Dunder Mifflin, Inc.Best Office Lines

Goodbye Michael

Vol. 7 · Issue 21Scranton, PA

Michael Scott is finally heading to Colorado, but not before one last day of awkward gifts and emotional goodbyes. You'll find every line from the episode right here, including his final paintball match with Dwight and that tear-jerking moment at the airport with Pam. It's the perfect way to revisit the end of the Michael Scott era without having to deal with DeAngelo Vickers' messy cake-eating habits.

Scene 01

21 lines
Michael Scott
(sitting on the roof of the office building) Well, I'm moving to Colorado to start my new life with Holly. Just up here, getting used to the altitude.
Dwight Schrute
(walking up) Michael?
Michael Scott
Yes?
Dwight Schrute
I've got a treat for you!
Michael Scott
Ahh, thank you. Like a butler.
Dwight Schrute
Colorado specialty, Rocky Mountain Oysters.
Michael Scott
(Michael takes one and bites) Oh, these do not taste like oysters.
Dwight Schrute
(angrily) That's because they're Not oysters, they're bull testicles! I cut them off fresh this morning! (Michael spits it out) Hah!
Michael Scott
Sick freak! What is wrong with you?
Dwight Schrute
What is wrong with you? I'm the sick freak? After what you did? You expect to be buttled? You didn't recommend me?!
Michael Scott
I don't own Dunder Mifflin, okay? (Dwight scoffs) The job was not mine to give. (sighs) Look, I need your advice on something. I am told that there are bears in the Rockies.
Dwight Schrute
Where did you hear that? Obvious XM Radio?
Michael Scott
Well, I was just thinking that maybe I should keep a salami in my pocket...
Dwight Schrute
Great idea.
Michael Scott
...in order to feed the bears.
Dwight Schrute
Especially if you think that life would be better without Legs!
Michael Scott
How do you mean?
Dwight Schrute
Black Bears can smell a salami at five miles Michael, what are you thinking?! And they run faster than a horse, so if you were thinking about outrunning one on a horse I would try a cheetah. You, in tight pants, Michael, are a salami to a Black Bear. Do you understand? (Michael nods in agreement) You're like a giant walking salami!
Michael Scott
Okay, so no salami in the pants. How about a pepperoni?
Dwight Schrute
Any kind of meat that you can possibly name!
Michael Scott
Okay.

Scene 02

10 lines
Deangelo Vickers
(with Michael in his office) You're not gonna take all these toys are you?
Michael Scott
Hm?
Deangelo Vickers
I mean you don't have a job lined up, so it's not like you have a desk to put 'em on.
Michael Scott
Well I have interviews.
Deangelo Vickers
That's nice. (reaches and a grabs a toy truck) How 'bout that truck? Can I have this little truck? I was thinking I might... glue a stapler on top. Or put a hole here, stick pens in it. (Michael gives an obviously fake smile) You okay?
Michael Scott
Yes. Yes, you know what? Take my favorite truck. Sure.
Deangelo Vickers
You know what? Uh, it's your last couple days, I'm gonna get out of your hair.
Michael Scott
Oh you don't, that's-
Deangelo Vickers
I will be in the break room.
Michael Scott
That sounds good. Thank you.

Scene 03

1 line
Deangelo Vickers
Dead man walking.

Scene 04

1 line
Michael Scott
Sad? No, no, no. I don't leave 'til tomorrow, so... Tomorrow I will be a wreck.

Scene 05

8 lines
Gabe Lewis
(sees Andy walk into the Men's Room and follows him in) Stay away from Erin! (cornering him in the bathroom)
Andy Bernard
Hey!
Gabe Lewis
I'm your boss!
Andy Bernard
Why don't you, uh, stay away from me?
Gabe Lewis
No, I'm gonna stand where I want. Okay? You don't wanna get on my bad side! I've seen some horrible things! I own over two hundred horror movies!
Andy Bernard
Okay! That's so weird! Just go away!
Gabe Lewis
No! You go away! (storms out, toilet flushes, Jim exits the bathroom)
Andy Bernard
(weak) Hi Tuna.

Scene 06

1 line
Jim Halpert
So you guys are filming people when they go to the bathroom now?

