure?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: So I'm going to Carbondale this afternoon to get a new bulk shredder.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Finally! That old shredder sucked.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: It's a good shredder, it just keeps breaking.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Yeah, it won't shred magazines.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: It's not supposed to shred magazines Kevin.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: I know...Jim HalpertOpen quote: Did you break the shredder Kevin?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: No, it's just... that old shredder sucks. (Michael looks tearful) Just get one that'll shred magazines.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I don't think any of them are supposed to shred magazines.
Scene 2313 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (crying) I can't do this. All the channels are gonna be different there. I'm not gonna be able to find my shows. I'm not going to start improv at level one, and I don't think my credits will transfer. Ugh, and you know what? I just figured out where I was supposed to go to vote. (picks World's Best Boss mug out of the trashcan and puts it back on his desk) I gotta call her, and I'm going to tell her, that I cannot come. (dials on his phone)Holly FlaxOpen quote: (on phone) Hello there!Michael ScottOpen quote: Hi. What is the name of our town?Holly FlaxOpen quote: Boulder. Is something wrong? Are you okay?Michael ScottOpen quote: No, no. I just needed to hear your voice.Holly FlaxOpen quote: (Yoda voice) Oh you mean this?Michael ScottOpen quote: (laughing) Yes. (Olive Oyl impression) Yes my hero!Holly FlaxOpen quote: (deep man voice) I'll pay the rent! (Michael laughs) Okay, my mom's looking at me and she has no sense of humor. It's a joke mom!Michael ScottOpen quote: (laughing) Ohh, I miss you.Holly FlaxOpen quote: Well I'll see you tonight. I'll pick you up outside baggage claim.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay. I'll see you tonight. I love you.Holly FlaxOpen quote: I love you too.Michael ScottOpen quote: (hangs up and composes himself) Yes, so I know I told everybody that tomorrow is my last day, but I'm, I'm gonna be leaving tonight. I head to the airport at four. (looks at the list of members of the office, with some names crossed out) And I have said goodbye to half of them.
Scene 247 linesToby FlendersonOpen quote: Well you know Michael, I have a brother in Boulder. Rory Flenderson. You should look him up.Michael ScottOpen quote: (grimaces and nods, Toby nods back at him) Okay.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: (smiling) Okay.Michael ScottOpen quote: (walks over to Kelly) Kelly! Kelly? Kelly.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: (doing make up and irritated) What?!Michael ScottOpen quote: If I just went away right now, would that be the best gift that I could give you?Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Yes! Please! Please go away! And stop using that weird slow voice.
Scene 256 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (in Ryan's office, which is illuminated blue) She was once my girl, and she is your girl now.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Wow. (camera pans over to show that the light is from Michael's St. Pauli Girl Sign, hanging in Ryan's office)Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah.Ryan HowardOpen quote: This is... totally unnecessary.Michael ScottOpen quote: You're not prone to seizures?Ryan HowardOpen quote: No.
Scene 2615 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: (in conference room with the party planning committee) So Michael said we can do whatever we want cake-wise. What do we want?Meredith PalmerOpen quote: (quickly) Erotic.Angela MartinOpen quote: See? This is what happens. You can't let a stray dog into the house.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Hmm, let's hear here out. I would like to hear more about these cakes. (Angela and Pam look uncomfortable)Meredith PalmerOpen quote: I know these Ethiopians that run a cake shop.Angela MartinOpen quote: Good God...Meredith PalmerOpen quote: They make these cakes, they're wild! I mean, they show everything!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I don't, I don't think we sh-Meredith PalmerOpen quote: I know what you're thinking, but it's not just black, they do it all. And the women on these cakes, they're not just guy's fantasies. They have real, full women. It is refreshing.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (stopping her) Okay, don't turn this into some feminist issue.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: As a person who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it feels good to be represented on one.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: You know what, I think we should get some other input.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: I think we should do cupcakes. I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Yeah, cupcakes. That's what I said.Angela MartinOpen quote: No! I'm not cleaning up a bunch of uneaten cupcake bottoms! You know, we don't really care about your opinion. You're just a tie-breaker.
