Scene 0118 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Hey.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Hello. Jim?Jim HalpertOpen quote: What's up, buddy?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: This is not funny. Why is my stuff in here?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Wow, that's weird. Oh, dollar for a stapler, that's pretty good.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yeah, well, I'm not paying for my own stuff, okay? I know you did this, because you're friends with the vending machine guy.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Who, Steve?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yeah, Steve, whatever his name is.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Sorry. What do I want? What do I want... Oh, it's a pencil cup.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: No, no, no, no, no. That's my pencil cup.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Um, I don't think so, I just bought it.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Uh, I think so, and you're going to hand it over to me.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I love these.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Okay, fine. Where's my wallet?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, there it is. J1.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: But I don't have any...Jim HalpertOpen quote: Here, you know what? You can have some nickels.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (putting quarters in) Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five...
Scene 024 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Hello, everyone.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Good morning, Michael.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Where are we going this afternoon?Michael ScottOpen quote: Ah! Ha ha ha!
Scene 035 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: Last week, Michael sent out this mysterious memo.Jim HalpertOpen quote: "It's time for our first quarter camaraderie event, so pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, rubber-soled shoes, and a ski mask."Pam BeeslyOpen quote: A ski mask and a swimsuit.Jim HalpertOpen quote: So that he can have us rob a bank, and then escape through the sewers.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: And brush our teeth.
Scene 0417 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Yeah?Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Stanley! Bo banley.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: I need to know...Michael ScottOpen quote: Banana fana fo fanley.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: What we're doing.Michael ScottOpen quote: Be my mo manley.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: You said bring a toothbrush.Michael ScottOpen quote: Stanley.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Is this an overnight?Michael ScottOpen quote: Maybe. The suspense is just so exciting, isn't it?Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Should my wife tell her boss she's not coming in tomorrow?Michael ScottOpen quote: Maybe, I don't know.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: Not maybe. Yes or no.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, no. But... okay, don't spoil it for everybody, all right? But we are going on a booze cruise on Lake Wallenpaupack.Stanley HudsonOpen quote: In January?Michael ScottOpen quote: It's cheaper.
Scene 051 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: This is not just another party. This is a leadership training exercise. Right? I'm going to combine elements of fun and motivation and education into a single mind-blowing experience.
Scene 0614 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: It is now time to unveil the destination of this year's retreat. We are going on a harbor cruise of Lake Wallenpaupack. It's a booze cruise!Meredith PalmerOpen quote: All right!Ryan HowardOpen quote: I have a test for business school tomorrow night. Is it okay if I skip the cruise and study for that?Michael ScottOpen quote: No. This is mandatory. But don't worry, you know what? You're gonna learn plenty. This is gonna turn your life around, Ryan.Ryan HowardOpen quote: I'm already in business school.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, this...Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Wait, Michael?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah?Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Why did you tell us to bring a bathing suit?Michael ScottOpen quote: To throw you off the scent.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: Yeah, but I bought a bathing suit.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, just keep the tags on and you can return it.Kelly KapoorOpen quote: I took the tags off already.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, that's not my fault, okay? Just.. we're not going to pay for a bathing suit. Okay, I know what you're all thinking, "Who is this smart little cookie?" Her name is Brenda... something, and she is from corporate. And she is here, like you, to learn from what I have to say.
Scene 071 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: I am a great motivational speaker. I attended a Tony Robbins event by the airport last year, and... it wasn't the actual course. You have to pay for the actual course. But it talked about the actual course. And I've incorporated a lot of his ideas into my own course.
Scene 081 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Leader... ship. The word "ship" is hidden inside the word "leadership," as its derivation. So if this office is, in fact, a ship, as its leader, I am the captain. But we're all in the same boat. Teamwork!
Scene 091 lineOscar MartinezOpen quote: Last year, Michael's theme was "Bowl over the Competition!" So guess where we went.