Scene 07

6 lines
Phyllis Vance
(in the conference room with Pam, Angela, and Meredith) How about cupcakes?
Angela Martin
Please.
Pam Beesly
What's wrong with cupcakes?
Angela Martin
Everything.
Michael Scott
(walking in) There they are! Party Planning Committee together again!
Pam Beesly
Well we all wanted to plan your goodbye party. We thought this would be easier.

Scene 08

6 lines
Pam Beesly
We thought.
Angela Martin
It's an experiment.
Phyllis Vance
The three of us have all been chairmen before.
Pam Beesly
So this is the dream team.
Meredith Palmer
(walking up behind the glass) Hey! What are you saying?!
Angela Martin
The dream team... and Meredith.

Scene 09

12 lines
Meredith Palmer
(to Michael) We decided on the ice cream. Mint chocolate chip, your favorite.
Michael Scott
Mmm!
Phyllis Vance
Yeah that was a surprise...
Michael Scott
You know what, I'm thinking maybe we should get ice cream that everybody'll like. How about vanilla? Let's get vanilla.
Pam Beesly
(surprised) Okay.
Michael Scott
Tomorrow I want everyone to have a good time. No drama. And as for today, just a typical day. Alright?
Pam Beesly
Should we get toppings?
Michael Scott
What do you like Pam?
Pam Beesly
(confused) What?
Michael Scott
What kind of toppings would you like?
Pam Beesly
Hot fudge?
Michael Scott
Sounds good. Fudge it up! (all seem surprised at Michael's behavior)

Scene 10

1 line
Michael Scott
(holding up his "World's Best Boss Mug") I bought this for myself. And yesterday, they gave me this. (holds up a Dundie that reads, 'World's Best Boss 2011, Michael G. Scott', throws his mug into the garbage can and places his Dundie at the front of his desk) I still need something to drink out of though.

Scene 11

3 lines
Michael Scott
(pulls out a list of everyone in the office, then puts it back in his jacket) Attention everyone, before I leave tomorrow I would like to reveal a secret I have kept for over twenty years. A secret about Phyllis.
Phyllis Vance
Please Michael.
Michael Scott
When Phyllis was in high school, she was so... cute. (Phyllis looks relieved) And she still is.

Scene 12

1 line
Phyllis Vance
I thought he knew about the baby I gave away.

Scene 13

21 lines
Phyllis Vance
(holds up mittens she's knitting) Look Michael, it's a going away present so your hands won't get cold.
Michael Scott
Ahh.
Phyllis Vance
It's almost done, but you can't get them wet, and they can't be dry-cleaned either. You have to hand wash without water, wring-dry gently, and use a hairdryer on cool.
Michael Scott
(hesitantly) Sounds great, I just think it's great. Oh, I have gifts as well! (goes into his office and comes out with a bag) And I will start, by giving the first gift to Phyllis! Phyllis, you are shy and sweet, and you don't often speak your mind, but you should. Because you have great ideas. So Phyllis, I am giving you this, so you can always remember to speak your mind. (presents to her a mouth wind-up chattering toy)
Phyllis Vance
It's cute. (plays with it)
Michael Scott
Stanley, you love your Sudoku and your puzzles, I bestow upon you, my felt. (gives Stanley a small felt table) May you never lose the fun loving quality in life.
Stanley Hudson
Where's the rest of it, it's got no balls.
Michael Scott
Well, okay... And Andy, Andy who needs confidence that he is a great salesman. I give you, my clients, our ten most important accounts. (other salesmen look outraged)
Andy Bernard
Wow.
Stanley Hudson
(angry) Yeah wow!
Andy Bernard
You know I'm the worst salesman here right?
Michael Scott
But you're the best salesman, on the inside.
Phyllis Vance
What does that even mean?
Michael Scott
You sold us all on Andy, a product that nobody wanted.
Andy Bernard
I'm gonna lose 'em.
Michael Scott
You're not gonna lose them.
Andy Bernard
I promise you that I will.
Michael Scott
Just do your best! I have faith in you.
Stanley Hudson
(as Michael walks away, Stanley whispers angrily to Andy) Gimme those clients!
Andy Bernard
No.
Phyllis Vance
(to Dwight) Do you believe that?!