Scene 273 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (sees Pam walking towards the door of the office) Um, Pam.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh, hey Michael! I'm just going to go to Carbondale to price some shredders. I'll see you later.Michael ScottOpen quote: (disappointed) Okay... (Jim is confused)
Scene 2812 linesErin HannonOpen quote: (walking into the women's bathroom, Gabe storms in after her) Gabe!Gabe LewisOpen quote: I need to talk to you!Erin HannonOpen quote: You can't be in here. This is a lady's room!abeOpen quote: Erin, I respect your privacy, but I will follow you in here everytime you go if that's what it takes. (Creed walks out of one of the stalls)Erin HannonOpen quote: Hey Creed.Creed BrattonOpen quote: Not cool man. (walks out)Erin HannonOpen quote: I really think you should leave.Gabe LewisOpen quote: Someday, you are going to tell our grandchildren about how their grandfather won you back in a women's room.Erin HannonOpen quote: Can we talk about this later, I have to go.Gabe LewisOpen quote: Just read the letter under your windshield wiper, it explains everything. Quick one. (leans in for a kiss)Erin HannonOpen quote: Gabe!Gabe LewisOpen quote: Okay... (walks out embarrassed)
Scene 295 linesToby FlendersonOpen quote: (on video cam with his brother) Here's the thing Rory, I knew you guys would hit it off in an odd way.RoryOpen quote: I can bring him a welcome basket. I'll surprise him.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: Do- Well you should give him a little time to settle in. But-RoryOpen quote: Does he like jams? My shelves are over flowing with preserves.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: Well, no. He hates jams.
Scene 307 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (walking into Darryl's office) Darryl!Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Hey.Michael ScottOpen quote: I would like to give you, the only copy, of Somehow I Manage. (hands him a thin black folder) Unfinished. If there's anyone here who can finish it, it's you.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: That's sweet Mike. Let's see here. There's a chapter, called Gum. With one sentence. Everybody likes the guy who offers him a stick of gum.Michael ScottOpen quote: Mmmhmmm. It's true. Darryl, I have one last wish. I would like to use the bailer.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: No. Can't let you do that Mike.Michael ScottOpen quote: No problem. Worth a try.
Scene 313 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (in warehouse) Darryl said I could use the bailer because I'm leaving.Warehouse GuyOpen quote: No.Michael ScottOpen quote: (picks up a basketball and dribbles it away from the basket) Alright guys, well... see ya later warehouse. Catch you on the flippity flip. (throws the ball behind him and misses the basket, tries and misses several more times)
Scene 3211 linesDeangelo VickersOpen quote: (in car with Andy) okay, so what's our approach? You a veteran? Do I have a month to live? You gonna get married tomorrow? What? (Andy stares blankly) Hmm?Andy BernardOpen quote: I thought we'd just talk about our customer service and exceptional paper quality.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: That's stupid. (laughing. Nervously, Andy laughs with him)Andy BernardOpen quote: (joking) What do I know?Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (still laughing) What do you know? We gotta get psyched up! Okay? Guy? Let's get psyched! Is there an animal shelter on the way?Andy BernardOpen quote: (confused) Yeah.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Awesome! Ani Ani Shelto! Here we come. Do you know how to high-five?Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah!Deangelo VickersOpen quote: 'Cause if you do now's the time.Andy BernardOpen quote: (going for it) Alright.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Not while I'm driving.
Scene 331 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (still trying the backwards basket) Catch you guys- (forklift drives in front of the camera) Catch you guys on the filippity flip. (misses and picks it up again) Flippity flip! (misses again and grabs it back) Flippity flip! (makes it in, gets excited) Really? (composes himself) Okay, see ya guys! (walks away, containing his self-pleasure)
Scene 349 linesDeangelo VickersOpen quote: (at the animal shelter with Andy) You know how I met Jo Bennett? And got started on my ladder of success?Andy BernardOpen quote: No. I don't.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (hands Andy a dog) I'm walking along, out of work. Again. Thinking to myself, 'I only have enough cash to by a sandwich, or get drunk. And I see this guy trying to steal this lady's dog! So I grab the dog. He runs off. She's so grateful, she hires me.Andy BernardOpen quote: Awwhh, wow.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Gimme that dog! That's not your dog! (takes the dog from a confused Andy) Yeah! Again.Andy BernardOpen quote: Oh, okay...Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Gimme that damn dog you f***ing thief! Don't ever do It again! (Andy nods modestly) You hear me?! (Andy nods again) You feel that energy?Andy BernardOpen quote: Mmhmmm.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: Wooo! Yeah! (parades in circles with the dog, pretends to whack Andy with it) (giving it to Andy) Okay, again.