Scene 1012 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Now, on this ship that is the office, what is a sales department? Anyone?Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: How about the sales department is the sails?Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes, Darryl, the sales department makes sales. Good. Let me just explain. I see the sales department as the furnace.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: A furnace?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeesh, how old is this ship?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: How about the anchor?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: What does the furnace do?Michael ScottOpen quote: All right, let's not get hung up on the furnace. This just... it's the sales... I see the sales department down there. They're in the engine room, and they are shoveling coal into the furnace, right? I mean, who saw the movie Titanic? They were very important in the movie Titanic. Who saw it? Show of hands!Jim HalpertOpen quote: I'm not really sure what movie you're talking about. Are you sure you got the title right?Michael ScottOpen quote: Titanic?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I think you're thinking of The Hunt for Red October.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, I'm Leo DiCaprio! Come on!
Scene 111 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: Michael stands in the front of the boat and says that he's king of the world within the first hour, or I give you my next paycheck.
Scene 125 linesPhyllis VanceOpen quote: Michael, everyone in the engine room drowned.Michael ScottOpen quote: No! Thank you, spoiler alert. You saw the movie, those of you who did. They're happy down there in the furnace room. And they're dirty and grimy and sweaty, and they're singing their ethnic songs, and... actually, that might be warehouse.Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: What?Michael ScottOpen quote: The... no, no. No, I didn't... okay. Well, okay, in a nutshell, what I'm saying is... leadership. We'll talk more about that on the boat. Ship.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Aye aye, Captain.
Scene 146 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Pam, you are Mary Ann! We have the Professor and Ginger, welcome aboard. Angela, you are Mrs. Howell. Lovey. (to Kelly) Uh... the native. Sometimes they come from neighboring... (to Stanley) We have one of the Globetrotters, I am the Skipper, and Dwight, you will be Gilligan.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Cool.Captain JackOpen quote: Actually, I'm the Skipper. But you can be Gilligan.Michael ScottOpen quote: I'd rather die. Hi, I am Michael Scott, I am the captain of this party.Captain JackOpen quote: I am Captain Jack, I am captain of the ship. I'm also captain of anyone who sets foot on the ship. (to boarding passengers) Hi, welcome aboard.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay.
Scene 151 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows? It's nebulose.
Scene 1720 linesCaptain JackOpen quote: Okay, all right! Welcome aboard! I am your captain, Captain Jack.Michael ScottOpen quote: And I am the regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin, Michael Scott. Welcome, welcome!Captain JackOpen quote: Okay! So...Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay! So...Captain JackOpen quote: Please. The life preservers.Michael ScottOpen quote: Right.Captain JackOpen quote: They are located underneath the seats, all along the border of the boat.Michael ScottOpen quote: But don't worry, you are not going to be needing life preservers tonight.Captain JackOpen quote: Well, we might, okay? Please let me finish, okay? Thank you. So, the Coast Guard requires that I tell you where the safety exits are. On this ship, it's very easy. Anywhere over the side. (Dwight laughs loudly.) Not only am I your ship captain, I am also your party captain! Whoo! We're gonna get it going in just a few minutes here...Michael ScottOpen quote: I'm your party captain too! And you are gonna put on your dancing shoes later on! So we are gonna...Captain JackOpen quote: Okay, Michael, if you don't mind...Michael ScottOpen quote: Rock it!Captain JackOpen quote: Please, okay?Michael ScottOpen quote: If the boat's a-rockin', don't come knockin'!Captain JackOpen quote: Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yep.Captain JackOpen quote: Your company's employees are not the only people on the boat tonight, okay?Michael ScottOpen quote: We're all gonna have a good time tonight!Captain JackOpen quote: Why don't you let me and my crew do our job. You just sit back and have a good time. All right?Michael ScottOpen quote: Hm? Okay. Yep.
Scene 1812 linesKatyOpen quote: You guys, it's like we're in high school and we're at the cool table. Right?Roy AndersonOpen quote: Yeah.KatyOpen quote: Pam, were you a cheerleader?Roy AndersonOpen quote: No, she was totally Miss Artsy-Fartsy in high school. She wore the turtleneck and everything!KatyOpen quote: That's hilarious.Jim HalpertOpen quote: It's not hilarious, but...Roy AndersonOpen quote: Where did you go to school?KatyOpen quote: Bishop O'Hara.Roy AndersonOpen quote: Piss slop who cares-a? We played you! You... you really look familiar. Did you... you cheered for them, didn't you?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Um, no.KatyOpen quote: Yes, I did! (chanting) A-W-E-S-O-M-E! Awesome! Awesome is what we are! We're the football superstars! A-W-E-S-O-M-E!Roy AndersonOpen quote: I remember that! We crushed you like 42-10!