Scene 14

1 line
Dwight Schrute
I've given up expecting Michael to do the right thing. Or the decent thing. Or even the comprehensible thing.

Scene 15

1 line
Deangelo Vickers
I used to be obese. Once you've conquered obesity, everything else is easy. Life literally moves in slow motion. I'm not saying I'm superman, but, let me just put it this way. If I were shot in the head, I'm pretty sure everything would be fine. I almost welcome it. (winks)

Scene 16

14 lines
Michael Scott
Kevin, I have something for you.
Kevin Malone
Oh! (Michael unrolls it to reveal it is a caricature of Kevin as a pig eating pizza)
Michael Scott
You know who that is?
Kevin Malone
Oh...
Michael Scott
(rips the poster in half) Don't be a caricature Kevin, never be a caricature. How did that feel when I tore that up?
Kevin Malone
Better...
Michael Scott
Good, stand up. (Kevin does so) You will be thin. You Won't drool over pizza like an animal anymore.
Kevin Malone
But...
Michael Scott
You will find love.
Kevin Malone
Michael, I'm pretty much okay with who I am now.
Michael Scott
Don't be. You should never settle for who you are. (moving on) Oscar, Oscar, Oscar! Oscar, you are-
Andy Bernard
I just lost Porter Hardware! I just, I lost 'em!
Michael Scott
(quietly groans) Okay, you know what? Just do your best buddy! Okay, Oscar, you are very smart, and you have a gigantic education. And, I think of you as my scarecrow, because you gave me a brain. So that's why I made you this. (takes a sack tied in the upper middle making a crude head, with a face drawn on, obviously the product of poor craftsmanship, Oscar pretends to like it)
Oscar Martinez
Thank you Michael. It's beautiful.

Scene 17

1 line
Michael Scott
(laughing) It looks like a (more laughing) It looks like it was made by a two year old monkey on a farm! He just accepted, accepted that I put all this work into it! (laughs more) He has the lowest opinion of me, of anybody!

Scene 18

13 lines
Michael Scott
Was it just me, or did you think that we were going to have sex at some point?
Angela Martin
It was just you...
Michael Scott
How would you have wanted to do it? Okay, okay. You know what? Inappropriate. I am engaged happily, and you have landed yourself a Senator.
Oscar Martinez
State Senator.
Michael Scott
Mmhmm, bravo!
Oscar Martinez
Brava!
Angela Martin
You wanna see some pictures? I just got these.
Michael Scott
Sure!
Angela Martin
Uhm, these are, okay this is us at the theater. And antiquing! Oh, rollerblading.
Michael Scott
Who's that? Who's that guy? (points to second guy in the pictures)
Angela Martin
Oh, that's Thomas, Robert's aide.
Michael Scott
I guess this could be the one, huh?
Angela Martin
Yeah. (Oscar shakes his head no)

Scene 19

4 lines
Andy Bernard
(walking into the kitchen, DeAngelo is using the coffee machine to cook chicken covered in melted chocolate) Hey.
Deangelo Vickers
(hurriedly, while hiding the chocolate covered chicken) Hey!
Andy Bernard
I'm going to be dropping out on one of our biggest clients this afternoon and I could use some back up.
Deangelo Vickers
Let's rip it up homes. (smacks top of the door frame with his hand, leaving a chocolate hand outline)

Scene 20

1 line
Gabe Lewis
(Andy walks by with DeAngelo, says quietly after he leaves) Walk away bitch.

Scene 21

7 lines
Oscar Martinez
(Michael is leaving the accounting area) Oh Michael! Where do you want your last pay check sent?
Michael Scott
My last pay check?
Oscar Martinez
You have an address yet in Colorado?
Michael Scott
No.
Oscar Martinez
What town do Holly's parents live in?
Michael Scott
I'm not sure, um, Mountainton?
Kevin Malone
Sounds beautiful!

