Scene 015 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: W.B. Jones is renovating their offices and their construction crews are taking up some of the parking spaces we used to get.Jim HalpertOpen quote: So we had to park at a satellite parking lot over there.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Which just means we get to see more of our lovely street. Tell them what we saw today Jim.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh today, we saw a junk yard dog attacking the bones of a rotisserie chicken.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Nature.
Scene 022 linesOscar MartinezOpen quote: Been here nine years. Now all of a sudden I'm supposed to park half a mile away.Andy BernardOpen quote: I lost a penny out of my loafers, Oscar.
Scene 031 lineKevin MaloneOpen quote: (sitting down, rubbing his feet) I will quit. As God as my witness, I will quit if this is not fixed.
Scene 042 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: Some of us like the walk more than others.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: (off screen) Hurts like hell.
Scene 053 linesPam BeeslyOpen quote: (to Michael who is looking at a chair catalog) Did you pick a new chair? It's been awhile.Michael ScottOpen quote: Pam, when I first opened this catalog, I thought I was just going to be picking out a chair.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: But instead, you found something to distract you from ever picking out a chair.
Scene 061 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: Michael started the process of selecting a new chair about three weeks ago. And normally I wouldn't care, but he promised me his old one. It's way better. It's one of these. (makes a shrrhhh sound of a chair moving downward as Pam slumps down) I really want it.
Scene 0710 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (holding up the catalog) Have you ever seen this woman?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Her?Michael ScottOpen quote: Hmm...Pam BeeslyOpen quote: The one in the really great mesh black high-back swivel chair?Michael ScottOpen quote: Look at her smile. Those eyes, look at her eyes. She's got - I don't know what it is actually, she dresses like a professional and yet you know there is a side of her that could just curl up on a couch.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Or in a great chair.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, yeah, maybe, but remember after my dinner party when I said that I was swearing off women?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I definitely remember your dinner party.Michael ScottOpen quote: I think what I meant was that I was completely swearing off one woman. (whispers) Jan. I think that fate put this catalog in my hands.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Actually, I put the catalog in your hands 'cause you have to pick out a new chair.
Scene 081 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: What is it like being single? I like it. I like starting each day with a sense of possibility. And I'm optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate and desperate situations yield the quickest results.
Scene 094 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Ladies and gentleman, would you please open your supply catalogs and kindly turn to page 85. (phone rings)Creed BrattonOpen quote: (on phone) Yo, is this his new chair?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (on phone) No, he hasn't picked one yet.Creed BrattonOpen quote: (on phone) Daat!
Scene 101 lineCreed BrattonOpen quote: When Pam gets Michael's old chair, I get Pam's old chair. Then I'll have two chairs. Only one to go.
Scene 111 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: I am ready to start dating again. Getting back on the market. So, FYI, for those of you who are thinking about fixing me up with any of your friends, use the woman on page 85 as a template. That will be all.
Scene 122 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: I left my cell phone in my car.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Call us when you get there so we know you're OK. (Andy gets up and leaves)
Scene 139 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (to Kevin) Listen man, I am completely over Jan, so, would you set me up?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: If I had someone to set you up with Michael, then I'd take her for myself.Michael ScottOpen quote: I thought that you were engaged?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Nope. Stacy broke up with me.Michael ScottOpen quote: Whaaaat? God, that's terrible man. Eghh, she's crazy. Umm, are you still on good terms with any of her friends?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Not anymore.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh...Kevin MaloneOpen quote: It's a bitter situation.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah... ugh. She's... (gets up and leaves) you don't deserve her. Alright.
Scene 1415 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (sitting on Oscar's desk) Oh hello Oscar Mayer Weiner lover. I bet that you have a bunch of very liberal girl type friends that trust you implicitly because they know you'd never touch 'em, because of your condition. Umm...Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Michael?Michael ScottOpen quote: What?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: I have a friend who's single.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Sandy. She's gorgeous and she's got a feisty personality, too.Michael ScottOpen quote: Hmm, I see, feisty. So she's not jolly or sassy? Not like a jolly, sassy opera singer?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Umm, no, she's a professional softball player.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oooo. Catcher or in field?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Umm I don't know Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Is she a dress wearer or a pants wearer? Could we share a row boat? Could, could a row boat support her?Phyllis VanceOpen quote: What are you asking?Michael ScottOpen quote: I think I'm being very clear what I'm asking. Would an average size row boat support her without capsizing? (silence) It bothers me that you're not answering the question.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: No, alright no, she can't fit in a row boat.Michael ScottOpen quote: Damn it, I knew it! I knew it Phyllis! OK!
Scene 151 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: What is wrong with these people? I would do anything for them and they're just hanging me out to dry.