Scene 3512 linesErin HannonOpen quote: I know that Gabe is young, and hot and everything. And he's begging me to reconsider, but I... I just think I'm in love with someone else.Michael ScottOpen quote: Kevin?Erin HannonOpen quote: Andy.Michael ScottOpen quote: Ahhhh...Erin HannonOpen quote: I wish I knew who my birth mother was, so she could just tell me who to choose.Michael ScottOpen quote: Maybe neither.Erin HannonOpen quote: I'm not attracted to Kevin.Michael ScottOpen quote: Erin, listen to me. You shouldn't rush into this. At all. And you know why? Because you are beautiful. And you are fun. And you are smart. (Erin is smiling) And when the right guy comes along, you'll know it. You will. (kisses her head) And you know what? You don't need a mom. Because you have my number, and you can call me anytime.Erin HannonOpen quote: (nods) Extension 147.Michael ScottOpen quote: N-Erin HannonOpen quote: I know.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay. (both chuckling. Michael leaves Erin, looking thoughtful)
Scene 368 linesPhyllis VanceOpen quote: (on the phone) You want the 27-26 or the 27-30?Michael ScottOpen quote: Phyllis. Phyllis, are my mittens done?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: No. (trying to finish her sale when Michael hangs up the phone) I'm on a sale!Michael ScottOpen quote: Listen to me. It's two p.m. From now until four, your priority is knitting. Knit like the wind.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Okay... (Jim gives a knowing look to the camera)Michael ScottOpen quote: Dwight, I will be leaving tomorrow. (pulls out an envelope from his jacket)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yes.Michael ScottOpen quote: So I wanted to give you that. (hands him the envelope) It's a letter of recommendation. (Dwight looks eager. Michael nods to him and walks away)
Scene 371 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: This is gonna be good. (eagerly reading the letter) To whom it may concern. (off to the side) Good, real personal. Thanks Michael. (reading again) The dictionary defines superlative as: of the highest kind, quality, or order, surpassing all else, or others. Supreme. (to the side again) That's great, if I wanted the dictionary definition I'd buy a dictionary. (reading again, slowly gets sadder) I define it as Dwight Schrute. As a sales executive, as a leader, as a man, and as a friend, he is of the highest kind, quality, and order. Supreme. (holding back tears) Lot's more like that, really repetitive. What's this? (pulling out a small card from the envelope. Reads it) Two forty five, behind the building. Paintball. (checks his watch quickly) Ohhh, yeah.
Scene 381 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: (opening his trunk excitedly and gets out his paintball gear, takes his gun and looks for Michael, gives up, Michael jumps out of the dumpster shooting, they shoot each other, yell, laugh, and taunt, having a great time)
Scene 391 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (in the office, crosses Dwight off his list. He has paint in his messed up hair, and is containing his laughter)
Scene 401 lineDeangelo VickersOpen quote: (giving his and Andy's pitch to a client) I would just like to start off saying, I have not worked with Mr. Andy Bernard for very long, I can say, is that he is no Michael Scott. I can't sit here and tell you he's gonna be a success. I can't sit here and tell you that he's even the best man for the job. (Andy looks awkward) But I can say this: He's got potential. Sure. You know, I always say: go big, or go home. You go with This guy, you could be making the biggest mistake of your life, OR, the biggest, Good decision of your life. It's either gonna be the best thing you ever did, or the worst thing you ever did. If you want some boring, white bread clock-watcher who's gonna get you your paper when you ordered it, for the agreed upon price, (Andy looks hopeful) Andy's not your guy. (Andy deflates) You ever play Russian Roulette? (scoffs) Time to spin the chamber horse. By signing up for another year. (hands the client a folder he needs signed for another year's contract)
Scene 416 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: (Michael walks into the office, still a mess) Ahh, what happened to you?Michael ScottOpen quote: You should see the other guy.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (smiles knowingly)Michael ScottOpen quote: (looks at the clock to see it is three o'clock) Jim where is Pam?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Uhh, she's still pricing the whatevers. The shredders.Michael ScottOpen quote: But it is already three o'clock! (Michael leaves, Jim gives a knowing look to the camera)
Scene 431 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (in his office talking to Creed, Gabe, and Meredith in that order) Whether you're scared of dying, or dying Alone, or dying drunk in a ditch. Don't be. It's going to be okay.