Scene 22

15 lines
Pam Beesly
(Michael sits alone eating at the back of the kitchen, Pam comes in with Jim, Creed and Kevin) You should do more stuff like that.
Kevin Malone
I'm going to!
Jim Halpert
(to Michael) Hey! It's almost your last day, come sit with us.
Michael Scott
Nah, I'm almost done.
Jim Halpert
You sure?
Michael Scott
Yeah.
Pam Beesly
So I'm going to Carbondale this afternoon to get a new bulk shredder.
Kevin Malone
Finally! That old shredder sucked.
Pam Beesly
It's a good shredder, it just keeps breaking.
Kevin Malone
Yeah, it won't shred magazines.
Pam Beesly
It's not supposed to shred magazines Kevin.
Kevin Malone
I know...
Jim Halpert
Did you break the shredder Kevin?
Kevin Malone
No, it's just... that old shredder sucks. (Michael looks tearful) Just get one that'll shred magazines.
Pam Beesly
I don't think any of them are supposed to shred magazines.

Scene 23

13 lines
Michael Scott
(crying) I can't do this. All the channels are gonna be different there. I'm not gonna be able to find my shows. I'm not going to start improv at level one, and I don't think my credits will transfer. Ugh, and you know what? I just figured out where I was supposed to go to vote. (picks World's Best Boss mug out of the trashcan and puts it back on his desk) I gotta call her, and I'm going to tell her, that I cannot come. (dials on his phone)
Holly Flax
(on phone) Hello there!
Michael Scott
Hi. What is the name of our town?
Holly Flax
Boulder. Is something wrong? Are you okay?
Michael Scott
No, no. I just needed to hear your voice.
Holly Flax
(Yoda voice) Oh you mean this?
Michael Scott
(laughing) Yes. (Olive Oyl impression) Yes my hero!
Holly Flax
(deep man voice) I'll pay the rent! (Michael laughs) Okay, my mom's looking at me and she has no sense of humor. It's a joke mom!
Michael Scott
(laughing) Ohh, I miss you.
Holly Flax
Well I'll see you tonight. I'll pick you up outside baggage claim.
Michael Scott
Okay. I'll see you tonight. I love you.
Holly Flax
I love you too.
Michael Scott
(hangs up and composes himself) Yes, so I know I told everybody that tomorrow is my last day, but I'm, I'm gonna be leaving tonight. I head to the airport at four. (looks at the list of members of the office, with some names crossed out) And I have said goodbye to half of them.

Scene 24

7 lines
Toby Flenderson
Well you know Michael, I have a brother in Boulder. Rory Flenderson. You should look him up.
Michael Scott
(grimaces and nods, Toby nods back at him) Okay.
Toby Flenderson
(smiling) Okay.
Michael Scott
(walks over to Kelly) Kelly! Kelly? Kelly.
Kelly Kapoor
(doing make up and irritated) What?!
Michael Scott
If I just went away right now, would that be the best gift that I could give you?
Kelly Kapoor
Yes! Please! Please go away! And stop using that weird slow voice.

Scene 25

6 lines
Michael Scott
(in Ryan's office, which is illuminated blue) She was once my girl, and she is your girl now.
Ryan Howard
Wow. (camera pans over to show that the light is from Michael's St. Pauli Girl Sign, hanging in Ryan's office)
Michael Scott
Yeah.
Ryan Howard
This is... totally unnecessary.
Michael Scott
You're not prone to seizures?
Ryan Howard
No.

Scene 26

15 lines
Pam Beesly
(in conference room with the party planning committee) So Michael said we can do whatever we want cake-wise. What do we want?
Meredith Palmer
(quickly) Erotic.
Angela Martin
See? This is what happens. You can't let a stray dog into the house.
Phyllis Vance
Hmm, let's hear here out. I would like to hear more about these cakes. (Angela and Pam look uncomfortable)
Meredith Palmer
I know these Ethiopians that run a cake shop.
Angela Martin
Good God...
Meredith Palmer
They make these cakes, they're wild! I mean, they show everything!
Pam Beesly
I don't, I don't think we sh-
Meredith Palmer
I know what you're thinking, but it's not just black, they do it all. And the women on these cakes, they're not just guy's fantasies. They have real, full women. It is refreshing.
Pam Beesly
(stopping her) Okay, don't turn this into some feminist issue.
Phyllis Vance
As a person who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it feels good to be represented on one.
Pam Beesly
You know what, I think we should get some other input.
Kelly Kapoor
I think we should do cupcakes. I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.
Phyllis Vance
Yeah, cupcakes. That's what I said.
Angela Martin
No! I'm not cleaning up a bunch of uneaten cupcake bottoms! You know, we don't really care about your opinion. You're just a tie-breaker.

