Scene 012 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: (entering office) Hey. So, we saw a new billboard.Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah? Pretty cool, huh?
Scene 021 lineAndy BernardOpen quote: What better way to announce our new slightly lower prices than with an ad campaign? And what better face for an ad campaign than our new regional manager?
Scene 035 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: How'd it look?Jim HalpertOpen quote: You've seen it, right?Andy BernardOpen quote: No.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Andy, somebody defaced it.Andy BernardOpen quote: What? (Stanley enters office laughing) Morning, Stanley.
Scene 041 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: There's this thing that people tend to do with billboards. How do I put this? If there's an opportunity for a graffiti artist to work in a... phallic shape, interacting with the artwork, it'll happen, and Andy gave them that opportunity.
Scene 0512 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Erin, how long did we order those billboards for?Erin HannonOpen quote: Six months.Andy BernardOpen quote: Oh, god. I need you to call the billboard company.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: (entering office) Great billboard! Funny, edgy, right up to the line without crossing it, loved it.Andy BernardOpen quote: Which one did you see?Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Washington Street, the one with, like, twenty dongs on it.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Okay, don't be gross.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (entering office) What's going on?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Somebody defaced the billboards we just put out in an inappropriate way.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh, that's funny. Wait, from the photo shoot with you and me?Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah, Dwight.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No. No. No! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! (running from building) No, no, no, no, no, no, No, No, No, NO, NO! NO! NO! NO! (stopping in front of defaced billboard) NOOOOOOOOO!
Scene 069 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Schrute Farms is very easy to find, it's right in the middle of the root vegetable district. If the soil starts to get acidic, you've probably gone too far.Ryan HowardOpen quote: Just give us the address. We'll look it up online.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: It's simpler this way.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: It's really not.Andy BernardOpen quote: Now, stated arrival time is 3 p.m.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: I don't get the reason for this party.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Yeah, what's the reason?Kelly KapoorOpen quote: What's the reason, Andy? What's the reason?Andy BernardOpen quote: It's just a garden party. Sheesh.
Scene 071 lineAndy BernardOpen quote: You don't need a reason to throw a garden party anymore than you need a reason to throw a birthday party. It's a garden party. You don't need a reason.
Scene 0820 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Few other super simple reminders – no burping, no slurping, when eating take small bites and chew thoroughly with your mouth closed. Yes, Darryl?Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: What happens when we're done chewing? Do we spit it out on the floor, or keep it in our mouths the rest of the time?Andy BernardOpen quote: I get it, I'm being a little overbearing. But I promise to be underbearing for a week if you guys just all... step it up.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Andy, we understand basic table manners, we're not children.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Yeah, it's just a picnic.Andy BernardOpen quote: This is not a picnic, Phyllis, it's a garden party.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: There's a grill in the warehouse I could bring.Andy BernardOpen quote: Aw, ew, please don't. Not a barbecue. It's better than a barbecue. It's dignified, quieter, there are rules.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: How is that better than a barbecue?Ryan HowardOpen quote: What's the dress code on this?Andy BernardOpen quote: I'm glad you asked – Connecticut Casual.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Any chance Connecticut Casual is Pennsylvania Business, i.e. this is what I'm wearing to your party.Andy BernardOpen quote: Guys, my family just threw a garden party to celebrate my brother's promotion. It was a huge success. Check it out, there's a video online. Heartwarming impromptu father-son duet. (video playing on computer)Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Yeah, Oscar, you showed me this.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: I've seen this, that's not you.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Yeah, whoa, who's the sausage?Andy BernardOpen quote: It's my dad and my brother. I would have joined in but this melody doesn't really support another harmony part, so... Check it out, that's my brother's boss. Look how psyched he is, he's having an awesome time.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Ah, and did Robert California get an invite to your party?Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah, of course. Ye... I mean, uh, yeah, I think he did. (groans from the group)Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Why didn't you just say this was to impress Robert California?
Scene 091 lineGabe LewisOpen quote: I cannot believe that Andy is throwing a party like this just to impress the CEO. Classic Gabe move. Hey Andy, how about you don't steal my business strategies, and I won't dress like my life is just one long brunch?
Scene 102 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: See you all there at 3 p.m., Connecticut Casual, remember your manners, and have a wonderful time.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: And please refer to the map, stay off of the web. Thank you.
Scene 114 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: (pointing to computer monitor) So, we've typed in the address, now let's take a look at the street view. (picture of Dwight and Mose on a see-saw)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: They don't warn you when the cameras are driving by.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Ah. Why do you keep reading that garden party book? I mean, how hard are finger sandwiches and tea?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: There's so much more to it than that.