Scene 441 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Yeah I was tripling up. There's not enough time in the day to have a special moment with everybody.
Scene 453 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (Gabe is still standing in front of Michael's desk) And you, why are you still here.Gabe LewisOpen quote: (sounding hurt) I'm either going to quit today, or stay to make sure that Andy's career is destroyed.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, you are not going to quit today. For goodness sake, this is not going to be your last day in the office. Everybody gets dumped Gabe. Can I give you a piece of advice? (Gabe nods) A little cover-up on your Adam's apple will make it appear smaller, and make you look less like a transvestite. (Gabe looks awkward and Michael winks)
Scene 465 linesDeangelo VickersOpen quote: (walking out the client's room with Andy) That is cold sir! Absolutely cold. You know what? It was a complete waste of my time.Andy BernardOpen quote: Uh DeAngelo, I'm, uh. I forgot my bag, so I'll meet you in the car.Deangelo VickersOpen quote: (grumbles) Okay whatever.Andy BernardOpen quote: (walks into the client's office again) Sir, I'd just like to apologize, for that. I could tell you that he has a steel plate in his head, or that he's crazy, but the truth is I think he's just a terrible salesman. And I want you to know, that if you re-up with us, anything you need, day or night, I will be the one to take your call.ClientOpen quote: Keep talking.
Scene 473 linesDeangelo VickersOpen quote: (on his phone waiting for Andy, next to their car) Yes. Okay, alright. No, well thank you! Alright, take care. (hangs up) You'll never guess, we did it!Andy BernardOpen quote: (laughing) Hey! (they hug) Good job boss!Deangelo VickersOpen quote: We did it!
Scene 481 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (standing in front of his office, sees that it is three forty five) Okay, everybody come on. Conference room five seconds! Let's go! Hurry up, let's do this! (Dwight runs into the conference room. All others follow)
Scene 4938 linesStanley HudsonOpen quote: Yes, what is this about?Michael ScottOpen quote: What is this meeting about?Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Mmhmmm.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, here we are in the conference room. Once again. And I just wanted to call you all here, together, because I have something important. Well there's two things actually. Okay first, I would like a whereabouts on Pam. (Jim looks regretful) And secondly, Phyllis how are those mittens coming? Because I would actually like to bring them home and pack them. I'm leaving for the day at four.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: They're almost done but my knuckles are swelling a little and-Michael ScottOpen quote: (cutting her off) Well power through the arthritis Phyllis you can do it!Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Is that it?Michael ScottOpen quote: Umm, hmm?Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Is that it?Michael ScottOpen quote: (the office looks up expectantly) Ummm... Hm... No. (changing his mind) No. There's a special guest that I would like to invite to say one last goodbye. So here he comes, he's coming right in. (walks out and then back in, now using a Vietnamese accent) Oh hi everybody, it's Ping! (the office groans) And I'm here to say goodbye to all you wonderful people! Thank you everybody! You've been so wonderful! (only Kevin is laughing. Stanley tries to leave. Michael hugs him) I ruv you all! I ruv you very much!Jim HalpertOpen quote: Hey, can I talk to you for a second?Michael ScottOpen quote: Sure. (Ping accent) Be right out!Jim HalpertOpen quote: (brings Michael into his office) So I've been meaning to tell ya, I wanna take you out for lunch. For your last day.Michael ScottOpen quote: (sad) Ohh...Jim HalpertOpen quote: What do you think? Tomorrow? Lunch, you and me?Michael ScottOpen quote: (holding back tears) Okay...Jim HalpertOpen quote: You're not leaving tomorrow. You're leaving today right?Michael ScottOpen quote: Maybe.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Wow, so that's it huh? Just, four o'clock and you are gone for good.Michael ScottOpen quote: Why am I so sad? Am I doing the wrong thing?