Scene 27

3 lines
Michael Scott
(sees Pam walking towards the door of the office) Um, Pam.
Pam Beesly
Oh, hey Michael! I'm just going to go to Carbondale to price some shredders. I'll see you later.
Michael Scott
(disappointed) Okay... (Jim is confused)

Scene 28

12 lines
Erin Hannon
(walking into the women's bathroom, Gabe storms in after her) Gabe!
Gabe Lewis
I need to talk to you!
Erin Hannon
You can't be in here. This is a lady's room!
abe
Erin, I respect your privacy, but I will follow you in here everytime you go if that's what it takes. (Creed walks out of one of the stalls)
Erin Hannon
Hey Creed.
Creed Bratton
Not cool man. (walks out)
Erin Hannon
I really think you should leave.
Gabe Lewis
Someday, you are going to tell our grandchildren about how their grandfather won you back in a women's room.
Erin Hannon
Can we talk about this later, I have to go.
Gabe Lewis
Just read the letter under your windshield wiper, it explains everything. Quick one. (leans in for a kiss)
Erin Hannon
Gabe!
Gabe Lewis
Okay... (walks out embarrassed)

Scene 29

5 lines
Toby Flenderson
(on video cam with his brother) Here's the thing Rory, I knew you guys would hit it off in an odd way.
Rory
I can bring him a welcome basket. I'll surprise him.
Toby Flenderson
Do- Well you should give him a little time to settle in. But-
Rory
Does he like jams? My shelves are over flowing with preserves.
Toby Flenderson
Well, no. He hates jams.

Scene 30

7 lines
Michael Scott
(walking into Darryl's office) Darryl!
Darryl Philbin
Hey.
Michael Scott
I would like to give you, the only copy, of Somehow I Manage. (hands him a thin black folder) Unfinished. If there's anyone here who can finish it, it's you.
Darryl Philbin
That's sweet Mike. Let's see here. There's a chapter, called Gum. With one sentence. Everybody likes the guy who offers him a stick of gum.
Michael Scott
Mmmhmmm. It's true. Darryl, I have one last wish. I would like to use the bailer.
Darryl Philbin
No. Can't let you do that Mike.
Michael Scott
No problem. Worth a try.

Scene 31

3 lines
Michael Scott
(in warehouse) Darryl said I could use the bailer because I'm leaving.
Warehouse Guy
No.
Michael Scott
(picks up a basketball and dribbles it away from the basket) Alright guys, well... see ya later warehouse. Catch you on the flippity flip. (throws the ball behind him and misses the basket, tries and misses several more times)

Scene 32

11 lines
Deangelo Vickers
(in car with Andy) okay, so what's our approach? You a veteran? Do I have a month to live? You gonna get married tomorrow? What? (Andy stares blankly) Hmm?
Andy Bernard
I thought we'd just talk about our customer service and exceptional paper quality.
Deangelo Vickers
That's stupid. (laughing. Nervously, Andy laughs with him)
Andy Bernard
(joking) What do I know?
Deangelo Vickers
(still laughing) What do you know? We gotta get psyched up! Okay? Guy? Let's get psyched! Is there an animal shelter on the way?
Andy Bernard
(confused) Yeah.
Deangelo Vickers
Awesome! Ani Ani Shelto! Here we come. Do you know how to high-five?
Andy Bernard
Yeah!
Deangelo Vickers
'Cause if you do now's the time.
Andy Bernard
(going for it) Alright.
Deangelo Vickers
Not while I'm driving.

Scene 33

1 line
Michael Scott
(still trying the backwards basket) Catch you guys- (forklift drives in front of the camera) Catch you guys on the filippity flip. (misses and picks it up again) Flippity flip! (misses again and grabs it back) Flippity flip! (makes it in, gets excited) Really? (composes himself) Okay, see ya guys! (walks away, containing his self-pleasure)