Scene 121 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: I've been wanting Schrute Farms to break into the high-end event hosting industry for some time, and this party is a great opportunity. Plus, I've got a secret weapon. (holds up book, Throwing A Garden Party by James Trickington) Only one copy in the world and some sucker on the internet sold it to me for two dollars. (laughs)
Scene 131 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: I'm actually really disappointed in how poorly my book is doing. (holds up same book) I've only sold one copy.
Scene 149 linesAngela MartinOpen quote: Is there anything you wish you had done differently to avoid cankles?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Nope.Angela MartinOpen quote: I've already gone up another cup size. The senator is grossed out. When do you start feeling it kick?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Cece was around 22 weeks, but Phillip was much earlier.Angela MartinOpen quote: Phillip?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh, oh my gosh. Yes, but don't, don't say anything, okay? It's after my grandfather.Angela MartinOpen quote: Phillip is the name that we're using. It's after my favorite cat.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (giggling) Oh, wow. Funny. It's after my grandfather.Angela MartinOpen quote: It's after my cat.
Scene 1511 linesRobert CaliforniaOpen quote: (on the phone) Andrew, I've picked up two possible gifts to bring this afternoon. One, a pot of marmalade.Andy BernardOpen quote: Ooh, that sounds great.Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: Well, that, that is what you want then, the marmalade.Andy BernardOpen quote: Sure.Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: You don't want to hear the other one. You love marmalade.Andy BernardOpen quote: Uh, I'll hear the other one.Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: It's a basil plant.Andy BernardOpen quote: You know, the marmalade sounds great.Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: I also mentioned the marmalade to my sister and she's very interested.Andy BernardOpen quote: Then the basil will be fine.Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: Well, you clearly want the marmalade. Gretchen, I need another marmalade. Alright. (hangs up)
Scene 1611 linesToby FlendersonOpen quote: Hey, where do I park?MoseOpen quote: I'm the valet. You have to give me your car.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: Uh, you know what, I can go park it myself.MoseOpen quote: I'm the... I'm the valet. You have to give me your car.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: It's probably okay...MoseOpen quote: Give me your car.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: I think it's better that I...MoseOpen quote: Give me your car.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: It's a finicky car...MoseOpen quote: Get out. Have a good time at the thing.Toby FlendersonOpen quote: It's a little tricky, you might have to... take... (Mose speeds away)
Scene 181 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: Chapter 2 – Announcing guests as they enter is the height of decorum. The more volume displayed, the more honor is bestowed upon everyone present.
Scene 191 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: STANLEY HUDSON AND HIS MISTRESS CYNTHIA! JAMES, PAMELA, AND PEEPEE HALPERT!
Scene 205 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: How's it going over here, guys?Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Andy, stop hovering, you're being really annoying.Andy BernardOpen quote: Didn't mean to bother you, Mabel. Mabel, Mabel, if you're able, keep your elbows off the table.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Wow.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: MR. AND MRS. WALTER AND ELLEN BERNARD!
Scene 218 linesWalterOpen quote: So, you all work with Andy.Andy BernardOpen quote: Well, technically FOR Andy.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Technically FOR Robert California. He's our CEO.EllenOpen quote: I thought you were the CEO.Andy BernardOpen quote: I don't know how you got there.WalterOpen quote: You said you were running the company.Andy BernardOpen quote: This branch, I'm the regional manager.WalterOpen quote: Yes, that makes more sense. Are you all regional managers?
Scene 221 lineAndy BernardOpen quote: Did I throw this party to impress my parents? That's crazy. Now, if they wanted a garden party, they could throw one themselves, which, as a matter of fact, they did, last week. They threw one for my baby brother who is totally amazing, but I couldn't care less.
Scene 238 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Can I introduce you around now?WalterOpen quote: Uh, yeah, we don't have too long, we have theater tickets.Andy BernardOpen quote: What are you going to see?WalterOpen quote: Money Ball. Walter Jr.'s choice.Andy BernardOpen quote: What??Walter JrOpen quote: Hey Bronard!Andy BernardOpen quote: I didn't know you were going to be here.Walter JrOpen quote: I wouldn't have missed it.
Scene 256 linesWalter JrOpen quote: I'm Walter, Andy's younger brother.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, hey, how are you doing, I'm Jim.Walter JrOpen quote: Tuna, right? And this must be your lovely wife Pam (looking at Meredith).Jim HalpertOpen quote: No.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Hell no. She wishes.Jim HalpertOpen quote: No, no, no, no, no. No.