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Absolutely not. It's just that sometimes... goodbyes are a bitch.Michael ScottOpen quote: (pulls out a recorder and speaks softly into it) T-Shirt idea, goodbyes stink. Okay, alright. So. James Halpert. (starts to cry) You started with this company, as a fine young man...Jim HalpertOpen quote: You know what I think we should do? I think we should just save the goodbyes for tomorrow. At lunch.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, okay.Jim HalpertOpen quote: And then tomorrow, I can tell you... what a great boss, you turned out to be. The best boss I ever had. (Jim is holding back tears too)Michael ScottOpen quote: (hears a taxi honking) Oh shoot! That's my cab.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Alright.Michael ScottOpen quote: Alright.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Listen Michael, I really... I did text Pam, but...Michael ScottOpen quote: I know, it's okay. Just, give her a hug. Alright?Jim HalpertOpen quote: (shakes Michael's hand) I will see you, tomorrow at lunch.Michael ScottOpen quote: I am looking forward to lunch. And hearing about what a great boss I am.Jim HalpertOpen quote: (chuckles) You got it.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay... (crosses Jim off his list) Phyllis.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Oh no, they're still not done.Michael ScottOpen quote: No no no, let me see. (picks up the mostly knitted mittens) Oh Phyllis, nice try. I love 'em. (waves goodbye to her with the mittens) (Michael begins walking out the office, he takes one last look at all his friends to see them working, and Jim looking back, teary eyed)Creed BrattonOpen quote: (drinking from Michael's World's Best Boss mug) See ya tomorrow boss!Michael ScottOpen quote: Later guys. (leaves the office)
Scene 501 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Got almost everybody. So... Holly's my family now. (you see video of Michael getting into the cab, and driving off. As the cab leaves, Pam drives in) She's my family. The babies that I make with her, will be my children. The people that you work with, are just... when you get down to it... your very best friends. They say, on your deathbed, you never wish you spent more time at the office. But I will. Gotta be a lot better than a deathbed. (You see Michael getting out and entering the airport, and going through security) I actually don't understand deathbeds. I mean, who would buy that?
Scene 511 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (putting his shoes back on, talking to the camera crew) Well, I guess this is it. Hey will you guys let me know if this ever airs? Thank you. Alright... Oh! (pulls out his mic from his shirt) This is gonna feel so good, getting this thing off my chest. (he hands them the body mic, when he speaks it is inaudible now) That's what she said! (waves goodbye and walks off to his gate, halfway there Pam comes running up to him and they hug for a while. They say their goodbyes to each other, and Michael walks off for good)
Scene 521 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: (watching Michael's plane take off. Crying and has smeared make up on) No he wasn't sad. He was full of hope. About Colorado, and he was hoping to get an upgrade as an award's member. And he said he was just real excited to get home and see Holly.
Scene 532 linesDeangelo VickersOpen quote: (all are in the conference room for Michael's party. Michael isn't there. Jim gives the camera a knowing look) Well if he's not gonna make it at least we should go ahead and eat the cake. (Kevin nods) I for one love the corners. (cuts a corner piece, picks it up with his bare hands, and takes a bite) Why'd I just do that? It's not even that good. I don't even want it. I had cake for lunch. (throws the piece in the garbage) No, you know what? I've been good. I deserve this. (grabs a piece from another corner. The office groans) What am I doing? (chucks it into the trashcan) Come on DeAngelo! (DeAngelo tries to lick the cake, everybody yells no)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (to Jim) Uh oh... (Jim, tearful, nods)