Scene 34

9 lines
Deangelo Vickers
(at the animal shelter with Andy) You know how I met Jo Bennett? And got started on my ladder of success?
Andy Bernard
No. I don't.
Deangelo Vickers
(hands Andy a dog) I'm walking along, out of work. Again. Thinking to myself, 'I only have enough cash to by a sandwich, or get drunk. And I see this guy trying to steal this lady's dog! So I grab the dog. He runs off. She's so grateful, she hires me.
Andy Bernard
Awwhh, wow.
Deangelo Vickers
Gimme that dog! That's not your dog! (takes the dog from a confused Andy) Yeah! Again.
Andy Bernard
Oh, okay...
Deangelo Vickers
Gimme that damn dog you f***ing thief! Don't ever do It again! (Andy nods modestly) You hear me?! (Andy nods again) You feel that energy?
Andy Bernard
Mmhmmm.
Deangelo Vickers
Wooo! Yeah! (parades in circles with the dog, pretends to whack Andy with it) (giving it to Andy) Okay, again.

Scene 35

12 lines
Erin Hannon
I know that Gabe is young, and hot and everything. And he's begging me to reconsider, but I... I just think I'm in love with someone else.
Michael Scott
Kevin?
Erin Hannon
Andy.
Michael Scott
Ahhhh...
Erin Hannon
I wish I knew who my birth mother was, so she could just tell me who to choose.
Michael Scott
Maybe neither.
Erin Hannon
I'm not attracted to Kevin.
Michael Scott
Erin, listen to me. You shouldn't rush into this. At all. And you know why? Because you are beautiful. And you are fun. And you are smart. (Erin is smiling) And when the right guy comes along, you'll know it. You will. (kisses her head) And you know what? You don't need a mom. Because you have my number, and you can call me anytime.
Erin Hannon
(nods) Extension 147.
Michael Scott
N-
Erin Hannon
I know.
Michael Scott
Okay. (both chuckling. Michael leaves Erin, looking thoughtful)

Scene 36

8 lines
Phyllis Vance
(on the phone) You want the 27-26 or the 27-30?
Michael Scott
Phyllis. Phyllis, are my mittens done?
Phyllis Vance
No. (trying to finish her sale when Michael hangs up the phone) I'm on a sale!
Michael Scott
Listen to me. It's two p.m. From now until four, your priority is knitting. Knit like the wind.
Phyllis Vance
Okay... (Jim gives a knowing look to the camera)
Michael Scott
Dwight, I will be leaving tomorrow. (pulls out an envelope from his jacket)
Dwight Schrute
Yes.
Michael Scott
So I wanted to give you that. (hands him the envelope) It's a letter of recommendation. (Dwight looks eager. Michael nods to him and walks away)

Scene 37

1 line
Dwight Schrute
This is gonna be good. (eagerly reading the letter) To whom it may concern. (off to the side) Good, real personal. Thanks Michael. (reading again) The dictionary defines superlative as: of the highest kind, quality, or order, surpassing all else, or others. Supreme. (to the side again) That's great, if I wanted the dictionary definition I'd buy a dictionary. (reading again, slowly gets sadder) I define it as Dwight Schrute. As a sales executive, as a leader, as a man, and as a friend, he is of the highest kind, quality, and order. Supreme. (holding back tears) Lot's more like that, really repetitive. What's this? (pulling out a small card from the envelope. Reads it) Two forty five, behind the building. Paintball. (checks his watch quickly) Ohhh, yeah.

Scene 38

1 line
Dwight Schrute
(opening his trunk excitedly and gets out his paintball gear, takes his gun and looks for Michael, gives up, Michael jumps out of the dumpster shooting, they shoot each other, yell, laugh, and taunt, having a great time)

Scene 39

1 line
Michael Scott
(in the office, crosses Dwight off his list. He has paint in his messed up hair, and is containing his laughter)

Scene 40

1 line
Deangelo Vickers
(giving his and Andy's pitch to a client) I would just like to start off saying, I have not worked with Mr. Andy Bernard for very long, I can say, is that he is no Michael Scott. I can't sit here and tell you he's gonna be a success. I can't sit here and tell you that he's even the best man for the job. (Andy looks awkward) But I can say this: He's got potential. Sure. You know, I always say: go big, or go home. You go with This guy, you could be making the biggest mistake of your life, OR, the biggest, Good decision of your life. It's either gonna be the best thing you ever did, or the worst thing you ever did. If you want some boring, white bread clock-watcher who's gonna get you your paper when you ordered it, for the agreed upon price, (Andy looks hopeful) Andy's not your guy. (Andy deflates) You ever play Russian Roulette? (scoffs) Time to spin the chamber horse. By signing up for another year. (hands the client a folder he needs signed for another year's contract)