Scene 1915 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Having fun?BrendaOpen quote: Yeah. Everybody's really nice.Michael ScottOpen quote: Good. Well, that is what Scranton is all about. Not like you New Yawkers.BrendaOpen quote: When are you going to start the presentation?Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, we already sort of started it back at the office and on the dock with the Gilligan thing, so... right now, I was thinking. Yes. Okay, listen up all you Dunder-Mifflinites! I would like to talk to you all about life preservers. Now, one important life preserver in business is IT support.Captain JackOpen quote: Not now, Mike, we're doing the limbo! That's right, partiers, it's time to limbo, limbo, limbo!Michael ScottOpen quote: So, okay.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Limbo, whoo!Captain JackOpen quote: All right! I need a volunteer to come up here and hold my stick. Who's it gonna be?Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Me.Captain JackOpen quote: Okay...Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Me! Me, me, me.Captain JackOpen quote: Uh... usually it's a woman.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I'm stronger.Captain JackOpen quote: Hey, I got an idea! How would you like to steer the ship, Dwight?
Scene 201 lineCaptain JackOpen quote: Keep us on a steady course. Keep a sharp eye out. I'm counting on you!
Scene 211 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit and fly the plane with him. And I was four. And I was great. And I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats.
Scene 224 linesCaptain JackOpen quote: All right, all right, that was great! Now it's time for the dance contest!Michael ScottOpen quote: But before that, I have to do my presentation.Captain JackOpen quote: Nope! Dance contest!Michael ScottOpen quote: All right, we'll have a motivational dance contest! Hit it! Yeah, okay, dancing! It is a primal art form used in ancient times to express yourself with the body and communicate!
Scene 231 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you have to just be the boss of dancing.
Scene 243 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: (singing) What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning?Angela MartinOpen quote: Hey, come inside and talk to me.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I can't. Do you want us to run aground, woman?!
Scene 257 linesDarryl & KatyOpen quote: (chanting) Snorkel shot! Snorkel shot!Roy AndersonOpen quote: Whoo! Who's next? Come on, Pam! Come on! Come on!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No, I'm not going to do that.Roy AndersonOpen quote: Come on!Darryl PhilbinOpen quote: That's what I'm talking about!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hey, why don't we find like a quieter place to hang out?Roy AndersonOpen quote: I've just gotta wait for Darryl to do his shot. Just a minute. Come on! (chanting) Darryl! Darryl!
Scene 267 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: It's getting kind of rowdy down there.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah. (chanting) Darryl! Darryl! Darryl!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Sometimes I just don't get Roy.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Well...Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I mean, I don't know. So... what's it like dating a cheerleader?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, um... (A long silence.)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I'm cold.
Scene 2710 linesCaptain JackOpen quote: So, what's this presentation all about?Michael ScottOpen quote: Ah! See, this is of general interest. It is about priorities and making decisions, using the boat as an analogy. What is important to you? If the boat is sinking, what do you save?Captain JackOpen quote: Women and children.Michael ScottOpen quote: No, no. Salesmen and profit centers.Captain JackOpen quote: That's a stupid analogy.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay, well, obviously you don't know anything about leadership.Captain JackOpen quote: Well, I was the captain of a PC-1 Cyclone Coastal Patrol Boat during Desert Storm.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Wow. You should be the motivational speaker.Michael ScottOpen quote: Okay.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yeah. He gives me real responsibility, Michael. Captain Jack delegates. He's let me steer the ship for the last hour.
Scene 282 linesKatyOpen quote: I'd like to be engaged. How did you manage to pull that off?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Uh, I've been engaged for three years, and there's no end in sight. So... you don't wanna ask my advice.
Scene 296 linesCaptain JackOpen quote: Suppose your office building's on fire. Jim, who would you save?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Um... let's see, uh... The customer. Because the customer is king.Michael ScottOpen quote: Not what I was looking for, but a good thought.Captain JackOpen quote: He's just sucking up!Roy AndersonOpen quote: When you were in the Navy, did you ever almost die?Captain JackOpen quote: Oh yeah, oh yeah. And I wasn't thinking about some customer. I was thinking about my first wife. The day I got back on shore, I married her.