Scene 262 linesWaiterOpen quote: Sir, I need to be able to feed all the guests.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: (mouthful of food) I understand.
Scene 281 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: Chapter 4 – One of the host's most important duties is as Dance Master. A proper courtly dance sets the tone for the entire afternoon.
Scene 2910 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAY I PRESENT, ROBERT CALIFORNIA!Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: Hello Andy.Andy BernardOpen quote: Welcome.Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: Thank you.Andy BernardOpen quote: Hey, I want you to meet my first bosses, Mom and Dad.Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: Yes, hello, nice to meet you.WalterOpen quote: Pleasure.Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: Andy, where shall I put your basil plant?Andy BernardOpen quote: Oh, I thought you were going to bring marmalade.Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: No, I'm certain you said basil.
Scene 303 linesRyan HowardOpen quote: This is not funny, man, let me down.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: I think this thing is broken.Ryan HowardOpen quote: It's not broken, Kevin. This is how it works.
Scene 314 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: So pretty today.EllenOpen quote: It's getting chilly.WalterOpen quote: We really should be leaving.Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah, um, it would be weird if the boss man didn't make a toast, so, hang on. Everybody, I just want to take this opportunity to thank you all for coming, and to raise a glass to my amazing staff.
Scene 321 lineAndy BernardOpen quote: Toasts are great. I mean, you toast somebody, they toast you back. It just goes round and round. That's my favorite part about toasts, the reciprocity.
Scene 332 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Let's hear from you guys, who do you want to toast?Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Yeah, I'll say something. I think we should be acknowledging our boss, because none of us would be here without him. Robert California! (everyone toasts)
Scene 341 lineGabe LewisOpen quote: I can't believe I didn't think of toasting Robert. Get in the game, Gabriel! Why are you talking to Stanley's mistress?
Scene 352 linesAngela MartinOpen quote: I would like to toast someone who isn't here but who will be in just four short months. Welcome to the world, Phillip Lipton!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I also would like to toast Phillip Halpert, who is due even sooner. May he be a good namesake to my grandfather who I promised as a child long before tonight that I would one day name my son after him. To Phillip Halpert!
Scene 361 lineAngela MartinOpen quote: She just always has to copy anything I do! It's the Ford Taurus situation all over again!
Scene 372 linesRyan HowardOpen quote: I'd like to make a toast to the troops. All the troops. Both sides.Erin HannonOpen quote: I think we should toast...
Scene 391 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: Chapter 9 – The tableau vivant is not only welcomed, but expected entertainment at any garden party.
Scene 4036 linesKevin MaloneOpen quote: Andy? I think we should acknowledge the man who has led us to such a profitable quarter. To Robert California.Gabe LewisOpen quote: I would also like to toast Robert California. Mr. California,...Andy BernardOpen quote: You can't triple toast somebody! At least not until we get everyone once.Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: I'll say a few words if that's alright with you, Andy.Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah, yeah.Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: You people say I led you, but it wasn't me. You want to toast the man who led you to success, but the boss is irrelevant. Andy and I, we produce nothing. We do nothing. We sit in our offices and demand, I want this and that right now, like petulant children. You know, the difference between a crying baby and a manager, one day the baby will grow up. But, without you, Andy and I would be sitting in our dirty diapers, waiting for someone to change us, wipe us. I should be toasting you, thanking you, for allowing me to have the easiest job in the universe. Cheers.Gabe LewisOpen quote: To Robert California, from the moment you entered our building and our hearts, you...Andy BernardOpen quote: Some of you know that we have an internet star in our midst. Mr. Walter Baynes Bernard Sr., please report to the stage!WalterOpen quote: I'm eating, Andy.Andy BernardOpen quote: Ah, come on!WalterOpen quote: Okay. Okay.Andy BernardOpen quote: Yes!WalterOpen quote: What do you want to do?Andy BernardOpen quote: Well, how about one of our classic father/son duets? (starts playing guitar)WalterOpen quote: Oh, whoa, sure? Really? It's a little tricky.Andy BernardOpen quote: (singing) Saying I love you is not the words...WalterOpen quote: It's too high.Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah?WalterOpen quote: It's high but it's not that high.Andy BernardOpen quote: Right, it feels strange.WalterOpen quote: Just take it down a little.Andy BernardOpen quote: Saying I love... Saying I love you...WalterOpen quote: Here, give it to me. Okay. Uh, something like... (singing) Saying I love you is...Andy & WalterOpen quote: ...not the words...WalterOpen quote: You don't come in yet. (singing) ...I want to hear from you, It's not that I want you...Andy & WalterOpen quote: ...not to say it but if you only knew... More than words is all you have to do to make it real...Andy BernardOpen quote: Is anyone filming this? Seriously! Erin!Erin HannonOpen quote: (holding up cell phone) It's either taping or calling.Andy & WalterOpen quote: What would you do if my heart was torn in two...WalterOpen quote: You know what, Walter Jr. is here. Why don't you come up and join us?Walter JrOpen quote: Dad, no. I'm just having a good time getting to know Andy's friends here.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Get up there and sing or I will cut your larynx and you'll never be able to sing again. Woo!Walter & Walter JrOpen quote: (singing) May the good lord be with you down every road you roam. And may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from home. And may you grow to be proud, dignified and true. And do unto others as you'd have done to you...Andy BernardOpen quote: (applauds) Cheers! Alright! Cheers, cheers, cheers, get your own guitar.Erin's Cell PhoneOpen quote: If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.Erin HannonOpen quote: Sorry.