Scene 41

6 lines
Jim Halpert
(Michael walks into the office, still a mess) Ahh, what happened to you?
Michael Scott
You should see the other guy.
Dwight Schrute
(smiles knowingly)
Michael Scott
(looks at the clock to see it is three o'clock) Jim where is Pam?
Jim Halpert
Uhh, she's still pricing the whatevers. The shredders.
Michael Scott
But it is already three o'clock! (Michael leaves, Jim gives a knowing look to the camera)

Scene 42

1 line
Pam Beesly
(walks into a movie theater showing The King's Speech)

Scene 43

1 line
Michael Scott
(in his office talking to Creed, Gabe, and Meredith in that order) Whether you're scared of dying, or dying Alone, or dying drunk in a ditch. Don't be. It's going to be okay.

Scene 44

1 line
Michael Scott
Yeah I was tripling up. There's not enough time in the day to have a special moment with everybody.

Scene 45

3 lines
Michael Scott
(Gabe is still standing in front of Michael's desk) And you, why are you still here.
Gabe Lewis
(sounding hurt) I'm either going to quit today, or stay to make sure that Andy's career is destroyed.
Michael Scott
No, you are not going to quit today. For goodness sake, this is not going to be your last day in the office. Everybody gets dumped Gabe. Can I give you a piece of advice? (Gabe nods) A little cover-up on your Adam's apple will make it appear smaller, and make you look less like a transvestite. (Gabe looks awkward and Michael winks)

Scene 46

5 lines
Deangelo Vickers
(walking out the client's room with Andy) That is cold sir! Absolutely cold. You know what? It was a complete waste of my time.
Andy Bernard
Uh DeAngelo, I'm, uh. I forgot my bag, so I'll meet you in the car.
Deangelo Vickers
(grumbles) Okay whatever.
Andy Bernard
(walks into the client's office again) Sir, I'd just like to apologize, for that. I could tell you that he has a steel plate in his head, or that he's crazy, but the truth is I think he's just a terrible salesman. And I want you to know, that if you re-up with us, anything you need, day or night, I will be the one to take your call.
Client
Keep talking.

Scene 47

3 lines
Deangelo Vickers
(on his phone waiting for Andy, next to their car) Yes. Okay, alright. No, well thank you! Alright, take care. (hangs up) You'll never guess, we did it!
Andy Bernard
(laughing) Hey! (they hug) Good job boss!
Deangelo Vickers
We did it!

Scene 48

1 line
Michael Scott
(standing in front of his office, sees that it is three forty five) Okay, everybody come on. Conference room five seconds! Let's go! Hurry up, let's do this! (Dwight runs into the conference room. All others follow)