Scene 164 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Dating shouldn't be hard for somebody like me, but it is and you know why? Because nobody here is willing to help me. Nothing would ever get done in this office without a formal request, would it? Well, fine. Here goes.Angela MartinOpen quote: I don't think that this is---Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, now OK, I know that this is probably not appropriate, but I need help. Because I want to play ball with my kids before I get too old. And before that happens I need to get laid. And before that happens I need to be in love. And I don't wanna hear "Ahnnn... I can't help elhh la la." No. No. I'm a catch and I am not going to be the one who got away. So, this is what we're going to do. Dwight is going to hand out index cards and I want you all to write down the name of an eligible woman for me to date by the end of the day. No, by the end of the hour or you are fired.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: (gets up from chair) Write legibly people.
Scene 1716 linesAndy BernardOpen quote: Because of the construction at W.B. Jones, half of us have to park in the satellite lot.Michael ScottOpen quote: Hmm..Andy BernardOpen quote: It's like a ten minute walk.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: No, thirty.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, look, I am in an assigned parking place in front, so... Alright, alright, alright, umm let me try to think about what it would be like to not have one. (thinks) OK, yes that would be bad.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Yes.Andy BernardOpen quote: Yes.Michael ScottOpen quote: That would be bad.Andy BernardOpen quote: OK.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Nice.Andy BernardOpen quote: ...So help us out.Michael ScottOpen quote: Wish I could, but I can't. Well can, but won't. Should, maybe, but shorn't.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: Michael, please he--Michael ScottOpen quote: What part of shorn't don't you understand, Kevin? Look I could probably handle it, yes, but I think it would be a good exercise for you guys to do it yourselves.Andy BernardOpen quote: We won't let you down.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh you can't because I don't care. Listen, (Kevin and Andy high five as they leave Michael's office) don't forget to fill out those cards. My love cards.
Scene 187 linesStanley HudsonOpen quote: There's nobody I hate enough to write her name on this card.Phyllis VanceOpen quote: Well, I'm setting Michael up with my fat friend anyway, he can just deal with it.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (to Jim) Who are you putting down?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, you don't know her.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Who is it?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Your mom.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah, whatever. (Jim holds up the card) (Pam laughs) Give it to me. Give it to me.
Scene 1915 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Ok, Wendy. Hot and juicy red head. Give this a try. (Michael dials phone number. Phone rings.)Wendy's phone operatorOpen quote: Wendy's.Michael ScottOpen quote: Hello Wendy, this is Kevin's friend, Michael.Wendy's phone operatorOpen quote: This isn't Wendy.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, I'm sorry, could you put her on please?Wendy's phone operatorOpen quote: Dude, this is a Wendy's restaurant.Michael ScottOpen quote: (under breath) Damn it Kevin. OK, umm, could I just have a frosty and a baked potato please?Wendy's phone operatorOpen quote: You have to come to the restaurant to order food.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well, I'll send somebody to come pick it up. Just have it ready.Wendy's phone operatorOpen quote: It's ready now.Michael ScottOpen quote: Well put it aside. (hangs up the phone) (Dwight enters) Umm... yeah.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: OK, I have collected the rest of the ladies.Michael ScottOpen quote: Good. Good because this batch was awful. Umm... this one says chair model...Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I wrote that. Michael, you shouldn't have to settle. This is my pledge to you. I will find her and I will bring her to you and as God as my witness, she shall bear your fruit.Michael ScottOpen quote: That sounds good. (both smile) Go get her. Wa-Wait, wait, wait, wait. First, go to Wendy's, get my food. Come back and then go.
Scene 201 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: (on phone) That is fantastic. Thank you, thank you very much. This is just what I needed.
Scene 211 lineDwight SchruteOpen quote: The furniture company gave me the name of the advertising agency. They gave me the name of the photographer. The photographer, a Spaniard, used a Wilkes-Barre modeling agency. The agency gave me the following information. (reads from notepad) Deborah Shoshlefski. 142 South Windsor Lane. Dead. Car accident. Case closed.
Scene 2212 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: She's dead? (Dwight makes knife slitting noise) She's so young.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: She was so young and now she is dead. As dead as every dead animal who has ever died.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, God. Oh...Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Why don't you sit down? Michael... come on. (gets up and leads Michael to sit in his chair) Here we go. Yeah.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Michael, you didn't even know her.Michael ScottOpen quote: Try not to be so hurtful Jim.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Jim, how dare you. (Jim's face is in shock)Michael ScottOpen quote: Please, not at a time like this. (sighs)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: OK Michael, you know what? I might have someone for you.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh really? What's her name? Burger King?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No, I mean it. (walks towards Michael) She's really nice and sweet and you guys might actually get along. (hands over card to Michael)Michael ScottOpen quote: I don't, I don't think I'm ready. Is she hot?