Scene 412 linesKelly KapoorOpen quote: I am so cold.Ryan HowardOpen quote: That's because you didn't bring a jacket.
Scene 427 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: My first love is beet farming, but it's a young man's game. Who ever heard of an old beet farmer?Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: Forget the beets. Concentrate on the hosting. I could spend a considerable amount of money having my birthday party here.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Oh really? Well, we have a number of birthday packages. The Pewter Package has the least amount of goats, not no goats, it's still 10-12 goats, depending on the availability of the goats. Now the Goat Package obviously has the most goats. What were you thinking?Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: Of course I am not interested in goats. Why would you spend so much time going over the goats with me?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I can get you exotic meats – hippo steaks, giraffe burgers...Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: We'll talk. (walks away)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: It'll all be goat.
Scene 436 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Hello, Cece Halpert? This is Andrew Bernard. I'd very much like to speak with you about your paper supply needs. That wasn't even my worst sales call.WalterOpen quote: (knocks) Hi. What was that display?Andy BernardOpen quote: I don't know, I just thought if I could throw this great garden party and show you how respected I am that you'd be proud of me.WalterOpen quote: Andrew...Andy BernardOpen quote: I know, I know that you're proud of me.WalterOpen quote: I'm not going to tell you how impressed I am that you're a manager of some rinky dink branch of a paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania. How long are you going to go on needing my approval? You're a grown man, don't act like a little boy who needs...
Scene 447 linesDarryl PhilbinOpen quote: I think if I had parents like that I'd be trying to convince everyone all the time how great I was, too.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Guess we found Andy's rosebud.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Rosebud?Oscar MartinezOpen quote: It's a reference to Citizen Kane. Something that explains why a person became the way they are.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: I know Citizen Kane. Rosebud didn't explain why he was how he was, it just represented what was important to him as a child, that he missed.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Different school of thought. Let's just agree to disagree.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: No. You're wrong.
Scene 453 linesRobert CaliforniaOpen quote: Are you sure?Ryan HowardOpen quote: Yeah! I'm too hot anyway.Robert CaliforniaOpen quote: My body has somehow become acclimated to southern Italy. Isn't that strange? I've never been there! Oh, ah, yes, that's nice. Thank you.
Scene 463 linesWalterOpen quote: It was a nice party, the setting was a little strange. Uh, the food...EllenOpen quote: Sandwiches were dry.Walter JrOpen quote: Bye Tuna, bye Pam!
Scene 475 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Hey everybody, I'm gonna leave and I just wanted to say I'm really sorry.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: Cheeseburger or hamburger.Andy BernardOpen quote: Um, cheeseburger.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Narddog. (throws Andy a can)Andy BernardOpen quote: Thanks, Oscar.
Scene 483 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: What are they doing?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Closing ceremonies.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Nice touch.
Scene 4914 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: I think I left my wallet in your house.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Who cares.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Right here.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: MR. JAMES HALPERT!Jim HalpertOpen quote: Keys, keys...Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Stop forgetting things.Jim HalpertOpen quote: I didn't forget them, they're right here.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: MR. JAMES HALPERT!Jim HalpertOpen quote: I'm so sorry, I think I forgot that thing...Dwight SchruteOpen quote: What? Idiot.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Whoo.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: MIS... MI... What are you doing?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Hey, I have a question. Who do you think is really the best salesman in this office?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: That's a stupid question, obviously mISTER JAMES HALPERT!