Scene 49

38 lines
Stanley Hudson
Yes, what is this about?
Michael Scott
What is this meeting about?
Stanley Hudson
Mmhmmm.
Michael Scott
Okay, here we are in the conference room. Once again. And I just wanted to call you all here, together, because I have something important. Well there's two things actually. Okay first, I would like a whereabouts on Pam. (Jim looks regretful) And secondly, Phyllis how are those mittens coming? Because I would actually like to bring them home and pack them. I'm leaving for the day at four.
Phyllis Vance
They're almost done but my knuckles are swelling a little and-
Michael Scott
(cutting her off) Well power through the arthritis Phyllis you can do it!
Stanley Hudson
Is that it?
Michael Scott
Umm, hmm?
Stanley Hudson
Is that it?
Michael Scott
(the office looks up expectantly) Ummm... Hm... No. (changing his mind) No. There's a special guest that I would like to invite to say one last goodbye. So here he comes, he's coming right in. (walks out and then back in, now using a Vietnamese accent) Oh hi everybody, it's Ping! (the office groans) And I'm here to say goodbye to all you wonderful people! Thank you everybody! You've been so wonderful! (only Kevin is laughing. Stanley tries to leave. Michael hugs him) I ruv you all! I ruv you very much!
Jim Halpert
Hey, can I talk to you for a second?
Michael Scott
Sure. (Ping accent) Be right out!
Jim Halpert
(brings Michael into his office) So I've been meaning to tell ya, I wanna take you out for lunch. For your last day.
Michael Scott
(sad) Ohh...
Jim Halpert
What do you think? Tomorrow? Lunch, you and me?
Michael Scott
(holding back tears) Okay...
Jim Halpert
You're not leaving tomorrow. You're leaving today right?
Michael Scott
Maybe.
Jim Halpert
Wow, so that's it huh? Just, four o'clock and you are gone for good.
Michael Scott
Why am I so sad? Am I doing the wrong thing?
Jim Halpert
Absolutely not. It's just that sometimes... goodbyes are a bitch.
Michael Scott
(pulls out a recorder and speaks softly into it) T-Shirt idea, goodbyes stink. Okay, alright. So. James Halpert. (starts to cry) You started with this company, as a fine young man...
Jim Halpert
You know what I think we should do? I think we should just save the goodbyes for tomorrow. At lunch.
Michael Scott
Oh, okay.
Jim Halpert
And then tomorrow, I can tell you... what a great boss, you turned out to be. The best boss I ever had. (Jim is holding back tears too)
Michael Scott
(hears a taxi honking) Oh shoot! That's my cab.
Jim Halpert
Alright.
Michael Scott
Alright.
Jim Halpert
Listen Michael, I really... I did text Pam, but...
Michael Scott
I know, it's okay. Just, give her a hug. Alright?
Jim Halpert
(shakes Michael's hand) I will see you, tomorrow at lunch.
Michael Scott
I am looking forward to lunch. And hearing about what a great boss I am.
Jim Halpert
(chuckles) You got it.
Michael Scott
Okay... (crosses Jim off his list) Phyllis.
Phyllis Vance
Oh no, they're still not done.
Michael Scott
No no no, let me see. (picks up the mostly knitted mittens) Oh Phyllis, nice try. I love 'em. (waves goodbye to her with the mittens) (Michael begins walking out the office, he takes one last look at all his friends to see them working, and Jim looking back, teary eyed)
Creed Bratton
(drinking from Michael's World's Best Boss mug) See ya tomorrow boss!
Michael Scott
Later guys. (leaves the office)

Scene 50

1 line
Michael Scott
Got almost everybody. So... Holly's my family now. (you see video of Michael getting into the cab, and driving off. As the cab leaves, Pam drives in) She's my family. The babies that I make with her, will be my children. The people that you work with, are just... when you get down to it... your very best friends. They say, on your deathbed, you never wish you spent more time at the office. But I will. Gotta be a lot better than a deathbed. (You see Michael getting out and entering the airport, and going through security) I actually don't understand deathbeds. I mean, who would buy that?

Scene 51

1 line
Michael Scott
(putting his shoes back on, talking to the camera crew) Well, I guess this is it. Hey will you guys let me know if this ever airs? Thank you. Alright... Oh! (pulls out his mic from his shirt) This is gonna feel so good, getting this thing off my chest. (he hands them the body mic, when he speaks it is inaudible now) That's what she said! (waves goodbye and walks off to his gate, halfway there Pam comes running up to him and they hug for a while. They say their goodbyes to each other, and Michael walks off for good)

Scene 52

1 line
Pam Beesly
(watching Michael's plane take off. Crying and has smeared make up on) No he wasn't sad. He was full of hope. About Colorado, and he was hoping to get an upgrade as an award's member. And he said he was just real excited to get home and see Holly.

Scene 53

2 lines
Deangelo Vickers
(all are in the conference room for Michael's party. Michael isn't there. Jim gives the camera a knowing look) Well if he's not gonna make it at least we should go ahead and eat the cake. (Kevin nods) I for one love the corners. (cuts a corner piece, picks it up with his bare hands, and takes a bite) Why'd I just do that? It's not even that good. I don't even want it. I had cake for lunch. (throws the piece in the garbage) No, you know what? I've been good. I deserve this. (grabs a piece from another corner. The office groans) What am I doing? (chucks it into the trashcan) Come on DeAngelo! (DeAngelo tries to lick the cake, everybody yells no)
Dwight Schrute
(to Jim) Uh oh... (Jim, tearful, nods)