Scene 231 linePam BeeslyOpen quote: I'm setting Michael up with my land lady. She's really sweet and... whatever, I just can't take Michael like this.
Scene 253 linesKevin MaloneOpen quote: We need to assemble the five families.Michael ScottOpen quote: (while brushing teeth with an electric toothbrush) No, not the five families.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: We have to.
Scene 261 lineKevin MaloneOpen quote: The five families are the five companies of Scranton Business Park. The bosses rarely meet. There's Michael Scott, Regional Manager, Dunder Mifflin. Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Paul Faust of Disaster Kits Limited. They call him "Cool Guy Paul." W.B. Jones of W.B. Jones Heating and Air. Grade A Bad Ass. And Bill Cress of Cress Tool and Dye. Bill Cress is super old and really mean.
Scene 272 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (still brushing teeth) Sorry, I don't have time for this right now. I'm trying to get a date with Pam's hot friend. And she needs to meet me right now.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: (to Andy) I'm calling the meeting anyway.
Scene 288 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (to cashier at coffee shop) Thank you very much. Our suspect has straight brown hair. She is wearing blue jeans and a black top. So... behold our bachelorette (cut to a blonde woman in a skirt). Give her ten for looks and a three for her ability to describe herself. Hello, my lady. (woman walks right by and doesn't respond)MargaretOpen quote: Michael?Michael ScottOpen quote: (turns around to see the woman from his description) Ugh.MargaretOpen quote: Are you Michael Scott?Michael ScottOpen quote: Is who a Michael what?MargaretOpen quote: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm supposed to be meeting someone named Michael.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, that's not, yeah I'm not... OK...Coffee shop workerOpen quote: Michael? Michael? (reads cup) Large hot chocolate with caramel and a shot of peppermint.
Scene 293 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: So you get the rent checks every month and what happens next? What...MargaretOpen quote: You're asking what I do with the checks that people write to me?Michael ScottOpen quote: Just making conversation.
Scene 3010 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Why is it so hard to meet people? I... you know... it's uh... All I want is somebody nice and sweet and someone I can talk to and share an experience with, you know? Why is it so hard for people like us?MargaretOpen quote: I don't know.Michael ScottOpen quote: You wanna see what I walked out on? This is gonna blow your mind. (holds up cell phone with a picture of Jan) Look at that.MargaretOpen quote: She's beautiful.Michael ScottOpen quote: Yeah. Yeah, and you can't see her whole body. Down here, she's got a boob job. Just... she was just crazy smart and really manipulative and I don't know.Jan LevinsonOpen quote: (on phone) Michael? Hello? Michael? (Michael hangs up phone)MargaretOpen quote: I'm gonna head out.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, OK. Well, umm... I enjoyed this conversation. It was very nice. It was like talking to the sweet old lady on the bus.MargaretOpen quote: That's incredibly rude.Michael ScottOpen quote: Now you ruined it. (gets up and leaves)
Scene 3115 linesBob VanceOpen quote: Where's Scott?Andy BernardOpen quote: Uh Michael Scott could not make it today due to an unforeseen prior engagement.W.B. JonesOpen quote: Let's just meet back in an hour.Andy BernardOpen quote: Gentleman please. We called this meeting. Andrew Bernard is the name of me. And this is my associate, Mr. Kevin Malone.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: (nervously stuttering) I... have... things...W.B. JonesOpen quote: Alright, what do you want?Andy BernardOpen quote: Well first of all, I'd just like to say (pulls out note cards) what an honor it is to be sitting here with you gentlemen.W.B. JonesOpen quote: You have about ten seconds---Kevin MaloneOpen quote: We want our parking spaces back!Paul FaustOpen quote: Whose parking spaces?Kevin MaloneOpen quote: W.B. Jones' construction guys park in our parking spaces every morning and some people have to park really far away and walk all the way to the office. And some people sweat too much for comfort and---Bill CressOpen quote: Ohh... God...PaulOpen quote: I don't have time for this you guys. (to W.B. Jones) Just give 'em back their spaces.W.B. JonesOpen quote: OK.PaulOpen quote: We good? OK. Could have done this over e-mail.
Scene 321 lineKevin MaloneOpen quote: After Stacy left, things did not go well for awhile. And, and it was hard to see... (starts breaking up) It's just nice to win one.