Scene 301 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: You know what? I would save the receptionist. I just wanted to clear that up.
Scene 311 lineRoy AndersonOpen quote: Hello, everybody, could I have your attention for just a second? Could you listen to me for a second? We were up at the front, and we were talking about what's really important, and... Pam, I think enough is enough. I think we should set a date for our wedding. How about June 10th? Come on, let's do it! Come on, Pam!
Scene 328 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: I don't want to take credit for this, but Roy and I were just having a conversation about making commitments and making choices. Right? Did I motivate you?Roy AndersonOpen quote: No, it was Captain Jack.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well... could have been either one of us, because we were pretty much saying the same thing. Congratulations. That is great!Captain JackOpen quote: We gotta celebrate! Hey, I got an idea, I got an idea. I can marry you right now, as captain of the ship!Michael ScottOpen quote: Yes! I can marry you as regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No, no, I want my mom and dad to be there.Michael ScottOpen quote: Then I'll give you away!Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No, thank you.
Scene 335 linesKatyOpen quote: Do you think that'll ever be us?Jim HalpertOpen quote: No.KatyOpen quote: What is wrong with you? Why did you even bring me here tonight?Jim HalpertOpen quote: I don't know. Let's break up.KatyOpen quote: Whoa. What?
Scene 342 linesCaptain JackOpen quote: This is where Captain Jack drives the boat.Meredith PalmerOpen quote: Wow!
Scene 356 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Seasick? Captain Jack says you should look at the Moon.Michael ScottOpen quote: Captain Jack is a fart face. I'm on medication.BrendaOpen quote: Really? What?Michael ScottOpen quote: Vomicillin. Okay. All right. It's time to be boss. It's time to motivate. Let's blow some minds here. Okay, guys, guys, cool it. Everybody, Dunder-Mifflin Scranton employees, Brenda, I have some very, very urgent news I need to tell everybody right now. Listen up. The ship is sinking! Okay? We're going down, right now. Just wrap your heads around the reality of that. Shh, please! Everybody, it's my turn now, okay? Captain Jack is gone. In five minutes, this ship is going to be at the bottom of the lake! And there aren't enough spaces on the lifeboat! Who are we gonna save? Do we save sales? Do we save customer service? Do we save accounting? This is a business scenario. Right? It's a scary... it's a...Captain JackOpen quote: Hey! Hey! What the hell is going on here?Michael ScottOpen quote: It's a predicament, and it's something that each and every one of us has to think about.
Scene 361 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: I'm in the brig. See? The boat's not as corporate-friendly as advertised. What was the deal with the guy jumping overboard? What was... if he had just waited and heard what I had to say, he would be motivated right now and not all wet.
Scene 3719 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Is somebody there?Jim HalpertOpen quote: What happened to you?Michael ScottOpen quote: Captain Jack has a problem with authority.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, right, because you announced that his ship was sinking?Michael ScottOpen quote: He just totally lost it. If you ask me, he caused the panic.Jim HalpertOpen quote: What a night.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, it's nice for you. Your friend got engaged.Jim HalpertOpen quote: She was always engaged.Michael ScottOpen quote: Roy said the first one didn't count.Jim HalpertOpen quote: That's... great. You know, to tell the truth, I used to have a big thing for Pam, so...Michael ScottOpen quote: Really? You're kidding me. You and Pam? Wow. I would have never have put you two together. You really hid it well. God! I usually have a radar for stuff like that. You know, I made out with Jan...Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah, I know.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah? Yep. Well, Pam is cute.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Yeah. She's really funny, and she's warm. And she's just... well, anyway.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, if you like her so much, don't give up.Jim HalpertOpen quote: She's engaged.Michael ScottOpen quote: BFD. Engaged ain't married.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Huh.Michael ScottOpen quote: Never, ever, ever give up.
Scene 382 linesDwight SchruteOpen quote: Don't worry, Michael. I'm taking us to shore.Michael ScottOpen quote: It's a fake wheel, dummy.