Scene 3323 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: Margaret the land lady? Really Pam, is that what you think of me?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: She's sweet and cute. I thought you'd get along.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, OK, Well I'm looking for a passionate affair, not companionship. I'm a man... of intensity, of, of cool and youth and, and passionately. God...(walks away back to his office)Jim HalpertOpen quote: (walks up to reception) Margaret?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I know.Jim HalpertOpen quote: You just got yourself kicked out of your apartment. (both laugh)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh I don't care, I didn't really like that place that much anyway. I'll just move.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh really? Who's gonna take you in? You're messy. You're a klutz, you spill everything. And you leave the volume on the TV way too loud.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Yeah, maybe I'll just move in with my boyfriend 'cause he's kind of a slob, too.Jim HalpertOpen quote: OK, sure. Let's do it. (Pam laughs)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: No, I umm, well I'm not gonna, I'm, I'm not gonna move in with anyone unless I'm engaged.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Have I not proposed to you, yet?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Hmm, I don't, know...Jim HalpertOpen quote: Oh, well, that's coming. (smiles)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh, right now?Jim HalpertOpen quote: No. Not gonna do it right here, that would be rather lame.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: OK, so then, when?Jim HalpertOpen quote: Pam, I'm not gonna tell you. Hate to break it to you, but that's not how that works.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh, right, yeah.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Wait, I'm serious. It's happening.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Ohh kay.Jim HalpertOpen quote: And when it happens, it's going to kick your ass, Beesly. So... stay sharp.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I've been warned.
Scene 341 lineJim HalpertOpen quote: I am not kidding. (shows camera an engagement ring) Got it a week after we started dating.
Scene 356 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: I don't know man. I was with Jan for so long. I was excited about meeting somebody new. Put my heart out there. It's just... (sighs)Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You know what you need? Closure.Michael ScottOpen quote: You're right. What do you mean though?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: There was a woman in your life who affected you very deeply, and she left before you could say good bye. I think you need to say good bye.Michael ScottOpen quote: Hmm.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Come on. I'll drive.
Scene 367 linesKevin MaloneOpen quote: We did it.Andy BernardOpen quote: (at same time as Kevin) I did it.Kevin MaloneOpen quote: We got our spaces back.Oscar MartinezOpen quote: Wow. (Stanley laughs and high fives Kevin)Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Nice job.Jim HalpertOpen quote: Nice. (fist bumps Kevin)Andy BernardOpen quote: Yeah, there it is. You're welcome.
Scene 371 lineAndy BernardOpen quote: Did I do this for me? No, I did this for the little guy. For Joe Sixpack. The guy who wakes up every morning in his four hundred dollar a month apartment, wonders how's he gonna pay his mortgage that month. Wonders how he's gonna fill his car up with oil. Wonders how I'm gonna pay my kid's orphanage bills. That guy shouldn't have to wonder where he's gonna park.
Scene 3810 linesMichael ScottOpen quote: (looking at the chair model's headstone) How did she die?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: I guess you could say she died of blunt force trauma and blood loss. She got in a car accident and plowed into the side of an airplane hanger.Michael ScottOpen quote: God.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yeah.Michael ScottOpen quote: She was so innocent.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: She was stoned apparently.Michael ScottOpen quote: You know I used to think that I had this perfect person out there waiting for me, but knowing that, that's just silly because she's dead. What do you do?Dwight SchruteOpen quote: You wait until next year's chair catalog comes out and you find someone who's still alive.Michael ScottOpen quote: Oh, you move on.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Yeah.
Scene 398 linesJim HalpertOpen quote: Where do you want to go for dinner?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: I don't know, I kind of hate all our regular places right now. Oh, you know what (Jim gets down on one knee), that one...Jim HalpertOpen quote: Hey Pam, will you wait for me one second while I tie my shoe?Pam BeeslyOpen quote: (smiling) I hate you. (walks away)Jim HalpertOpen quote: What? My shoe is untied. What is your problem? (Pam laughs) Oh my God, you thought I wa--- oh.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: Oh, oh.Jim HalpertOpen quote: No, no, no.Pam BeeslyOpen quote: How could I have thought that? How could I have thought that?
Scene 401 lineMichael ScottOpen quote: (singing) Bye, bye, Ms. Chair Model lady. I dreamt that we were married and you treated me nice. We had lots of kids...drinking whiskey and rye, oh why'd you have to go off and die? Why'd you have to go off (with Dwight) and die?
Scene 414 linesMichael & DwightOpen quote: (singing) OH! You believe in rock 'n roll. Can music save your mortal soul? And then (jumbling up the words) can you have to dance real slow. Well, I know that you're in love with him. 'Cause I saw you dancing in the gym. (more jumbled words) 'You both kicked off your shoes. Those rhythm and blues...Michael ScottOpen quote: Return.Dwight SchruteOpen quote: Rhythm and blues...Michael ScottOpen quote: This'll be (with Dwight) the day that I died.